Lost and Found
by SmarTPantz 2
Summary: I could kill every collector, face a galaxy full of reapers, endure the betrayal of The Council, Alliance, and everyone that I loved if...if I only knew you still loved me. What is the reason to do this, or anything, if I don't have you?
1. Prologue

Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, Bioware, or EA games. I have used some of their dialogue, but rearranged it a bit to suit my story line. Thank you Bioware for ME. I will be an eternal fan.

"She's waking up," a female voice broke the silence.

"Are you sure we are ready?" The male did not sound certain.

The female betrayed no emotion, "Ready or not she is waking."

The patient's eyes fluttered, trying to take in her surroundings. Her head hurt and her eyes were slow to focus. A human female came into her vision. Her stark black hair contrasted her flawless porcelain face. The patient's brain registered 'danger' and the human must have noticed. "You are ok. There was an explosion, but you are safe now."

"Where am I?" The patient's voice was raspy and tired. Her eyes blinked several times because it was difficult to make out her surroundings, primarily because one lone light shone above her head. Everything and everyone else seemed to be a shadow. The patient knew she was being scrutinized and did not like feeling vulnerable.

A voice beyond the female responded. "You are in a secure location. We have taken great care to keep you safe and get you here in secrecy." This male sounded older and remained out of sight.

Once again the attractive female spoke as she walked the perimeter of the patient's bed, "Let's not worry about that now. We want to make sure you have regained your strength. How are you feeling?"

"Where are my friends?" The patient believed their concern for her was false and knew things were not as they appeared.

"Most are unharmed." The female took her cue to find a seat at the foot of the bed. The patient could make out her features more clearly. Yes she was attractive, and even without a visible weapon, the patient knew she was deadly.

"Who are you?" The patient tried to sit up but her head was still spinning. She was not sure if it was from the explosion or some type of anesthesia.

"My name is Miranda Lawson." She crossed her legs comfortably.

"Do I know you?" The patient studied Ms. Lawson closely, memorizing every detail.

"No. But we know you. I am sorry that we had to meet under these circumstances." Miranda's gaze remained steady.

The patient squinted her eyes, "Who is 'we'?" Her voice cracked.

"It sounds like your voice is still weak. Perhaps I can offer you some water." Miranda stood and walked out of sight. She returned shortly with a clear glass with clear liquid. The patient contemplated whether or not she should trust the offer, but her thirst was overwhelming. She took the glass and drank deeply at which time Miranda finally answered her last question, "We are Cerberus."

The patient coughed and the glass dropped to the floor. She immediately attempted to call upon her biotics to push the dark haired beauty through the opposite wall. Instead a sharp pain erupted down her arm and she yelled in pain.

"Nice try," a snide remark from yet another shadow in the room.

Miranda shot him a look and he fell silent. She sat back in her seat and returned her attention to the patient, "Please understand we had to take some… precautions and remove any distractions as our time is very limited."

The patient seethed with defiance. "How many guards do you have?"

"Enough. You are safe and so am I." Miranda's tone was convincing.

The patient closed her eyes to regain her composure, her rage bubbling below the surface, "What do you want?"

A young human male anxiously appeared from the shadows to quickly whisper something to Ms. Lawson, who nodded in return. "It seems our time together has run out, so I will make this short. We need to locate something and are in great need of your assistance. Unfortunately we will not be able to discuss this further, at least not right now, so we are leaving you with several OSDs to explain the situation. I hope you trust me when I tell you our 'situation' has a mutual end." Once again the young male appeared and placed several information disks on the table near the patient.

The older male interrupted, "Miranda we are out of time."

Miranda glanced behind her, "I know. I will meet you at the transport." She stood beside the patient and gave her a stern look, "I cannot convey the gravity of the situation. I strongly suggest you study the information."

The older male stepped forward, touched his omnitool and then spoke over his shoulder as he exited, "Your biotic restrictors will release in 15 minutes, in which time we will be in FTL."

"I don't trust anything you say." The patient was defiant.

"I have to leave now," the operative was moving to the exit, "know this, if we wanted you dead, we could have done so on multiple occasions. I am asking you to look over the information and contact us when you are ready to talk again. The fact is, Dr. T'soni, Cerberus needs your help. If you chose to assist us, we will be in your debt. In fact the whole bloody galaxy will be in your debt." Miranda slipped out the exit and out of sight.


	2. Chapter 1 Damn Fine Work

**Chapter 1 Damn Fine Work**

A/N: I am focusing on the relationship aspects of the story and not on battles. It begins after Shepard has successfully recruited Jack from Purgatory, Mordin and Archangel from Omega and completed Grunt's rite of passage. _Flashback memories are written in the first person of their owner._

Her expensive black boots distinctively clicked a warning to the crew that she was nearby. Miranda Lawson was oblivious to the stares which followed her wherever she went. Why would it be any different on the Normandy SR2? Sometimes the looks stemmed from her form-fitting uniform that snugly accentuated each perfect curve. Other times they were fearful glances since she was the second most powerful person in the Cerberus organization. Cerberus was known for its commitment to protect humanity, even at the expense of humans themselves. The organization could be ruthless and unforgiving. Every employee frequently weighed the expense-benefit ratio of working for Cerberus: the pay was unsurpassed, but the cost could be worse than death.

She noticed the crew behaved similarly when their new captain passed by, but the difference was glaring. Once Commander Shepard stepped foot on the vessel, the atmosphere changed from apprehensive to inspired and respectful. Miranda overheard the conversations as she and Jacob gave Shepard the tour, "Hero of the Citadel," "…saved the entire galaxy…" "…first Human Spectre…" She could not help but feel pride in the fact that this would not be happening if not for her. 'I do damn fine work,' she thought to herself.

Commander Shepard's remarkable resurrection showed very little evidence that she had undergone massive amounts of surgeries and cybernetic reconstruction. Miranda knew every inch of the 5'11" body of the Commander. She also researched countless hours of reports and watched endless vids of the Spectre. She was impressed, even by her own perfectionistic standards. Shepard had many unprecedented achievements, including the fast track to the rank of Commander. Military medals and letters from the top brass filled her file: Distinguished Service, Silver Star, Marine Corps Medal for Bravery, Joint Service Achievement Medal (no doubt for working with a heterogeneous crew during the Battle of the Citadel), and of course the Star of Terra, the highest honor bestowed to any human military personnel. She even received accommodations from the Salerian, Asari, and Turian governments, all of which are not lightly offered. Her test scores showed a remarkable grasp of knowledge in many areas, from military tactics to ancient philosophy. Her combat skills and intelligence made her a deadly force, a fact that her enemies knew far too well. She had read about Shepard's exploits, but after accompanying her on several recruiting missions, she observed her skills personally. No doubt Shepard was a highly professional soldier, but Miranda observed many occasions when the soldier stayed her hand, perhaps out of compassion, perhaps out of manipulation. As are most humans, she was complex and had emotional and physical scars; but unlike most humans her capabilities and accomplishments were unmatched.

Miranda left the commander with Jacob to discuss the upgrades in the armory that were acquired from thieves and pirates on the God-forsaken asteroid, Omega. She felt like she needed a shower and a dose of antibiotics. She shrugged off this train of thought as she reached the conference room. "EDI, connect me to The Illusive Man." The table began to disappear into the floor and the orange scanner began to move up her body. Within a few seconds a clear image of her superior sat before her, while his physical form remained light years away.

"Miranda, I am pleased that Shepard has acquired most of her team, especially Dr. Solis. His expertise will certainly improve the chances of success against the Collectors." His crisp blue eyes offered his approval.

Miranda comfortably stood with her hands clasped behind her back. To most, he was an intimidating figure, but to Miranda, he was a mentor. She was probably the only Cerberus operative to feel remotely comfortable in his presence. "That is certain," she nodded.

"I see from your report that acquiring 'Archangel', was difficult. I am aware that he has some reservations about working with us. If that becomes a problem, I trust you will handle it as you see fit." Blue trails of smoke hung above his head as he once again inhaled from his expensive cigarette.

"So far he has only voiced his concerns to the Commander. Their friendship will compel him to follow her, and as long as she agrees to work with us, her best friend will too. His skills and presence make her stronger, and that makes us stronger. Along that same vein of thought, I still think that acquiring the quarian would further quiet her concerns regarding Cerberus."

He paused to exhale, "Shepard has made it abundantly clear that she does not fully trust us. I did not expect Shepard to embrace us immediately. We would be fools to assume otherwise." He paused in thought, "As far as the quarian is concerned, she may prove to be a good support for the Commander since she realizes we are the only ones preparing for the Reapers and all others have abandoned her…I would like to keep that perception as long as possible."

Miranda gave a slight nod, "Of course. We can pursue the quarian once we know where to find her." She shifted her weight.

He exhaled again, "I expect you to speak your mind, Miranda."

"We need to be on our way to Illium to acquire the Justicar and the Drell assassin. I find it difficult to imagine we will be able to hide…"

TIM interrupted her, "I agree. I am going to allow the email from Councilor Anderson and I think after reading it, it will nudge her in the right direction. I will send Shepard a message with Dr. T'soni's location. I will also let the doctor know Shepard will be arriving. In so doing, Shepard's trust in Cerberus may strengthen and Dr. T'soni's compensation will be partially fulfilled. I will leave it to your judgment to determine when we make the final payment."

"Understood." Miranda turned and exited the room.


	3. Chapter 2 Tenuous Alliance

Chapter 2 Tenuous Alliance

"Commander, you have incoming messages on your private terminal," Shepard's personal assistant cheerfully spoke from her station as Commander Shepard exited the elevator. Shepard acknowledged her with a nod. She guessed the yeoman to be in her early 20s and she admitted the helpful woman was attractive. Her red hair was always parted playfully to the side and that only drew even more attention to her eager and friendly green eyes. Her behavior around Shepard certainly was flirtatious, but she had no desire or time to explore such thoughts.

Shepard inhaled deeply and stood to her complete height of 5'11", and headed toward her terminal, pausing to face her assistant, "Thank you Kelly."

Kelly's eyes sparkled at Shepard's response and she stiffened to salute, "Yes ma'am. Can I assist you further?"

"No. I will let you get back to work." The Commander reached her terminal and typed in her passwords. The process seemed ridiculous to her since she knew more eyes than hers were reading her messages.

She smiled to herself when she saw the first message at the top of her email's inbox:

To: Shepard, Commander S.

From: Councilor Anderson

In the event that the rumors are true and you are still alive, please contact me in person on the Citadel. Several months after the attack on the Normandy, the Alliance and Council classified you as dead. However, the Council has received information that you are both alive and working for Cerberus. They have suspended your Spectre status until and unless you stand before the Council to explain yourself. Shepard, I trusted you in the past, but working for Cerberus looks suspicious, especially since wounds are still visible on the Citadel from the battle with Saren. I hope you are well and I am sure you will clear up any misinformation. I look forward to seeing you soon.

David

The message was bitter-sweet. She was both angry and let down that the Alliance and the Council declared her dead, especially since she was still single-handedly doing a better job fighting the reapers than both of them combined. But how could she blame them? How long would she have looked for a body that had been shot to hell, spaced, and landed God knows where? But Cerberus had, and that disturbed her greatly. And Cerberus! The sworn enemy of the Alliance, the object of her hatred since they diabolically planned and murdered all of her platoon on Akuze. Why did they have more determination to find her and revive her than those she loved and gave her life to protect? The incongruous facts left acidic tastes in her mouth and resentful thoughts in her heart. She would avoid the Citadel for now because she did not know how to address the deep seeded hurt or explain how she came into the employ of The Illusive Man.

"Speak of the devil and the devil appears" she softly spoke. The second message was encrypted, which meant that it could only be from him. She abhorred feeling his chain tied around her neck.

Shepard,

I have enclosed new dossiers regarding two powerful and potential recruits for your squad: A Drell Assassin named Thane Krios and an asari Justicar named Samara. Both are on the planet Illium, specifically in a metropolis named Nos Astra. I suggest that you contact one of your old crewmembers from Normandy SS1 for assistance, Dr. Liara T'soni. She has given up her quest of locating Prothean remains and now works as an information broker and may have information about their location. As far as the krogan is concerned, it was dangerous to release him, but as long as you think you can control him, I will defer to your judgment.

"Commander? Are you ok?" Kelly looked up from her terminal and took a small step toward her. Shepard had gone completely pale. One of her curly locks fell slightly in front of her eyes that now stared blankly across the CIC.

The normally stoic soldier felt like she had been punched in her diaphragm and was bent over her terminal to keep from losing her balance. She finally exhaled, unsure how long she had been holding her breath. She looked at the message more closely and focused on the name "Dr. Liara T'soni". Her brain felt like it was collapsing on itself as a surge of emotions and memories flooded her mind. She tried to remember where she was and if she was seeing dreams, memories, or hallucinations. No, she had felt this way before. It was not combat. It was not dying… it was…

"Joker, set a course for Illium," Shepard barked.

"Aye-aye ma'am," Joker quickly replied.

"EDI where is Ms. Lawson?" Shepard was already in the elevator.

"Director Lawson is in her quarters," the AI was ever present and always listening.

"Move this elevator EDI," Shepard's hissed.

When Shepard reached Miranda's door it was locked. "Open the goddamned door, Lawson!"

It opened with a swish and Miranda looked up from her terminal, "Commander, what can I do for you?" Her casual and calm tone was the bipolar opposite compared to Shepard's ever increasing ire.

"Let's just skip over the part where you pretend ignorance and lie about what I just read and get to the part where you explain why my head just about blew up all over the fucking galaxy map." The faster Shepard talked, the angrier she became. "You have been hiding something from me, and I am quite sure I made myself clear that I wanted no more lies or deceptions from Cerberus. Tell me, Ms. Lawson, why shouldn't I change course, locate The Illusive Man, and blow both of you straight to hell?"

An invisible and sharp pain slashed in Shepard's head. She fell onto one knee and she began to hyperventilate. Again she tried to stabilize herself, this time by holding on to the edge of Miranda's desk. Her head dropped and her eyes snapped shut to fight a wave of nausea. She thought that if she let go, she would be sucked into the newly forming black hole in the room. Memories rushed into her consciousness, followed closely by an inundation of unstoppable emotions.

_Chief Williams and I locate our target, a Prothean expert, who has managed to trap herself in a plasma bubble. I see no malice or danger in her even though her mother is Saren's puppet. She falls into my arms and I feel her lithe and muscular form pressed against me. A smile erupts across my face._

_I enter the med bay and watch the young and graceful asari turn and smile at me. My heart leaps. She tells me she is intrigued by me, so much so she has looked up information about me on the extranet. She would like to further research me as her subject. I am not sure I like her knowing more about me than I do of her. She is embarrassed and touches her hand to her head. She says there is not much to her since she spends much of her time by herself and is not very interesting. My private thoughts completely disagree. I watch her hand trail down her forearm and secretly wish to do the same._

_Battle on a winter planet. She is near me, biotics in full force. I am both comforted and frightened that she is beside me. I am amazed that she is fierce and dependable in battle but the thought of her in harm's way distresses me._

"_Take care of my daughter, Commander. I know she will be safe if she is with you," the powerful matriarch, who mirrors Liara's beauty, pleads up at me as she breaths her last. Liara cradles her lifeless mother, dead from her own hand. I weep with her, freshly feeling the loss of my family as if I were 16 again._

_I check on her in her quarters and am compelled to hold her as she grieves the deep and cutting loss. She shivers in my arms. I wipe away her tears as she smiles up at me. I never want this moment to end._

_She finds me near my locker. I see her and I forget I am angry. She reaches for my hand and suddenly I am in her arms. I draw myself to her, and she responds in kind! I want to taste her lips. "Joker!"_

_I am at my desk trying to read reports but only thinking about her. She enters my room and I quickly move toward her. I share my concerns about the mission, being her commander, and my fear of her getting hurt. With astounding confidence she convinces me that she is ready, that time is not guaranteed to anyone. She wants to live with no regrets. My heart is pounding at the anticipation of what is to come. She pulls me into a kiss and I feel like I am both simultaneously lost to myself and found by her. Hungrily we press into each other's body, consumed by desire._

"_Embrace Eternity."_

_I feel her hands in my hair…on my shoulders… and on my stomach. My body burns under her fingertips and I silently beg her to continue. My kisses convey my urgency._

_From the bed I watch her svelte form crawl up my body. I abandon all reason and am staggered by her beauty. In her eyes I find my home. I wrap my arms around her and shift to turn us over. I observe her underneath me and she smiles. She traces my face with her fingertips as I whisper her name, "Liara."_

'Liara! Her name is Liara. How could I ever forget her name?'

_My eyes are drunk with passion and are drawn to her magnificent breasts. I drink from them but my thirst is not sated. My hands and lips search her skin to memorize every curve, every nuance. Her body arches toward me as I slide my hand below her taught waistline. We both moan in pleasure._

_I am in her mind. I feel her heartbeat in my chest. Our souls connect. With her elegant and slender fingers she wipes away cleansing tears from my adoring eyes. "I love you, Samantha Shepard," she whispers to me._

"I love you too, Liara." Shepard heard herself softly respond. Her eyes were blurry and leaked warm tears. She forced herself to stand. Disappointment echoed in the chambers of her heart when she realized where she was, and who was and was not in front of her. Anger seized her body as she focused on the Cerberus agent, "What did you do to me? And why didn't you tell me about her?"

Miranda would never openly admit that she was struck by the raw emotions she just observed. She preferred to keep such displays at a safe distance. "Emotions get you killed", she remembered The Illusive Man's saying. However the scene that just transpired in front of her caught the operative off guard. Surprisingly, she felt compassion for the Commander. She stood up from her desk and moved toward the more comfortable seating area and motioned for Shepard to follow her.

"I have provided you all of the information on the surgeries and procedures that we performed. Included was our research on memory regeneration and the acute effects. You, however, just experienced something that was unprecedented, but not wholly unexpected." Miranda paused to let Shepard sit and noticed the commander's body language was weary when she placed her elbows on her knees and rubbed her face. In a rare show of concern, Miranda leaned forward and touched Shepard's knee, "I am sorry, Commander."

Shepard peaked in between her fingers, "Why Ms. Lawson, did you just show some humanity?"

Miranda quickly pulled her hand back as if she received an electric shock, "Contrary to what you might think, Commander, I do have a _warm_ and beating heart."

Shepard tried to smile but her thoughts lurched back to the previous moment, and her hands fell in defeat. She sat back in the seat and asked, "What the hell was that?"

"I can only theorize you experienced some sort of amnesic breakthrough," Miranda's professional tone returned. "Perhaps you stored your more precious memories deeper in your subconscious to protect them and they returned when you saw the message from The Illusive Man?"

"Why didn't you tell me about her?" Shepard asked again, her voice was hoarse. Miranda suddenly noticed that her former patient's facial scarring did not seem to be healing completely and wondered how she could have missed it. The red cybernetics markings vaguely contrasted against Shepard's skin. They reminded her of warning signals. Even Shepard's eyes, which were normally deep emerald pools, seemed to have a red tint to them. She made a mental note to discuss this with Dr. Chakwas who spent a great deal of time with Shepard, possibly to help the commander better understand the present by remembering her past.

"To be blunt, we believed that all distractions must be held to a minimum, as we all agree that the mission's priorities override any personal attachments. Having said that, however, we also believed it paramount to let your memories and experiences evolve as naturally as possible. I thought it would be best to implant you with a control device to avoid such intrusions. The Illusive Man disagreed and said that any unnecessary restrictions would compromise the possibility of success." Miranda almost convinced herself of TIM's concern.

Shepard knew the argument was valid, yet it rang false. And for the second time in minutes, she felt betrayed, even if this time was by omission. She was nobody's fool and immensely disliked knowing she was a pawn, whether by the Alliance, or by the Council, or now by Cerberus. She could play this game as long as it served a mutual interest, but would not hesitate to break from Cerberus when she decided the time was right. Unfortunately, defining the 'right time' could be slippery, especially since a critical member of her crew was deeply entrenched within Cerberus, (which was intentional of course). Based on what she knew of The Illusive Man before her death, Shepard suspected that Miranda's loyalty was probably manipulated by fear. Could she eventually trust Miranda? Her military training regarding interrogation techniques taught her there was more success occurred in developing friendships rather than in torture or fear of death. Regardless, the Commander would do what she needed to do to in order to be free of Cerberus and fully return to her mission to destroy the Reapers, even if it meant putting a bullet in Miranda. For now Shepard must be cautious with the operative because, unfortunately, Miranda was the only one with answers to her many circling questions. The intrigue was suffocating.

The two women sat in silence for some time. Eventually and quietly, Shepard spoke, "My guts are churning like I just came out of FTL without stabilizers. Fifteen minutes ago I was clueless about anyone on Illium, and now I feel like my life depends on getting there as fast as the ship will take me. I don't understand. I can't distinguish between reality and dreams. The memories are so…real."

Miranda sat quietly because she honestly did not know what to say. A soft chirp broke the silence informing Miranda that a secure message was being transmitted to her computer, which was set up outside the watchful eye of TIM for one reason only. Her head shot in its direction. In two steps she was at her computer, hastily reading a message.

"This can't be. God no." Miranda slowly sank into her desk chair.

Shepard was massaging her temples when she heard Miranda cursing at her computer. She looked over her left shoulder and instantly registered that her XO was shaken. "Miranda?" Shepard walked back in front of the desk to face her. She was taken aback by Miranda's complete façade change: where a cool professionalism persistently showed on her flawless face, now was replaced by uncertainty and fear.

Shepard's presence attracted her attention and she turned to the commander, "I find myself in the unpleasant position of asking for your help." A nod indicated she wanted Miranda to continue. "I don't like discussing personal matters, but this is important."

Shepard sat in the chair in front of her desk, "Miranda you are one of my crew. Tell me what is going on."

Her head dropped and her black hair momentarily shielded her deep blue eyes. She sighed and then continued, "I should give some background for context. Remember how I told you I was genetically altered? Well it wasn't my choice. My father…created me. He is a very influential man and extremely manipulative." Her eyes darted around the room trying to find something to stare at that might help her find the courage to continue. Finally she clasped her hands together and checked to see if Shepard was paying attention. "Ok, I am just going to say it before I lose my nerve. I was born in a lab, and my father did not raise me, he invested in me. He hired all the best tutors for education, biotics, and military training. He was never satisfied with anything but the best, and if I wanted to survive, I had to be perfect: my looks, my grades. Everything. He flaunted me and daily reminded me that I represented him. As I got older, I began to question my father's methods and wanted to make decisions for myself, but he was too controlling and would not abide any independent thought. He didn't want a daughter. He wanted a dynasty. I ended up fleeing from him as soon as I was old and brave enough with the understanding that he would see that as treachery and punishable by death. I went to Cerberus because I knew they could protect me."

Shepard gave a low whistle, "Wow. How bad was it?"

"Shots were fired," Miranda said matter-of-factly. Her poise returning, she sat back in her chair. "It's ironic, my father believed deeply in positive human agenda. It also didn't hurt that his seemingly magnanimous gestures would also profit him personally. He donated generously to Cerberus, and even was on their board of directors, before I joined them. That is how I heard about Cerberus, through my father's connections. The Illusive Man agreed to continue my training and education and in return I would work for the organization. The agreement was mutually beneficial. He kept my father away and I was quickly promoted within the company." Miranda sounded like she was reading off her resume.

Shepard began to understand why Miranda was given the nickname, "Ice Queen". Her negative view of Miranda may have been premature. "You seem capable of defending yourself. Why did you need Cerberus?"

Miranda gave a long exhale, "It wasn't a matter of just leaving. I was very young and I knew he would continue to pursue his _investment_."

It was hard for Shepard to imagine any one person as powerful as The Illusive Man, "Who exactly is your father?"

"A businessman, and a very dangerous one," she was intentionally vague.

Shepard crossed her legs, "I assume Cerberus approves of your enhanced abilities?"

"Of course, Cerberus fully endorses anything that advances the causes of humanity, genetic alteration included," Miranda said with a smile. "But unlike my father and his selfish reasons, Cerberus, and The Illusive Man, believe in a greater good. They see the bigger picture. And I feel like I have a purpose here."

Shepard furrowed her brow. It was obvious the way she spoke about Cerberus and The Illusive Man that Miranda was motivated by loyalty, and the fear was more directed at her father. Removing her from TIM's clutches may prove more difficult than she first imagined. "With your intelligence, you could have landed a job anywhere you wanted. Why chose this?"

"Because I wanted to be a part of something. Something important." She was more comfortable now and relaxed back into her chair. "I still envy the time Mordin spent with Special Task Group, working with people as smart as he was. And now I have a great deal of freedom to make decisions as I determine necessary. Cerberus never tells me that something is impossible. They just give me my resources and say, 'Do it.'"

Shepard changed the subject, "You've told me a lot about your father, but what about your mother?"

"I never had one. He was too selfish to have a wife or a woman to bear his child. He wanted to be in control of the entire process. In fact, most of my genetic material is based on my father's tissue. His Y chromosome was altered by an amalgam of desirable traits from various sources. How arrogant can you be? The man is completely ego-maniacal. Just another reason why I had to get away from him." Miranda was disgusted.

Shepard briefly saw a trace amount of uncertainty. "You are who you are, Miranda. You don't need to make excuses for it." Who was Shepard defending? Herself or Miranda?

"That's easy for you to say. We've both been engineered for greatness, Shepard. The difference is you were great before we rebuilt you. I'm great because of it."

"Your spirit and personality are what makes you great. It's what makes anyone great."

"That's kind of you. I'm not sure I believe you, but thanks for saying it." A dark cloud passed over Miranda's face and she continued, "But there is another reason I went to Cerberus for protection." She stood from her desk and walked to stand directly in front of Shepard, "I have a sister. A twin. I rescued her from what was sure to be a horrible life, and now he is still hunting her. Cerberus has kept her safe on Illium…until now."

Shepard began to understand. This was the real leverage that Cerberus had on Miranda. "So you think your father has tracked her down? Why not just ask Cerberus for help once again?"

Worry passed across her face once more, "Because _I_ need to do this. The less people who know where she is, the better chance she will have for a normal life. There is only one person I have been able to trust completely with our lives, outside of Cerberus. His name is Niket. My father never let me have friends, but somehow we got around that." A small smile curled her lips. "He was my first love. He was the one to convince me to finally leave my father. My attempts to find a way to stay with Niket put us both in grave danger. He has remained a faithful friend all these years, helping me find parents for Oriana on Illium, and contacting me with updates and information when absolutely necessary. He is my life-line. He was the one who just sent me the message to let me know what was happening. I have tried to keep her hidden without impacting her life, but I am out of options." Miranda walked over to her desk and placed her hands on her desk as if it would ground her fluttering thoughts. "I need to relocate my sister's family before it's too late."

Miranda had made her point and Shepard was ready to act. "What do you need me to do?"

"My father is extremely persistent. I would like to go to Illium to help move the family to make sure none of his agents get too close. Niket and I have a mutual contact named Lentaya. She'll be waiting for us in a lounge near the Nos Astra docking bay." She turned to stare out her generous window. "Shepard, despite the damned mission, I cannot control the instinct to immediately intervene and protect my sister at all costs." She stifled a laugh, "That must sound bloody hypocritical after I just gave you my arrogant 'mission-must-come-first' speech."

"Well actually, yes it does." The tension seemed to slighty break. They took a moment to everything sink in; both of them felt the chess pieces were moving outside of their control. Shepard was wary, but her instinct told her it might be the chance to transfer leverage in her favor. "It seems fate would have us both spend some time and a great deal of energy on Illium. Once we land, we will head straight to the lounge to speak with your contact. I am sure we are walking into a trap." Shepard leaned forward, "We should take someone with us for backup. Who do you trust to go with us?"

Miranda shook her head and smirked, "I don't trust anyone, but necessity forces my hand." Miranda dropped her eyes, "Let's take Jack."

Shepard's eyebrows shot up and she blinked several times before responding, "I'm sorry, who?"

"Shut up Shepard." Miranda's hair fell in front of her face to hide her embarrassment. "The fact is that my father's mercs are unstable and merciless. I need someone who is more fucked up than they are if I am to have a chance to pull this off." She sheepishly peeked up at Shepard, "Just one more tiny favor: can you make it seem that it is your order and not my request? She is likes you in some weird, psychopathic way in which I cannot fathom, and you know how she…"

Shepard put up her hands, "Miranda, your secret is safe with me. I'll just go soften her up a bit first." Shepard turned to the door. "EDI, tell Jack to meet me in the cargo hold and that it is time to see if she can actually make good on the threat to kick my ass. Besides which, I think I need some calisthenics." The door hissed shut behind her.

Miranda looked at the ship's internal clock and was worried, "Still eight hours to Illium," she spoke aloud. How many things could go wrong between now and then? Could this infernal ship go any faster? She would definitely look into upgrading the mass effect core after they save Oriana. Her head began swimming at the events that just occurred in the past hour. Only forty-five minutes ago she informed TIM they were going to Illium to recruit additional crew. Thirty minutes ago Shepard was on her knees, literally, asking for help and answers.

'Does Shepard actually trust me? If so, how should I respond to her vulnerability?' Miranda weighed her options. She and The Illusive Man had been waiting to take advantage of this opportunity for two years. But now, the tables were turned and she was begging for Shepard's help, like countless people before her. Was it a simple coincidence that Oriana is now in the danger? Questions about blind dedication to Cerberus had already been sown since spending so much time with Commander Shepard. Something within her shifted and the image of The Illusive Man entered her mind. She pushed gnawing dread out of her consciousness. She would have to deal with that later. Right now Oriana was her priority.

Why had it been so easy to ask Shepard for help? Her need for help made her feel weak, and weakness made her angry. 'This entire mission might seem insane, and the odds of survival might be low, but I will achieve success. Because of this crew, or in spite of it. I'll follow Shepard's orders. I'll follow her into battle. But she'll have to fight to earn my trust', Miranda thought.

And that begged the question, 'Do I trust Shepard?'

Miranda instantly knew the answer, 'Yes. Shepard is the only one I know that is capable to help me save the only person in my life that I love beyond myself.' Clearly this was the reason that people throughout the galaxy respected the natural born leader; she has a fire that makes people want to follow her into hell. She had two krogans swearing their allegiance to her for God's sake. With her decision made, she left her quarters and headed for the armory. "


	4. Chapter 3 Peaks and Valleys

**Chapter 3 Peaks and Valleys**

A/N: I just had to go back and redo this chapter. Shepard needed a little more aggression. But hey, who doesn't?

After speaking with Lentaya in the Eternity lounge, they acquired a taxi and made their way to the transportation hub where the she told them the family would be departing. As they arrived, all three women watched two Eclipse gunships drop off six well-armed mercs. "I wasn't expecting the Eclipse...," Miranda said and then smiled at Shepard, "...but they weren't expecting you either." Once they exited the taxi, Miranda assertively strode over to the merc lieutenant, "Since you're not firing yet, I trust you know who I am."

"Yeah, you're the crazy bitch that stole our boss' young daughter. I don't know what you have been smoking, but to kidnap the daughter of the richest man in the galaxy, you must be out of your mind." The leader of the group was cocky and talked too much. He informed them that the asari commando leading the entire troop was named Captain Enyala and she was also looking for Niket. Placing his hand on his holstered pistol, he smiled "... and I'm afraid we all know about your little plan. Niket won't be helping you."

Miranda questioned, "What do you mean Niket won't be helping us?"

Time was slipping away and Shepard did not have the patience to preen with the lieutenant. With blinding speed, she put one bullet in his head and dispatched his two companions. Jack only laughed and sent a biotic wave at three others hiding behind some storage crates. Miranda gasped and looked at Shepard, then with cat-like reflexes, executed each merc Jack sent flying into the air.

"He was stalling us. It's what I would've done. Let's move." Shepard lowered her pistol and took off to the service elevator, Jack and Miranda close behind.

Miranda's intuition told her Shepard's mood was souring and she felt awkward to discuss it in such a confined space with the the ex-convict; but she knew she needed to address the issue before things got out of hand. Feeling uncharacteristically self-conscious, she addressed Shepard while waiting for the cargo elevator. "I think I owe you an explanation. Oriana and I share the same DNA, but not the same birthday. She is my twin, genetically, but my father…grew her when I was a teenager." Jack's eyebrows went up, but before she could speak, Shepard shot her a stern warning look. Miranda, however, never took her eyes off of Shepard. "She was meant to replace me. I couldn't let my father do to her...what he did to me. So I rescued her."

Shepard only stared forward. "Why didn't you tell me we were saving a kid?"

Miranda began to panic. She needed Shepard to believe her. "She isn't a child; she is almost a woman now…she will be nineteen this year. And…well it didn't seem relevant at the time, I suppose." She bit her bottom lip. "There are people who would use her against me. I am very protective when it comes to Oriana." Shepard's jaw muscles began to flex. 'Strange how the most random thoughts can enter the mind when one feels so vulnerable,' Miranda thought to herself as she noticed Shepard's auburn curls looked like they were on fire underneath the artificial light.

Shepard's fists began to crackle as she pulled the dark energy into her body and released it into a nearby storage container. As the shards of metal rained down on the floor, Miranda was thankful that it wasn't her body snowing from the sky. She took a deep breath and finally looked at her XO. "Damn it Miranda. I can not continue to work with you if every time I turn around I find out you are lying or deceiving me! What kind of Commander has to protect her back from her executive officer while facing an enemy like the collectors? At least with them I can see them coming. The only reason I haven't turned around and left your ass right here is because Oriana deserves better. This...you...everything...is not her fault."

Miranda didn't know what else to do but acquiesce because, for more than one reason, she knew she could not to do this alone. "I am sorry. I should have told you sooner. You deserved to know."

Shepard stepped dangerously close to Miranda. At such a close proximity, there was no questioning Commander's frame of mind. "Swear to me right here and now, that before we go any further, you will be honest with me. No hiding shit. No second guessing me. And no more underhanded scheming with your boss."

Over Shepard's shoulder Jack prodded, "She can't swear that, Shepard. She is the Illusive Man's bitch. Even if she does, she's lying. Hell, if her lips are moving she's lying."

Shepard's gaze never faltered and Miranda felt **The Spectre** enter her very soul. "If she can't, or won't, swear it, then I will knock her ass out and save Oriana myself. And for the rest of Oriana's life, she will remember _me_ as her hero, not her conniving and weak sister, who couldn't ever quite leave the controls of any man." The last word was uttered with palpable contempt. Miranda swallowed hard and Shepard stepped even closer until they were a breath's width apart, her eyes only narrow slits. "And if she is lying, well... she has read my file. She knows exactly what would happen then."

Images of the Illusive Man, her father, Oriana and Shepard danced in Miranda's mind. She could only nod.

"Swear it!" Shepard's spittle landed on Miranda's face and she flinched.

With all the courage she could muster, Miranda stood to her full height of 5'9" and declared, "I swear not to deceive you or hide truth from you again, Commander. On the life of my sister, my word is my bond."

Shepard's intense green eyes aggressively searched Miranda for any sign of treachery. Eventually and slowly, anger melted away and Shepard composed herself once again. "Glad to hear it, Lawson." She was the first one to step into the elevator that had finally arrived, "Now, what's our next step?"

Miranda clasped her hands behind her back to try and reduce their trembling. For a moment, she had come dangerously close to becoming an enemy of the N7 marine. She would not make that same error again. Shepard's easy grin returned and she took that as a sign that the commander believed her, and was relieved. Steadying herself against the elevator wall, she returned to the task at hand, "I am a bit worried about what the merc said. If my father has gotten to Niket, this will be harder than I planned. We should just get to the meeting point, then we will have a better idea of what is going on."

After witnessing the Ice Queen melt under the blistering force of the commander, Jack was surprised by her new found self control. Normally she would have had a snide comment for both of them, but dared not risk turning that rage her way. 'Not that I am afraid of her', Jack thought to herself, 'I'd just rather fight her over something I did and not over the Cerberus lacky. I didn't survive this long by not knowing when to pick a fight.' But something about this whole mission just didn't feel right to her. They were trusting themselves to a probable pissed off ex-boyfriend. When she decided it was finally safe enough to speak, Jack asked,"What makes you so sure that Niket won't turn on you? I know I would for the right price. Hell, if it would piss you off, I might just do it for free." Miranda took a threatening step toward Jack but Shepard moved in between them. Jack gave a sardonic smile and saluted Miranda with her middle finger.

Shepard looked at Miranda, "Jack does have point. How do you know you can trust Niket?"

"He could have turned on me when I ran away. I am sure my father tried to buy him off. If he didn't do it then, why would he do it now?" Miranda unknowingly ran her hand through her raven colored hair to relieve tension. She was glad Shepard was here to help get her through this.

"You know him, Miranda. If you are sure he wouldn't betray you, then I am sure there is another explanation," Shepard was not so convinced, however.

Again Miranda ran her hands through her hair, "I don't know, damn it. I guess we will find out soon enough." Her face went taught, "And then I will have a word with this Captain Anyala and Niket."

The elevator door finally opened and the three of them heard a female's voice, presumably Captain Anyala, "This isn't worth my time Niket. I get paid regardless how the girl gets there."

Niket responded, "No. I was told that I could handle this my way. We're not traumatizing the family any more than we…" He turned when he heard the footsteps. "Miri?"

Captain Enyala hopped down from a storage crate on which she had been sitting, "This should be fun." She drew her weapon, and all three Normandy crew responded in kind.

Miranda turned her attention to her first love, "Niket, you sold me out." Tears began to form at the corner of her eyes, "Why Niket? You were my…friend. You were the one to convince me, and then help me, get away from my father."

"Yes because you wanted to go. Your father told me about how you betrayed him. How you hurt him by leaving and how you then hurt him further by stealing his baby from him. He told me the truth."

Jack called it, "Everyone has their price."

Miranda pleaded with him, "No Niket. It can't be true. Life with father was horrible. You were there. You know what he did to me and what he would have done to Oriana. I saved her."

He would not be dissuaded, "From what? A life of wealth and happiness? You weren't saving her. You were getting back at your father. He asked me to get her back peacefully. No trauma to the family and that includes you."

"So you just took his money?" Miranda was heartbroken.

"Don't' get holy with me, Miri. You took his money for years."

"Niket he is a liar. Do the mercs beside you look peaceful?" Miranda stole a glimpse at the captain.

"As peaceful as the friends you brought with you." He looked Jack up and down.

Jack snorted and then whispered to Shepard, "I count seven additional men behind Enyala. We are gonna have to find cover soon."

Shepard nodded at Jack, who moved began side stepping for cover. She spoke to the captain to distract her from Jack, "I knew Eclipse was in to some bad shit, but stealing a kid?"

"I am not stealing the kid. I am returning her." Captain Enyala responded. "Come on Niket. Let's finish this bitch off and get out of here."

"Take your best shot," Miranda glared at the asari captain.

"I was just waiting for you to finish getting dressed. Or does Cerberus require you to whore around in that outfit?" Enyala dared Miranda to react.

"Niket, I sent you private information and I am sure my father had spy programs in your system. That makes you a loose end. This isn't how I wanted it to end," Miranda trained her pistol on his head, but before she could fire, Shepard pulled her arm down. "Miranda, wait. You don't want to do this. Maybe Niket can help you. Talk to your father. Say you got here first..." Tears began to slide down Miranda's face and her gun wavered, ever so slightly. "I never want to see you again."

A shot rang out. Niket's brain matter splashed onto Shepard and Miranda, then his body crumbled to the ground. "Done. Now if you don't mind, I have a shipment to deliver."

In a rage, Miranda began to glow a bluish-white, and instantly the asari commando was flung completely across the building by a powerful biotic throw. The echoes of bones crunching let them know she died upon impact.

Everyone began firing, and Shepard's team began advancing, overwhelming the scattered, and now leaderless mercs, who were no match for the powerful biotics. In a matter of moments they were dead and Miranda was rushing to the terminal to make sure Oriana and her family made it to their transport. Upon entering, they slowed their pace and Miranda began searching the faces for Oriana. Thinking back on the recent confrontation, Miranda spoke, "I can't believe Niket sold me out. I didn't even see it coming."

"Even in our best efforts, Miranda, we are still human. Sometimes things happen despite our perfect plans." The image of the Normandy being torn apart came to Shepard's mind.

"But I let it get personal…I screwed it up. Why didn't you let me kill him?" Miranda tried to make sense of what just transpired. Even Jack looked at Shepard, waiting for her answer.

Shepard stopped walking and turned to face Miranda, "You still cared for him, even if he betrayed you. Everyone deserves a second chance."

Miranda dropped her shoulders, "You're right," and exhaled a deep sigh, "And my father knew it too. He used that against me. I threw away everything that he gave me when I ran, except Niket. Weakness on my part."

Shepard placed her hand on Miranda's shoulder. "Any other friends your father might use against you?"

Miranda stole a quick glance at Shepard's gloved hand, "No. I cut ties with everyone else. Anyone else I am close to now works for Cerberus..." she looked at Shepard, "…or you." She turned away to hide a blush, "My father is powerful, but he won't cross The Illusive Man."

Shepard offered a friendly smile, "Don't' forget about Oriana."

"Yes you are right. I still have something. Thank you," her eyes lingered for a moment. "Let's go."

Once they finally reached their destination, Jack and Shepard stayed back to allow Miranda some privacy with Oriana and her family. Shepard happily watched the sisters embrace and speak in hushed tones. Having lost all of her family so many years ago, she imagined the experience was tremendously gratifying for her XO. Even Jack was uncomfortably silent as Miranda finally led them away from the scene. Eventually Miranda slowed her pace to allow Shepard to catch up and walk beside her. Miranda gently touched her forearm and whispered, "Thank you Shepard. I won't forget this." Even through her armor the she could feel the sincerity and true gratitude in that gesture. The look in Miranda's blue eyes reminded her of the same look Grunt gave her after they defeated the Thresher Maw on Tuchanka. In an instant, Miranda's composure returned. "As we were informed, Dr. T'soni may know the location of Thane Krios and the Justicar." She tapped on her omnitool and continued, "Her office overlooks the trading floor and that is not too far from our location." She turned on her heel and slipped through the crowd with Jack and Shepard following.

Miranda's happy outcome with her sister inspired Shepard. Even though she was still nervous about meeting Liara once again, and in one sense, for the first time, she could not help but feel hopeful. As excited as she was, she also felt very self-conscious. 'I am still learning who I am so how can I expect to know her? I feel like I am newly in love, but two years is a long time. How will she feel about me after...' But her soul would not be dissuaded, 'I am not a corpse.' Even still, she was unsure how to navigate the situation, so she decided to simply follow Liara's lead when they reunited. Admittedly, taking the passive route was unusual for the Commander, but she was so afraid of doing something wrong and potentially ruin whatever chance she had at reconnecting with Liara. She did not yet trust herself with something so important. Hope swelled within the battle hardened soldier and she felt her temperature increasing with every step closer to the office.

They arrived at their destination and Shepard engaged the secretary in small talk while Miranda instructed Jack to wait at the bottom of the stairs, explaining they needed to avoid an ambush. The reality was that she felt slightly protective of the Commander. They learned that Liara had effectively secured herself as one of the most powerful people in Nos Astra, if not the entire planet of Illium. Unfortunately that only spurred Sheard's nervousness. Miranda's brow knitted together as a thought struck her, "Commander, I feel I must warn you that seeing Dr. T'soni face to face may ignite another type of memory overload."

"I thought about that too, but I will just have to deal with it. The last thing I need is for anyone to think I am unstable or have a blind spot," the commander spoke quietly to Miranda. She took a moment to compose herself and then touched the panel to open the door.

As Shepard eased into the elaborate office, Miranda tried to enter unnoticed and stealthily moved out of direct sight to the corner of the room. Shepard's eyes widened and her breathing quickened as she observed the striking asari in front of her. She soared with the anticipation of their embrace. Instead chilling sensations went down her spine as she witnessed Liara threaten a male human on her screen.

With her back to her unseen guests, Liara warned, "Have you faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have. I'll make it simple: If you do not pay me, I will flay you alive…with my mind." With a flick of a finger, the transmission ended and she noticed she had company. "Shepard!" Liara's tone lightened and she quickly made her way to her former lover. "Nyxseris, hold my calls." Her assistant nodded and left the room. Shepard's feeble hope returned as Liara's face brightened when she strode toward her and entwined her fingers in Shepard's, and slowly leaned in to kiss her.

For the first time since Shepard awoke in the Cerberus med bay, she felt peace. Liara's kiss caused her spirit to gasp for air like it had been held under water for the past 2 years. Her mind began to function with precise clarity, as blissful memories of her and Liara now returned, gentle as a bubbling stream. She recalled Liara's scent, her touch, her taste, and her whispers of eternity. She knew, and more importantly understood, the width and breadth of their love. On the battlefield Shepard was unmatched. In love, Liara was her equal. She was home.

Sensing someone else in the room, Liara's eyes slowly opened and registered Miranda silently standing in a far corner. She broke the kiss and shook her head, never acknowledging the Cerberus agent. Liara elegantly walked behind her desk and sat, and the tension in the room expanded exponentially. Shepard clenched her fists and remained where she stood. She was not ready to end the embrace and Liara's reaction only confused her. She tried to force back the returning surge of emotions and could feel embarrassment flushing her cheeks. Not knowing what else to do, she looked around the room for some type of explanation and some emotional covering. She noticed a chair directly opposite from Liara and sat, her pride the only thing keeping her from screaming aloud.

"It is good to see you, Liara." Shepard felt like she had drying cement in her mouth. Liara nodded politely and regarded the former Spectre coolly and professionally,"It is good to see you too, Commander. My sources said you were alive." Sources? Liara has sources? Pushing forward in the conversation, they exchanged small talk. Ultimately Shepard was able to regain her faculties enough to ask about the location of the assassin and the Justicar. Off the top of her head, Liara told her where to begin to the search of both targets. At that point, Shepard found herself at a loss for words and assumed it was best to leave.

She paused before she reached the door, turned around, and attempted once again to connect with Liara. She rallied a weak smile, "We might need to purchase some upgrades that will take at least one day to complete. If so, would you like me to stop by before we leave Illium?"

Liara politely responded, "That would be nice, Commander. It is good to see you again. I will continue to pay your docking fee for as long as you need." She then directed her attention to her computer.

She was dismissed! Her brow furrowed as she turned and left her beloved sitting at her desk. Doubt descended upon Shepard. Where her memories of Liara real? Were they implants? Had Liara found another mate? Nothing that she just observed came close to what she hoped and expected from this meeting. Doubt then morphed into anger. "She speaks to me as if I am a client!" Shepard spoke to herself, but did not go unheard. Nyxseris' eyes widened in surprise as Shepard's mood was dramatically different leaving the office compared to when she first arrived. While this was not an unusual occurrence from most people leaving Dr. T'soni's office, this was most unexpected from her former lover. This information would be valuable as it now seemed to her Liara was more vulnerable without the heretofore ever present protection from her own personal Spectre.

For the second time, Miranda witnessed the Commander's broken heart and she pitied her. She met the Liara's stare and considered addressing her, but thought better of it. She dropped her gaze and silently exited behind Shepard. She could feel Liara's eyes burning into her with seething rage.

Shepard and Miranda joined Jack at the bottom of the stairs and they followed Liara's directions to an asari who had recent contact with the Drell. The informant believed the assassin was in the Dantius Towers, and offered to transport them since she had her own issues with the businesswoman, who was an unscrupulous asari matron. During the ride, Shepard remained silent. Jack believed the Commander was observing their surroundings and formulating attack scenarios. She was partially correct. Shepard's training and expertise was skilled and automatic, even in the direst of situations. Miranda had been contemplating the Commander's mood as well, but she speculated the turn in the Commander's mood had more to do with the interaction in Liara's office. She was was also correct. In the back of Shepard's mind, she wrestled with all the possibilities that caused the unpleasant encounter with Liara. Suspicion began to leech from her subconscious thoughts like dark poison. Once again she felt like an unsuspecting player in an unknown game in which she neither knew the rules, nor any of the other players.

"What are your orders, Commander?" When Shepard turned to look at her, Miranda had so suppress a gasp. Shepard's reddening eyes and scars began to glow more distinctly with an unnaturally red color.

"We will rotate point and keep silent. It looks like this tower is still under construction, so there is probably ample opportunity for an ambush. Let's keep each other in sights. Jack you take point first." The three women quickly took positions as Shepard expertly issued orders and executed her forming plan.

At first Miranda was relieved that there were no behavioral changes in the Commander, but as they continued their search for Thane Krios, she noticed Shepard's movements seemed more aggressive, perhaps reckless, compared to their previous missions. Maybe this did not matter now, but she would cautiously continue to monitor the situation. Their only chance to successfully defeat the collectors was if Shepard's focus was razor sharp.

Shepard removed any enemies with both stealth and brute force and had no patience for Jack's carelessness, "Jack get your ass behind cover, those fucking tattoos are not armor."

"All right, all right, I'll hide." Right about that time a huge krogan and two human mercs exited an elevator. Miranda and Shepard attacked the krogan with a frontal assault of biotics and bullets. Shepard still struggled to control her biotics since she awoke, but Miranda believed it would improve over time. Jack's cover both saved her life and allowed her to flank the other two unsuspected mercs. Jack smiled as she stepped over the dead krogan. She was glad she was here, even if it was just for the show.

After clearing out an office an office near the top of the tower, they stumbled upon a lone merc whose back was turned to them. While looking out one of the expansive windows, he spoke into his communication device, "I don't need any reinforcements." His arrogance was his folly. Shepard placed her pistol against the back of the his head, "Turn around, very slowly," Shepard spoke, barely audible. He complied and came face to face with the barrel of the angry Commander's weapon. Her eyes narrowed while she let him take in his situation, "I am looking for the assassin."

He took two backward steps putting some distance between them. Pressing his back against the thick glass, he tried to form some semblance of confidence, "Look, even if I knew where he was, I wouldn't tell you, pal."

At once Shepard's hands were on his neck. "That was not the answer I was looking for." Effortlessly, she snapped his neck and, with the help of a biotic pulse, smashed his body through the "shatterproof" window. Without uttering another word, she lifted her pistol sight even with her eyes and continued ahead. The lights of the building flickered as they continued their hunt, giving a menacing backdrop to Shepard's ever reddening eye color.

Jack stepped to the window and watched the dead merc fall one hundred twenty stories. "Damn Shepard! And they say I have issues. Looks like I could learn a few things from you."

"Let's keep moving," Miranda nodded in Shepard's direction.

Once they found Thane, Shepard wasted no time convincing him to join the doomed mission. The Drell agreed to join them, gratis. He was dying and believed the cause would be a way to atone before meeting his gods and family once succumbing to his eventual fatal illness. The discussion settled, the four began their descent. Once they reached the ground floor, Shepard shook Thane's hand and addressed the ex-convict, "Jack please take Thane back to the Normandy."

"Fuck that! I ain't no babysitter. You are out of your damn...," she stopped in mid sentence when Shepard fixed her eyes on her. "Jack I trust you to do this. You will have few opportunities to gain my trust, but only one chance to lose it. I won't ask again."

Jack shrugged, "Well you heard the boss-lady. Let's get going." Jack gave an impish grin and led the way, "I don't give a damn what she thinks, though, I am going to buy some weapon upgrades and some decent food before we get back. The ship's food tastes like straight ass."


	5. Chapter 4 Asari Mystique

**Chapter 4 Asari Mystique**

A/N: My thanks to Elizabeth Carter for allowing me to use her descriptive asari greeting found in "Rising from the Ashes." Her story is brilliant, and along with several other authors, she inspired me to form my own attempt at writing this fanfic.

There was not much conversation between Miranda and Shepard as they made their way to the commercial space port where Liara suggested they begin their search for the Justicar. By now Miranda knew that Shepard would talk when she felt the need. Any intrusion on her personal thoughts was clearly unwelcomed. Once they reached their destination, Shepard roused from her reverie and began to interview a few passers-by and eventually the pair was directed to a small police station in the area.

Shepard entered the station and the detective in charge looked them up and down before saying, "Nice guns. Try not to use them in my district." Shepard instantly decided she liked the officer and introduced herself and explained her mission and the need for haste. Detective Anaya confirmed the Justicar's presence and was frustrated at the command by her superiors to arrest the asari Justicar, even at her own peril. "She is investigating her own mission right in the middle of my crime scene and that makes my job difficult in more ways than one." She led them outside and pointed to a warehouse. "I will contact the officers to let you pass. If you can get the Justicar out of my district that will increase my chances I can see my family again and not end up in the morgue. My guess how to find her is to just simply follow the bodies."

Miranda and Shepard proceeded warily as they were not sure who or what they would find. Their questions were answered soon enough as a seven Eclipse sisters were doubling back to flank the Justicar. Shepard flagged the trigger of her assault rifle and signaled for Miranda to follow her lead. They knew the Eclipse would attack them just for being in their territory. Miranda's biotics sprang to life and she pushed several of them off of the platform and Shepard's skill with her assault rifle quickly dispatched the rest.

Once the smoke cleared, they headed in the direction of voices in the distance. They had to slowly wind through hallways and stacks of crates to secure the area, hoping to find the Justicar without any acquiring any more attention. Both women flinched and tightened the grip on their weapons as a body unexpectedly flew past them and stopped screaming only after her it bounced off the wall and fell lifelessly at Shepard's feet. Shepard noticed the dead Eclipse merc was one of several motionless bodies within their eyesight. She signaled for Miranda to take point and she followed closely behind. Within moments two distinct voices grew louder and they looked up trying to discern the owners. Quickly, Miranda and Shepard took cover as they witnessed another Eclipse member being tossed from a balcony above them, followed by a majestic asari matriarch with cyan biotics shimmering who floated to the floor below. Both Miranda and Shepard stood with their mouth agape. They lowered their weapons and stared transfixed as the older and much more refined matriarch landed near the younger asari merc who was still on her back, trying to claw her way to an exit. As one asari struggled to catch her breath and search for an escape, the other slowly circled, eyes never leaving her prey. Shepard knew they finally found the Justicar. She wasn't sure what she had expected but was pleasantly surprised nonetheless.

"Those were my best troops!" The younger asari looked panicked.

"Tell me what I want to hear and I will be gone from here." The Justicar's posture was perfect and her sultry voice was deadly calm. The older human was mesmerized by the Justicar's agile muscles and swaying hips, all which moved like rippling liquid under her armor. Only when Shepard remembered the demise of the younger asari was near did she close her mouth.

"Where did you send her?" The Justicar continued to circle the maiden.

The cowering asari gave a nervous laugh, "You think I would betray her? She could hurt me in ways you cannot imagine."

"The name of the ship." It was not a request. It was a warning. "Your life hangs on the answer, Lieutenant." As the predator's skin began to glow deeper shade of blue, Shepard's mind flashed to another regal and terrible matriarch whose presence and power also overwhelmed anyone in her proximity. Both Samara and Benezia were deceitfully beautiful and deadly messengers of death. Underestimating their power was the last mistake anyone had made.

Crazed with fear the mercenary responded, "You can kill me but one of us will take you down, Justicar."

At once the Justicar had the young asari trapped by the throat with the heel of her boot. "What was the name of the ship you put her on?" Her patience had come to an end.

A small whimper was barely audible, "Go to hell."

"Find peace in the embrace of the Goddess," without a flinch or a blink, the interrogation was over and the young asari was dead.

Shepard's pulse raced when the Justicar looked up from the dead body and locked eyes with her. With her shoulders back and head held high, the Justicar confidently strode over to the pair of intruders. "My name is Samara, a servant of the Justicar code. My quarrel is with these Eclipse sisters. Yet I find two well-armed people in front of me. Are we friend, or foe?"

Shepard had chosen not to wear a helmet and she was sure she was doing a poor job hiding her fascination and perhaps slight attraction. Her eyes followed the line of the Justicar's V-neck armor and she forced herself not to linger too long as she could only think of one person who rivaled this asari's beauty and her heart ached. Forcing herself to the present, Shepard instinctively touched her forehead with her fingertips and slightly bowed as she slowly brought her hand down, palm facing upward. She was not sure what that meant or why she did it, but Samara smiled in and gave a slight nod in response.

"I am Commander Samantha Shepard, formally a Spectre of the Citadel Council, and I am seeking your assistance with a critical mission, Samara. I am going up against suicidal odds to save millions of lives and I need some powerful friends. I sincerely hope that will include you." Shepard knew not to look at the asari until she responded.

"I see you are familiar with traditional Asari greetings. You honor me." Samara's presence filled Shepard's senses and she looked at the Justicar as she continued, "I sense the truth in what you say, and would consider joining you, but I am in the middle of an investigation that has been ongoing for centuries. I have traced my quarry to this planet, but the Eclipse sisters smuggled her off world. If I lose her trail now, it may take me fifty years to once again find it."

"I wish you would have taken up the Commander's offer, Justicar. My boss wants me to take you into custody." All three women turned to watch Detective Anaya arrive on the scene.

"The Code allows me to remain in your custody for 24 hours, after that I must return to my investigation," Samara said matter-of-factly.

"Yes, and I am aware that means over my dead body." Detective Anaya was not amused.

Shepard heard a slight shifting to her right and suddenly remembered Miranda was beside her. "Justicar Samara, may I introduce Miranda Lawson. She is my second in command. Please indulge us with your patience a moment longer while we discuss our respective missions. Perhaps by dispatching one, we can then begin the other together.

Evidently talented negotiator needed to be added to Shepard's ever growing resume. She volunteered to locate the name of the ship that transported Samara's fugitive. Once accomplished, Samara would willingly leave with Shepard and prevent any further problems for the weary detective. Shepard and Miranda quickly left the police station determined to get the information prepared to take whatever measures necessary to get it done. They encountered a small amount of resistance, but after all the Eclipse sisters finally breathed their last, the information Samara needed was found. They returned to the police station in short order and presented the name AML Demeter and the flight plan, indicating Omega as their destination.

"You continue impress me, Shepard," the Justicar gracefully removed herself from her perch in the windowsill overlooking Illium. "As agreed, I will now join your mission; however, in order for me to follow you, I am compelled to swear the most difficult of Justicar oaths, The Third Oath of Subsumation, so that I am never forced to choose between your orders and The Code." The two humans were unfamiliar with Justicar Code, yet from the expression on Detective Anaya's face and from the tone in Samara's voice, there was no mistaking the gravity of the moment.

Samara kneeled down on one leg in front of Shepard, her head lowered until it was almost at rest on her knee. The beginnings of a mass effect field encircled her and her eyes changed from light blue to solid white. The detective, unable to control her curiosity, rose and came around her desk so she could witness the spectacle with no obstruction, her eyes wide and mouth slightly open in wonder. Samara's deep and melodic voice spoke, "By the Code I will serve you Shepard. Your choices are my choices; your morals are my morals. Your wishes are my code." Her biotic field flared intensely before she rose to her feet.

Shepard looked directly as the Justicar and placed her right hand over chest and gave a slight nod in recognition, "Thank you, Samara, for your oath. I hope to be worthy of your trust". Shepard then motioned an invitation to walk with her to the station's exit.

Samara fell in behind the Commander and mused as the started toward the door, "Truly, the life of a Justicar can get lonely. I admit I am looking forward to serving with a company of honorable heroes." Miranda made a mental note to keep her away from Jack.

Detective Anaya offered her farewells and then shook her head, "I never would have imagined I would witness a Justicar swear the Oath of Service, especially to a human. And Justicar, it was my pleasure to meet you. I will be able to tell my granddaughters that I had the privilege of meeting a Priestess of the Code." She touched her forehead and offered the formal salutation to Samara and then turned to Shepard, giving her wry smile, "Good luck, Shepard. On your way back, try not to leave any more bodies for me to clean up. It is already proving to be a long night."

The three women took a cab back to the trading floor, which was near the docking back holding the Normandy. Shepard walked a few paces in front as the three women made their way back to the ship. Miranda took the opportunity to give the Justicar the details of the mission as well as the names and histories of the other team members. As they crossed underneath Liara's office, Shepard's posture tensed and she looked to the windows above them. This did not go unnoticed by Miranda, "Commander, do you have any other business to attend?"

Shepard glanced back over her right shoulder as if she was surprised to hear someone speak her name. Lost in thought, she wondered if she had any remaining strength left to confront Liara with the questions that swirled in her mind. Shepard's shoulders dropped, "No. It has been a long day. Let's get our honored guest back to the ship. I'm sure she eager to meet our crew and get some food and rest."

Once aboard the ship, and after meeting Jacob, Shepard offered to show Samara her quarters that offered a spectacular view of space as per her request to facilitate her meditations. Samara had no personal effects except what she carried on her person so there was not much need for storage. As any warrior has been trained, she examined the room to familiarize herself with her surroundings. Shepard remained stationary at the entrance and followed Samara's her form with her eyes. "Wow, I have to admit that is impressive."

Samara turned and saw Shepard starring right at her. "Commander?" Samara's inflection remained impassive.

Shepard turned her head and nodded at the window. "Looks to me like you have the best room in the house" she said with a friendly smile. "I hope it meets your needs adequately."

"Yes, thank you. In all my long years of traveling, I have found find that such a view helps center me." Samara walked closer to the observation window and effortlessly descended into a lotus position.

"Would you mind if I sit with you for while? I am interested in learning more about asari Justicars."

Samara looked at Shepard and motioned for her to sit. "I've spent much of the last 400 years on my own. It is nice to have a colleague to chat with. I may be rusty at it, however." Samara paused long enough for Shepard to get comfortable. When Shepard smiled at her, Samara continued, "We hold a unique place in asari culture. Justicars are from another era. Young asari grow up watching vids about our adventures, pure fiction of course."

"Kind of like the vids about Commander Shepard killing Threser Maws with her bare hands," Sheppard added.

Samara looked at Shepard and with smiling eyes she continued, "Some asari are uncomfortable with us," Shepard thought about the Turian Councilor, "but so few Justicars exist that most have never met one.

"There are only a few Justicars?" Shepard was truly surprised.

"Throughout the galaxy, there are only a handful of us at any given time. Few asari are willing to make the sacrifices necessary to become one of us. And the training has a high casualty rate. It is a life of constant danger."

Shepard was getting uncomfortable with the similarities, "Why would anyone want to be a Justicar?" She now wondered the same thing about becoming a Spectre. As of late, Shepard was rethinking many of her past choices.

Samara paused and looked out the window, "It is a deeply personal matter. Sometimes the most brutal path is the only honest one. I might seem a hero to many, but I would kill all of them if I had to."

"Sometimes justice calls for mercy."

"In this age, people see shades of gray everywhere. The Code of the Justicar is black and white. It does not exist to bring about spiritual enlightenment. Its purpose is to punish the wicked and protect the innocent." Samara straightened her shoulders once again and faced Shepard. "It is five thousand sutras and covers every situation one can encounter. I have memorized everyone. There is only The Code."

"The code of the Justicar seems central to your life." Shepard understood more than she wished and hoped this would be how history would judge her; but looking back over her life, she was not so sure. She found some invisible lent to pull off her shirt and asked, "What does your code say about killing?"

"I am compelled to kill the wicked. If a Justicar is involved, peaceful solutions are long past."

"You make killing sound so casual." How many times had her squad mates said the same about her? Shepard still wrestled with the fine line between murder and 'doing her job.' How ironic that all of the Prothean visions emblazoned in her mind were also keeping her balanced. She raged with a bloodthirsty desire to avenge their deaths; yet in her revenge, she did not want to become like those who slaughtered innocents like the ones she was trying to protect.

"I remember each being I have slain," Samara returned her gaze to open space. "They are always in my thoughts."

Both sat in silence, alone with their private thoughts. Shepard sighed, "I should go." She stood and cupped her hand to her head, "Thank you again, Samara. Please feel free to move about the ship as you see fit. If you need anything, please contact me or Miranda. We are grateful to have you on our team."

"Thank you Shepard. I am glad we spoke." Samara's form surrounded itself with cyan energy and her blue eyes turned completely white once again, signaling the start of meditation.


	6. Chapter 5 Group Therapy

**Chapter 5 Group Therapy**

A/N: I used a great deal of dialogue from Jack's scenes the game because I thought it was well written and very clever. "If it ain't broke…"

Once outside Samara's room, Shepard felt emotionally fatigued to her core. She took a few steps and remembered the other new crew member and decided she should personally welcome him as well. With the will of a soldier, she pulled back her shoulders and set her jaw before entering Thane's room to greet him. It was brief, but she believed Thane appreciated her gesture and he even agreed to see if his sources could help upgrade the Normandy.

Before reaching the elevator, Shepard stubbornly decided to forgo sleep and that a visit to her best friend was in order. If he was asleep, she would just have to wake his ass up. She knew the turian would be loath to miss a drinking game challenge anyway because they had always cheered them up in the past. It wouldn't be the same without Wrex, though. A sly grin grew from the corner of her mouth. Perhaps it was time to teach the young krogan some lessons not learned on the battlefield. Indeed that was something that a good Battlemaster should do. She found Garrus and told him his calibrations could wait, and if he wasn't careful, he could put his eye out with that thing. While he went to get his contraband alcohol, she went to get Grunt.

Several hours later, Shepard was shaking her head and scoffing as Garrus was telling one of his many embellished C-Sec tales and Grunt simply mumbled occasionally to let him know he was listening. Suddenly, Garrus' hands shot in the air, imitating the surrender of his suspect, "…And then he said, 'L-look officer, I had no idea she was 16'. The dumb bastard still had her panties in his hand."

Shepard couldn't resist, "And then you told him to put on the panties and took him on a date, right?" All three of them howled in a drunken haze.

Garrus caught his breath and responded, "Yes, but I didn't like how his scratchy beard felt on my gizzard, so I paid for a taxi and sent him back to his mother's house." Shepard laughed until her stomach muscles ached.

The three of them looked up when they sensed someone entered the area and the laughter trailed silent. Jack walked around the corner with her ever present scowl on her face. She seemed to think twice before speaking, but then focused on Shepard and took a deep breath, "Jesus, you guys smile like a clogged toilet."

Shepard's elbows were on the table, holding up her head with her right hand. When she slightly turned to face Jack, her face pinched up with the movement, causing her right eye to slant. Shepard thought it actually helped her see Jack more clearly; because instead of seeing three tattooed billboards, she now saw only one. Still caught up in her lightened mood, she quipped, "Most folks just call me Commander. No need to offend the Lord." She hiccupped and continued, "I am sorry Jack. Did the three of us upset your beauty rest? By the look of it, you might be sleeping for a while. You should give up and get drunk with the rest of us." Garrus snickered and then belched.

"Fuck you Shepard," Jack tried to hide a grin.

"As tempting as that may be, Jack, I must decline…for your safety. I do not think you could handle this." Shepard forgot her head was resting in her hand, and when she attempted to trail it down her chest for emphasis, her head hit the metal table with a thud. Now all four of them roared in laughter.

Jack straddled the bench at the end of the table and helped herself to a cupful of the alcohol. "Careful Jack, that hooch is some powerful stuff. Shepard had to almost kill a bootlegger for the recipe," Garrus warned with a twitch of his mandibles. Jack swallowed hard and shook her head several times. Her biotics flashed as if someone flicked on a light switch. "Now that is what I am talking about!" Jack slammed the glass down on the table and immediately poured another drink. Before she gulped the next drink, she stopped and looked at Garrus over the glass, "Thanks 'daddy'. The last time I had a father figure, I killed him in his sleep." Her head went back to gulp the liquor.

"Here's to fathers!" Garrus took a shot.

"Here's to killing someone in their sleep," Grunt drank deeply on a bottle of Ryncol.

"Here's to Shepard's hooch recipe," Jack chugged again, "oh and to her dancer's grace."

"Here's to Jack's boobs. May she never hit puberty, otherwise I fear for the safety of those _tiny_ leather straps," Shepard snorted and drank deeply.

Jack choked a laugh and liquid shot out her mouth. "You are alright, boss-lady." She swallowed again as she looked around the room. "You know I have been on a lot of ships, and this one is a powerhouse. You could go pirate and live like a queen," she gestured with her arms out. "And I could help."

Shepard laughed at Jack, "You'd be my first mate?" Only Garrus knew the underlying meaning.

Jack pulled out a pistol from the small of her back and laid it weapon on the table, "I'd led the boarding parties and handle the executions."

"Just what is it about killing that fascinates you so much?" Shepard's buzz was slipping fast.

"I figure everytime someone dies and it's not me, my chances of survival go up."

Jack's pressured speech was not lost by anyone. Garrus remembered breaking up too many drunken brawls, and this one was getting close to becoming one. Jack wasn't the only person with a hidden pistol and he set his weapon to stun. Grunt's instinct was to wave off the human but he reconsidered and watched Shepard's response. She had admonished him to learn various layers of battle, including gaining knowledge, wisdom, and loyalty of clan members. For the most part he understood those elements in the context of krogan clans, but he needed learn how to incorporate them into the crew of other species if he were to continue to follow his sworn Battlemaster. He remained quiet and attentive, as did Garrus, who by now had crossed his arms over his chest.

"Uh-huh. You know I totally get you Jack. You want to come out and play with the other kids, but first you want everyone to know you are crazy so no one tries anything on you. I read you loud and clear: you aren't afraid to fight, you are terrifying, and you have probably killed a lot people." She pointed at Grunt and then Garrus, "In case you haven't noticed, you are in good company." She looked back at Jack, "Oh, and one more thing, I have already been dead so that whole thing about killing me just doesn't make me as horny as it would have 2 years ago. So let's dispense with the psychological mind-game shit and tell me what is really on your mind."

Jack recognized the look on Shepard's face as she had seen it in the mirror countless times. Somewhere deep inside, Jack was relieved that she had met her match and act abruptly ended. She stood and picked up her pistol. For a moment she contemplated whether or not she wanted to have this conversation with Garrus and Grunt present. Finally she turned around and walked to the other side of the room to put some space between her and the others.

Shepard relaxed and knew this was the opportunity to improve Jack's relationship with the other crew. "Well let's start with the easy stuff, like…tell us something we don't know."

Garrus followed Shepard's lead and joined in, "Well hell, I didn't know that Operative Lawson implanted you with a 'cock-sucking therapist' implant, Shepard. That will save me a lot of creds on hookers back on the citadel."

"Hey buzzard, I may be easy, but I ain't cheap. No way can you afford me. But for young Jack here, the first one is on the house." Shepard was a master at using levity to diffuse a dangerous situation.

Thankfully Jack walked right through that open door. "Something you don't know, huh? Obvious stuff like what's up with my ink? Or something else just as boring?" Jack sat at a table on the other side of the room, "You're not really interested. I have been through all this shit before, including with real therapists who got paid to care." Her lips curled as if she thought to smile.

Shepard gently placed her hand over her heart to feign insult, "I could be genuinely concerned, especially with this much liquor in my system."

Grunt snorted and laughed. Showing his rows of reptilian teeth did not help to ease Jack, however.

Jack leaned back and exhaled, "I have eyes, and I have history. You'll back off as soon as you realize you're not the first and I'm immune to your _'help'."_

"Ok, I'll bite. Let's start with the tattoos?" Shepard grabbed some remaining peanuts and tossed them in her mouth.

Jack held out her arms and read them like they were pages from a book. "Some are from prisons I've been in. Some for kills, you know the good ones."

That got Grunt's attention, "Yes!"

Jack continued, "Some are for things I've lost. Those aren't your business. They're nobody's business." Surprising to Jack, everyone nodded in agreement. "And some are because…hey, why the fuck not?"

"Here's to why the fuck not," Shepard paused before drinking the next shot, "Jack, it's gonna be kind of hard to continue this therapy session if you are way over there and not drinking with me."

Reluctantly Jack rejoined them and Garrus slid her another glass. All four heads tilted back at the same time.

"Aren't we all just best friends? I feel all warm and fuzzy and like I need to throw up, but it is not from the Ryncol," Grunt finally spoke.

"How 'bout it Jack, any boyfriends or girlfriends? You obviously heard about my boyfriend when you walked in earlier." Garrus had interrogated enough people to know that Jack was relaxing and wanted her to know he was not a threat to her.

Jack's eyebrows shot up, "I've been with lots of people, both men and women, but no boyfriends or girlfriends. It's a waste of time and it never works. You let someone get that close and it just means they need a shorter knife. Lonely and alive works just fine, thanks."

"That's why you only mate once a year and leave her in a colony on the other side of Tuchanka." Grunt slapped Garrus on the back and howled with laughter.

Shepard shot a look at Grunt, "You know, your story would be more believable if you hadn't just learned that you were hitting puberty. Have your second pair of balls even fallen yet?" Even Jack laughed at Grunt's expense.

Jack was feeling more comfortable with her new drinking buddies, and looked at Shepard, "Ok, now my turn with the questions. Usually people have tried to toss me out the airlock by now, or walked at the very least. Why are you really talking with me?"

Shepard sat up and focused her attention on the ex-convict. "I will listen to anything you have to say, Jack. You are a part of my crew," her head nodded towards Grunt and Garrus, "and so are they. I trust both of them with my life, and at some point, you may too."

"I doubt it," she looked directly at Garrus.

"Well here's your chance. I suggest you take it. I am gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow and I will be a bigger bitch than you on your period. That is to say if you have a period. Hell I still don't even know if you have hit puberty either."

Jack took a deep breath, "You know I have a history with Cerberus. Do you know how far back it goes? I have been going through the Cerberus files and I think I found I found the facility where they," she paused and looked at something on the floor, "…where I was imprisoned." Her head snapped up, noticeably angry. "I got thoughts, like little bugs, crawling in and out of my head. I can't stop them."

Shepard responded her question of her own, "You think about this a lot, don't you?'

Jack picked up the pistol again cradled it in her hands. "I go to sleep with this. I wake up with it. Everyone I kill, I pretend they are the ones that did this to me," she tapped to her head with the barrel. "Your pal, 'The Illusive Man, never met him. But Cerberus raised me. First thing I remember was my cell door on a Cerberus base." Her anger was growing and her speech became rapid. "They did experiments…drugged me…tortured me. Whatever chance I had to be normal, they stole it by trying to make me into some fucking super biotic."

Shepard turned to face her completely, "You are absolutely certain that Cerberus was running the facility?"

Jack aggressively pointed her finger at Shepard, "I was a kid, but I wasn't dumb. I know how to listen. It was Cerberus. She ground her teeth and smiled, "They thought they were so clever. Turnabout is fair play. If you fuck with kid's head long enough you can turn them into a very powerful enemy as an adult. Fucking idiots," she sneered. Shepard remained silent, allowing Jack to speak when she was ready. Jack paced the room and then sat back down at the table, "I found the coordinates to the base in your files." Her eyes flashed, "I want to go to the Teltin facility on Pragia," her biotics began to glow around her clenched fists, "I want to go to the center of the place, my cell, and I want to deploy a big fucking bomb. I want to watch from orbit as it blows to hell." Garrus and Wrex stiffened and wondered if Jack was about to have a practice run right here in the mess hall.

Shepard placed her hands on the table and stood, her body duplicating Jack's tense body language. "I think that is an outstanding idea! If I can help you do it, even better. I could use a little anger management myself. If Cerberus has a problem with it, they can add it to my bill and shove it up their ass." She cautiously walked closer to Jack and turned her palms up as a sign of non-aggression. "No one, and I mean no one, including and especially you Jack, deserves to be put through the shit you went through. It makes me sick to think I am fighting for the safety of the galaxy, and in so doing these types of horrors might continue." Shepard looked up at the ceiling as her thoughts trailed off, "a lot of sadness and disappointment today." She remembered where she was and quipped, "I guess this tired soul should go to her quarters before she becomes a crying drunk and the mascara begins to run."

"That's ok Shepard, I bet Garrus will let you borrow some of his." Everyone was shocked at Grunt's dead pan remark at Garrus' expense, and the laughter returned.

"And on that note, I shall head up. Jack, help this drunk to her bed and try not to grope me. EDI set a course for Pragia. We leave immediately."

Garrus' brow knitted, "We are leaving? But tomorrow? I thought Liara…"

Shepard shot him a look of warning and Garrus looked at the floor. Now he understood the reason for tonight and his heart broke for his best friend. Shepard tried to recover, but knew she revealed too much, "We are _done_ on Illium. EDI how long until we arrive?"

"13 hours, Commander," EDI's image flashed in the corner.

She flopped her arm around Jack's shoulders and headed toward the elevator, "Make it so. And please wake me in 8 hours. We need to prepare."

Jack caught the weight of Shepard's staggering form and quietly spoke, "Thank you Shepard. I owe you." With a flash of a smile she continued, "And by the way, there is no chance in hell that anything will happen between us. You look and smell like an incontinent grandmother. I would rather fuck the cheerleader."

Shepard laughed and stumbled, "You are just jealous. P.S., your 'I-hate-the-cheerleader act isn't fooling anyone."

"Fair enough Shepard. But hey, with enough Rohypnol, who wouldn't try to get in her tight fitting pants that curve her very nice ass? I just would want to knock her out first."

"In your psychotic dreams Jack. I would rather have sex with Mordin", Miranda spoke out loud and alone in her quarters. She had observed the entire night's events via security cameras. She opened the terminal and began typing a report to The Illusive Man.


	7. Chapter 6 Crawling Out of Crazy

**Chapter 6 Crawling Out of Crazy**

Shepard sat at her desk reading the data on the Pragia base and was not altogether surprised to find a lot of the accusations that Jack flung at Cerberus were absent in her files. The chime at the door informed her that Miranda had finally arrived.

"You wanted to see me, Commander?" Miranda glanced around Shepard's room and was impressed with its tidiness.

"I want the complete files regarding Pragia," Shepard's hangover did not want to swordplay with Miranda. "Please for the love of all that is holy, do not lie to me. I want the records that I know you have access to."

"You could have just asked me that over the com," Miranda crossed her arms over her chest.

"Yes, but I prefer to be lied to to my face. Have a seat, Ms. Lawson." Shepard motioned to her couch and followed right behind her. "You know why I am going to Pragia. You know what Jack has said about Cerberus. Now I want you to tell me what you know and what you think about that place."

So here it was. Miranda understood the reason why Shepard wanted to have this conversation in here, on her territory. It was a subtle power play. She was sure that their many conversations about Cerberus revealed she was second guessing some of their perceptions and xenophobic plans for human dominance. Meeting and working with other species made it difficult to defend her employer. For a moment she could not think clearly as her mind instantly fixed on Oriana. Ambivalence and uncertainty fiercely paralyzed her. Shepard was the only person who stood a chance of protecting Oriana from the reapers; but until - and after - that confrontation occurred, Miranda believed TIM was the only one that could protect her and Oriana from their father.

Surely Shepard knew her room was being monitored? Was this a set up?

Shepard deliberately glanced directly above Miranda's head and then fixed her eyes on her. She knew. Shepard knew about the recording devices and she wanted to play this out, not only for TIM's piece of mind, but also to look for clues whether or not Miranda's loyalty was wavering. This had the potential to backfire on her, on both of them for that matter. Open war was not an option because in order for them to have any chance for success to find the collectors base, they would need Cerberus' money, information, and technology. TIM needed to believe that Shepard remained in the dark and Miranda was her only light, courtesy of Cerberus. If Miranda was going to remove herself from Cerberus, from Illusive Man, she would have to do so with the absolute precision.

"Commander, it is true there is more information about Teltin; unfotunately it is sealed, even from me. What I do know is that it was set up to be a training facility for humans who had biotic abilities and the administrators began to maneuver outside of Cerberus' parameters. In fact, once Cerberus learned of breaks in protocol, such as those performed on Subject Zero, the program was shut down completely."

Your move, Commander.

"Is that right, _Director_?" Shepard sat back and crossed her legs, "As the Director of the Lazarus project, you were in charge of every aspect of the program. Weren't you responsible for each member of your staff? Did they not report directly to you? And were you not the one responsible to report to directly to The Illusive Man?" The questions were rhetorical and Miranda knew it. Her only response was to nod in agreement. Shepard continued, "Therefore, I find it very hard to put faith in the 'we didn't know' defense. I simply don't buy it."

Miranda cocked her head to one side, "As you have so consistently pointed out, Commander, I have a propensity to demand perfection in myself and my subordinates. But consider this: I made every attempt to be informed of every detail regarding the Lazarus project, from the acquisition of your remains, to learning all of your history, and literally having my hands in your body. The Illusive Man had great faith in my abilities and gave me total control of the project; and yet with every stop gap measure I put in place, there was still a traitor on my team who nearly ruined the entire project."

Shepard's eyes narrowed, "See that is another issue of which I take exception: you often speak of human beings, the very reason Cerberus is in business to protect, as 'projects'. And I think Jack would describe the 'breaks in protocol' as horrific child abuse. The 'subjects' were _children_, Miranda. Unprotected and vulnerable children. By the way, I am curious, how did Cerberus get those children? What did they promise their families?" Shepard looked directly into Miranda's eyes, "Money? Maybe a promise of safety from dangerous people and a new identity?" Her jaw clinched, "Maybe that their son or daughter would grow up to be the savior of the fucking Citadel?"

Miranda made no movement, nor did she look away from the Commander. Her first thought was that Shepard was betraying their fragile trust and exposing her weak point to TIM. On second thought, he would already know they saved her sister. Shepard wanted Miranda to address any seeds of doubt he might have right here. TIM would have to be beaten at his own game. She responded cooly, "I am sure I do not know, Commander. What happened to Jack was tragic, and I recognize that it was a mistake, but it was not my mistake. I am not aware of any other such facilities and trust that whatever Cerberus is doing is in the best interest of humanity. Perhaps we should ask Jack if she would like to have her biotics removed? Maybe she would like to return to her family and live happily ever after? No, Commander, we both know she would decline. For all of her bitching, I believe she quite enjoys who she is and the life she has."

Shepard shook her head in disbelief, "You presume too much, Lawson."

Silence.

"So it is all justified in the end, as usual?"

"Commander, we brought you back because you know that is precisely the case." Miranda paused for effect before changing the subject to the other matter at hand. "I cannot help but wonder, Commander, if you are really trying to question whether or not Cerberus will continue to support me in protecting my sister. They have done so thus far, and see no reason for that to be different."

"I see." Shepard sighed, "Maybe you are right. Maybe Jack is right. Maybe we will get some clarity once we get to Pragia." Shepard stood to signal the meeting was over.

Miranda froze while standing. "We?"

"Miranda I need you to come with us. You will be able to dispel any lies or misinformation that Jack may inaccurately believe about the facility or about Cerberus."

'…or dispel any lies that I may believe.' The unfinished sentence weighed heavily in the room. "As you wish Commander. I will go to the armory and prepare to leave."

Both women entered the elevator and remained silent. Miranda was the only one to exit on the third level, quickly turning back to face the lone occupant. As the doors closed between them, her worried eyes never left Shepard's determined stare.

Shepard exited on the next level and headed to Samara's quarters. Although the Commander had the liberty to enter any room without warning, she chose to give the Justicar an increased level of privacy and respect by announcing her presence. Once the doors opened she saw Samara sitting in her familiar pose.

"Shepard." Samara's biotics flared as she ended her meditation.

"Hello Samara. How is your stay on the Normandy so far?'

"Everyone has been kind… and avoidant," she smiled up at Shepard, "undoubtedly my reputation precedes me."

Shepard returned her smile and nodded. "Unfortunately, I do not have a ship full of guileless Justicars. Avoidance is probably the best defense for most of my crew in order to avoid an early demise." Her demeanor took a solemn turn as she ran hand through her short auburn curls. "I would like to speak with you if you don't mind."

"As I am a guest on your ship, you have only to ask. Please sit with me," Samara turned her full attention to the Commander.

"What do you think about Cerberus?" She asked as she took a seat next to Samara. She felt comfortable around her, maybe because an asari that had survived hundreds of years as a Justicar had more wisdom that 5 generations of her family combined. It also might have something due to do with her very favorable encounters with the consort and Liara.

Samara looked back out the observation window before responding, "I have heard rumors, but learned long ago to form my own impressions. There is too much room for interpretation in the opinions of others."

Shepard nodded in agreement, "I believe we are in accord on such things." She also looked out the window and noticed a beautiful nebula in the distance. "Why were you willing to work for Cerberus when you didn't have first-hand knowledge?"

"I work for _you _Shepard. Our methods may be different, but our goals are not." The expression on her face and tone in her voice made it clear the Justicar was beholden to no one other than Shepard. "I know that I have sworn to follow you, and you seek to destroy the collectors, and that is enough for me."

Shepard smirked, "I seem to hear that a lot lately." Shepard relaxed and continued, "Soon we will be landing on a planet named Pragia to check out an old Cerberus base known as Teltin. Jack was imprisoned there as a small child and experienced unspeakable atrocities at the hand of Cerberus' agents. I personally have witnessed some of their nasty dealings, including them wiping out my entire platoon with a nest of Thresher Maws, just to see what would happen. I am sickened by the fact that I am in a Cerberus ship, wearing Cerberus clothes, and answering to the Cerberus bastard that runs this organization. I tried to comfort myself by saying our goal to stop the collectors is the same and that I can work with them to satisfy that goal, but..." Her thought trailed off and she closed her eyes. When they reopened, they were filled with profound sadness. "At the horizon colony, I was reunited with a former crew member, Ashley Williams. She saved my ass more times than I can count. She was… is an amazing soldier and I loved her as a best friend. Hell, maybe even as a sister I never had. I was so happy to see her again, but she acted like she didn't even know me." She blinked away the memory of recently meeting Liara on Illium and swallowed hard, "Ash looked me dead in the eye and called me a traitor. I couldn't blame her… or even disagree." Shepard pressed her hands down her face to try and force back her swelling emotions, "I am sorry to burden you with all this Samara. That's not why I am here."

Samara's eyes dropped. "Whether a Justicar or not, I have had to stand alone at many such crossroads."

"Thank you Samara." She offered a weak smile, "I'm actually here to ask you to accompany us to the facility. We should be there soon. I have asked Miranda to go as well. She seems to hold a firm belief that Cerberus' motives always outweigh their actions, but I wonder if she can still defend her employer's position from within the walls of that prison. It's reported that the base is empty, but I want to be prepared to handle any hostilities," an impish grin appeared, "especially any between Miranda and Jack, both of whom have philosophical differences about the organization. In that facility, and by myself, the situation could become… problematic. Both of them are powerful biotics, but having seen your abilities first hand, and knowing you're with me, I think all of us can get in and get out relatively unscathed."

Samara's eyes twinkled, "As you wish, Commander." Shepard stood to leave. "I enjoy talking with you, Shepard, and I am pleased you trust me with this task."

* * *

><p>On the ride down to the planet, Shepard sat next to Jack, who never stopped glaring at Miranda until the shuttle lurched upon entering the atmosphere. The distraction encouraged her to peek out the window. "I forgot how much I hate this place," Jack said, mostly to herself.<p>

EDI's voice broke in over their com system, "Shepard I am picking up multiple thermal signatures everywhere, except at your landing zone."

"Something must be disturbing the sensors," Miranda said flatly. All three women looked at her cynically.

Samara, who had been sitting serenely next to Miranda, took a turn to look out the window, "It looks like this facility is still intact."

"Yeah, they build their equipment to last, assholes." Jack's anxiety was increasing with each passing moment. "It was a mistake coming back here, Shepard." She looked at the Commander, unable to hide the sheer panic on her face.

Shepard spoke in a tone usually reserved for her friends, "Get a hold of yourself. It will be ok. We are here to make sure you do what you need to do to put this behind you."

Jack nodded, "Okay," and then suddenly remembered Miranda sitting across from her, "I'm fine! Let's just get on the ground."

Unmerciful and torrential rain pelted the team as soon as they exited the shuttle. They resisted the urge to quickly find shelter and chose instead to secure the area before entering. Shepard did not have to signal the others to have their weapons on the ready because all of them sensed the ghosts of Teltin were restless and eager for recompense, one way or another.

Their drop-off point landed them near the loading area in the back of the facility. Strangely, it was unlocked and easily accessed. Flashes of lightening momentarily lit up what appeared to be a storeroom, creating disfigured apparitions along the wall. Shepard signaled Miranda and Samara to scout the attached room to check for anything posing a danger. Jack covered the doorway and trailed behind. Upon entering, she lowered her weapon and slowly surveyed the unfamiliar room. As Shepard moved close to some metal framed boxes, Jack finally had some clarity and recognized the storage units. "I never saw this room, but I think they brought kids in these containers. They were messed up and starving, but alive…usually." Shepard shuddered as she could think of many more ways she would like to spend her last moments alive than being trapped in those metal coffins. Samara walked back in to give the 'all clear' signal, but stopped short to hear Jack finish her thought. Her eyes followed Jack's line of vision and saw metal crates that were about three feet tall and three feet wide. Two inch rectangles were cut out on each side of the upright end, approximately where a small person could either see or breathe, or both.

"This is…unbelievable. There were other children in this base?" The normally regal asari was aghast, "What is this place?"

Jack looked over at Samara and shrugged, "I didn't know much about them. I was kept separate from them. They hated me just like everyone else: the doctors, the guards…everyone. They all hated me and they all let me suffer."

Shepard walked around a container and looked at Jack, "What did they hope to gain by torturing little kids?"

"It was something about pain breaking down mental barriers and how it might clear the way for a more biotic power," Jack said matter-of-factly as she wiped moisture from her pistol.

Shepard's eyes narrowed and hinted a red glow, "They tortured you just to see if they could make you a strong biotic? That's it?"

Jack made no attempt to hide her annoyance with what she felt was an interrogation, "I wasn't in a position to ask, _Shepard_. All I know is a little girl crying in a cell, begging the pain to stop." She slammed a dry clip in her pistol. "I am sure there was a payoff due at some point, but I wasn't going to see it. I was wired up in a cell."

Miranda had been scanning a barely working terminal. "How did you get out of here?" She asked in awe as she read and grasped the thorough security protocols and schematics.

Pleased that she impressed the Cerberus agent, Jack smirked, "There was some kind of emergency and I made a break for it. The other kids came out of their cells and attacked me. So did the guards. I just killed everything in my way and ran. I guess my biotics developed faster than they thought. I managed to get a shuttle off of the ground and drifted until a freighter picked me up. The crew used me and then sold me. And that is my uplifting escape story." She walked over to the door leading to the main facility, "I am getting bored. Let's just get in there and plant the bomb in my cell. I want to watch this place burn."

The door slid open and Shepard took point. Once inside the antechamber, she noticed another small terminal and it looked like it might still be active. With her free hand she triggered a recording of a male Cerberus employee. "The Illusive Man requested operation logs again. He is getting suspicious." Another man's voice spoke, "When we get results, he won't care what we did. But if he knew…" The first man interrupted, "He won't find out."

"Sounds like this facility went rogue." Miranda took pains not to sound condescending. She did not want to add any fuel to Jack's smoldering mood.

Jack jumped toward Miranda, pointed her finger millimeters from Miranda's face, "You'd like to think that, wouldn't you, Princess?"

Shepard stepped in between them and Jack slightly relaxed. She looked at both of them and said, "He didn't say _what_ they were hiding from The Illusive Man. It could be anything, but it doesn't prove that the Illusive Man knew or sanctioned what was happening."

Moving on, they entered into the main facility and fanned out to secure the room. The only audible sounds were four pairs of boots sloshing in puddles that were everywhere. Jack spoke to no one in particular, "I remember escaping to this room. Fighting here. I saw sunlight in the cracks in the ceiling. Only a half dead guard between me and freedom. He was begging for his life."

Shepard thought the room may have once been a cafeteria, maybe for the staff. It was encircled by rooms with bulletproof glass. Her eyes fell on a makeshift platform and she motioned Jack to join her. "This looks like an arena." Jack walked up beside her and lowered her weapon. "That's right, they used to stage fights here. Pit me against other kids," she continued with a hint of amusement in her voice, "and I loved it. Only time I was out of my cell."

Shepard was on high alert and checked for her other crew's location and noticed Miranda and Samara safeguarding the perimeter of the room. She approved of their skills and was pleased that apparently both of them were trained in guerilla combat. Satisfied with their placement, she returned her attention back to the ring, "What were they studying?"

"Hell if I know. Maybe that's how they got their kicks. I never understood anything that happened here." Jack engaged Shepard as if they were talking about her latest tattoo. She could go from pissed to pleasant instantaneously, which both intrigued and worried Shepard.

"How often did they do this?" Once again the thought of Cerberus exploiting children enraged her, but part of her wondered why she was even surprised at all.

"I was in a cell my whole life. Sometimes they took me out and made me fight. Sometimes they filled me with drugs. Other stuff. Time gets funny in a cell."

"Did other kids die in these fights?"

"I was a kid, filled with drugs. I got shocked when I hesitated. Narcotics filled my veins when I attacked."

Shepard was incredulous, "Wait, they actually rewarded you for attacking?"

Miranda had been listening to the conversation. 'Operant Conditioning', she thought to herself. She would not make the same mistake of speaking anytime soon, however.

"I still get warm feelings in a fight," Jack grinned mischievously up at Shepard.

Remembering Miranda's comment earlier, Shepard stated, "You love the power they gave you."

"They never gave me a choice." Jack answered without hesitation.

"What the hell was wrong with those people?" Atrocities such as these made Shepard question why she was even fighting the Reapers. Hell maybe they should just wipe everyone out and do her a favor.

Jack turned for the next doorway, taking the lead this time, "Don't know. Doesn't matter now."

Shepard's instincts pushed away her dark thoughts, "Let's move out." They made their way into a poorly lit and dank hallway that was overgrown by plant life and steadily leaking water that made small rivers rushing to find outlets. Shepard noticed yet another terminal and hoped it would give more information. "Security officer Zemkl, Teltin facility. The subjects are out of their cells! They are tearing the place up. Subject Zero is going to get loose. I need permission to terminate. Repeat I need permission to terminate." The holograph touched his earpiece as the response came through, "All subjects are besides Zero are expendable. Keep Jack alive!"

Jack staggered forward and slammed the terminal with her fist, "That's not right, I broke out when my guards disappeared. I started that riot."

Both Samara and Miranda began to put the pieces together about this facility and exchanged glances. Their instincts were telling them that the situation was much more dire and sickening than the torture of only one child. "Things might have happened that you didn't see," Shepard was coming to the same conclusion.

Jack spun on her heels, and her face was wild with rage, "The other kids attacked me. The guards attacked me. The automatic systems attacked me. That doesn't leave lots of room for interpretation." Jack was so close to Shepard, she could feel Jack's breath on her face. Just as quickly as her temper rose, it subsided when Shepard lifted her hands in a non-threatening manner. Jack walked away and Shepard nodded at the other two letting them know she was ok and they would continue deeper into the facility.

They kept walking until they entered a elongated room that looked like it was used for medical purposes. It had several metal tables lined up on each side that were too small to support the size of an adult human form. Old, run down medical equipment was spaced evenly among the tables. Shepard noticed there seemed to be some labs raised above them to their left and figured they probably served as meeting or observation areas as well. Years now filled this space with giant tree roots that created deep shadows which clung to the corners. The silence was broken by a rhythmic drip that echoed when it hit the ground, all of which gave this room an even more ominous feeling.

Shepard cautiously peered around a blind spot and noticed that there were storage crates that did not have marks of age. "These look like someone recently put these here. We may be sneaking up on someone and I'm sure they won't like being found. Miranda, Samara, take cover in the protected area opposite from us." They nodded and headed toward cover, keeping their heads down along the way. "Jack you stay here. Let me flush them out."

"Who the fuck is here? This place is supposed to be empty," Jack said as she pulled her shotgun from her back.

Shepard slowly moved into the center of the room, near a row of storage boxes that had strange writing on them. A closer look revealed the symbols of their owners. She tapped her earpiece, "Blood pack. That means vorcha and mean-ass krogans." She heard Jack say, "Grunt is going to be pissed." Shepard smiled to herself when she remembered Garrus telling her that Jack and Grunt formed some type of weird competition about who could kill more enemies. The last count had Jack up by 8.

All four of them turned their heads and tensed up ready to fire when they heard movement from behind a wall on the far end of the room. As expected, several vorcha filed in from a hidden doorway directly in front of Shepard, and one holding a rocket launcher also appeared above her on a balcony. Three more appeared from an observation room to her left. If she did not have trust in her team members, she would have believed she was as good as dead. Jack emerged beside her to protect her flank, as well as fire upon the vorcha hiding behind the walls on their left. Miranda took out the rocket launcher and its owner with a powerful singularity. Samara quickly moved to create crossfire with the advancing vorcha. Reinforcements appeared, including a krogan and several more suicidal vorcha, one of which now had a flame thrower. All four of the women moved as if performing to choreography, each dancing in step with the other's movements. Once the last member of Blood Pack fell, Shepard allowed herself the pleasure of surveying the level of teamwork she witnessed, and for the first time, felt her confidence grow. Working together was the only way they stood a chance during the inevitable confrontation on the collector's base. But her moment of levity evaporated as she and the rest of the team began to register the purpose of this room.

Jack spoke first, "This looks like a morgue. Why did they need a morgue? This was a small facility."

"Other children must have died in great numbers. Even then, they were a part of the experiment," Miranda spoke in hushed tones. There was no reaction from Jack or anyone else. Samara stood beside one of the tables starring at a black stain, her mind vexed with visions of unpardonable deeds.

"Some sick son-of-a-bitch killed a lot of kids with these experiments in this place and then checked his work." Shepard spit bile from her mouth.

Jacks eyes fluttered back and forth trying to make sense of what she was seeing, "Bullshit. I had the worst of it and I made it out alive."

Shepard took pity on Jack. She knew what it was like to have her identity and core beliefs evaporate in an instant and she decided not to confront Jack with the overwhelming evidence. Jack would have to come to the conclusions on her own. "How much farther, Jack?"

"Not much. Let's go," she shook her head to clear her thoughts.

They entered the section of the facility that looked like prison cells and slowly descended into the corridor. Not even the passage of time could cover up the stench of death and torture. Chains with tiny cuffs were connected to metals slabs that were attached to the walls. Small stainless steel toilets projected out of the wall near the beds. The floors of the cells were grated and now darkly rusted, which gave a false impression fresh blood. Samara spoke, noticeably shaken, "Who could do this to children?" Shepard tightly squeezed her eyes to keep from vomiting. The images before her began to trigger ever-present and traumatic memories of dying and terrified Protheans. Time and space fell away and she felt trapped in an unstoppable death march. She tried to regain control of herself, sweat pouring down her neck and into her armor. Eventually her subconscious alerted her to a tender touch on the small of her back. She started and raised her arms to defensively to protect herself. As she gathered her faculties, she turned and was surprised to see the intense sapphire orbs that belonged to the concerned asari, "Commander?" Shepard looked up and noticed she had fallen behind. She tried to offer a reassuring smile, "I'm ok. Just needed to catch my breath."

Rounding a corner they caught up to Jack and Miranda, who was keeping a healthy distance between them. Jack was completing a thought, "…so strange to be back here. I feel like I am pissed off and I want to kill everyone. But then I feel like a scared girl again. Shit. It's complicated. Let's just go plant that bomb."

Jack stopped when she came upon an expansive two–way mirror at the end of the hall, overlooking a small courtyard. "This is it. My room is on the other side." Her eyes fell on the courtyard. "I could see all of the other kids out here." She was visibly drained and her voice revealed her fatigue, "I used to scream at them for hours, and they always ignored me."

The only way into Jack's old cell was to enter another hallway and cross through a smaller medical observation room, where emergency lighting flickered above their heads. While Samara and Miranda investigated the adjoining room for any potential threats, Jack slowly crept up to an empty medical chair, her arms hung heavily at her side. "I must have come through here when I broke out, but I don't remember it." Her voice was hoarse and her hand covered her eyes, as if to hide from the onslaught of emotions, "This is a bad place…"

In the next room, Miranda found and accessed a working terminal. Another holographic image appeared, "Entry 1054, Teltin facility. The latest iteration of PerNim went poorly. Subjects One, Four, and Six died. No biotic change among the survivors." Miranda took a step backwards, eyes never leaving the messenger. His voice deepened, "We lowered core temperatures of surviving subjects, but no beneficial biotic changes occurred. As a side effect all survivors died, so we'll not try that on Zero. I hope our supply of biotic-potential subjects holds up. We are going through them fast."

Miranda flinched. Jack wasn't the only person who had been fighting off haunting questions while walking through the facility. Although she was older than Jack, she wondered how she came to have such enormous biotic powers? She remembered the blood stains in the morgue and questioned, 'did any of those children die so my father could have a biotic weapon replete with his DNA?' Any information or technology would sell easily to the highest bidder on the black market…or to any wealthy Cerberus board members! With one hand TIM would raise her to be his second in the empire, and with the other he would manipulate and deceive her. He was no different from her father, except she was without his genetic information. The possibility was asphyxiating. Her chest ached. She could not breathe. Who was she? Was she defined by her father, by Cerberus? Could she even think for herself? Did she have a soul? How could she ever begin to understand who she was? The lies and truth were bad enough, but facing this nightmare was unconscionable. She fell against the wall and slid down, coming to rest with her head upon her knees. She wrapped her arms around her legs, and in the same room where so many tears had been shed, Miranda closed her eyes and wept.

Jack and Shepard also overheard the last transmission. She turned toward Shepard, her confidence failing, "This is bullshit. They weren't experimenting on other children for my safety."

Samara and Shepard looked at each other, recognizing that Jack finally began to understand the deeper and more sinister truths of the facility. Shepard signaled Samara to keep an eye on Miranda while she walked over to Jack. "You can't help what they did to the others." As she tried to comfort Jack, she felt like a hypocrite because she remembered the cycles of unrelenting guilt she herself tried to keep hidden away.

Jack spun around, "You don't get it Shepard. I survived this place because I was tougher than the rest. That's who I am." She was almost pleading.

Shepard looked directly into Jack's eyes, "Jack I do not doubt that for a moment. Your resilience is unexplainable and astounding. I don't know of anyone else that could have survived this, and yet you have moved on, harder and stronger."

Jack turned away and spoke over her shoulder, "A lot of this isn't how I remember it."

Shepard nodded, "It was a long time ago and there was a lot going on."

"I was dumb. I keep my eyes open now, and I always shoot first." Jack's gaze hardened. She needed to finish the task. "My room is beyond that door." Shepard took a step and looked back to see Miranda and Samara following. Miranda briefly looked at the Commander and quickly turned away. Shepard speculated that the trip to this facility would impact Miranda, as it would any human who still had a modicum of a soul, but the evident pain was deep. It was personal. It was shame. Questions about her life and about her identity were etched on Miranda's face and Shepard recognized them instantly; she had asked herself the same questions each time she looked in the mirror since waking up with a Cerberus logo branded on her chest. Right now she had to walk with Jack to the edge of her personal abyss, but she swore she would find another time to process this with Miranda.

Jack's room was much larger than those of the other 'subjects'. The only light now coming in the room was from the green, mossy covered two-way window they had encountered already, only now on the opposite side. Jack walked up to the window and touched with her free hand, "I thought that room out there was the rest of the world. I'd pound and yell…never did any good." From a child's perspective this room would have been torture in and of itself: seclusion in the midst of so many people. She remembered Liara's words regarding the Rhachni Queen and her children, "A child raised in isolation will go mad." She gave Jack a sideways glance.

Four weapons instantly drew upon a figure moving out of a shadow in the farthest corner of the room. "Who are you?" Jack demanded and stepped closer.

Samara and Miranda side stepped along the wall to try and get behind the figure. Shepard traced their movements only by the red lasers coming from their weapons and landing for the chest of whomever, or whatever it was. Finally a human male became visible, his face distorted by the unnaturally green hues. "My name is Aresh, and you are breaking into my home." His eyes scanned Shepard and then turned back to Jack. "I know you Subject Zero." His voice had no inflection and his affect was flat and mechanical. Two red dots now fixed on opposite sides of his head. As he stepped closer, his back was to the window and his face was only a silhouette. "So many years have passed, and I thought I was the only survivor."

Jack grit her teeth, "My name is _Jack_. How the hell do you know me?"

From Shepard's peripheral vision, Miranda appeared beside her and whispered, "The room is secure, Commander."

Aresh focused only on one person. "We all knew your face, Jack. They inflicted horrors on us so that their experiments wouldn't kill you." Miranda shifted her feet uncomfortably. A bizarre smile cracked his lips, "You were the question and I am still looking for the answer."

"Why did you come back," Shepard asked, wondering if he even knew anyone else was in the room.

"I hired these mercs and came back almost a solar year ago. I have been putting it back together, piece by piece." He answered Shepard but never took his eyes off of Jack. "I am going to find out what they knew – how to unlock true biotic potential in humans. I am restarting the Teltin facility." Shepard imagined the man salivating. "It is going to be beautiful." He spun around with his arms spread wide. His grin sent chills down her spine.

Jack's temper flared, "I want a hole in the ground and you want to rebuild it? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Miranda could not contain her disgust, "You would do the same things to new kids, just like what was forced upon you?"

He turned to face Miranda, "Some were brought here by poor families on Earth, or kidnapped from colonies. Most ended up here the way I did - batarian pirates. The supply is there, _Cerberus_, I only intend to tap into it. Perhaps you're angry because I am not including you this time. All you need do is ask." Miranda's eyes followed his line of sight her uniform insignia and winced. She returned her gaze with cold fierceness.

"They did horrible things to us," Jack was almost screaming and twitched her pistol like an exclamation point.

"They must have had good reasons," his monotone returned.

"There's no reason good enough!" Jack was screaming now, "Are you nuts? You lived this shit like I did!"

Shepard lowered her weapon, hoping to de-escalate the situation by attempting to direct the conversation, "This place was a prison. How did you get out?"

"We all attacked at once when they were taking us to the lab. They would have put us down, but then Zero got loose," His eyes glazed over as he was lost in a memory. He violently shook his head and then continued, "When I came to, it was over. Guards, the scientists, and the kids were all dead. And you were gone."

Jack's grip on her weapon was slipping. Shepard stole a glance and saw moisture in her eyes. "I stopped it!" Her breathing became more rapid, "…maybe the others had it bad." There it was: Shepard almost heard the sound of denial cracking under the heavy weight of reality.

This time Miranda stepped closer, "What you are trying to do is monstrous." Aresh smirked and took a breath, but Miranda cut him off, "Keep your mouth shut," she cocked her weapon, "and let me finish. I work for Cerberus but I knew nothing about this. And never would have agreed to be a part of it even if I did. I work to enhance and create human life, not desecrate it. I have my own personal ethics, despite what others in the organization may do. This facility is an abomination to the laws of the universe. There is a special place in hell for those who ran this facility." Both Jack and Shepard stared at Miranda, absorbing what she just said.

They turned back to Aresh when he responded, "Funny thing about ethics, Ms., they have a tendency to move as the owner's needs change. And I wonder, will that special place in hell will include a spot for you too?" Miranda's new found self-confidence instantly evaporated. Suddenly, he grabbed his head as if in pain, "Everything we went through MUST HAVE BEEN WORTH SOMETHING."

Shepard knew this conversation was deteriorating fast and turned her attention to Jack, "We can blow up the place, but that still leaves him. What do we do with another you?"

Jack walked directly up to Aresh who seemed to be arguing with voices that only he could hear, and placed her weapon directly on the back of his head, "That's easy."

Samara, who up to this point had remained silent and unseen, walked softly up to Jack and placed her hand on her shoulder, "Jack, he is trapped in his past but you can move on from yours."

Jack wavered momentarily and then rage encompassed her, "Fuck that." Aresh collapsed in the floor from her biotic pulse. Everyone in the room knew she could have killed him instantly, but she only winded him. Shepard noticed that Miranda also began to summon a bluish-white glow.

Jack now steadied her weapon with both hands while Aresh remained trembling on his hands and knees. She kept her eyes locked on the back of his head, "He wants to restart this place and he needs to die."

Samara was unfazed, "Jack, this man has not hurt you. He was an innocent as you once were, and is not in his right mind. He has not harmed any children and there may be a way for him to find peace without reconstructing the pathology imposed on the both of you."

"Fuck. Is this right? Will killing him fix my head?" Jack looked at Shepard, pleadingly.

"Jack, I believe that everyone must determine their own path , sometimes with the help of others," she looked at Samara, "and sometimes despite the manipulations of others still," then she looked at Miranda. She stepped closer to Jack, "I cannot make this decision for you...," and bent down beside Aresh to catch his sight, "…but what I can tell you is what I have learned during my short life in this galaxy: I know that I am not controlled by my past and some 'bugs' never stop crawling in and out of my head. And things like this…" she placed her hand on Jack's pistol and lowered it, "have not killed my bugs. It only made them bigger, stronger, and louder." Finally she looked directly at Jack, "And I would never wish that on anyone."

The silence was deafening and thick with anticipation. Finally Shepard spoke, "Miranda, Samara, I think we got it from here. Get back to the shuttle and prepare it for pickup." Samara looked at Shepard and gave a slight nod of recognition and approval. Miranda's dark blue eyes met Shepard's and both women regarded one another with a deeper level of understanding.

Moments passed like an eternity. Jack looked back and forth between Shepard and Aresh. Sweat slid down the sides of her face. "Fuck! Get out of here. Go!" Jack spun on her heel and gave a soul cleansing scream while unloading five rounds into the two-way mirror, cracking it until it shattered. The clear barrier that once caged Jack was no more. Aresh winced when he heard her weapon discharge, but when he realized he was not injured, made a quick exit out the door. Shepard stayed silent to leave Jack alone with her thoughts while she walked around her old room.

Jack walked toward her old bed, kicked it, and then spoke barely above a whisper, "Sometimes I dream that I am back on this bed being tortured. I used to tie the sheets around my wrists and try to rip them off." Jack squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed them with her thumb and fingers and she sighed, "I want to stop coming back here." Shepard offered her undivided attention as the young woman continued purging poison from her memories.

Shepard noticed a large wooden table bolted to the floor in the nearby corner and went to inspect it more closely. Jack trailed her fingers across the top as she walked alongside the desk. "I used this table for everything. It was my best friend." She spoke in such an innocent voice that Shepard had to fight back tears. Jack stopped moving when she noticed a rough spot on the surface. She bent down for a closer look and smiled to herself. Curious, Shepard repeated the same movement until she found where the wood had been marred underneath the lip of the tabletop, on the outermost edge: Age 11 -Jack 5 guards 0. Shepard stood and looked inquisitively at Jack who was smiling at her. "When I was really little, I couldn't protect myself when they came at night. But one night the lead guard, a real nasty fucker, told me it was my eleventh birthday and he would be coming in to give me a present. He said he knew I liked it by the way I screamed for him before. He shouldn't have given me warning. I found anything I could use as a weapon and jumped his ass before he knew what hit him. Turns out I didn't need anything but these," Jack wiggled her fingers. "In the end I snapped his greasy neck. Four guards rushed in to save him, but I was in a rage. Between my amped up biotics and my drug induced training from earlier that day, I killed them all. I marked that day to remind myself that was the moment I would never let anyone hurt me again. Apparently so did they, because after that, nobody ever came into my room at night." Shepard gave Jack a half-cocked grin and squeezed her shoulder. Jack returned the smile and together they turned to leave the room and memories behind. Quietly Jack whispered, "He's not worth chasing. None of it is."

The shuttle took off once Shepard and Jack arrived. On the ride back, Miranda sat next to Shepard starring out the window watching condensation run down the outside of the glass. It would have been completely silent except that Jack had been absentmindedly clicking the top of the detonator up (click) and down (click) and up (click) and down (click). Her patience expended, Shepard barked, "Do we have to watch you and your girlfriend engage in foreplay all the way back, or are you actually going to press her button and finish the job?" The corner of Jack's mouth curled up and supersonic boom chased them until they left the atmosphere.


	8. Chapter 7 Play Your Opponent

**Chapter 7 Play Your Opponent**

After returning from Pragia, both Miranda and Jack conspicuously disappeared. Shepard offered her thanks to Samara who subsequently took her leave. As she passed by the CIC, Kelly informed her Dr. Mordin Solis wished to speak with her and she immediately went to find him in the lab. Once she entered, he greeted her warmly, "Commander, upgrades on tech completed. More possible, but more resources needed."

"Good work Mordin. We will start probing the planets for elements. Any that we don't need, we may be able to sell. EDI, scan Pragia, whatever is left of it anyway, and see if we can get any resources from the planet."

"Shall I send probes if I detect anything," EDI asked.

"Yes. Let me know what you find." She returned her attention back to Mordin, "How is the research coming on the seeker swarms?"

"Aggressive creatures. Might have a way to delay venom from stings, but all life forms seem to be impacted. More research needed."

"Then I will let you get back to work doctor. I am glad to have you on our team."

"Glad to be here, Shepard."

"Commander, I have located several caches of platinum and element zero on the surface of Pragia," EDI interjected.

"EDI, have Grunt and Garrus meet me in the CIC." Shepard felt fatigue pulling at the back of her eyelids.

A few moments later, Garrus appeared with Grunt close behind. "I would like you both to lead a team down to the planet and pick up as much resources that you can, anything that you know we can use or eventually sell. Dr. Solis is going through what we have at a pretty fast click. And I do not trust that Cerberus' pockets will remain so generous to support our payroll as time goes on. Take as many crew as you deem necessary." She showed Garrus the readings. "How long do you think you will need?"

Garrus took a moment to survey the information, "I think we can manage three trips. I would estimate eight hours."

"Good. I will leave you to it. This has proven to be a very long day and I would like to get some sleep. You know to contact me if necessary."

"Aye, Commander," Garrus placed his talon over his chest as was customary for the turian salute.

Shepard turned to the young krogan, "Grunt, while Garrus is leading the excavation, I trust you to watch his six. Keep your eyes open for aggressive indigenous animal and plant life." He simply nodded in agreement and Shepard headed up to her cabin. Once she felt the cold air of her room hit her face, she eagerly anticipated the feel of the shower on her body; but just as Shepard pulled off her remaining armor, Joker broke over the comm, "Commander, Miranda and Jack are in a middle of a… disagreement. Can you head it off before they tear out a bulkhead?" With one last look at her inviting bed, she sighed and shook her head, "I'm on my way."

Pushing his luck, Joker added, "Take pictures."

Shepard entered Miranda's office in time to see Jack's arm pulled back and blue-white biotics surrounding her body, "Touch me and I will smear the wall with you, bitch." A chair was pulled from the floor and thrown at Miranda, whose biotics also flared. She casually side-stepped it to avoid getting hit then quickly entered into an aggressive fighting stance.

"Enough! Stand down, both of you!" Shepard glared back and forth between them. "What the hell is going on?"

Jack spoke first, never taking her eyes off of Miranda, "The cheerleader won't admit what Cerberus did to me was wrong!" Her biotics began to glow once more. She circled toward Miranda.

Miranda's biotics glowed brighter in response. She never moved or flinched. "It wasn't Cerberus. Not really. Regardless of what happened, you clearly are a mistake." A small mass effect pulse shot off Miranda's finger as she shoved it into Jack's face.

After what everyone witnessed at the Teltin base, this interaction was much more than petty personality differences. Both women experienced deep psychological bruising from the information they found. Shepard looked into Miranda's eyes and saw she had every intention of taking her burning fury out on Jack, and she knew that in turn Jack would only absorb it like fuel. No scenario would end with anything less than one of them dying, and maybe taking the entire ship with them.

Jack pushed Miranda's finger out of her face, and returned the gesture, "Fuck you! You have no idea what they put me through! Maybe it's time I showed you." Jack threw a biotic punch at Miranda who ducked out of the way, but not quick enough to avoid the mass effect field altogether. With the skill of a judo warrior, she flowed with the energy and spun out of the direct hit and then sent her own biotic pulse at Jack, whose shields instantly evaporated.

Shepard was beyond pissed and would not abide such disregard of her authority. She resolved to take control of this situation either by words, or by rounds. She pulled out her pistol and shot up one of Miranda's chairs. Stunned, both Miranda and Jack took a step back from one another, finally registering someone else was in the room. Shepard assertively pushed her way in between the two women and took turns locking eyes with both of them before speaking, "Our mission is too important to let personal feelings get in the way. I graciously helped both of you with your individual missions in order to put some of this shit behind us. And yet you disrespect my generosity by disregarding my direct orders, and very possibly compromising this entire mission. Instead of leading a professional and disciplined team into battle, I am standing here monitoring you both like this is first grade!"

"I feel like she can't be trusted, Shepard. She's unstable. She'll jeopardize the entire mission!" Miranda barely contained her rage.

Jack spat at Miranda, "Fuck your feelings! I just want you dead."

Shepard spun around to squarely face Jack, "And then what? You gonna cry to the reapers about how mean Miranda was to you? Do you think they give a shit? You were on horizon with me. You saw what the collectors can do, and they are nothing more than the reapers' slaves. I know what a reaper can do up close. They will make what Cerberus did to you look like finger painting. This is way bigger than both of you. But if you two are so determined to screw this up, I have a room reserved for you on the other side of the airlock." Jack recalled the same unnatural red glow in Shepard's eyes right before she threw the merc out of the building on Illium and lowered her gaze. Jack just folded her hand. Shepard now towered over her. "You agreed to work for me, and that also means you are working with Cerberus. And just in case you fell and hit your head too hard, that means that you also will accept working with Miranda. She is the XO of this ship. Do I make myself clear, Jack?"

She took a step backward and noticed Shepard flagging the trigger of her pistol. She shook her head, "You're both assholes. You want me to work for you? Fine. You want anything more? Go fuck yourself." Jack's biotics flared as she turned to leave Miranda's office.

In an instant, Shepard turned to confront Miranda, "And as for you, …" Jack stopped before she got to the door, suddenly interested in the conversation, "…the people I recruit are my business. You will leave Jack alone. She is doing just fine. If you have any concerns, you will address them to me, and only me. I do not expect to have this conversation again. Maybe instead of grandstanding for Cerberus, you should take a look at your own issues."

"My thoughts exactly," Jack mumbled.

Miranda glared at Shepard momentarily, uncrossed her arms, and then antagonistically walked toward Jack, "I can put aside my differences…until the mission is over."

Shepard extended out her arm to prevent Miranda from going any further, "If we survive this, then you two can two can tear each other apart. Until then, save your hate for the collectors. And from now on, stay one deck apart at all times."

"She'll survive. I'll make sure of it," Jack said flatly. A wicked grin crossed her face, "Then…I'll rip you apart myself." Jack stormed out of the office. They heard another loud crash, presumably another helpless chair being tossed across the mess hall.

She took a calming breath and then crossed her arms before addressing Miranda, "Are we good?"

Miranda's thoughts raced. How dare Shepard undercut her in front of the crew, especially Jack. She wanted to rage at Shepard, to throw biotic pulses at her, to strike at her. All she could do is just bury her anger into an ever increasing reservoir. Several minutes went by, and at last she answered, "Not even remotely." The Ice Queen returned. "I have work to do Commander. Go chat with your friend Jack if you want to small talk."

Shepard began playing poker while in basic training and knew that right now she had an inferior hand, but she had to play it as if she knew she would win, and not be pushed out after the ante. "This is bullshit, Miranda. What would you have me do? Ignore the morale sucking chasm that is engulfing this ship. Perhaps let you and Jack gut each other in your quarters? How in the hell would that be helpful to me? To the mission? We need her on board if we want to succeed, and I need you to be ok with that."

After a moment, Miranda countered, "She's a child. Why would you side with her?"

As long as Miranda kept talking, the better chance she had to rectify this problem. "I thought you were stronger than that, Miranda. And smarter. I expect that attitude from Jack, not you. Jack needs special attention. You know that. At least I can reason with you."

"So taking Jack's side was just a front?" Miranda was not so sure.

"Do you really think I wanted to take Jack's side in this? You and I have developed a necessary and symbiotic relationship as captain and XO. I am no fool. You make my job easier. But we also need Jack, and we need her happy."

"Ok, maybe you're right. You did what you had to do to keep her loyal. Thanks for clearing that up, Shepard. I…I find it is difficult to trust people, especially after what we just saw. Every time I think I have you figured out..."

"Well, Ms. Lawson, good luck with that," Shepard holstered her pistol and turned to leave, "many people have tried to figure me out, without much success I might add."

"Shepard, wait." Miranda sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "Can we talk for a minute? I would offer you this seat, but it is in need of repair," she said sheepishly. She motioned to the L-shaped couch. "I have been thinking about what to say to you after…"

Before Shepard sat down, she put up her hands to stop Miranda, "Look, we don't need to talk about this now…" Without thinking, she began to trail her eyes around the room, uncertain who may be listening.

"Please Commander, sit. And feel free to talk openly. I scan this room several times a day for any recording devices," Miranda gave a disarming smile.

She watched patiently as Miranda's deep blue eyes searched her face, not knowing where to begin. "Let me start by apologizing. I didn't think you would be up to the task, but it seems I was wrong. I am impressed. You're…well look at you and look what you've accomplished. You've done more than I ever could, despite everything my father did to make me perfect. You're the best humanity has to offer. Every one of your accomplishments is due to your skill. The only things I can take credit for are my mistakes. Frankly, based on what I have seen, I wish Cerberus had recruited you earlier."

Shepard did her best to hide her disappointment. After all they just witnessed in Teltin, how could Miranda still be so dismissive of Cerberus' transgressions? Then she saw it: a flash of doubt across Miranda's face. "I trust you, Miranda, but I don't trust Cerberus. Your experiments crossed the line." Would Miranda still align herself with Cerberus, or distinguish herself from them?

"Yes, that is true. But I recall a Spectre who crossed a few lines while hunting down Saren and the geth. You would fit right in here. We are lucky to have you."

Miranda pushed at Shepard's sense of honor intentionally and it provoked a defensive response. "There is no way I will be put in the same category as Cerberus! I saw your bases years ago. You were using rachni, Thorian reapers and even husks to make your own army! Every lifeform that I killed was in defense or to further the mission objectives. I am not Saren, and I am not Cerberus." Shepard knew she fell into that trap, but regrouped quickly.

Miranda had the upper hand and easily conformed back into her operative role, "The husks were already dead. Thorian creatures were mindless, and the rachni were abandoned once we understood their intelligence. We weren't breeding an army. We were breeding expendable shock troops for high risk scenarios. How many soldiers died in Saren's attack on Eden Prime? How many would have lived if we had just a dozen rachni soldiers on our side?"

'Enough of this,' Shepard pushed all of her chips into the middle. "What was Cerberus trying to prove by experimenting on children like Jack?" Her unwavering stare broke through whatever defenses Miranda had remaining.

The impact of that statement found its mark. Miranda lowered her head, "A mistake. No question." Shepard dared not move or speak. Miranda had to be struggling to process everything she witnessed while at Teltin earlier today as evidenced by the myriad of emotions on her face when they locked eyes before she left Jack's room. Miranda whispered, "She was right, you know." She lifted her head, and the tears that clung to the corner of her eyes began to fall, steadily and increasingly. "Jack was right. What Cerberus did to her…," Shame would not let her finish the sentence. "And for what? Money, power? To satisfy the obsession of a few men? I know my father had to be a part of that. And God only knows how many other diabolical things he was involved in to create me. "

"Miranda you are not your father. I know as well as anybody that there are some things we cannot control. You heard what I told Jack on Pragia: I strongly believe I am in control of my life." Shepard's eyes dropped for a moment, "I have to believe I am in control of my life." She silenced the murmuring in the back of her mind by reminding herself this conversation was about Miranda. "And you can be in charge of your life from this point forward," Shepard did her best to console her XO. "You were young and..."

"Desperate."Miranda interrupted before Shepard could finish her thought. She paused for several minutes. "This is what I am Shepard, I can't hide it. The intelligence, the looks, even the biotics…he paid for all of that. My father got me the best genes money could buy. And, God help me, at what cost? How many children died because of me? How many mothers had their children ripped from them because of Cerberus' hypocritical ambitions? I ran from my father in order to separate myself from him, hoping to recreate myself in the embrace of Cerberus? How droll." With both hands she began to swiftly wipe tears from her face. "And then when Jack comes in here to accuse me of…the truth…my pride wouldn't let me admit it to her, that she was right…and I am…son-of-a-bitch WHAT AM I? At least Jack knows who she is," she said sardonically. "I know who I _don't_ want to be: I do not want to be a part of Cerberus; I do not want to murder children; I do not want to be my father's daughter; or The Illusive Man's best asset!" She stood up and faced her window, both to hide her shame and try to calm herself. "I feel like a foolish child."

Shepard did not know how to help Miranda, but could identify with her confusion and uncertainty. The only thing she knew to do was speak from her own experiences. "Ever since I woke up in a Cerberus uniform, I wondered if I was in some alternate universe. The people I knew and loved now hated me and the organization that hated me now loved me. The only true constants are that people are still trying to kill me and time works against me as I try to find a way to stop the reapers. At some point in my life I learned that when the storms of uncertainty rage around me, I must anchor myself to those things in which I know to be true." Shepard carefully walked over to Miranda and gently placed her hand on her shoulder. "Miranda, what do you know to be true?"

She turned and was amazed with the genuine concern emanating from Shepard. She remembered her previous observation that people seemed to align themselves with her and willingly follow her into hell. The reasons were so evident now. Where her father and TIM were selfish, Shepard was selfless. Her care for others inspired them to believe in themselves, and in return believe in her because she loaned her bravery and convictions to anyone who needed them. Her courage renewed, Miranda spoke, "I know I want to be a part of a mission that saves lives. I want my sister and future generations to be proud to say my name. I want to further humanity with honor. I want self-respect. I want my life to be independent and under my control. I want my life to stand on its own merits and not bought and paid by anyone's blood but mine. And…," Miranda swallowed hard, "I want to work with you." Miranda broke her gaze, uncomfortable with her own honesty, and moved back toward her desk. "The Illusive Man does not make many mistakes, but this one might turn out to be the best mistake he has ever made."

Shepard gave her famous lopsided grin, "The best thing he could have done was put you on my squad. You know him better than anyone, and I won't be able to get this done without you."

The thought of continuing alone frightened Miranda, but having Shepard as her captain empowered her. And she would be the key to making the team and the mission stronger. Feeling more confident of herself than ever before, she pushed her shoulders back and said, "Thank you, Commander. I am honored to be a part of this." Shepard nodded and left Miranda smiling at her desk.

Jack glanced at the stairwell from her cot when she heard someone approaching. "Did you get tired of kissing the cheerleader's ass? Leave me alone. I got nothing to say to you."

Shepard refused to be bullied by Jack and decided a new tactic was in order. She crossed her arms on her chest and snorted, "Don't tell me you fell for that?" She walked as close to Jack as she dared.

"That shit you pulled up there, I've turned people inside-out for a hell of a lot less," Jack sneered. Shepard ignored her and instead sat so close to Jack that their shoulders touched. So shocked by Shepard's open brazenness, she could only think to move farther down her bunk. "What are you doing?"

Shepard threw her head back and laughed, "Are you scooting away from me? You are scooting. Who knew the tattooed killer could scoot. Next you'll be telling me you wear pink bows. What's the matter? Can't take it? Maybe you are losing your edge?"

Jack looked back at Shepard with curiosity and amusement. "What are you talking about, asshole? You know I am pissed at you. You sold me out."

Shepard closed the gap between them, this time touching knees with her. "You're tough when you're pissed. Besides, how would you have reacted if I kissed your ass, or full on the mouth?"

Jack jumped up from her cot and landed against the opposite wall in one hop. "I'd call you a pussy and trash your ship...," Shepard's eyebrows went up, and she continued sheepishly, "...when you turned your back."

Shepard went to Jack's desk, sat in her chair, and then pulled out a deck of cards. Jack remained where she stood, still unsure of Shepard's strange behavior. She expected her to come down here, to argue, hell, maybe even fight. But instead she was teasing her and ... dealing cards? Shepard looked up at her, "Sit down Jack, you are making me nervous. Look, unless you got your own secret contacts, and endless amounts of creds, I have to give Cerberus – and Miranda – a little lip service now and then. Jesus, cut me some slack, all right?"

Jack pushed off the wall and pulled up a chair. "I'll let it slide…once." Shepard smiled and Jack added, "You're lucky you already helped me. But don't do it again. I'm not playing second to the cheerleader this whole trip." A small smile curled the corner of her mouth, "And you can just call me Jack. No need to offend the Lord." Now both were laughing. "I guess you want your ass kicked in poker? Let me go get Gabby and her boy toy to join us. They suck at poker and I could use the extra creds. " While Jack went up the steps two at a time, Shepard gathered up the cards and began shuffling. She smiled at a memory of playing poker with her unit back in basic, "What was that that Gunny taught be about poker? 'The key to winning at poker is to play your opponent, not your hand.'"


	9. Chapter 8 Loose Ends

**Chapter 8 Loose Ends**

In secret we met-

In silence I grieve,

That thy heart could forget,

Thy spirit deceive.

If I should meet thee

After long years,

How should I greet thee?

With silence and tears. -George Gordon Byron

**June 9**

**Illium, Liara's Flat**

**1:30 am**

_I must have dozed off. Where am I? I am lying on an elegant couch in the center of a palatial room, hidden away in a posh hotel suite, courtesy of the Council. It has been one month, one week, three days, six hours since the battle of the Citadel, and one month, one week, and four days since our first night together. And one blissful week since Shepard was released from the Normandy medbay with strict instructions from Dr. Chakwas to have plenty of bed rest. I grin. I am not sure if she meant this type of rest, however. As much as I tried to forestall the commander's advances, she is tenacious and conniving. I follow her lead, for now. However, when I am convinced she is properly healed, she will learn of the ferocious appetite of the demure archeologist. I am thankful and overjoyed that she is alive and eager to be a part of her healing process; even more so to be chosen as the object of her affections, of which I am jealously protective._

_I sense her before I see her as our bond has grown exponentially. I smile at the anticipation of her touch and am not disappointed. She appears at the foot of the couch and slides her finger up my leg before stopping at my thigh. I slide over to give her room to sit beside me and she reclines across my body._

"_Samantha," I say her name softly like a prayer, "I miss you."_

_She offers me her lopsided grin and my heart aches. "Do you remember me?" Her piercing jade eyes envelope me._

_"Yes."_

_"Tell me."_

_I take her hands and place them on my chest. I desperately search her eyes, "I remember you can peel an apple with one continuous motion," and they smile at me. "I remember your scent on my clothes. And I remember that you promised never to leave me."_

_"I swore my love to you, Liara. I am not going anywhere." She lowers her face to kiss me._

_I turn away, ashamed._

_A storm now blows outside a sprawling window. We are no longer on the Citadel but in my apartment. I see Sam's reflection as she stands behind me. Lightening illuminates open the skyline of Nos Astra. I turn to fall into her embrace but can not find her. Ever-expanding grief stretches my heart, but mercilessly, it won't burst. "Oh my love, but you did leave me. And to save you, I had to betray you. But save you I must. Please forgive me. Goddess forgive me." Thunder bellows in the distance._

Liara awoke and sat up in bed, suddenly chilled by the evaporating memory of Samantha Shepard. Most of Liara's nightmares had stopped until she saw her former lover a few weeks ago; now guilt was her mistress and visited her nightly in her dreams. Tormented by her empty bed, she walked downstairs for no particular reason. Her naked form faced the expansive view of Nos Astra, attempting to withstand the inconsolable pleas from her heart that did not comprehend the wanton and forced seclusion from its mate.

"_It was you that introduced me to the heart of Samantha! Two years ago we willingly and passionately offered ourselves to her, and melded into one another until all lines of separation diminished. Two became one, enraptured by the true essence of the other. But suddenly and violently the bond was ripped from me. I thought I would perish with her above that accursed planet; but it was YOU, Liara, who kept hope alive, albeit buried, deep within my chambers, insisting your machinations would bring her back to us. For two years I have begged, ached, and pleaded for her return, the hope barely sustaining my longing and agony. Then, as you promised, she re-enters our life. Instantly I recognize our beloved. And the joy of her return! But yet you say it is not meant to be? You chose to jail me? Bury me? I know not why!_

Liara fell to her knees, attempting to control the swell of misery threatening to overtake her. She spoke aloud trying to comfort her devastated and broken heart that pined for its mate. "It is what must be. In order to save our love, I had to betray her to her enemy, only to watch the enemy multiply: Cerberus, reapers, collectors, the Shadow Broker. I cannot fight the others alone, but I can and will destroy the Shadow Broker. One less enemy increases her chances to stay alive. I must protect her. And protecting her means we must be apart from her, until such time as the enemies are vanquished."

_You place me on the altar of sacrifice to protect our beloved? Alas I am swallowed by grief. Do not fail to hope, Liara, for now it is but whisper in a dream, a flicker of a flame._

Liara grasped her chest, now a bottomless and dark abyss. Where passionate and consuming love once resided, only ashes remained.

**June 9**

**Normandy SR2, Shepard's Quarters**

**1:30 am**

_A knowing smile stretches across my face as I smell decadent scents coming from the kitchen area of our luxurious hotel suite. Can a human endure so much unadulterated pleasure in one week? I will certainly try. My injuries have healed enough to be allowed off the Normandy, and while the ship and Citadel undergo repairs, so does the human Spectre, under the watchful eye of her personal doctor. Life is good._

_Liara enters the bedroom carrying a tray of assorted breakfast foods. My eyes move up her magnificent form and notice that N7 boxers and t-shirt have never looked so seductive. My eyes hesitate when I notice her silhouetted breasts under the N7 insignia. Suddenly my hunger craves the taste of her skin instead of mere mortal's food._

"_Sam, you must eat. I promise there is time afterwards for… whatever else you have in mind," the corner of her mouth curls. "Far be it from me to let the 'Hero of the Citadel' starve to death because I refuse to let her leave my bed. I could never escape the shame."_

_Liara sits the tray down on a mahogany table beside the bed and pulls a chair up between them. She gracefully begins to peel an apple with a pairing knife. I sit up and steal a quick kiss from her and sit back patiently with my back against the matching headboard. "Breakfast in bed, Doctor? To what do I owe this pleasure?"_

"_Consider it a gesture of my gratitude for coming back to me…for loving me…," she giggles, "at last count for one month, one week, and four days."_

_Her laugh is infectious. I love the way her eyes sparkle when she laughs. "You are very observant, T'soni."_

"_Commander, I am a doctor of research. It is my job to examine and attain knowledge about many different areas of interest. I have to be observant." She steals a glace and her mischievous smile grows._

_I love flirting with her. "Oh, I see. Hmmm, is that apple for me?"_

_Liara never takes her eyes off of her task, "Mm-hmm."_

"_Is that something else you have observed, that I like my apples peeled?"_

"_Samantha, I have made it my priority to study you in many different venues. I have witnessed this habit on several occasions, most recently two weeks ago in the Normandy's infirmary. As Chief Williams so astutely noticed, 'I can not seem to keep my eyes off of you.'"_

_I triumphantly place my hands behind my head. "I knew it. You have wanted to use me as a specimen of study since you first met me."_

"_Indeed Commander, i__t seems you were correct in your assessment. __Although I must add that I have wanted to do a great many things to you since I first met you." My eyes widen. The peel falls to the plate and Liara cuts a slice and feeds it to me. "And I plan on observing you for the rest of my days. You will be my lifelong project, I am afraid."_

_As she cuts another piece of the apple, I ask, "As the Commander of the Normandy, shouldn't I be aware of any future research projects or accumulated data that you have already recovered from your extensive research?"_

_She stands from her seat and in one graceful movement straddles my hips, with her long and elegant legs bent on the outside of mine. She reaches for a piece of apple and takes a slow and drawn out bite. I watch the juice slowly slide down her elegant blue wrist until she catches it with her lips and then skims her tongue back up the sticky, wet trail. She makes sure I am watching as she sucks the remaining threatening drops from the fruit. Gone is my self-control. I grab her hips and press them down on to mine, and try to lean forward to capture that mischievous tongue, but she firmly places her hand on my chest and forces me back into my sitting position. "I believe you asked me a question, Commander. It is only appropriate that I respond. The daughter of matriarch Benezia must adhere to proper etiquette and conventions."_

_My rebellious hands glide up her thighs and my thumbs find the inside of her shorts. She catches her breath. 'Two can play this game, Doctor.'_

"_I believe…,"her eyes slightly roll back but then she places her hands on top of mine, "I believe the question was what else can I report to the Commander regarding my extensive and ongoing investigation of my research subject." She dares remove one of her hands and traces the pad of her thumb across my eyebrow. "Commander, I can report that I have discovered endless emerald colored worlds, no doubt created by fire and passion and life from the Goddess herself." She kisses my eyes. "I also bear witness to a perfect human specimen, stemming from relentless marine physical fitness," she slithers her hands under my shirt and lingers on my abdomen, "of which I strongly approve. And upon my closer examination, notice the athletic physique creates a ravenous and lustful reaction from this researcher." Her thighs close tighter around my hips._

"_Anything else, Doctor?" My voice is thick with desire. My hands begin exploring under her shorts once again._

"_Yes." She begins to move back and forth against the movement of my thumbs. "I have also detected changes in the subject's breathing patterns."_

"_Sounds fascinating, Doctor." My left hand leaves its partner and glides up the back of the N7 t-shirt to caress the folds of her neck._

_A small groan escapes her lips, "Yes," she sighs deeply, "for example, I can tell when the subject is sleeping soundly, having nightmares, or violently angry. But my personal favorite is especially when…"_

_My hand now pulls her shirt over her head and I pull her closer to me, "I want you Liara."_

"…_yes…when you want me." Her eyes turn black._

Shepard woke up. This was no dream. All of her senses were alive. She desperately clung to the memory of Liara and their time on the Citadel. There was a faint scent and presence in her room that seemed vaguely familiar. She was afraid that if she opened her eyes, it would vanish like mist in the morning sunrise. Sadly she resolved to the reality of sleeplessness and she went to her desk and turned on her terminal, hoping to find a hidden message from the person who had just been with her. The only message was from TIM about a new recruit named Kasumi, a renowned and professional thief. Disgusted, Shepard slammed her fist on the table. "You love an illusion," she told herself. She looked at her scrapped knuckles and the pain brought her a sense of relief and comfort. It reminded her that she was alive and not stuck in a cruel and endless purgatory, tormented by agonizing want and desire for someone she no longer knew. "There is no worse form of cruelty than loving someone who no longer loves you," she quoted and unknown poet. With a deep sigh, she decided to take the opportunity to check on the ship and the crew.

"EDI, where is Garrus?"

"Mr. Vakerian is in the armory."

Shepard entered, unnoticed. His back faced the door and it looked like he had been cleaning and polishing the assortment of weapons. Presently he stood with his head dropped between his shoulders as if he were deep in thought.

"Garrus, starring at your reflection in the nicely polished metal won't make your scars look any better. Hell, you were always ugly. Slap some face paint on there and no one will even notice," Shepard quipped.

"Ha. Don't make me laugh. My face is barely holding together as it is." He turned around and leaned against the table. "Some women find facial scars attractive. Mind you, most of those women are krogan." Shepard walked over to the weapons and gave a quick inspection. Garrus' keen eyes noticed the melancholy. "It seems I am not the only one that can't sleep. Damn, you look like warmed over varren shit."

"Your C-sec observational skills are astounding, Garrus." Both chuckled and relaxed.

He placed his hand on her shoulder, "Anything I can do to help?"

"Why yes there is. I would like the last two years of my life back please, replete with my old ship and my crew, and my lov…friends." Shepard quickly looked up to change the subject, "I was just about to ask you the same thing, old friend. You look troubled. No need to lie to me. As a former Spectre, I am well trained to tell when people are lying."

Garrus knew what was troubling Shepard, and he also knew she would talk about Liara when she was ready. Instead, he picked up a Cerberus assault rifle and looked at it with admiration, "Right before you came in here I was thinking I thought I'd seen every weapon in the galaxy in our fight against Saren. Mercenary work showed me otherwise. And now Cerberus rebuilds the Normandy with a few upgrades to boot? I wish we had joined with them sooner."

Shepard was slightly stunned at this confession. "You sure you're ok working with Cerberus?"

"Shepard, make no mistake. I am here because you are here. I know about what they have done, but I can't exactly doubt your judgment. Not after I got my own squad killed," he spoke softly.

She saw the guilt swell in his eyes. "We haven't really had much time to talk about what happened to you after the Normandy attack. How did you end up fighting mercs on Omega?"

Garrus walked over the core observation window and answered, "I went back to C-sec after the Normandy was destroyed, but with all the rebuilding at the Citadel, there was too much chaos for me to really help. Omega was filled with criminals, nobody else could really touch them, and there wasn't any red tape slowing me down. It was a perfect fit. People needed someone to believe in, someone to stand up to the local thugs."

"That explains how you started. How'd you end up with a crew?"

He remembered a neglected beverage and walked back to the table and took a quick drink. "Not too different than how you formed your squad to fight Saren, actually. You prove that you get things done and people join up. Some were mercs who wanted to atone. Others were security consultants tired of playing by the rules. I gave them hope." He gulped the rest and then dropped his head, "And now they're dead. Shows what I know."

"Tell me about your squad." Shepard knew if she could keep her friend talking, eventually he may be able to purge his conscience.

Absentmindedly, Garrus began to put away some of weapons he had already cleaned and continued, "There were twelve of us, including me. Former military operatives, C-sec agents, the usual. Had a salerian explosives expert. Pretty sure he spent time in the Special Tasks Group. My tech expert was a batarian, believe it or not. Not the friendliest guy, but he could hack into any system ever built." He stopped long enough to observe Shepard's astonishment.

"I am impressed Garrus. A group like that is hard to wrangle. What did your merc squad do? I bet you weren't just guns for hire."

He nodded in agreement, "You saw Omega. It was full of thugs kicking the helpless. I formed my team to kick back." His mandibles twitched a smile, "We weren't mercenaries. At least no one was paying us. We made money by taking down slavers, pirates, or gangs that went too far."

Shepard shook her head and laughed, "That explains why you made so many friends on Omega."

Garrus walked over and leaned against the table beside Shepard, "Yeah, we made a lot of friends. As you recall, three separate merc groups banded together to take me down. My manager at C-sec would be proud."

Shepard grinned up at him and slapped his shoulder, "And so would the commander of the Normandy."

"With the team I had, they made the jobs simple." Garrus shrugged, "We would hit their shipments, get under their skin, make them angry. They'd come charging in to our well prepared kill zone. Crossfire and snipers, clean and surgical. They never stood a chance."

Shepard remembered the Pirate Queen. "How in the hell did you avoid Aria? She is viciously protective of her empire."

Garrus continued, "As far as Aria was concerned, she was ok with us because we took down her competition. But I have a feeling that we got a little too close to her business partners and she may have been the one that turned Sidonis. I will never know for sure, though."

Shepard didn't recognize the name. "Sidonis?"

"Yeah Sidonis, the only other turian on the squad. If I didn't know better, I would think all turians are back-stabbing, untrustworthy bastards." He snickered.

"Do I need to throw you in the brig and complete an investigation? I am sure Grunt has a few techniques stored away in his head, courtesy of the tank," Shepard joked.

He turned to face her directly, "Shepard I swear to you on my father's name that I am loyal to you and your friendship means as much to me as if you were my kin. If I ever betray you, I beg you to put a bullet between my eyes."

Shepard focused intently on her best friend, "Garrus I know what it's like to be responsible for the lives of people under your command. They trust you to lead them and keep them safe; to make the best decisions after weighing the outcomes. With power comes responsibility, and can't be taken lightly." Shepard held his gaze until he looked away and then asked, "How did it happen?"

Remorse flooded his body, "It was my own damn fault. Sidonis drew me away just before the mercs attacked my squad, then he disappeared. Everyone except me is dead, and because I didn't see it coming." Once again he walked over to the core observation window. "I know they died because of me. For weeks I woke up every night… sick and sweating… each of their faces staring up at me, accusing me...," his voice trailed silent.

After a few moments, Shepard spoke, "You sure it was a betrayal? Maybe they took Sidonis out first."

"No, I put out feelers with some old contacts. He booked a transport off Omega just before the attack. He also cleared out his private accounts before he left." Anger stiffened his body, "He sold me out then ran."

"Did you ever find out where Sidonis went?"

"Not at first. His trail vanished after he left Omega. But I kept hunting. I swore that I would find him again." He spun around to face Shepard, fire burning in his eyes, "I have reason to believe that Sidonis is on the Citadel. I want vengeance, Shepard. But…" he crossed his arms over his chest and sighed, "I know that we most likely won't be coming back from the collectors base. But if we do, that is the first place I'm heading."

"And I will be right beside you, buddy. I would do the same if I were you." Shepard made her way to the exit. "How much longer with the resource evac?"

"We are unloading the last of the E-Zo. Maybe two more hours." Right before the door closed behind her she smiled as she heard Garrus say, "Thanks for helping me with this Shepard."

After leaving the armory, She decided to head down to the mess hall to see if she could find anything to quiet her growling stomach. When the elevator opened, she was surprised to see Thane sitting alone at a table. She would have thought he was asleep except that he was moving a spoon back and forth in the soup bowl. She headed to the food storage unit and pulled out an MRE labeled beef stew. She smiled to herself. These things should be called 'your guess is as good as mine.' After picking up some utensils, she asked Thane if she could join him.

He looked up, startled, "Yes Commander, please join me."

"Am I interrupting you?" Shepard tore open her MRE, and as all soldiers are trained, ignored what came spilling out. She stopped and looked at him intently. "You look like you are not feeling well. Should I get the doctor?"

Thane let go of his spoon and looked at Shepard, "No…no. Though I suppose that is part of it. Mortality has me…dwelling on things."

"Ahh yes. I supposed we all are thinking about our mortality or our families. This mission does not have very high odds of success, I'm afraid." Shepard took a bite of her food.

"I think that is it exactly, Commander. I had a family once. I still have a son. His name is Kolyat, although I haven't seen him in a very long time," Thane sighed.

"How long has it been since you talked?" With all of her crew's amazing battle skills came such emotional scars and baggage. "Forgive me if I am being rude, Thane. Do you mind sharing about your family? My parents died when I was sixteen so I enjoy hearing about other people's experiences."

His expression slightly lightened and he sat up, "No not at all Commander."

"Please Thane, call me Shepard," she smiled with her invitation.

"Of course, Shepard. It has been ten years since I have seen my son. The last memory I can recall of him is when he showed me some of his schoolwork and then asked if we could dance crazy." A sad smile quickly faded, "We did that when he was younger."

"Did something happen to your family?" By now, Shepard forgot about her food.

The drell returned to stirring his soup. "I abandoned them. Not all at once. Nothing dramatic. No sneaking out in the middle of the night. No final argument or slammed door. I just did my job. I hunted and killed across the galaxy. 'Away on business', my wife would say. I was always away on business." He got up and took his soup to the sink and poured it out then he continued, "I am a trained assassin. I am a weapon belonging to my employers. I do not ask questions or think beyond the job. However, my targets and their families, or their employers do. The family of one of my targets paid the Shadow Broker to find me; but they didn't locate me as I was 'away on business', but they did find my wife. She was killed because of me."

"Thane, I don't know what to say, except that I am sorry. I can tell you loved her deeply."

He turned his head slightly, his eyes moist with tears. "When my wife departed from her body, I…attended to that issue. I left Kolyat in the care of his aunts and uncles. I left to pursue her killers, burning with vengeance. I would not rest until they were all dead. That was something that I should'nt have done. I did not stop to realize the best thing I could have done is stay with my son. I was all that remained of his family. I have not seen or talked to him since."

Shepard pushed away her plate, "I have a feeling that there is more to this story. Is there something wrong with him? Is he hurt?"

"In a way, yes, something is wrong." Thane returned to the table and sat and clasped his hands together. "I used my contacts to trace Kolyat. He has become – disconnected. He does what his body wills."

Shepard cocked her head to the side, "You'll have to explain that one to me."

"Disconnected: the body is not the true self. The soul is. The body and soul work as one as a Whole Person. When the soul is weakened by grief, fear or despair, or when the body is ill or injured, the individual is disconnected. No longer whole."

Although this was the first time she heard someone describe this event, she recognized it instantly. Yes. This is exactly how she functioned in life before she met Liara, and sadly since she saw her on Illium. She had freely given her heart and soul to Liara, only to have them remain lost in space, even after her body was recovered.

"Disconnected…" she whispered.

Unaware of Shepard's internal dialogue, Thane continued, "I don't know his reasons, but he has gone to the Citadel. He has taken a job as a hitman. I would like the opportunity to stop him. He is…this is not a path he should walk. I don't know why he would accept this task."

It did not take a psychologist to know the answer, "To be closer to you, maybe?"

Thane placed his forehead in his hands, "That thought haunts me more than any other."

"Thane, try to get some rest, and in the morning, we will see what we can do. I am sure we can get you to your son."

Thane lowered his head and gently touched his chest, "Thank you Siha."

"I have been called many things, but I can honestly say Siha is not one of them," said Shepard.

"Si'ha is one of the warrior angels of the goddess Arashu. Fierce in wrath and a tenacious protector. My wife was one, and you are another. Few are priviledged to meet even one, but I have been blessed to know two."

"Thane, I…" she felt her cheeks flush, and for a moment she was speechless, "I don't know if I come close to such an honor."

"One thing you must know about me, I do not give respect lightly, but it is mine to give to whom I will." He stood to leave but turned before exiting, "Thank you Shepard. Time for me is short, but any I have is yours to take."

Shepard headed for the cockpit. It seemed the Citadel held the resolution to a lot of loose ends.


	10. Chapter 9 Life Among Desolation

**Chapter 9 Life Among Desolation**

Shepard entered the cockpit of the Normandy and Joker turned around in his chair to greet her, "Commander the last of the E-Zo has been removed from the transport shuttle and we are ready to head out to the next location. Anymore killer asaris or monstrous krogan to recruit? Or how about a colossus? We have never had one of those yet. Why can't you collect coins or commemorative plates or something?"

"Hmm. Good question, Joker. I haven't spun my wheel of death yet today, so as of now, I am not sure what will be trying to kill me. Once I find out, I will let you know. I am gonna ask you to hold the ship here for a moment. I need to meet with my officers to map out our next location." Shepard turned her attention to EDI's holograph, "EDI, inform XO Lawson, the Lieutenant, and Garrus to meet me in the conference room in 5 minutes."

"Yes, Commander," EDI blinked and disappeared.

"Ok, Commander. I'll be waiting. Did I tell you today how much I love this ship? She is my baby. Fits me like a glove. And leather seats? Cerberus went all out on this ship. Except for the bossy VI. I think I sprang my thumb on the mute button." As Joker began to turn back around to face the console, his chair seemed to freeze, then turned back around, then quickly jerked back and forth. "What the …? EDI!"

Shepard slapped the back of Joker's seat and laughed, "Careful EDI. Our pilot has brittle bones. If you keep this up you may turn him into a milkshake." As she turned to exit, she chuckled and said, "A smart ass VI to go with my smart ass pilot."

Both EDI and Joker spoke at the same time, "To go with our smart ass Captain."

Shepard's brow knitted together and stopped , but after a few seconds only laughed harder. "The universe loves irony, does it not? I'll leave you two love birds alone." Before reaching the conference room, she decided to pull up the last email to remind herself about their next recruit. As she activated her terminal, she saw another encrypted message from TIM. "Does he ever sleep?" She asked out loud.

Shepard,

Upon further review, Miranda and I believe that adding Tali'Zorah to your crew would improve your abilities to fight the reapers. I am impressed with her engineering and technical skills. Although the Normandy is one of the most advanced ships in the galaxy, Ms. Zorah may know of additional upgrades or advancements. I am sure that having a trusted member of your crew from your battle against Sovereign can sharpen your focus and give you with additional perspective. Our sources tell us that she is leading an expedition on the planet Haestrom.

The first thing Shepard did was thank God for another opportunity to recruit Tali to her team. The Illusive Man's assessment was correct. Tali was the best engineer Shepard ever knew, and beyond that she was one of her most trusted friends. Without her, Shepard's battle with Saren would have turned out completely different and the reapers would have been ushered right to the Citadel. The possibility of Tali joining Shepard enhanced her confidence as much as finding Garrus on Omega. But Haestrom? If her memory was correct, it was in the complete opposite direction of the Citadel. Traveling such distances would only delay them for weeks. Regardless, a solution would have to be reached. She would not dismiss this second chance.

When Shepard entered the conference room, Garrus, Miranda, and Jacob stood and gave her a salute. "As you were. Please be seated." Shepard, however, did not sit. Instead she walked to the head of the conference table and composed her thoughts. "Before we formulate our next plan of action, I want to know the status of the ship, our crew, and our mission," Shepard clasped her hands behind her back as she spoke. "You have my permission to speak freely."

Jacob spoke first, "Even with the team we have acquired, we still don't have a full complement. We don't stand a chance without the right specialists on our side. And until we figure out a way to get through the Omega Four relay, we should be working to fix that problem."

Shepard nodded and Miranda spoke next, "I believe that the emotional significance of this mission weighs on all the crew. I can say from personal experience, if we can remove some of the secondary distractions, the team can concentrate more effectively on the primary task at hand."

Garrus looked frustrated, "Look we are soldiers, not children. We know how to prioritize. Are you suggesting we send an email to the collectors and ask them to delay any further attacks until we finish getting a manicure?"

Shepard held her hand up, "Actually I agree with Miranda. Jumping into the Omega Four relay is by definition a suicidal mission, but we need to be as prepared as possible. It is only natural that everyone feels the heaviness of that reality. The sewing up of loose ends, if possible, would almost fire-proof the resolve and capabilities of our team." Shepard moved to her next question, "What is the status on Mordin's modifications?"

Miranda crossed her legs and answered, "His last report indicated that his antidote successfully prohibited the paralyzing effects of one to four seeker stings. However, it is still ineffective against an entire swarm. He has also updated the tech for all fighter's omnitools. As you know, he has requested more elements and upgrades to continue his research." Jacob added, "If Mordin's modifications hold up, we got a shot. If they don't, we're dead. Seems like that was always a strong possibility anyway."

"What about the needs of the other departments?" Shepard looked at both Garrus and Jacob.

"The armory is full of powerful weapons, Commander, but I can research any new potential upgrades," Jacob reported to his commanding officer.

Shepard nodded and asked, "I am sure you could find such resources and information on the Citadel, would you not, Jacob?"

"Yes ma'am."

Shepard looked at Garrus. "Commander, the forward battery has a strong weapons system, but I know the turian government has information regarding a Thanix Magnetic-Hydrodynamic Canon, similar to the one used by Sovereign during the attack on the Citadel. It uses an electromagnetic field to shape and accelerate a stream of superheated molten metal to relativistic velocities, which then impacts its target and deals horrendous damage."

Shepard pulled at her lip. "And you can find that information and upgrades on the Citadel, Garrus?"

"I am sure of it, Commander." He smiled his familiar grin.

"And to your earlier point, Jacob," Shepard opened up the galaxy map, "I agree that we need to have as many specialists as this ship can hold." The Citadel came into focus and Shepard continued, "The Illusive Man has given us two more contacts. The first is a master thief named Kasumi Goto and she is waiting for us on the Citadel." With a few taps on the console, the Citadel retreated and another planet came into view. "He also informed me the whereabouts of Tali'Zorah, whom you two met on Freedom's Progress. Reports indicate she is now on Heastrom, in the Far Rim. She is a damn good engineer and techy, and Garrus can attest to her remarkable combat skills during our fight against Saren and Sovereign. I want to try and recruit her once again. But as you can see," Shepard brought up the distance between the two locations, "they are in complete opposite directions."

Garrus jumped to his feet. "The Far Rim? We have known for centuries that the Far Rim houses tens of thousands of geth platforms and an unknown number of geth software 'minds'. And Heastrom is a geth stronghold! There is no way to know how many of those mechanical killers are on the planet's surface. Permission to accompany you to Haestrom, Commander?"

Shepard walked over to Garrus and put her hand on his shoulder and offered him a warm smile, "I am worried about her too, old friend; fortunately I don't think The Fleet would send her there alone, not the daughter of Rael'Zorah vas Rayya." Garrus relaxed somewhat, and Shepard continued, "No Garrus, I need you to make the trip to the Citadel to be in charge of the security of this trip," she turned and faced Miranda, "and I want you to go and pick up Ms. Goto." Miranda gave her a quizzical look but Shepard did not allow any question. "You have seen the distance for yourself, the time it would take for me to personally address both issues could be costly and dangerous."

Miranda yielded, "Yes, Commander."

"Once Ms. Goto has joined the crew, you all will sell any extra resources that we have and purchase the upgrades you think are most important. Don't forget to speak with Chakwas about any supplies she may need. Miranda, if you can get The Illusive Man to help us with our purchases, even better. I want all of our armor upgraded, including the medi-gel capacitors. If any creds are left over, Garrus, I want you to introduce Miranda to our volus merchant friend in the wards." Garrus' eyes shot back and forth between Shepard and Miranda. "I believe Miranda likes to make new friends too, Garrus," she gave a knowing nod to her best friend and he returned the gesture. "Grunt and Thane will accompany you. Once my orders are completed, then I suggest you take some time to enjoy yourself and clear your head." She looked directly at the turian, "In fact, I think you and Thane will find you have a lot in common. Please assist him if he needs some help to figure out how to remove excess weight from his shoulders as well."

Shepard moved back to the galaxy map, "EDI set a course to the nearest planet or fuel depot that has a transport big enough to carry our load and our crew to the Citadel. We leave immediately."

"Yes Commander," EDI blinked.

"With the remaining team, Samara, Jack, and Mordin, I will head to Haestrom to try my best to convince Tali to join us. EDI make that the second order of the flight plan." Shepard began scanning the map again, "Send me a report once you are ready to leave the Citadel. We should meet somewhere in the middle to regroup."

Miranda joined Shepard at the map and pointed to the Crescent Nebula. "Here. Illium."

Shepard's knuckles whitened around the railing and she reflexively looked at Miranda, who innocently returned her gaze.

"Good idea, Miranda," Jacob walked up to the map, "any upgrades we don't get on the Citadel, we are sure to find on Illium."

"Indeed." Shepard said through a clinched jaw. She glanced at Garrus but he suddenly had an itch that required his full attention. "Illium it is then."

* * *

><p>"Five minutes ETA to Haestrom, Commander. Maybe this planet will be less claws and guns and more fuzzy bunnies. Still dangerous, but hey, bunnies."<p>

Shepard chortled at Joker's last statement. Everyone seemed to be in a better mood since the decision was made to purchase some upgrades. Every safety improvement increased their chances of survival. But Shepard was especially hopeful to see her friend again. When they met Freedom's Progress, it was bittersweet and short-lived. Shepard was still trying to figure out what happened after the attack on the Normandy. For her, only days had passed, for Tali and the rest of her friends, two years had acrimoniously dragged by. Strange that they crossed paths on a human colony. In retrospect, Shepard should have demanded more time to talk with Tali, at least discuss her well-being and transition back into The Fleet; but both of them were hurriedly trying to complete their respective missions. She was glad she let Veetor return with Tali. It was the least she could do; and Tali being Tali, was true to her word and sent over the information about the collectors they had gathered from Veetor's surveillance. She and Ashley were the closest people she had to sisters before the explosion. Anger roiled inside of her when she thought about how invasive and destructive the collectors' visit to the Normandy had been for her life. Part of her looked forward to the inevitable confrontation that was growing closer. But for now, she needed to focus on convincing the one person that she trusted completely to properly equip her ship to go head to head with her sworn nemesis.

When Shepard arrived at the transport shuttle, Mordin and Samara were already on board. "Anything we need to know about the planet, EDI?" Shepard triple-checked to make sure her weapons were loaded and ready for immediate enemy contact.

"Our data indicates that there is considerable geth activity and the planet has a tremendous environmental hazard," EDI reported.

"Specifics." Shepard snapped.

EDI quickly responded, "Solar output has overwhelmed Haestrom's protective magnetosphere. Exposure to direct sunlight will damage your shields, and prolonged exposure will prove fatal to all organic life forms. "

"Interesting. Sun destabilizing, reasons unknown. More research needed to conclude causes for deterioration." Mordin could not help but offer his analysis.

Just before Shepard began screaming for Jack, she walked up in full battle armor, her helmet tucked under her arm. Shepard was speechless and raised her eyebrows in amazement. "Not a word, Shepard," Jack grumbled before pushing her helmet over her head. "I was strongly encouraged by busybodies to 'dress appropriately' since we were walking onto a planet that could melt the skin off my body." Out of the corner of her eye, Shepard saw a shrewd grin hastily disappear from Samara's face. "Besides which," Jack continued, "I earned this ink. Spent a shitload of money on 'em too."

"Alright EDI, let's go. Anything else we should know?" Shepard asked as the shuttle left the Normandy's landing bay.

"I have located a large ruin that has quarian life signs, one specifically of Tali'Zorah. Geth drop ships are also in the vicinity."

"Ok people, lock and load. Check over your weapons and have someone check your life support systems. Trust me, they come in handy," Shepard halfway joked.

Once they were planet side, they divided up into two scouting teams, but never out of complete sight from each other. Shepard told them to remain silent as she was sure the geth would be monitoring for any radio communications. Just as EDI warned, once they stepped out into the open sunlight, their shields began to quickly overheat. Their movement would have to be in shade; although it would offer some cover, it was highly probable geth troops would be lingering there for protection as well.

After moving ahead several meters, a geth drop ship appeared and two by two they took up defensive positions. Steadily they maneuvered through the former city, now mostly composed of tall cement and metal structures, every other building component had long since burned off. With only a few scratches and quickly repaired injuries the four came together to regroup. The Commander had not taken Mordin on many missions because she wanted him to concentrate on the collector research. She was pleasantly surprised to witness his skill and efficiency in battle.

Shepard held up her hand to signal silence and all four of them were alerted to someone speaking over a radio. Another hand signal sent them moving in four different directions to locate the device. A few moments later, Mordin's voice came over her helmet's comm system, "Shepard, located radio. Not geth. May be quarian."

"Everyone, regroup to Mordin's location," Shepard ordered.

Samara and Jack brought up the rear and Jack was carrying a disposed geth rifle and storing still functional tech parts. As Shepard picked up the radio, it activated once again. "Op one, this is squad leader, Kal'Reegar. Come in. The geth are approaching the tower and Tali'Zorah is secure, but we need back up. Over." The sounds of people being shot and dying over the comm were distinct.

Shepard spoke into the radio, "This is Commander Shepard of the Normandy. I'm afraid I do not see any quarian survivors here."

Kal'Reegar swore. "Wait…Shepard? The one that Tali served with? Don't know why you are here, but right now any help that is organic is a welcomed sight. Patch your radio into 6-1-7 beta." All four of them activated their omnitools to sinc their radios. Kal clearly sounded anxious, "We were on a stealth mission…high risk. We found what we were after and then the geth found us. They got us pinned down. Can't get to our ship and we can't submit data through the solar radiation."

Shepard's eyes narrowed. "What's the status of your team? How many of you are left?"

Kal sounded fatigued, "We were a small squad. Dozen marines plus the science team. Down to half strength now. Made the synthetic bastards pay for it, though."

Shepard scowled. Those troop numbers seemed awfully slim to be dropped into the middle of geth territory. The hubris of the Admiralty board and their disregard for the safety of their people reminded her of the politicians both in the Citadel and the Alliance. "What brought you this deep into geth controlled space?"

"You're asking the wrong person, Shepard. I just point and shoot. Something about the sun. It's going bad faster than it should. Some kind of kind of energy problem." Loud shots blasted over the radio.

Forgetting her comm was hot, Jack sneered, "You are gonna throw your life away for some research?"

Shepard glared at Jack and Kal instantly answered, "Negative. I give my life for the Migrant Fleet. All the difference in the world. I'm no tech expert. I'm a marine. They tell me to shoot, I shoot. They say to protect Tali and the data and get 'em out safe, then I've done my job."

'Hoorah.' Shepard smiled, but her thoughts turned somber and she became worried. "You got confirmation that the geth haven't reached Tali yet?"

"Affirmative. I left my best men with her. When you get here, you can talk to her on the comm. Every marine on this rock is sworn to protect Tali'Zorah. As long as one of us is drawing air, she'll be safe."

"Do we need to worry about geth sending reinforcements?" She wondered about the safety of the Normandy if patrol ships were still in the area.

As if he read her mind he said, "I don't think so. The patrol ship hasn't lifted off yet and the radiation blocks all off world communications."

She was relieved. "What's your current position?"

"We're bunkered down at base camp across the valley. I left Tali'Zorah at a secure shelter then doubled back to the choke point. Getting Tali out safely is my top priority."

"As well as the priority of this marine, Kal. Hold position. We'll hit their back ranks." In the distance, Shepard could see the marines firing at enemy geth and signaled her team to get ready.

He confirmed their plan, "If you can extract her, we can keep them off of you." Suddenly Kal yelled, "Wait!" Shepard and her team froze in position. "Watch your ass! We got a drop ship coming in." Jack and Mordin took cover behind the remnants of a metal building frame. Samara and Shepard hid behind a cement barrier wall and watched as the geth ship fired and dislodged a large structure, causing it to fall directly in front of the makeshift base camp. At the same time a fresh squad of geth troops landed to finish off the wounded marines. "Well what are we waiting for? Let's move!" Instantly all four of Shepard's team began firing from behind the geth line. They began to scatter and the Normandy team took advantage of the confusion and dispatched them with relative ease.

Kal broke in once again, "Can't get the doors open. It must be blocked. There should be some demo charges in the buildings nearby. Use them to clear a path."

"Samara, Mordin, check out the building to our left. Jack you're with me. Let's go." As Jack and Shepard ran across the open courtyard, Jack felt sweat rolling down her back. She was grateful that she listened to some advice for once in her life, even if it came from a sanctimonious asari Justicar and nosey AI.

They hurriedly examined the rooms of the building but could not find any charges. Their anxiety levels began to rise as they heard the tell-tale sounds of the geth getting louder and louder. "Jack, I will cover the door. Keep looking for the charge! Oh shit, a missile launcher? " Shepard jumped out of the way just in time for the missile to hit the doorframe. Surprisingly the structure held. Shepard took out the collector particle beam off of her back and began to fire out the door. "Mordin, Samara, status?"

"Shepard, we have located the charge and are moving to your location. I am counting at least eight geth, including two juggernauts and one prime," for the first time since Shepard met Samara, she heard strain in her voice. Another rocket exploded very near her position.

"That sounds…problematic," Shepard retorted.

"Shepard, I am coming for you," Samara sounded breathless.

Another explosion outside of the building. "Damn it Jack! What's the problem?" Shepard looked behind her to try and see what was holding up her partner. When she turned back around, a geth prime stood directly in front of her. She leaped to her left while firing the collector particle beam and the prime's shields evaporated. It raised its assault rifle and Shepard's barriers were severally punished. Both kept firing. Another explosion pushed Shepard across the room. Suddenly a mass effect field surrounded the prime and it began to implode like an aluminum can. Samara hurriedly appeared in the doorway, the same look of concern in those striking crystal-blue eyes that she saw on Pragia. "Shepard! You are injured."

"I am?" Shepard looked down and saw a gaping wound in her right thigh, and a piece of rebar protruding out the back. "I didn't even feel it," she mostly said to herself.

In all her life, Shepard would never tire of watching the gracefulness of the asari. Samara hurdled some of the debris that was knocked loose during the missile attack and was instantly at her side, never taking her attention off Shepard. Samara paused and looked deeply into her eyes, "You know what I must do. You know it will hurt. Do not watch." She wrapped her right arm around Shepard and leaned closely to create a counterbalance, her cheek pressed against Shepard's face.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH," Shepard's scream echoed across the now quiet battle field. The sudden pain exhausted her and she slumped onto Samara, her head now resting on the red armor of the asari's chest. Her body begged her to close her eyes and sleep. Fatigue and grief flooded her mind as she succumbed to the onslaught of repressed memories of unrelenting reapers and perishing Protheans.

"Samantha!" She heard her name as if she were miles away. The memories began to weaken as the voice kept calling her name. "Samantha Shepard!" Her eyes opened to see a blurry outline of a blue figure.

"Liara?" Shepard whispered, and once again closed her eyes.

"Samantha, one day you will find peace in the embrace of the Goddess, but it will not be this day!" She felt strong hands grasping and shaking her body. With the hardened will of a soldier, Shepard forced her mind to concentrate; first on the presence of the asari, then on her fiercely protective eyes. "We have work yet to complete, soldier. Your mission is not over." Shepard sat up against the wall. She blinked several times and realized Samara was bent down directly in front of her, her face and posture as regal as the first day she met her. Satisfied, Samara's tranquil tone returned, "Your leg is injured, but I have applied medi-gel. Coupled with the implants Cerberus obtained for you, it will close in a matter of moments." She stood and walked to the door, weapon at the ready. "Mordin went further into the building to find Jack," she said as she turned away.

As Shepard re-attached the armor to protect her thigh, she replayed the last few moments and was not sure the accuracy of her recollections. She looked up and greedily took in the strong outline of the Justicar's back. Delirium or not, the intimacy she just felt was like water for her parched soul and she longed be close to her once again. She studied the back of Samara's head and wondered who was the last person to embrace her, or caress the erotic places on her body. Using the wall as support, Shepard stood. Slowly, Samara turned her head and looked at Shepard over her shoulder. Shepard agonizingly watched as Samara slowly drew her eyes up her body until blue eyes locked onto green. Keenly aware of her staggered breaths, Shepard spoke, "Samara, I…"

"Found Jack..," the commotion drew Shepard's attention to the salarian stumbling into the room with Jack draped over his shoulders, "under a pile of 5 geth." Mordin gently laid Jack on the ground, "Shepard, help me give Jack some smelling salts. Need to check injuries." Shepard glanced back at the doorway. Samara silently vanished.

Jack focused her attention on Shepard as she finally roused. She reached into the pocket of her cargo pants, "Here is the fucking detonator. I hope this girl is worth all this." After removing Jack's armor to check for injuries, Shepard noticed a darkening bruise on Jack's shoulder and pushed on it. "Ow, Jesus Shepard!" Jack shot up and threw a punch at her.

Shepard tossed Jack her armor and looked at Mordin, "She's fine." She then smiled at Jack, "Yeah, she's so worth it. But just so you know, I would do the same for my number one psycho too." Shepard winked and pocketed the detonator.

Once Jack was back on her feet, they cautiously made their way to the barricade and Shepard set the charges. Eight seconds later, they were inside the quarian base camp. Shepard noticed an active terminal that had an incoming message, but before activating it, she instructed the other three to check out the room for anything useful. A quick pain in her right leg enticed her to look at the Justicar. 'This is no place to have those thoughts or that discussion Shepard.' She turned her attention back to the terminal.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" Tali's image floated above the terminal.

Shepard was as relieved as an overprotective sister would be, "Tali, it's Shepard."

"Shepard?" That was the last person she was expecting to answer her. "I'm not complaining, but you show up at the strangest times. What are you doing in the middle of geth space?"

Shepard ejected a used clip in her pistol and then answered, "I got a mission, remember. And I would like another chance to recruit my favorite quarian. It's dangerous, but evidently you don't seem adverse to high risk missions these days." Shepard concern was sounding closely akin to mothering.

Tali easily slipped into 'the little sister' role, "I'll discuss your mission once the geth gunfire dies down."

Shepard eyes twinkled at the thought of harassing Tali, who continued, "Kal'Reegar and the rest of the marines got me into the observatory. From where you are, it is through the door and across the field. I got the data I needed and I am safe... for now."

"Is anyone else with you, or are you alone out there?" Shepard's was concerned.

Tali's cheerfulness disappeared. "Some of the marines...seem to still be alive."

"Ok, we're on our way," Shepard nodded the team toward the door.

"Be careful Shepard. And please, do what you can to keep Reegar alive." If that was affection in Tali's voice, Shepard approved. Like her, Kal was a diehard marine, and she could think of no better person to protect her friend, in battle or in love.

They exited the command post through a back door, which led into an expansive observation room that was blocked off by metal doors that were large enough to allow heavy machinery to enter. Shepard flagged her rifle. "Let's see what is behind door number one. Jack hit the lever." They walked through the metal door and into the massive open air compound. It reminded her of the Roman Coliseum from old Earth history, and from the looks of the Colossus that just turned to look at them, her team was to be the next challengers to face down this beast in the ring. "Get down!" Shepard screamed as the giant metal monster fired a plasma shot directly into their location. "Find cover!" Four seasoned veterans scattered and began to survey their surroundings. Shepard was the first to move further into the arena and then spotted a quarian dressed in the Fleet's red and gold marine uniform. She ran to his location, keeping her head down from the barrage of flack.

The marine stood and fired his weapon to distract the geth. Once he sank back below his cover, he identified himself, "Squad leader, Kal'Reegar of the Migrant Fleet Marines. We talked on the radio before the drop ship landed. I still don't know why you're here, but this ain't the time to be picky." Samara, Mordin and Jack moved passed them to take defensive firing positions. He glanced over the barricade, "Tali's inside, over there. The geth have killed the rest of my squad and they are trying to get to her." Shepard peeked over cover and saw the Colossus was perched right in front of the door. In order to get to Tali, they would have to go through it.

"How many geth are out there?" She asked Kal and her team. Jack piped up from her position, "I am counting eight."

Samara added, "I counted twelve in front."

"Left flank, twelve," Mordin said.

"Easily a platoon," Kal surmised. A shot ricocheted near his head. "And the Colossus is the worst part. It's got a repair protocol. I can't get a clear shot at it from here. I tried to move in closer, but one of those bastards punched a hole clean through my suite. Combat seals are clamped down to contain the contamination and I am swimming in antibiotics. The geth might get me, but I'm not dying from an infection in the middle of a battle."

"Mordin, check him over and see if there is anything you can do to help." Shepard and Mordin changed places. She crawled near Samara, "Firing solutions."

"The right side has a catwalk with a sniper perch. Could be effective, but getting there exposes one to the middle of the field. The middle has adequate cover, but the Colossus has a clear shot and the enemy can spill in from all directions." She pointed to the left, "That area may provide cover from the Colossus, but again, opens up to the middle of the field."

Shepard's eyes moved rapidly as she formulated a plan. "Ok, Jack, send your biotic wave down the center to clear out the middle. Samara, cover my six and we'll go up the left side. Mordin get the attention of the two geth behind those crates and then you and Jack bring up the back. Cal, keep that Colossus busy." Everyone stiffened, ready to act. "Move. Move. Move."

Forty-five minutes later, the last geth trooper nosily hit the ground and the team took up defensive positions around the corner from the Colossus. Free from geth attacks, Kal made his way to their position. "Shepard, I think I have a location to fire my weapon from that barricade up ahead."

"Good idea, Kal. Samara, Jack hit that thing with everything you got. I am going with Kal. Mordin, here is the collector particle beam. Go get some." Jack gave a lopsided grin and, curiously, Samara did not look at Shepard at all. "Go." Everyone leaped around the corner to begin the assault on the geth beast. Time seemed to stand still and Shepard froze in her tracks. Instead of returning fire at them, the Colossus had turned and began firing at the metal door, which was the only thing protecting Tali.

"NOOOO!" Shepard turned on her heels and ran straight that the metal monster. Kal screamed Tali's name and began running the best he could with his damaged suite. Jack was dumbfounded at the image of Shepard running straight into sure death. When Samara jumped from cover, she was engulfed by a terrible and powerful mass effect corona, "Shepard!" Panic filled her face and she turned to Jack, "Jack! We must help her. Now!"

Right before Shepard reached the Colossus, it turned and saw her. It took a step backward to achieve a better firing angle and leaned its head back as if it were cocking a weapon. Shepard never slowed down. She began unloading her assault rifle into its well shielded belly. In a flash of blue and white energy, two powerful biotics ripped an enormous hole into the single eye of the beast, rendering it helpless to fire its weapon. But it was still a massive weight teetering above Shepard's head. Samara sent such a powerful biotic pulse at the creature, it was tossed off its four legs and crumbled into an indistinguishable metal heap.

Samara breathed deeply as her energy subsided and leaned her back against a wall. Jack stole a quizzical glance at her before she ran toward Shepard, who by now was pounding on the door, yelling for Tali. Metal began to grind against metal and the door finally opened. "Tali? Tali? Are you ok?" Shepard searched the room.

She appeared from behind some cover, shotgun in hand, "I am here Shepard." Shepard spun around and ran to her friend. She grabbed her by the arms to give a quick inspection and they embraced warmly. "Oh my God, Tali. I was so worried."

"Thank you Shepard. If not for you, I would have never gotten out of this room." Shepard finally let go as she saw Kal'Reegar limping into the room. "Well it wasn't just me. There is someone else waiting to see you."

Tali turned, "Kal! Keelah be praised. You are alive!" She ran to the marine and wrapped her arms around his neck. After a few moments, she reluctantly released him. "Who else is with you?"

Kal lowered his head, "Our ship is destroyed...everyone else is dead. And if it wasn't for Shepard, I probably would be too."

Tali kept her hands in Kal's and turned to Shepard, "Thank you again Shepard. This whole mission has been a disaster. Part of me wishes I would have joined you on Freedom's Progress, but then I would have missed out on…" She nervously looked at Kal, "things. Umm, I don't mean things…I mean people. I have met some great people."

Shepard chuckled, same Tali who talks too much when she is nervous. She surveyed the room, "A lot of quarians lost their lives here. Was it worth it?"

Tali finally let go of Kal's hands and walked back toward Shepard. "I don't know Shepard. It wasn't my call. The Admiralty Board thought the information here is worth sacrificing all of our lives. I have to believe they know what's best." Her anger could not be contained any longer, "That damn data better be worth it. The price was too high."

"Looks like I just saved your mission. Maybe now your people will let me steal you for my mission." Shepard hoped she would agree. She could use all the friends she could get.

Tali stole a quick look at Kal. "Get us aboard the Normandy where I can safely transmit this information, and then we can discuss it further."

Tali walked back to Kal and offered to help him walk, but before she could wrap her arm around his waist, he reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a small flower. "When I saw this I thought of you. I figured you might appreciate it. I wondered how something so fragile could live in a world that is so desolate."

"Nice one," Jack mumbled.

Shepard walked over to Kal, "You heard the lady. Let's move out, marine." She tapped the comm in her helmet, "Joker pick up at my location. Move it mister. Oh, just remembered. No bunnies, but I got a Colossus head if you're interested."

"ETA five minutes. And negative on the Colossus, ma'am. EDI's giving me the stink eye. I think she might be the jealous type. Only one domineering machine in my life at one time, please."

A/N: Come on. Am I the only one that thought Kal was a bad ass and thought he was perfect for Tali?


	11. Chapter 10 Going Home

**Chapter 10 Going Home**

As happy as Tali was to see Shepard, she was not quite in the mood for conversation. Understandably this day turned out to be quite different than she planned. She sat quietly as the shuttle began to ascend and her mind drifted to the long buried memories of her commission while on board the first Normandy.

Before meeting Shepard on the Citadel, she would have never dreamed of having such an eventful pilgrimage. Most adolescent quarians languished and pined to return to the safety of the fleet. In fact, she was feeling the same way until she stumbled upon the traitorous Spectre, Saren. Being aware of his terrible schemes spurred something within her she didn't even know existed. Courage, perhaps? It seemed like a fool's errand to try and get anyone to believe her, but the turian did. Garrus! How she missed him these past years. His poking and jesting could anger her faster than a knat in her bio-suite, even if he did so out of a brotherly affection. Little did she know he had some powerful friends. When he introduced her to Spectre Shepard, she was at first hesitant to share any information because, after all, Saren was also a Spectre. She chose to blindly trust Shepard because from the first she moment met Tali, the Commander treated her with dignity and respect. Shepard actively listened to her share about her personal struggles and those of her people and, for the first time since leaving the flotilla, she felt safe being around someone of a different race.

Tali smiled to herself when she remembered showing off her skills with Chiktikka, and as effortless as it had been for her, Shepard was truly impressed. So much so she invited Tali to join the Normandy. The opportunity to be among the stars again, even on a ship not belonging to The Fleet, thrilled the adolescent quarian. "Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes! I will not disappoint you, Commander Shepard. And I, of course, will earn my keep… I will do anything… Even if it is cleaning the refuse bins of a krogan. Although, I hope that won't be a job I have to do…I mean I would better serve you anywhere near the engine room." 'Thank Keelah she put me in the engine room and not cleaning up after Wrex.' The thought of it made her shudder.

When Shepard recommended she join the engineering team, her self-confidence exploded and she experienced a renewed sense respect for the Spectre. She knew the human leaders of her military were loath to allow any non-military personnel, especially an alien, into the sensitive bowels of one of their ships. Even though technically the Normandy was a Citadel ship, the Alliance incorrectly assumed it belonged to them since Shepard would be the commanding officer. Tali resolved to endure juvenile gibes or insults, even if they came from Chief Ashley Williams, because Admiral Rael'Zorah vas Rayya instilled a proud and strong work ethic in his daughter. She would not let her fears impede this exceptional opportunity. As painful as negative words were, they paled in comparison to the compliments and praise she received from the engineering officer, and most especially, from Shepard herself. Even as the Alliance brass stared down the Commander, Shepard would not abide any unwarranted accusations against her newest engineer. It seemed the Spectre was also willing to enter into a blind trust with Tali. As a result, she swore not to disappoint her new Captain.

Once the shuttle docked with the Normand SR2, the first thing Tali noticed when she entered the decontamination chamber had nothing to do with actual ship, but rather the cheerful the voice of her good friend, Joker. "Hey Tali! Welcome back, kid. How's about when you get all cleaned up, you come and sit on Joker's lap like the good old days. God, it's good to know you are back on board. I know you will have this ship, and me, purring like a kitten in no time."

Both Tali and Shepard looked at Kal. It was still hard for Shepard to accurately read facial expressions behind the protective masks of the quarians; but she imagined if she were Tali, she would be blushing, and if she were Kal, she would be fuming. She did not, however, imagine Kal's posture stiffen. Tali took his hand and returned Joker's greeting, "Hello Joker. It is good to be in the company of good _friends_ once again." She emphasized the word 'friends' with a nudge to Kal's shoulder. Shepard said not a word and actually looked forward to watching Joker squirm once he met Tali's marine body guard.

The hatch opened with a loud hiss. Mordin and Samara were the first to exit, followed by the strangely tattooed human female. Tali had never seen so many markings on a human. Maybe she had spent time with turians? Her curiosity soon vanished when her stomach knotted up with the realization she was about to step into the Normandy. A slashing pain tore through her small heart, 'This is not The Normandy! It is a Cerberus abomination! Nothing will ever replace the Normandy!' Trepidation gave Tali pause, and the same apprehensions she had on Freedom's Progress resurfaced.

Kal turned when he noticed Tali had not exited. "Tali?" She smiled underneath her mask. His presence bolstered her. Once they returned to The Flotilla, she would certainly like to explore their feelings on a deeper level. "I'm fine Kal. Let's go home," she said as she crossed the threshold, Kal following right behind.

Joker's voice exploded over her left shoulder, "There she is! How's my sexy…" his eyes widened and thought trailed off as he heard an unfamiliar and deep voice boom from the hatch, "Permission to come aboard, Captain."

Shepard continued to be impressed with the respect the quarian had for military formalities and returned his salute, "Permission granted."

Light danced off the imposing red and gold uniform of the quarian. He entered the alleyway and stood ramrod straight to his full height. Shepard estimated Kal to be around 5'4", which was tall for a quarian; yet his presence was more formidable than most humans she knew and as many krograns she had met. Coupled with the fact that a marine is a Marine, Kal was a force with which to be reckoned. And this particular marine was no longer worried about inner-species protocol because he assertively marched right up to the obnoxiously loud male human until his legs touched Joker's feet. With a stiff salute, he introduced himself, "Sergeant Major Kal'Reegar of the Flotilla Marines, here to escort Miss Tali'Zorah back to The Fleet."

Shepard tried to hide a smirk as she watched the scene unfold. She had never seen Joker speechless. Even Tali giggled at poor Joker's expense. With burning cheeks, Joker finally found his voice, shaky as it was, "Uh-hum…well yes…um, Lieutenant Jeff Moreau. I am glad to see that Miss Zorah is well protected by a large, and probably very deadly, marine. Welcome aboard." He gave his best salute and even he was surprised that he remembered how to do it properly. "Please let me know if there is anything to make your stay more comfortable...or if I piss you off," he mumbled.

His point made, Kal'Reegar spun around in excellent military form and addressed Shepard with another salute, "Commander, thank you for allowing me on your ship. Would you allow this marine access to your medical station?"

'Now he's just showing off,' Joker said to himself.

"At ease, Master-Sergeant. On my ship, you have my permission to move about freely and without concern." Kal relaxed his stance and Shepard continued, "Please allow me to speak to my pilot and then I will personally escort you to our resident physician, Dr. Chakwas."

"Dr. Chakwas! She is here?" Tali rose to her tiptoes at the revelation.

Shepard chuckled, "Yes and I am damn lucky she is. I don't know if there is anyone who knows my body as well as her, except for…" Shepard's breath hitched in her throat, and although the smile remained on her mouth, it vanished from her eyes.

Tali chuckled and finished Shepard's sentence, "Except for Liara, of course."

"Of course," Shepard nodded and stiffly moved to the cockpit. It had been a while since she had been around humans, but Tali was sure that she saw sadness in her friend's face. Instinctively, she looked around to locate Liara, expecting a warm reunion.

As Shepard began walking toward Joker, he turned his chair around to face the terminal. He braced for the ribbing that was sure to befall him. He cursed himself for relentlessly teasing Shepard so many times. Even EDI popped up beside Joker, which only increased his anxiety.

"Joker I am pretty sure that Cerberus sprung to pay for a camera that looks into the DC. Glad to know you pay attention to see who's boarding our ship. Might want to look at it once in a while," Shepard said as she bent over the chair like she was looking at the console.

"I know. How could I miss him? With that loud uniform, I should have been able to see him from space. And did you see the way he came at me. If I ever see a collector, I doubt it could be as scary." Joker looked over his shoulder just in case Kal decided to pay him another visit.

"Speaking of which, maybe you should give EDI the helm while you go change your pants. By the smell, I believe you shit your pants," Shepard could no longer contain her laughter and slapped him on the back.

"Mr. Moreau, I would be happy to assume control of the vessel if you are in need of cleaning your person and replacing your undergarments." EDI's deadpanned interjection was too much for Shepard, who now was bent at the waste howling and trying to catch her breath.

"EDI, I swear to God, I am going to break in to your mainframe and piss all over your circuits," Joker shouted to the holograph.

"Cerberus protocols do not grant you access…"

"EDI! SHUT YOUR VIRTUAL PIE HOLE!"

"Oh my god," Shepard stood up and inhaled only to be seized by another round of laughter. In between breaths she exclaimed, "I can NOT wait to tell Garrus," she said before cracking up again.

Joker gave a sideways glance to Shepard and began snickering, "I am gonna so regret telling you this, but the sad thing is, I really do need to go change my pants."

Shepard was undone. She collapsed into the co-pilots chair and laughed so hard that she no longer made any sound. For a moment Joker wondered if she stopped breathing. Only her gasps for air convinced him that in fact she was still alive, and yes, still laughing at him. It was contagious and he began laughing harder as well. After what seemed like an eternity, she steadied herself enough to finally look at him. "Joker, I am so glad I saved your frail ass that day. How could I possibly get through all of this bullshit without you?"

"Yeah, well you remember that the next time I really piss you off. And now if you don't mind, I have an appointment with the bathroom." Joker reached for his crutches and he began to stand.

A small snort escaped her mouth, "I actually do have an order. We need to get to the next communication buoy to check on the rest of our team."

"Ok, but I am going to let her handle this," Joked nodded at EDI. He really looked uncomfortable.

Still seated, Shepard looked at him over her shoulder, "I noticed you're calling EDI 'her' and 'she' now."

Joker stopped, "Huh, I hadn't noticed. No, I hadn't really noticed that." He looked at the holograph, "EDI, should I have noticed that?"

EDI's image blinked, and after a slight pause, responded, "No Jeff. It is not worth noting."

He shrugged into his crutches, "Well there you go, Shepard. Looks like we haven't noticed anything."

"I think you are taking the 'machine-human interface' a little too far," she said as she also stood to leave.

"I am having a little fun with you Commander. No need to get all 'Joker is unnatural' on me," he rolled his eyes.

As if there needed to be further clarification, "What Jeff and I are exhibiting is more of a platonic symbiosis rather than hormonally induced courtship behavior."

Both Shepard and Joker stopped and looked at EDI and then back at each other and he said, "Ok that was a little creepy. EDI, I'll be right back and don't stalk me. I need some…uh…privacy." Joker hobbled away.

"Commander it will take several hours for us to reach an information buoy as we are in deep space," EDI said as the ship hit FTL.

"Make it so. Let me know once we are able to transmit."

"Logging you out Commander."

Tali led Kal down the few steps into the CIC while they waited for Commander Shepard. Like any species, quarians can better judge facial expressions and body language of their own people, and her sad disposition did not go unnoticed by Kal's watchful eye. Ever since first meeting the petite quarian after she returned from her pilgrimage two years ago, he made it his business to keep a close eye on her; not because she was weak; rather because he was smitten. But two things kept him from pursuing Tali flat out. The first was that his squad had rotated into active duty eighteen months ago; and the second, and more troubling reason: Admiral Rael'Zorah. Naturally, any father is a concern, but Tali's father was extremely intimidating and much respected for his wisdom and combat skills, and it was the later that concerned Kal the most. Fortunately, fate smiled on the marine when he was tapped four months ago to prepare his team for the Haestrom mission. As squad leader, he was required to spend a great deal of time with the science team, and it was there he began his attempts to court the admiral's daughter. To him, she was the most beautiful quarian on the fleet but he was equally enamored with her brilliance. And it was the perfect combination of both that compelled him to address his affections, first to Tali, then to her father. As expected, Admiral Zorah furiously dismissed the idea and would not even entertain the thought of his beloved daughter being with someone so beneath her status. The soldier knew an order when he heard one and did his best to honor her father's wishes. The noticeable difference in his demeanor did not go unnoticed by Tali.

Kal was certainly surprised to receive a personal invitation by Rael'Zorah a few days later, formally inviting him to a meeting in the Admiral's personal quarters. Once he arrived, he was met by a very humbled father and a very resolute daughter. Kal rescued the older quarian by explaining that if Tali were his daughter he would be just as selective and protective. That seemed to ease the Admiral somewhat and the three of them enjoyed a lovely dinner. The only thing preventing their affections from growing was this nonsensical trip into geth space. It was against his strong recommendation, and the overlooked objections of Tali's father, that Admiralty board only sent 12 marines. The night before they left, Kal swore to a tearful Admiral Zorah that he would protect his only daughter, and the love of his heart, with his last dying breath. And now, on the Normandy, he sank at the thought of how close he came to breaking his promise.

When Tali looked at the humans in the cockpit and smiled, he sensed the improvement of her mood he finally was able to relax. 'The promise remains, Admiral.' He placed his hand on hers as she reclined against the railing and said, "At least some things translate among species."

"You might be surprised at all the similarities. I know I certainly was," Tali shook her head and giggled. Tali casually leaned back on the railing to wait. "Wow, this is a remarkable replica of the first Normandy." She was heartbroken uttering the words "first Normandy."

"Do you miss it, Tali? Being with the humans?" His concern was genuine.

Tali sighed, "Yes. And no." She leaned onto his strong arm. "I miss the past. I miss my friends. We were a family. All of that helped shaped me into the woman I am now and I am grateful. But even if I could go back, it would all be different, because we are all different. But no amount of wishing can change the past. Besides…" Tali wrapped her arm tightly around Kal's, and instinctively he held her hands, "…I like my present just fine." Kal's heart soared when she looked into his eyes. Unfortunately, they were interrupted as Joker moved past him on his crutches. He never looked up but said, "As you were." Tali snickered and Kal asked, "Am I being left out of a joke?"

When she felt Kal stiffen to his full height, Tali knew Commander Shepard had arrived. "I am sure Tali will fill you in on everything you need to know in short order, Mr. Reegar. Now I believe we have a date with the good doctor. Follow me, please.

When the trio reached the med-bay, Tali ran to hug Dr. Chakwas who greeted her with open arms. "Tali, my girl, so good to see you again. How I have missed you," Dr. Chakwas said in her upper class British accent.

"You too, Doctor," Tali replied.

Chakwas winked, "And I know a certain turian that misses you as well."

"And by turian do you mean… Garrus?" Chakwas nodded. They continued to hold hands while Tali asked, "Is Garrus on board? If he thinks he can ignore me…"

"No my dear, he is away on one of Commander Shepard's excellent adventures. But before he left he came by and told me to that I am to give you a hug. And since the first one was for me..." Dr. Chakwas hugged the young quarian again and finally released her.

Happy to learn that Garrus was still alive, Tali moved on to another subject. "You should know, Dr. Chakwas, I have spent a great deal of time with the quarian physicians telling them of all the miracles you performed on the crew in battle. Especially after the battle of the Citadel! And how your team saved me, Shepard and Liara simultaneously."

Chakwas smiled at the young woman. "And did you also tell them of your bravery and how the Commander could not have completed her missions without your genius and tenacity? Tali'Zorah, hero of the Citadel, indeed." Tali blushed. "I will take that as a no. We will have to remedy that, right Commander?"

"I whole-heartedly agree, Doctor," Shepard patted Tali on the back.

Kal had heard rumors of Tali's accomplishments but had never witnessed any admiration bestowed upon her. He swelled with pride.

Tali walked over to Kal and addressed the older human, "Dr. Chakwas, may I introduce you to Sergeant Major Kal'Reegar of The Fleet Marines. He was injured on the Haestrom, and by now could certainly use a boost to his immune system." Tali ushered him to an examining table. Kal once again performed a sharp salute.

"At ease soldier." Dr. Chakwas regarded the male quarian with approval and then patted the table. "Well by all means, let me do my job. It has been less than 24 hours since someone bled in my med-bay. I was beginning to feel ignored. I am sure you two can find something to do while I check out this handsome marine."

"I guess this would be a good time to give you a tour of the ship." The two women began walking to the elevator, "And by ship, I mean engine room, since I know that is the only thing you really care about."

On the ride down, Tali glanced sideways at her former commander, "It's still very difficult for me to believe all that has happened. When I saw you on Freedom's Progress, I was so happy you were alive, and then I saw the Cerberus uniform and was utterly confused. Now a few weeks later I am standing on a replica of our beloved Normandy. For a moment I assumed you were undercover, Shepard. Maybe even planning on blowing Cerberus up. If that is the case, I'll loan you a grenade." Both smiled. "In some ways things feel the same. But in most ways, everything is different. "

Shepard looked at the floor and sighed, "I couldn't agree with you more, my friend. Both of us are well aware of how different everything is. First of all to die… like that…and after we accomplished so much. And when I start breathing again, it's two years later? And they only people that believe the reapers are coming, and willing to help me, is Cerberus?" Rage began lapping at the edges of her mind.

"For now. Be careful Shepard. As soon as you no longer serve their needs, be ready for them to turn on you."

The elevator opened and she escorted Tali into the engine room. The engineering crew was dismissed after brief introductions. Shepard waved her arm around the engine room and said, "Feel free to look around and tell me what you think. Maybe now we can freely talk. You know I value your opinion...about everything."

Tali ran her fingers over the terminals on her way to the mass effect core as if she could talk to it through touch. She had almost a tactile intuition of machinery. While the engineer began to piece together the ship in her mind, she engaged Shepard, "We didn't have much time to chat while taking out geth on Haestrom, did we? I can't believe I lost so many people. All for some data about stars blowing up. I hope the Admiralty Board can find some use out of it."

"You know, I have heard you talk about the Admiralty Board hundreds of times, and I know your father was a leader among them, but honestly, I can't say I know much more than that." Shepard was surprised her own confession, especially since they had spent so much time together.

Tali stopped moving when she reached the core, and without taking her eyes off of the huge structure, she answered, "It is one of two major political powers among my people. " She bent down to get a different angle. "Hmm. Very nice." Shepard joined her at the railing and Tali stood back up before continuing, "The admirals make decisions about defense or needing immediate action. They also handle major criminal charges, such as treason." Her nimble fingers began dancing on the computer in front of the core, instructing it to begin several different diagnostics. "The other political power is the Conclave, which is a group of representatives from each ship. They make most of our laws and fleet decisions." The human was fascinated as Tali's hands moved over the machinery as a mother would caress a child. Her attention turned to some cable lines running around the room, and she simultaneously ran her hands along the bulkhead. At length she asked "Are you sure working with Cerberus is the right thing to do?"

Shepard shrugged and said, "Look, I've thought about this situation from every possible angle, and although I hate to say it, regarding the collectors, they are doing the right thing."

Once again she bent down, this time to look at an electrical storage box. "It's just that never in all my life would I imagine you working for them. I don't think I ever could."

"Don't!" Shepard clenched her fists. "Don't insult me," she said through her clenched jaw. "Does it look like Cerberus is pulling the strings, Tali? I'm not working for them, they are working for me. They built the ship, but it is _my_ ship and _my_ crew."

Tali had witnessed the Commander's anger many times, but this was the first time she ever experienced it directly. She stood up and took a cautious step backward. But then she squared her soldiers and confronted the Commander head on, "Oh, and these are your listening devices and tracking beacons that are all over this ship?" The penetrating words lanced the truth, and Shepard could only look away. Compelled to comfort her friend, Tali closed the gap between them and placed a small hand on her shoulder. "Shepard, how are you doing? I mean really doing?"

Shepard was relieved to have her dear friend beside her. Maybe it was safe enough to bare her burgeoning confusion and grief that had threatened to burst since she awoke. She turned her head and spoke as wide tear streaks cut lines through dust and grime deposited by Haestom. "Honestly? I'm tired. Tired of dealing with Cerberus, tired of the Council ignoring me. Tired of my closest friends ignoring me." Tiny droplets fell on Shepard's boots. "And tired of being alone," she added, barely audible.

When Tali placed her head on Shepard's chest and hugged her, Shepard felt Tali crying for her. "Oh Sheppard, how this must wear on you. Everyone always sees you as the unshakable hero, the immovable force. Even before…the accident, we were strong because you were our steadfast Captain."

Shepard squeezed her eyes and the tears fell like rain. "But Tali, heroes are only strong if they have people around them who believe in them. Who love them. I need someone to be strong for me too."

Tali loosened her embrace only enough to pull her head back, "But you are not alone, Shepard. I know you have another team. And there is Garrus, Joker and Chakwas. And though I have not yet seen Liara, I know is nearby…maybe in her lab…"

A knife pierced Shepard's heart, and try as she might, her tears would not abate. "No. She is not…here, or on a mission. She is on Illium…," Shepard's pride tried to recover, but the best it could do was a half-hearted grin, "as a successful information broker." She let go of Tali and leaned against the bulkhead.

"No! That cannot be! I could believe you were voluntarily working for Cerberus before I could ever believe that Liara is not by your side. There has to be some mistake. You must go to her and talk to her!"

Tali's outrage was a small comfort. "I did and she was…" (What? What exactly was she?) "…was not interested." This time a sincere, but disappointed smile, stretched across Shepard's face, "And I have a feeling that my favorite quarian engineer is not interested either."

The mass effect core computer chirped indicating the diagnostics were done, but Tali did not move. She only stared, partially out of disbelief about Liara, and partially because she felt like she was breaking her promise not to dishonor her Captain. After several tense moments, she dropped her head, "Shepard…I..am sorry. I am sorry about Liara, and I am sorry that I…"

Shepard cut her off and lifted her chin to look directly into her eyes, "Hey, I have seen that marine, and I completely understand why." She chuckled. "And for what is it worth, I totally approve."

They hugged once again, "Shepard, I feel so guilty that I won't be coming with you. But you are right, Kal is very important to me and I really want to see where this goes." Tali stepped back. "I am scared to tell him, but I think I might be in love with him."

"Well, in my humble opinion, a marine is a good choice. But I warn you, we are pretty temperamental and fiercely jealous."

Tali chuckled, "Oh I noticed. First of all, I saw you almost break a man's back in Flux because, and I quote, 'he was looking at my girl.'"

Shepard threw her head back and gave a cleansing laugh, "That is completely acceptable in the marine code of conduct."

"And second, I thought Kal was going to throw poor Joker out of the airlock. And the look on Joker's face!" Both of them were laughing and Shepard was profoundly grateful for the emotional reprieve. "I really do want to talk with him before I leave; he was a very good friend to me. One of the first humans, beside you of course, to actually treat me with respect."

Shepard looked at Tali warily, "You know he was probably just trying to get into your suite."

"Well he did try, but after I made a few threats of my own, he dropped it and then we were great."

The engineer's curiosity could wait no longer and she pulled up the data from the diagnostics. Shepard looked over her shoulder, "Well, what's the verdict."

"Impressive. Say what you want about Cerberus, but they know how to build a good ship." She looked up at Shepard, "Maybe not enough to fight off a collector attack yet, but I just might have some ideas that could work. I will be glad to run some tests once I get back home and send you the results."

"Hey Tali, I'd appreciate anything you got. I'd also like to capitalize on your still fresh sense of guilt and use you while I can." She leaned in close and whispered, "I know I have a bug infestation problem and I need them exterminated."

"Sure Shepard. As Chief Williams would say, 'no sweat'. Where do you want me to start?" Tali was happy to at last be of some sort of help for the Commander.

"My quarters, then my computers. And if you still have time, the lab. I don't know if you can do anything with the AI…"

"Shepard! You have an AI onboard?" Tali jumped back so fast, Shepard thought she was going to flip over the railing.

She held up her hands in defense, "Not my call, but EDI has been very helpful. And you'll love this, she gives Joker hell. I will introduce you to her." Tali could only give a quick nod as Shepard herded her back toward the elevator. "Ok, good. Before we head up to my quarters we'll stop by and check on your _boyfriend_," Tali blushed, "and then I will let you do your magic. EDI told me it will be several hours until we get to a buoy. Hopefully by then you will have my terminal cleaned up and then you can send your data to The Fleet."

Six hours and one meal later, Tali felt a bit more relaxed after seeing her love asleep in the med-bay. He was sedated in a germ free enclosure, and although she could not touch him, the sight of his muscular body excited the young female. She made a point to keep that image in the forefront of her memory. While Shepard slept, Tali now sat comfortably in front of her terminal working on overriding the spy programs. She had already found eight different types of recording devices by four different manufacturers. She wondered if that many were in this room, how many would be in the entire ship? Shepard had 'introduced' her to EDI, and although the rest of the crew regarding the AI with comfortable familiarity, Tali would not be persuaded so easily. Her conversation with Joker went well and he was on his best behavior once she confirmed that she and Kal "were an item". He offered her his sincere well wishes.

She glanced over at the sleeping Commander and remembered she used to be terribly vexed by nightmares. Only Liara seemed to calm the ever churning storm in Shepard's heart and mind. It was Tali that comforted the asari as she collapsed when she learned of Shepard's death and again during the memorial. She could not understand why now, with a second chance to fulfill her promise to love Shepard the rest of her life, would she refuse to be with her once again, especially in such a dire time as this?

"Commander it is now possible to transmit communication." Tali started when EDI popped up.

Shepard slowly sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Oh Tali. It is always wonderful to wake up with a beautiful woman in my room."

Tali giggled at her reaction to the Commander. She had, for a short time, entertained a crush on the woman, but knew the futility of such thoughts when she saw how Commander Shepard and Liara looked at one another when they assumed no one else was around.

Shepard stretched and said, "Ok, EDI. Find out if there have been any transmissions from Miranda and set up one with her either way. I'm on my way down." Shepard turned her attention to Tali, "Any luck getting a secure connection to the Fleet?"

"Yes, Shepard. I have just been waiting to get into communication range. I have also scrubbed your suite for all listening devices. Several different types in fact. Two types actually were manufactured in Illium."

"Interesting." Shepard's eyebrow peaked. "Well, take your time. Come down when you are ready."

Shepard walked into the communication room as the table began to disappear into the floor. "Ok, EDI patch me through." Miranda's form appeared before her. Even light years away, her image was magnificent. "Hello Miranda. Status report."

Miranda smiled into the terminal, "Hello Commander. Kasumi Goto has joined our team and is in need of finishing up some loose ends of her own. With your permission, Jacob has agreed to accompany her. Both Garrus and Thane report they have blown off some steam and are now worry-free. And between the money Cerberus has provided and the money we acquired from the sale of our extra resources, we were able to significantly improve our payload and protection. I would like to send the purchases and upgrades to Illium to await the Normandy."

Shepard grasped her hands behind her back. "Well done Ms. Lawson. We are transporting Tali and the only surviving marine back to The Fleet. She has declined to join us, but may be able to yet help us with some upgrades. We will rendezvous back on Illium as planned, and begin refitting. How long do you estimate the process to take?"

Miranda sighed, "And that may be the only bad news, Commander. It may take four to six weeks."

Six weeks on Illium? With Liara so nearby and unable to be with her? Shepard steeled her nerves, "We don't have that long, Miranda. Find some way to speed that process up."

Miranda knew the best resource would be the Commander's former lover, and dared not even hint at impropriety. "Do you have any restrictions on the choice of 'resources'?"

Shepard remained impassive, "I trust you to get the job done with maximum efficiency. EDI will contact you with an ETA once we are on our way. Shepard out."

Shepard exited the comm room and decided to check on Kal. As she turned the corner, she noticed through the med-bay windows that he was awake and talking to Tali through the bio-containment unit. His mask was now removed and his skin was almost translucent. He had milky white dreadlocks growing out of his head and down his back. She had never imagined the quarians to have hair. As she got closer, she noticed he was looking at his young love with a great deal of trepidation and concern. Once she entered, she addressed Tali who was touching Kal's hands through the protective barrier. "What's going on?"

"Oh Shepard! Something awful has happened!" Tali turned to face her, but never moved from Kal's side.

Filled with anger, Kal interjected, "The Admiralty Board has charged Tali with treason!"


	12. Chapter 11 Lover's Quarrel

**Chapter 11 Lover's Quarrel**

Samara shook her head to try and refocus her meditation. Concentration and discipline were much easier when traveling by herself. Unwelcomed intrusions were occurring more frequently since joining the Normandy team, especially since she knew it was only a matter of time until she learned the location of Mirala. Long buried emotions of her children and her bond mate were now so close to the surface of her consciousness that she was spending most of her day meditating on the sutras of the Code. As pin holes of light passed by her grand window, she tried to concentrate on the white orb resting between her palms. The energy shifted as she sensed Shepard's approach. Nine hundred years of meditation trained her to attune herself to all the sounds of the galaxy, both audible and silent. The chime announced her arrival and Samara inhaled deeply and smiled as the fiery tempest raging through the universe crossed her threshold. "Shepard. What can I do for you?" she asked, already knowing her response.

"Samara, I just read Doctor Chakwas' medical report from Haestrom. I was not aware that you were injured. How are you?" As always, Shepard addressed her with the asari greeting. The Justicar was curious to know what aristocratic asari taught Shepard this formal salutation.

She stood to address the Commander, "Shepard my injuries were minor. I only noticed them when the water touched upon my skin as I showered." Shepard's deep green eyes dilated as they did during the tense moments following her injury on Haestrom. Their mutual reaction was… unexpected. She would have to reflect upon that further.

"I'm glad. Forgive me for not noticing. I confess I never really expect you to ever sustain any type of injury. Your biotic power is only matched by your grace. I have met only one asari as powerful as you." Shepard saw her reaction and misinterpreted it as intrigue. "Her name was Matriarch Benezia."

Samara nodded. "I knew Benezia. She and I entered the Academy of Athame at the same time. She was very intelligent and wise. Our people will grieve her death for many centuries. Indeed she was powerful, but I do not believe we are a fair comparison." Samara's brow furrowed. Pride, her ever-lurking fatal flaw, kept dormant by endless hours of meditations, moved across her heart like a faint shadow..

* * *

><p><strong>Pride<strong>

_I sit near the entryway of the academy on the large grassy embankment that sharply drops off at the main entrance. It is the perfect location for me to survey the ingenues who are always so eager to please their professors. Benezia T'soni, the professor of asari history and philosophy, walks toward me with determination in her step. Obviously she knows that I visited her lover the previous evening. Perhaps she should tread lightly when approaching the distinguished professor of commando guerilla warfare._

"_You think that because you are a more powerful warrior that I will not protect what is mine?" Her biotics begin to glisten around her clenched fists, but quickly dissipates as I return the gesture. "I grow tired of having this discussion with so many jealous partners. You misunderstand my intentions, Benezia. I do not wish to bond with your lover; I simply wish to know her body and soul… once." An arrogant grin curls my lips, "However, I cannot guarantee that she will not return to beg for me afterward." Her gaze lowers, defeated; a recurrent experience for her since we were first paired as combat training partners years ago. Tears form in the corners of Dr. T'soni's eyes and I scoff at her visible weakness, "By the Goddess, Benezia, we are only beginning our matron hood! And yet, you pine after Sha'ira like you are an old and sickly matriarch. I, on the other hand, have an insatiable palate and enjoy tasting as many delicacies as possible from wondrous varieties the Goddess has provided."_

_Unexpectedly, the predator within me picks up a decadent trail of sensuality. I turn my attention from Benezia to inspect the field of young students before me. My eyes land on magnificent light skinned maiden who seems naïve and I wish to quickly remedy that situation. I study her petite face and slightly upturned nose and imagine the taste of the rectangular facial marking that begins at her bottom lip and slips underneath her chin. "What is her name?" My raspy voice carries to the young maiden's ear. Her attention piqued, the young woman stares at me until she disappears through the large entrance._

"_Really Samara, your appetites are much too dangerous." Benezia follows my line of sight and recognizes the maiden. "She is only a first year student"._

_I slowly stand to face Benezia, defiant and bored by her attempt to scold me about ethics._

"_You may threaten and intimidate me, Samara , but your impetuousness and arrogance will prove to by your downfall." A wise warning heeded, much, much too late._

"_Her name." It was not a request._

"_Aria T'Loak."_

* * *

><p>"I am here to ask you to join me as I escort Tali back onto the Fleet. They have requested that I join her and can bring one crew member with me." Shepard's words brought her back to the present.<p>

"Of course Shepard." Samara moved to exit but Shepard clasped her forearm to stop her. Samara felt the sheer force of The Commander pulse up her arm. Centuries of discipline long taught her to block off any noticeable reactions; but unseen, the young matron that Shepard roused on Haestrom stepped perilously close to the mental barriers in order to better examine the one who had unknowingly summoned her.

"Samara, I also wanted…to…," Shepard kept her eyes lowered, "to…um…," a sigh escaped her lips, "thank you for helping me out on Haestrom. You saved my life."

Her bare hand moved to touch the asari's shoulder. If she allowed Shepard's hand to remain much longer, they might start down a road on which neither was prepared to travel. She gently removed Shepard's hand and again tried to exit out the door, "Shepard, there is no need to thank me. You would do the same for me, or any other of your crew."

One small step to the left and Shepard was back in her view, lingering the search in her eyes. "You're holding back on me, Justicar." Samara's eyebrow slightly jumped. Shepard folded her arms behind her back, "I know that you're powerful enough to have destroyed all of those geth on your own. I am guessing that you're holding back because you know my team needs to continue to gel if we're going to have a chance with the collectors." The Justicar dropped her eyes and gave a slight nod. Commander Shepard's intuition was impressive and accurate, but also slightly concerning. "I also have a confession to make. A large part of the reason I am asking you to join us is due to the automatic respect that all species have for Justicars. I am certain that you will give believability to Tali's cause… and…well to me. The 'C' on this ship doesn't stand for credibility. I am sure that many people have tried to use your status for their gain, and I guess I am too. I hope this won't cause you to kill me after the mission is over." Her smile was quite disarming.

With cold indifference, that was practiced but not genuine, Samara responded, "Commander, as a member of your crew, I follow your orders. If my position as an asari Justicar happens to increase your chances of success, we will simply consider that to be a welcomed advantage. You need to support Tali and I am here to support you." This time Samara successfully slipped out the door.

Shepard and Samara passively watched Tali pace back and forth behind the pilot while she confirmed her security clearance."Thank you, mission control. Please inform command that there was only one other survivor of the mission, Sergeant Major Kal'Reegar, and he is also aboard." Tali glanced at Kal over her shoulder, "Control, I would like to be connected to Admiral Rael'Zorah."

A few moments of silence passed, and then the strained voice of the controller returned, "Negative on your request, Tali'Zorah. You are ordered to meet with Admiral Shala'Raan vas Tonbay upon your immediate arrival. Sergeant Kal'Reegar will report to Internal Affairs. You may approach docking cradle 17 to begin contamination procedures."

Kal and Tali exchange puzzled glances, "Understood. Normandy out."

The worried marine stepped to embrace his young lover, "Tali, I have absolutely no intention of following that order. I'm going with you. IA can kiss my ass."

"No!" She yelled and pushed Kal from her. The reaction startled everyone, especially Kal. She clenched her fists, "Whatever this…is, I will not let them bring you into it." Seeing the surprise on his face, she softened her tone, "Please Kal, don't make this harder than it already is. I need an ally, not a co-conspirator."

He took her hands, "Tali…I…I have never retreated from a fight. This is wrong. All of this is wrong."

"Kal, Tali is right. I'll be right beside her," Shepard said.

But the marine was not so convinced. Letting his new love face the Admiralty Board without him was against his core values, and moreover, it felt like a betrayal of his promise to Tali's father. Kal argued and tried to convince her to change her mind until they reached the hatch of the Raaya. Only at the last moment did he reluctantly agree not to reveal their feelings for each other.

Watching the young lover's navigate through the conflict, Samara empathized with the noble marine. He was protective and jealous of their new love as she had once been. During the twenty minute contamination process, gentle tendrils of memory began to caress her consciousness.

* * *

><p><strong>Protective<strong>

"_I want to take you with me on a quick trip." She waits for me in my lavish marble bathtub._

"_Business or pleasure, Mistress?" She asks before she dips her face back into the steaming water, her dark blue eyes only visible above the surface._

"_How shall I answer? Are you not both my business and my pleasure?" I shrug my expensive silk robe from my shoulders._

"_As you say," she smirks and drinks in my naked form._

_I slip into the water and stare at her from the opposite side of my marble tub. Intuitively our hands begin to seek out hidden places under the surface. "Will you go with me?"_

"_If you have to ask me, then I should ask your forgiveness for having not already removed any doubt from your mind." her hands wind their way up my legs to my waist while tracing the curves of my body._

_I like how her hands feel on my body. "Mmmm. I thought I seduced an innocent maiden, but it seems I was deceived by your bashful glances."_

_Pleased at my response she presses, "Then maybe I can entice you to tell me where we are going?"_

"_Omega." Instinctively I brace myself for her response._

"_Omega? That piss-hole?" She splashes water in my face. Both of us laugh. She slides to me and familiarly wraps her long and supple legs around me. "What have I done to anger you so that you want to drop me off there? At least be merciful and kill me before someone else gets the chance."_

_One-hundred and fifty years of mercenary work no longer appeals to me, and my enemies now far exceed my allies. "There are days when I want to just disappear to where no one knows me and be free to experience all forms of debauchery." I place my head underneath her chin._

_Automatically she begins to caress my crest. "How nice that when you think of 'debauchery' you want to include me… I think."_

_A devilish smile curls my lips, "Why are you surprised? I always have debauched thoughts when I think of you." With a wink and a kiss, the young maiden is persuaded. "I have reserved a very expensive room in what they consider to be a nice hotel."_

"_I highly doubt that Omega has anything to meet your exorbitant tastes, Samara. Do you think they have supplies of your beloved Thessian wine? Or will we be forced to drink what you call 'swill'."_

_I lean back against the marble and close my eyes, "There is a new dance club called Afterlife that I am sure will be able to service any need or request that I may have." She is motionless and silent. I look and see the facial markings that trace her brow are creased. "What upsets you, Aria?"_

"_Will I have to share you, again?" From any other woman I would have thrown her out of my house for trying to manipulate me. But I know Aria. There is no pretense. She loves me. Softly she continues, "I thought I could endure all of your requests, but I cannot bear to share you, even if I am with you."_

_Since returning from my last mission, I have noticed that my hunger for new flesh has subsided. "I cannot make any promises about the future, but for now, I think I am content to be with you alone, on this trip, Aria. But you know that will only make all my requirements in my bedroom now fall upon you and no one else."_

_She leans down to whisper in my ear, "Well, I guess that means I will just have to work twice as hard." I trail kisses down her lithe neck. "Samara, Omega is very dangerous."_

_In between kisses I respond, "Who would dare attack the most powerful asari in the galaxy and her beautiful, and almost as deadly, lover?"_

"_Samara, I am a good biotic, but I don't think I am the most powerful," she giggles into my ear._

_I cup her head in my hands and stare deeply into her eyes, "Aria, if you are with me, I swear to you that I will always jealously protect you."_

"_I know."_

* * *

><p>Once the doors to the Raaya opened, a welcoming party stood waiting for them with weapons drawn. "Lower those weapons soldiers before I lower them for you. The daughter of Admiral Rael'Zorah will not be treated with such disrespect," Shepard's voice echoed down in the small hall.<p>

A sharply dressed officer appeared from the back of the squad, "Stand down, everyone." After the soldiers complied, he addressed the human officer, "Captain Shepard, I am Captain Kar'Danna. Please forgive our forwardness. I wish we could be meeting under better conditions."

"I don't care about circumstances. Tali has helped me and my crew during some serious situations. I want to be here to honor her service and defend her achievements. It's outrageous that her own people don't do the same," Shepard addressed the Captain but looked at all the quarians. Tali was humiliated that the first human to visit the Fleet was here in order to defend the daughter of the flagship's Admiral against charges of treason.

"She is charged with treason and arrived on an enemy ship. Be careful making presumptions while wearing a Cerberus uniform, Captain," the quarian officer warned.

"I would say the same of you while she is wearing a quarian uniform, _Captain_," Shepard stepped closer to her counterpart.

Tali intervened by trying to reason with the quarian, "You know me Kar. I was raised on this ship. I played with your daughter since we were born. My father is your commanding officer. Can't you tell me what is going on?"

The quarian relaxed, "The Admiralty Board has not informed me of all the details, only that I am to make sure that Kal reports to IA and I place you under arrest pending the hearing. So Tali you are confined to this ship until the trial is over. Sergeant-Major, you will accompany these men to AI."

Kal saluted, and with great self-control, did not turn to look at Tali.

Captain Kar'Danna escorted Shepard, Tali, and Samara to the office of Admiral Shala'Raan that was assigned to her when the Admirals had business to attend on the flagship. Once the door opened, Tali received a hug and a friendly greeting by the older female, "Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. I am glad you are here. Please have a seat. We have much to discuss." After their embrace, Tali and Shepard joined the Admiral in her seating area. Samara thought it prudent to respect their privacy and stayed near the door.

"Shepard vas Normandy, this is Admiral Shala'Raan vas Tonbay. She's a friend of my father's." It was only after the introduction did Tali realize how her Admiral Shala greeted her by name. "Wait, Auntie Raan. You just called me 'vas Normandy'." Instinctively, she moved to stand behind Shepard.

"I'm afraid I did Tali. The Admiralty Board moved to have you tried under that name, given your departure from the Neema." The Admiral lowered her gaze.

Shepard looked at Tali for clarification, "I take it being associated with a human and a human ship is a bad sign?"

"They stripped me of my ship name. That's as good as declaring me exiled already." Tali cringed at the thought of bringing her father shame.

"Admiral, she 'left the Neema' when she took the mission on Haestom, that she was ordered to complete…by you. And if we hadn't found Tali, there would be no need for this trial because she would be dead. I don't understand, after everything she has done for the Fleet and the Citadel…" Shepard paused, her eyes burning with suspicion, "Admiral what else is going on here,"

"You underestimate us, Captain Shepard." The Admiral looked at between Shepard and Tali, "Do not forget that you have friends as well enemies. I delayed their attempts to try you in absentia. I convinced them to allow a human in our midst. You still have a chance."

Tali asked, "Will you be one of the judges?"

"I'm afraid not, Tali. I have no vote in the judgment. My history with you and your father forced me to recuse myself."

"I imagine father had to do the same," said Tali,

Shala stammered, "You'll see inside. For my part I will moderate and ensure that the rules of protocol are followed."

"I'm not as confident as you, Admiral. Maybe it's just that the human doesn't know quarian law, but I think this trail is a joke, especially if all the people that know and love her are not able to help her during the trial. Does she even have a defense counsel, someone who speaks her side?" Shepard looked around the room as if she was expecting someone to join them.

Admiral Shala'Raan smiled and answered, "Indeed she does, _Captain_ Shepard. She is a part of your crew. And by quarian law, an accused is always represented by his or her ship's captain."

Shepard stood up so fast that her seat tipped over. "What are you asking me to do? I'm no lawyer! If you want me to go in there and kill people or geth, no problem. You want me to go in there talk nice to politicians? That's a problem. Hell, everyone thinks I am part of Cerberus! Do you really think I can help her? "

The Admiral never flinched or raised her voice, "Our legal rules are simple. There are no legal tricks or loopholes for you to worry about." The asari's keen hearing had overheard the entire conversation and she smiled at the Admiral's reaction. Shala was manipulating Shepard as masterfully as an asari matriarch. She must know that the Commander is fiercely loyal to her crew, which would be the most convincing item under examination by the judges.

Shala continued, "Present the truth as best you can. It will have to be enough."

Shepard glanced furtively at Tali then began to rub her neck as she paced around the room. The weight of the situation fell heavy upon her. Tali saw it as a sign of apprehension, "Shepard...if you don't want to do it…"

She ran her hands through her short auburn curls, and sighed, "Tali I will do everything in my power to help you."

Tali whispered, "Shepard, I could not ask for a better counselor."

The Admiral smiled at them both, "Very good. I hoped you would. Who better to do so than her mentor, whom she loves only second to her father? It's just as important for you to believe in yourself as Tali believes in you. You still have friends here. Friends who still know you as Tali'Zorah vas Neema. It's not over yet, child. Now come. I promised them I would apprise you of the situation, but I cannot delay any further."

They exited and headed for the garden plaza further down the hall and in the center of the ship. It was approximately 300 meters in length with a small amphitheater in the center of the room, encircling an elevated platform. Admiral Shala'Raan took her position behind the podium that stood above the platform. As Samara took a seat in the back of the room, she overheard many other quarians holding their own deliberations in hushed tones that did not bode well for Tali: "If she cannot find a quarian captain to stand for her, she is as good as exiled"... "I heard her father was killed by creations from his own hand"… "Admiral Zorah and his daughter are both traitors." The gossiping stopped when everyone saw Tali and Shepard approaching the defense stand. The three Admirals who would be judging the trial stood below Admiral Shala, and directly in front of Tali and Shepard.

Once everyone was in their place, Admiral Shala began the proceedings, "This Conclave is brought to order. Blessed are the ancestors who kept us alive, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this season. Keelah se'lai." The crowd returned the blessing and then she continued, "The Admirals presiding over this trail are Daro'Xen , Zaal'Koris, and Han'Gerrel. The accused, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, has come with her captain to defend herself against the charge of treason. Captain Shepard vas Normandy, will you speak for her?"

Shepard surveyed the room. This did not feel like a trial. It felt like a circus, and she had been in enough situations like this to know: standing in front of the Council, in front of Udina, and front of The Illusive Man. She could feel undercurrents moving about the Admirals and figured all of this was nothing more than smoke and mirrors to cover up something else. And as the Admirals played games with the geth and with each other, the future and honor of her dear friend was laid out and to be picked apart in front of the entire Fleet. Not even 24 hours ago, Tali, was risking her life for an irresponsible mission in which they sent her. Beyond that, Tali had been instrumental in saving the galaxy. How quickly generals question the morals and value of the soldiers they order into battle, while they are safely protected from the ugliness of those battles. In that moment Shepard had a new respect for Kal's self-control because hers was slipping fast. Tali asked Shepard to stand by her and with her, but she would do so as Commander Shepard, not a polite, ass-kissing politician.

"I shouldn't have to!" Clearly this was not the answer the moderator or any other quarian was expecting. An audible and collective gasp surged through the Conclave. "When Tali helped me stop Saren and his army of geth, her spilled blood and brave actions spoke for themselves. She almost died three times on the Normandy from the wounds and infections she suffered from the Battle of the Citadel. Who among you questioned her loyalty then? Without her help, none of you would even be here to put her on trial today. And yet, she stays loyal to you. In her heart she remains Tali'Zorah vas Neema, a proud member of the Migrant Fleet. After all of this," she pointed at the Admirals, "I can't see why." Everyone, except the amused asari, scoffed at the human's disrespect for the quarian Admirals.

Shala finally regained control of the meeting after several attempts to calm down the crowd by banging her gavel on the podium. "Tali, you are accused of bringing active geth to the Migrant Fleet. What say you?"

Shepard slammed her hand down on the railing in front of her. "How could Tali have brought active geth to the Fleet when she was either serving me on the Normandy, or serving you once she returned? None of this makes any sense."

The only female quarian judge, Daro'Xen, spoke, "To clarify, Captain Shepard, Tali isn't accused of bringing back entire units, only parts that could spontaneously reactivate. We do not accuse Tali of aiding the geth cause. We accuse her of carelessness that endangered the Fleet. "

Tali was incredulous, "But I would never be so careless! The parts I sent were disabled and harmless."

"Then explain how the geth seized the lab ship where your father was working?" Admiral Koris asked.

A hush fell over the auditorium, "Wait. What are you talking about? What happened?" Tali searched the faces of the Admirals. Only Admiral Gerrel had the courage to answer, "As far as we can tell, Tali the geth have killed everyone on the Alarei…your father included."

"What? Oh Keelah…" Tali's heart sank.

Shepard laughed sardonically, "You send her on a suicide mission that kills all but two of her team, then once she gets back you accuse her of treason, and when she is on trial, you tell her that her father is dead? What kind of a mockery is this?"

"Our apologies. Tali should have been informed," Admiral Gerrel spoke again and glanced over his shoulder at the quarian behind the podium.

"That's the best you can do? Fuck that!" The moment was surreal: standing here, defending Tali in front of deaf and dumb politicians. Her thoughts began to spin._"Commander Shepard, step forward. In light of your accomplishments"…"Star of Terra…" "…bravery beyond the call of duty"…"The Salarian government would like to give this medal to Commander Shepard"…Joker…Liara…Saren…Can't breathe. "There are no reapers"…" Traitor."_

Shepard felt a hand on her shoulder and she was pulled back into the present, right into the middle of an ongoing conversation. She looked to her right and recognized Tali talking to her, "Shepard, we have to take back the Alarei!"

"The safest course would be to simply destroy the ship. But if you are looking for an honorable death instead of exile…," Admiral Korris poked the fresh wound.

"I'm looking for my father, you bosh'tet," Tali pointed accusingly at the cocky Admiral.

Admiral Gerrel looked at the other judges, "You intend to take the Alarei from the geth? This proposal is extremely dangerous."

Shepard felt her face glowing red and her heart pounding in her ears. "You think Tali is helping the geth? Maybe killing a few dozen will prove her loyalty." She dripped with sarcasm.

"Then it is decided. You will attempt to retake the Alarei," Admiral Shala spoke quickly. "You are hereby given leave to depart the Rayya. A shuttle will be waiting at the secondary docking hangar. Be safe Tali. This hearing will resume upon your return, or upon determination that you have been killed in action."

Samara fell in behind the pair as they headed to the shuttle. Joker's voice broke over her comm, "Normandy to Commander Shepard. Sorry to interrupt, ma'am, but I have a very agitated woman holding a pistol to my head. What? (muffled sounds in background) Stop! Stop pulling on my… No I don't want you to shove it up my crippled ass. Ok…ok. Commander, my new co-pilot requests permission to join your boarding party."

Shepard tapped her comm-link, "Negative Joker. Keep monitoring from your location. Jack you're to stay on the Normandy and no one is to board unless it's one of us. Should this mission fail, you are to undock and immediately travel to Illium to reconnect with the rest of our team."

"Understood, ma'am. What? (shouts and curses in background) Commander, she says to watch your ass because something isn't right (muffled sounds) and she is ready to get away from all these flying tin cans. There, now please put away your weapon. Joker out."

"Tali!" Kal ran down the corridor to catch her before they entered the shuttle. Breathlessly he stood before her and placed his hands on each side of her protective mask. "I know I promised…but I couldn't let you go without telling you…"

She brought her hands up to cover his, "I know, Kal. Me too."

He met Shepard's gaze, "Captain, whatever geth are on the Alarei, they have likely built more of themselves. Expect heavy resistance."

"Understood, Sergeant-Major." Her voice softened, "I'll bring her right back."

"Affirmative, Captain." He looked back to Tali, "And I will be waiting right here."

* * *

><p>Echoes of gunfire and smells of burning metal hung in the air as Shepard crushed the last geth trooper against a wall with a biotic pull. She walked up beside Samara and watched Tali crumble beside her father's limp body. She pulled his head into her lap, hoping her touch would revive him.<p>

"No! No! No! You always had a plan. Masked life signs, or, an onboard medical stasis program, maybe? They're wrong. You wouldn't die like this. You can't." Shepard lowered herself beside her dear friend, her little sister, and held her until the sobs ended. Once her mind quieted, she had a quick thought, "Shepard my father would have known I would come for him. I am sure he left me a message."

As she predicted, the Admiral had been expecting her: "Tali, the geth have become self-aware. You must reach the mainframe and get the data back to the Fleet. And Tali…I love you. I am sorry I failed you. Looking back I know I should have told you more often. And now at the end… (gunfire)… at the end, I see how blind I was..." (Gunfire) Transmission ended.

Samara cradled her assault weapon. The Admiral's words, no the emotions underneath the words, resonated through her heart. All these years as a Justicar she had fully embraced the sutras, but 1 out of the 5000 had always been the hardest to follow: "A Justicar will live without regret." Regret. Deep caverns of regret birthed by good intentions and hastened by pride, resulting in emptiness and sorrow. "Tali," the young, grieving quarian wearily looked at Samara, "in a perfect world, parents make all the right decisions and their children grow to be healthy and happy. But that is not always the reality of life. Parents are not omniscient and, sadly, some of our decisions can be detrimental to those whom we love. Your father loved you. He made a series of costly mistakes, but do not fault him for doing what he that was right by you. Forgive his arrogance." Samara dropped her gaze, lost in her own thoughts.

Tali silently stood over her dead father contemplating his last words to her. "I don't know what is worse: thinking he never really cared, or thinking that he did, and this was the only way he could show it." She took a deep breath and looked at Shepard, "It doesn't matter. I care, and I'm here. And we're ending this right now. The main terminal is beyond that door," she pointed straight ahead with her shotgun.

As Tali downloaded the data to her Omni-tool, the depth of her father's folly became painfully clear. By his own admission he had been deliberately networking the geth to sapience to perform weapons tests. His illegal activities were his sin alone and the evidence did in fact exonerate his daughter. With a click, the data transfer was completed. There was no question how Tali wanted to handle the information, "We can't tell the Admirals. Not anyone."

"Tali without this evidence you're looking at exile."Shepard understood her friend wanted to protect her father, but did not agree with Tali taking the fall for him.

"You think I don't know that! You think I want to live knowing that I can't ever see the Fleet again, or Kal? But I can't go back into that room and say that my dead father was the worst war criminal in our people's history. I cannot."

"You just proved my point. He doesn't need you to worry about him anymore. You heard him say that he didn't want you caught up in the politics. What good would protecting him do now?"

"You don't understand Shepard. They would strike his name from the manifest of every ship he ever served on. He would be worse than an exile. He would be a traitor to our people. Held up for our children as a monster in cautionary tales. I can't let all the good he did be destroyed by this."

Commander Shepard was fully acquainted with the intrinsic need to protect those who were important to her, and right now, she needed to find a way to protect both Tali and her criminal father's reputation simultaneously. She had to think fast. "Let's not decide what to do here. Let's see what the Admirals have to say once we get back."

At the door of the plaza, Tali stopped for to steal one last private moment with Shepard, "You are my Captain in this hearing, Shepard. It's your decision. But please, don't destroy what my father was."

Once they rejoined the Conclave at the defense stand, Shepard addressed the Admirals, "Go get your ship." She was disgusted.

"Your success is a welcomed surprise, Captain Shepard," Shala'Raan spoke from the podium. "Do you have any new evidence to submit to this hearing?"

Tali and Shepard locked eyes. "Shepard…please…," Tali begged.

Shepard's mind began to race. To help center herself, she pulled upon a memory of her drill sergeant from basic training. While puking all of her stomach's contents after running 5 miles with her pack on, he trotted over to her and began screaming in her ear, _"Shepard, you lazy piece of shit. Do you know how much I love watching you puke the Alliance's generous provisions? About as much as I like getting my hemorrhoids tickled. Get your smart ass up. The best part of all this is I get paid to beat discipline into you. You don't have the luxury to be sick or have emotions as a marine. Bury your emotions and your pain and do your job, recruit. You can have emotions when you get out of my corp and start spitting out babies."_ God she hated that man, but he sure could get her ass moving when she froze up.

In a surprising and bold move, Shepard refused to address the haughty Admirals, and instead faced the crowd. "Look at them, all of you." She pointed behind her, "They don't care about Tali. All they care about is their war with the geth. Tali risked her life, for all of you! On Haestrom, on the Citadel, hell on missions that you probably don't even know about. She deserves better than this." Shepard threw out her arms while walking amongst the gallery of onlookers.

The crowd began to loudly murmur once again, but this time they were not so convinced of Tali's guilt. "They didn't even tell her"… "Why was she sent to Haestrom in the first place"… "If the Admiralty Board doesn't care about her, they don't care about us."

Admiral Koris tried to regain some order, "Shepard, you are out of line. This is a formal hearing!"

"No Admiral, this is a sham." Shepard was done trying to convince them. "Do what you want with your ships, but just leave my crew out of it. Come on Tali, we're leaving."

The crowd erupted in frustration. One lone and nervous quarian began pushing his way through the crowd to stand near Tali. It was Veetor'Nara, the quarian they rescued on Freedom's Progress. "Wait! Shepard is right. Tali saved me! She doesn't deserve to be exiled."

Another quarian approached and Tali's heart soared when she saw the red and gold uniform of her marine appear beside her. "Damn straight! Tali's done more for this Fleet than you assholes ever will! Funny how it takes a Commander to remind the Admirals about military honor." He looked at her quickly and then back at the Admirals, "You're pissing on everything I have ever fought for. So if you exile her…you might as well do the same to me."

Tali gasped, "Kal. No!"

The crowd was by now in a frenzy. Admiral Shala saw the perfect opportunity to intervene now that Tali had the support of the Conclave. "Are the Admirals prepared to render judgment?" One by one the Admiral's omnitools lit up and they typed in their vote, the fate of Tali'Zorah passing with each keystroke. Shala stood at the podium and gave no hint of the verdict until she spoke, "Tali'Zorah, in light of your history of service, we do not find sufficient evidence to convict. You are cleared of all charges and may resume your duties with the Fleet, effective immediately."

The crowd began to cheer. Shepard looked relieved and leaned in to whisper to her friend, "Congratulations Tali. About what your father said, about what he did…you deserved better."

"I got 'better' Shepard. I got you." She hugged Shepard and then turned to address her leaders, "Admirals, with all due respect, I would like to return to the Normandy with my Captain."

Shala beamed from the podium, "Captain Shepard, do you have any objections?"

The shocked Commander asked, "Tali, are you sure? What about Kal? You know I need you, but…"

"Yes, I am sure. Once we return, Kal and I will pick up where we left off. Besides the safest place in the galaxy is usually on your ship," Tali giggled.

"The Admiralty Board accepts your request. Good luck Captain Shepard. Keelah sei'lah." With a final nod, Admiral Shala'Raan dismissed the meeting.

As Tali walked through the crowd to say her goodbyes, she was angry that Kal was nowhere to be found. She took one final look over her shoulder as she walked up to Shepard, "Have you seen Kal? I'm kind of surprised he didn't want to say goodbye."

As if on cue, Kal appeared beside Tali. "Ok. I'm ready," he said as he dropped his knapsack and saluted Shepard, "Permission to come aboard, Captain."

"Permission granted, Sergeant-Major. The Normandy can always use some more marines. Glad to have you aboard. Hoorah!" Shepard said with a twinkle in her eyes.

Tali watched the transaction in disbelief, "What are you doing?"

Kal chuckled, "Going with you."

"Kal you cannot go with us. It is too dangerous. Tell him Shepard!"

Shepard opened her mouth to speak, but Kal interrupted, "I don't need her to speak for me. Tali, I'm a Sergeant-Major in the Quarian Marine Corps. I think I know how to take care of myself. Shepard, you are a marine. You know what I am talking about."

This time Shepard was cut off by the Tali before she could answer, "Yes, Kal you are a marine that almost got KILLED because you were protecting me. Shepard's lover had to watch her die a horrible death…"

"I'm right here guys." Shepard felt awkward being discussed in third person right in front of them.

But Tali did not even pause, "...I can't imagine what it would be like to happen to me. I won't be the cause of your death. I have lost all of my family. I can't bear the thought of losing the man I want to marry."

"I'm just gonna go over there and leave you two alone." Shepard gave up when she realized they were not listening to her. She walked over to Samara and leaned against the wall.

Samara smiled "I wondered how long it would take you to get out of there. It is best to avoid the middle of a lover's quarrel." Shepard only sighed and rolled her eyes.

The two quarians continued their passionate debate as everyone made their way back to the Normandy. On her way back to her room, Samara smiled as she realized one big difference between a quarian and an asari lover's quarrel: asari's had a tendency to get a bit more… aggressive. Reclining on her couch, Samara allowed herself to open one such memory that she kept tucked away in her heart.

* * *

><p><strong>Lover's Quarrel<strong>

_Casually leaning against my desk, I watch her enter my office. I knew she would come. While I am attired in a full length white asari dress that undoubtedly is worth more than three months of her commando salary, she is dressed in casual asari military fatigues. She is only armed with her 6 inch blade that is always attached to her ankle._

"_Hello, Aria. You come to my office with no armor? Very brave of you." I do not hide my contempt._

"_I didn't want to send the wrong message."_

"_And what exactly is the message you want to 'send'?" She tries to step closer to me, but is met by my invisible barrier. "That's far enough," I warn her._

_She is stopped but not surprised. Slowly she finally meets my gaze, "That I am sorry. I made a mistake. I want to come back…"_

"_I know. Everyone always wants to come back."_

_She looks out the expansive view from my office, "…but I can't compete with Thessia."_

"_No you cannot, my dear Aria. I am Thessia." I am mocking her and she knows it. "It is concerning that the asari government can only afford to give one single blade to one of their newest recruits."_

_She remains passive, "Both of us know that no weapon could protect me from you. By now you've already calculated multiple ways to end this conversation, including fatally."_

"_If I wanted you dead, I could have done so the moment you left, or as you grunted and sweat in Benezia's embrace." Anger fades into lust. __Licking my lips, I slowly move my eyes up her body. The barrier drops. I turn to move behind my desk."You may interpret that as you wish."_

_Suddenly and forcefully Aria locks my hands behind my back, pinning them between us with her hips and right hand, while simultaneously forcing my head down onto the desk with her left. She shifts her weight to the small of my back. I hear her knife unsheathe before she slams the sharp edge into the desk near my face with her biotics. She leans into my ear, her breathing is heavy and lubricious, "I am here to offer a proper apology, Mistress Samara. How would you like it?"_

_My body is electric with desire. I look over my shoulder and my eyes give her my answer._

"_As you wish." She removes her hand from my neck and pulls the knife out of the desk, never moving her weight from the small of my back. Hungrily, she cuts the dress down my back, disrespecting my silk lingerie along the way. She is an expert with the weapon, but does not take care to protect my skin, and an eight inch cut is born in between my shoulders. She returns the knife into my desk. Her weight is leveraged to keep both my body and my hands pinned. Although we both know I could instantly stop this, I am enjoying myself immensely, as Aria soon discovers when her free hand slides up my thigh and enters passionately. She finally releases my arms but keeps me bent on the desk with the weight of her body. As her kisses move up my back, she reaches the inflamed cut and licks the stream of blood with her tongue. She reaches underneath my body and I arch my back to allow her access to my chest. My nipple instantly responds as she grips a little too forcefully, causing me to wince. Our breathing hastens and I grasp the edge of my desk to better move against her thrusts. A deep growl resonates from her throat when she feels my body begin to constrict around her fingers. I slide my arms across my desk, sending its contents hurling to the floor. Climatic shudders begin at my core and end in Aria's chest._

_As she removes herself from me, the leverage shifts and so do I. Aria is now on her back, prostrate, jammed onto the desk with my hand on her throat. During the exchange, the remnants of my dress have fallen off, and my naked and throbbing body is positioned above her. I remove the knife and turn the blade flush with my palm. Fire erupts in Aria's eyes, first registering fear, and then mouthwatering submission. The grip on her neck tightens as she tries to watch my movements. "I shall try to be a little more delicate." I slide the blade into the waistband of her pants to allow myself more than enough freedom to move. The knife is thrown across the room and lodges in the wall._

_Exasperated she asks, "You expect me to leave your office with no pants?"_

"_It wouldn't be the first time, love."_

_I place my knee between her legs and climb on top of her, all of my senses heightened by our desire. She responds by wrapping her fine muscular thighs around my hips. I release the grip on her neck, but not the hold._

"_Samara," her pleading eyes immobilize me. "Join with me. Please. I want us to know one another completely. You know I love you. I only left to try and punish you for keeping me out of your heart. It was foolish, I know, trying to force the love I so desire from you..." she places her hands on either side of my face… "so I will just ask. Please. Samara. Can you love me like I love you?" Her darkening eyes glisten below me._

_I have loved Aria for several years now, but all my life I have been too arrogant and self-absorbed to ever really commit to one person, even to her. I release my hand from her neck and see the bruising has already started. I am surprised to feel regret for hurting her both now, and when I forced her to the point where she had to leave to get my attention. I am too cowardly to tell her. But I can show her._

_"Relax your mind, Aria. Reach out to the connections that bind each of us to the universe."_

"_Embrace eternity."_

A/N: I think Samara's story is profoundly complex and deserves to be told. But for now, it's time for Shepard to head to Illium. I think she needs to blow off some steam, don't you?


	13. Chapter 12 Games People Play

**Chapter 12 Games People Play**

A/N: Definition of a "game" according to the theory of psychotherapy called Transactional Analysis: A game is a series of transactions that is complementary (reciprocal), ulterior, and proceeds towards a predictable outcome. Games are often characterized by a switch in roles of players towards the end. Games usually have a fixed number of players; however, an individual's role can shift, and people can play multiple roles.

Jack heard Shepard before she saw her: the steady rhythm of fists on canvass. From the tempo, it sounded like the heavy bag might be unprepared to withstand her mood. Once the ship docked on Illium, Shepard ordered a makeshift work-out room to be installed in the cargo hold. During the two weeks of ship upgrades and installations, the crew was free to leave the ship as they pleased once their shifts and duties were complete. But Shepard never disembarked. Not even once. She divided her time between helping with the retrofitting, the workout room, or her quarters. She gave excuses about being the Captain and being in charge of this or that, but truthfully between Miranda and Tali's rigid compulsivity, they did a better job than she could have done anyway. So she relegated herself to physical labor. Shepard never asked about the details regarding their stay in Nos Astra, such as who was paying for the hanger, or who helped negotiate the legal contracts. She preferred it this way. She had her suspicions but tried to beat them back with each punch to the heavy bag. The part of her that wanted to know Liara had helped her, or still cared for her, had run head long into one of the galaxy's most steadfast and immovable objects: Shepard's stubborn pride.

**Thump Thump.** Jack waited for Shepard to turn around once she heard her approach, but she remained transfixed on her target, exchanging punches with knee kicks. A dark brown stain grew from the center of the bag. She understood why when she saw blood trailing down Shepard's forearms. Whatever boxing tape she had put on to protect her knuckles had long since shredded with the relentless punishment. Even with open wounds, she kept pounding and pounding with ruthless tenacity. She moved like a machine, finely tuned for the purpose in which it was created. All of her muscles were thick with blood and adrenaline and were disciplined with power and precision, fulfilling the commands to execute orders; in this case, to punish the bag and her herself.

"Shit Shepard! Your knuckles!" Jack spoke in the periphery of the commander's vision.

"What do you want, Jack?" **Thump Thump.** She never missed a beat. **One, two. One, two. Jab left, jab right. Hook right, then left.**

The younger female jumped like she had been caught stealing but recovered quickly, "God damn you need to get laid, boss-lady."

**Thump Thump.** "Is that an offer?" Sweat poured off her brow.

"Hell no! Just an observation." Jack stepped into her line of sight, "Look Shepard, I've been sent down here to get you to come out with us."

**Thump Thump. Thump Thump. Thump Thump.**

"Hey, I'm talking to your crazy ass. Snap out of it," Jack said when she punched her in the arm.

Shepard finally stopped. She grabbed the abused heavy bag on either side and dropped her head below her shoulders. Her body screamed from all of the relentless physical punishment she had been putting herself through for the last few days, including this recent 2 hour workout with the helpless punching bag.

"Sent? By who?" Shepard's voice was raspy and ragged.

Jack snorted, "Who do you think? Now get your ass cleaned up so you don't embarrass me when I walk in the club with you," Jack offered a slight smile and tossed her a towel.

"So you're going? To the same club as everyone else?" Shepard smiled into the towel as she wiped her face.

"Fuck yeah! Unlike you, I like sex. And since Miranda set this up, that means high class ass. Even better."

Shepard threw the towel in the corner and asked, "Why did they send you?"

Jack curled and flexed her arms, "Cuz I'm the only one that can take a punch."

Shepard shook her head in amusement, and for a moment she considered brushing off the invitation. Admittedly, however, she had simply been waiting for a reason (or someone to ask her) to leave the ship. "Ok, hell. What's the plan?"

Jack threw out her arms, "Haven't you been listening, the plan is for me to get laid." She smiled and then pointed at Shepard, "Oh, you mean for you? Well, Her Highness said to make sure you come with me and they'll be waiting for us at some fancy place she picked out. I figure you'll want to make yourself look good, but since that is impossible, just take a shower and I'll meet you at the airlock in 15 minutes."

Shepard's eyes closed as she directly faced the shower stream. She always relished the feel of moving water on her skin. The sensation both comforted and intoxicated her. The first time Liara ran her hands down her back, she felt the same thing. Her touch was pure, sensual, and cleansing. The imprint of their first bonding was so profound that her touch far surpassed the pleasure of water on her skin; now water only reminded her of Liara, and how her skin felt bare without her.

"Liara," Shepard whispered and leaned her forehead against the shower stall and allowed her memories to transport her to a happier time.

_Slender arms slide around my abdomen from behind, followed closely by breath on my ear. "Commander I hope you do not find me intrusive. I thought it prudent that we share the shower, in order to conserve water for the rest of the ship." Liara presses her naked form against my back. She is slightly shorter than me, but her long legs stretch beyond my hips. I think our shapes complement each other perfectly from this position._

_With a sly smile I respond, "Well as a scientist, I defer to your judgment, Doctor. I am sure you are much more knowledgeable about such things than I."_

_Liara pours soap into her hands and begins to massage my back "Of some things, yes. But in other things, Commander, I am a novice at best and defer to your skill and knowledge to teach me." Liara slides her soapy hands down the small of my back and further down my thighs, the water immediately washing away evidence of her touch; yet my skin does not forget. It burns hot from her caresses. "But…," (her tongue on my neck makes my knees buckle,) "…I think you will agree with my professors, that I am a very fast," (her right hand snakes across my ribcage and cups my right breast), "and eager," (a tender bite on my shoulder) "learner." She presses herself into my form and her left hand starts to slide down below my belly button._

_I place my hand on top of hers, only stopping her movement long enough to turn and face her. Hand in hand, the downward journey continues. "Doctor, I think you have underestimated yourself. I have no complaints." I watch her perfectly formed lilac lips break into an arrogant smile when she realizes she has obtained the desired effect from my body._

"_But I, like any good student, cannot take all the credit," Liara's hand teased the inside of my thigh. "I have had a very," (Liara lightly kisses my right breast), "very" (Liara looks up at me from my left breast), "good teacher."_

_I groan and she knows I cannot wait any longer. She presses me against the shower stall and sapphire turns to onyx. "Samantha," she exhales my name, "Embrace Eternity."_

Shepard rubbed her hands down her face while standing in front of her footlocker. Thinking about her life before her death seemed surreal. Time was supposed to heal more than physical wounds, but the gaping hole in her chest from offering her heart to Liara was having difficulty closing. Reluctantly she looked over at EDI's stand and considered cancelling this outing, but she could not imagine how to face down a mutiny. She returned her attention to her sparse clothing options. When was the last time had on non-military issued clothing? Jack was right. She gave little thought about her attire. Normally she would at least consider looking presentable, but not tonight. What was the point? Her only intention was to release the pressure and tension moving throughout her body like slow roiling magma methodically crawling to find relief beyond the confines of her sanity. Grief. Rage. Tension. Worry. Desire. All of these flowed like blistering currents under her skin.

She pulled out her tan canvass pants that were now too baggy since waking up in the Cerberus base. She put them on and rolled the waist band down below her hips and threw a white tank top over her black sports bra. The only attention that she gave her still wet hair was some thick hair mud that she ran back and forth across her skull. The effect caused her short curls to stand on end in all different directions. The first pair of shoes she grabbed from her footlocker was a pair of brown oiled combat boots. She glanced at herself in the mirror before exiting and noticed that new scars marred her body since Miranda's flawless creation awoke all those weeks ago. Most were very noticeable. Some were even still healing. 'Good,' she gave her approval with a nod. Seeing her battle scars only reinforced her decision to bare herself to the world. They were living scorecards of the fights from which she had walked away, adding the implication that her opponent had not. She glanced at her knuckles. No medi-gel. She liked feeling the pain. Pain had always been a distraction from even more uncomfortable emotions, and sometimes was the only way she remembered she was still alive. In this case it might help distract her from the knowledge that she had been on Illium for 2 weeks without any attempted contact from her former lover. Yes, she decided, going to the club would be a welcomed respite from the heartache in the center of her soul.

It was no surprise that their cab stopped in front of a building that matched Miranda's taste perfectly. This area of Nos Astra had to be located in the upper financial district, and the high rise housing the club was nothing short of was modern marvel. It was at least 120 stories tall, home to expensive apartments and a luxurious hotel named Azure. The base of the building was about 2 square blocks. As it reached for the sky, the shape changed into a sharp arch, like giant metal sail greeting the crosswinds of Illium. As they walked up to the building, several security guards approached, and both Jack and Shepard began to summon dark energy as a warning.

"They're with me," Miranda stepped from behind the brooding guards. Both Shepard and Jack stopped dead in their tracks. She looked exquisite. Miranda was dressed in a short black dress, but it was far from simple. The spaghetti straps loosely held up gathered material that dropped down to the curve of her back, hinting at her firm and voluptuous backside. The bottom of the dress was only a few inches lower, exposing her long and sculpted legs, which were accentuated even further by her stiletto high heels. With the additional 6 inches, she now stood taller than Shepard. She had never imagined it possible for Miranda to look any more attractive than she did in her usual attire. She had been woefully mistaken.

Miranda smiled when she caught Shepard ogling, "You should she the red one." Shepard blushed and Miranda took her by the arm. "Sorry for the intervention, Commander, but we took a vote…"

"_We_? A vote?" Shepard pulled against Miranda's forceful grip.

"Yes, 'we', your crew. We decided that you needed some stress management before you bloody well explode. God knows I can't lead this bunch of idiots." She pulled on the Commander's arm when she again tried to balk. "Come on let's go. We have to go up the 100th floor to get to the club. I have a space reserved. Everyone is waiting."

"Everyone?"

"Yes, 'everyone'. What's wrong with you?" Miranda laughed and ran her hand through her glossy black hair. "You must be worse than I thought." She tugged at Shepard one final time to get her into the elevator.

The ride up was quick and soon they stood in front of the exclusive club. No doubt it was built to allow the upper crust the opportunity to have some discretionary engagements without much attention drawn to their partners or their motives. The subtle sign above the door read,

**Club Asmodeus**

**Leave Your Chastity At the Door**

Shepard devilishly smiled at Miranda, "You know me so well."

Miranda hugged her arm and returned her smile, "_I_ actually read my files, Shepard. Now let's work out those kinks, shall we? Promise me a dance?" She let go and headed to the area blocked off for their private party. The sway in her hips compelled Shepard to follow.

She had been forewarned that 'her crew' would be present, and was glad to see Tali and Kal cuddled up in the corner of their private room, but was shocked to see the Justicar striding up to her. "Good evening, Samara. I'm surprised to see you here."

"As part of your team, why would I not want to be a part of this night?" she said with a slight grin before walking over to engage Thane and Kasumi. Shepard ran her eyes up the asari's body. Gone was her red armor, replaced with skin tight black cat suite. In fact, Shepard wondered if she and Miranda went shopping at the same sexy uniform boutique.

"Careful Shepard," Garrus sidled up beside her, "she's still a Justicar. She just might kill you for those sinful thoughts rolling around in your head."

"Oh, but Garrus, it would be such a _good_ death." She smiled up at her friend.

He patted her on the back, "Of that I have no doubt, my friend. Now let me buy you a drink."

As she and Garrus walked to the bar, she continued to take in the beautifully appointed architecture and noticed she was getting a lot more glances than she had expected. It was not her intent to attract any attention, but she found herself liking it at any rate. After three double shots of vodka, the tension began to slowly retreat. She pushed away from the bar and began her descent to the center of expansive dance floor, nudged along by the liquid courage now flowing through her veins. At first all she could do was close her eyes and take in her surroundings, inhaling the expensive and exotic scents all around her. Little by little the seductive rhythms began to pulse and reverberate deep within her body.

Anonymity. Blessed and Blissful Anonymity. No titles. No lables, No orders. She dived in head first in to a sea of people to hide from everything, if only for a moment. The bodies around her began closing in and she was swept up in the choreographed swells crashing into her like the ocean pounding into rocks. Movement started slowly in her hips and continued up her back. Bodies, arms, hands and hips all danced together in perfect synchronization.

"I am ready for my dance," the Australian accent interrupted her concentration on a green skinned asari.

"Hmmmm?" Shepard's response was muffled by the neck of her partner. There was so little space between them that there was no question what was on both of their minds. The asari was unhappy that the human female was not taking the hint to leave, even after a severe glare. Eventually she shrugged and left Shepard with Miranda, but not until she stole a quick kiss from the commander's left cheek.

"I asked Garrus what type of drink would encourage you to dance with me and he shoved this in my hand. It smells like your socks." Miranda crinkled her nose and offered her the drink.

Shepard grinned and downed the drink. "I love that cuddlebone. The man certainly knows what he is talking about. I'm all yours." She extended her arm to Miranda, who stepped into her embrace. Soon they fell into the cadence of the music.

Miranda wrapped her arms around Shepard's neck and leaned down to whisper into her ear, "It is good to see you smiling, Commander."

"You were right. I needed this, thank you." She was beaming. She had not felt this good in... well, she couldn't remember.

"I am right about most things. Haven't you learned that by now?" Miranda's eyes twinkled.

Shepard gave a hearty laugh, "I guess not. But dumb jocks sometimes take a while to catch on. By the way have I told you that you look fantastic tonight?"

"You don't need to tell me anything I already know, Commander," she winked. Turning in Shepard's arms, she pressed herself into her form. The liquor, the heat from the crowd, the lights, and very sexual movements from the women grinding up against each other caused both them to pour sweat, which in turn caused their clothes to stick to their wet bodies. Shepard was not sure how much time had passed but at the moment certainly did not care. The DJ slowed the tempo, and while still pressing her back against Shepard, Miranda slowly snaked her hands up the back of her head, scraping her fingernails across her scalp. Shepard caught her breath and subconsciously tightened her grip on Miranda's thighs. Miranda smiled mischievously and slowly slid her back down Shepard's damp stomach. Suddenly, Shepard was acutely aware that her dance partner's ass was fitting nicely in her grip. She gasped and jumped backward. Miranda turned her head around at the sudden loss of body contact. "Shepard, I think I made you blush twice in one night. I guess I better stop before you have a heart attack." She laughed before leaning in to whisper, "Thanks for the dance." She turned on her heels and disappeared in the crowd.

Shepard had always been an imposing figure, even without her N7 armor or weapons strapped to her back. She knew it the first time she met the Spectre. The reasons were unexplainable and innumerable. Everyone felt her. Some hated her; but most wanted her, for one reason or another. So it was no surprise to find Shepard in the middle of a pulsing dance floor surrounded by people clamoring to be near her. She even smiled as she saw one of her asari sisters assuming Shepard was interested in more than her gyrations and bashful glances. Shepard told her once that patience could either win or lose a battle, and the hardest part was knowing when to wait or when to act. She inhaled deeply to calm her nerves and decided she would wait for the right moment to go to her. She ordered a drink and smiled while imagining all the clever things she could say. Taking a sip of her wine, she walked back to the edge of the catwalk overlooking the dance floor. Movement and separation in the crowd caught her attention and she recognized the Cerberus operative eating up the ground with her long languid strides, heading straight for Shepard! Her eyes narrowed and her grip tightened on the railing in front of her. "No. Not her. Anyone but her," she whispered to herself. She held her breath and watched the intimate movements between the couple, her patience failing to keep up with her rising ire. But it was when Shepard's half-cocked grin appeared that her jealousy became all-consuming and incited a violent rage that convinced her that the time for patience had now passed. The glass in her hand exploded with a small hint of dark energy. Just as she began her descent down the stairs to the main floor, an unfortunate and inebriated human male approached. "Hey beautiful. How's a gorgeous woman like you…" He could not finish his sentence because the air had been knocked out of his lungs after unceremoniously colliding with the bar by the flick of a wrist from the angry asari.

Shepard squeezed her eyes shut and ran her hands through her hair. Miranda? She hadn't really considered that option. Most of the time she was trying to avoid her. But come to think of it, ever since she helped her with her sister, they had formed some kind of friendship. Shepard certainly appreciated the talents and abilities she brought to the team. The devious part of her mind interjected that there were certainly other qualities about her XO that she might also grow to appreciate. While pondering all the tantalizing possibilities, she tilted her head to the side, and along with everyone else in the club, watched her swaying hips walk away.

Her shameless thoughts were interrupted when a pair of light blue hands lightly slid around her waist. Shepard smiled and turned to face her new dance partner. An emotional sledgehammer hit her chest and time and space slowed down as she looked into the same pair of crystal blue eyes that haunted her thoughts every night before she fell asleep. Finally her front brain starting working again, but she still felt lightheaded and breathless. Liara stood in front of her, arm's length away, and she was ravishing. She wore a translucent, white sleeveless dress that exposed her shoulders and arms, held up only by the delicate material that wrapped around her neck. It opened up between her breasts in a diamond pattern that exposed her taught and long midsection. The opaque material regrouped at her hips and gripped her sensual curves until it gave way to scandalously placed slits down either side of her body. The dress was elegant and custom made for Liara, but all that Shepard could think about was how many different ways she could get to her flesh. Had Liara not touched Shepard already, they might have been able to maintain their composure; but as it was, want bypassed reason, and both reached for the one person they had been reaching for since they first made love all those months ago.

Once their hands connected, Liara forgot her anger and Shepard's pride shattered. Liara's fingertips ran upon Shepard's abused hands and a concerned look crossed her face. She brought Shepard's knuckles to her mouth and carefully kissed each one with deliberate tenderness. They closed what little space remained between them and effortlessly melted into one another, embracing the way they wanted to the last time they saw each other on the Normandy. While everyone around them kept time with the rapid beat of the music, Liara and Shepard slowed their movements. For a long stretch they simply just held each other tight, swaying to a melody only they could hear. Liara softly sighed, and that persuaded the awestruck Commander to begin exploring the asari's body. Her hands were drawn down to Liara's hips, and as if by muscle memory, they began to move in small circular motions, rubbing against Shepard's exposed waistline. Shepard's eyes shot open as adrenaline connected with her libido, rekindling a fire deep within her belly. She met little resistance when she glided her thigh in between Liara's legs, resulting in a mirrored reaction from her partner. Shepard licked her lips when Liara ran her hands up her own body, drawing the human's attention to the sensitive curve of her neck. She obeyed the unuttered request by delicately kissing and nibbling an invisible but familiar trail from the side of her head down to the svelte curve of her shoulder.

"Samantha. I have missed you," Liara whispered into her ear. She stopped kissing Liara's neck long enough to offer her the same smile she introduced to the scientist on Therum. And just like on Therum, once again, and all at once, Liara felt vulnerable, grateful, and anxious and unequivocally in love. After knowing the Commander for only a few days, she admitted to herself that she had fallen in love with Samantha Shepard the first time she swaggered up to her with that cocky grin plastered to her face.

Did it really matter who leaned in first? Their eyes closed and lips parted. The reaction was so powerful that those around them staggered as if met with concussive aftershocks, especially to those had taken a keen interest in the unexpected reunion.

"Damn," Miranda said into her wine glass.

"Damn." Dejected, Kelly turned her attention to an attractive woman at the end of the bar.

"Damn!" Jack smiled at the Commander as she danced with a violet skinned asari.

"About damn time!" Garrus shot his arm in the air before returning his attention to a female Turian bodyguard.

All the rehearsed musings Liara had practiced just for this moment evaporated once Shepard kissed her. The only logical thought she could formulate actually came from her reawakened heart that begged once again to be with Shepard, to be by her side, leaving no room for further separation. But Liara still reasoned that couldn't happen until her self-imposed punishment for letting Shepard die was complete. She had to see it through. It was the last promise she made to her lover 20 months ago as she fled the Shadowbroker's base. She had not kept the promise to always protect her, but she would keep the promise to avenge her. Once completed, they could rejoin each other as teammates, partners, and lovers.

Liara slowly broke the kiss, still trying to formulate her next words, "Shepard, I…uh," Shepard returned to the asari's neck, "Goddess I have missed you. I…could, that is to say, I really need you…" Shepard smiled into Liara's cheek and her hands began to slide down to the small of her back. As weak as it was, Liara's self-control kicked in, 'Hurry and ask her before her hands touch us there, otherwise I will be gone for good.' Liara put her hands on Shepard's chest to create enough room to fight off her distractions. Shepard complied and looked at her with amusement. Liara's mind was still clouded with lustful thoughts, but she pressed forward, "Shepard, I need you… to help me with a job that has eluded me for far too long…"

Instantly Shepard's posture hardened and her brow knitted together. "A job?" Her voice was cold and distant. "You finally decide to show back up and it is to ask for help with 'a job'"?

"Yes," she answered, puzzled. Liara felt Shepard's distinct change in body language and swiftly grew very concerned. She brought her hand to her forehead, embarrassed with the realization that she must have returned to her poor communication skills like she had when they first met. 'Goddess what this woman does to me'. "Wait, you're angry. Samantha, please allow me to explain…"

Shepard pushed away from her, "No need to explain anything. I think I understand completely." Liara was relieved and smiled as Shepard leaned in to whisper in her ear. "The next time you want a business meeting, _Broker_, I suggest you recognize the proper protocols and have your assistant contact my XO to make an appointment. If I have time while saving the _fucking_ galaxy, I may entertain your request." Shepard turned away from Liara, chilling her blood with one last hurt filled glance, after which, she did not look back. If she had, she would have seen the remnants of a freshly shattered asari heart raining down onto her footsteps. She only stopped long enough to whisper something into Miranda's ear before disappearing through the exit. For the second time, Miranda and Liara were left starring at each other in the wake of the angry and enigmatic Commander.

* * *

><p>Tali stood outside the door of the hotel room. She thought security would have stopped them by now, but it seemed her companion was just as good at dispelling concern as Shepard was. She activated her omnitool and the door to the private suite opened with a quiet 'click'. The sickening smell of stale alcohol was the first thing she noticed when she walked into the entryway. Further into the room, she could not guess the number of motionless bodies and articles of clothing strewn about the entire suite. Everyone appeared to be sleeping even though it was 14:00. Empty bottles of various types of alcohol were everywhere. Apparently great deal of imbibing had taken place in this room, but it was difficult for Tali to imagine the number of people it took to consume as much alcohol as the bottles suggested. There were so many people that Tali literally scanned the room for any sign of Shepard.<p>

"She's in here." Tali looked up and saw her partner enter through the ornate French doors on the far end of the room. The quarian gingerly made her way to the adjoining room, careful not to step on anyone or anything. Once crossing the threshold, she finally recognized one person: Kelly was on an overstuffed couch, undressed from the waist up and locked in a sleeping embrace with an attractive blond human.

"I don't see her…" Tali said before she was silently directed to a lumpy king sized bed near an expansive and dramatic view of Nos Astra. Tali nervously approached the bed and the pile of blankets and pillows that presumably covered Shepard. With the amount of liquor bottles around the bed, she assumed Shepard's hangover would feel like she had been beaten by an entire krogan krant. Tali was loath to wake the Commander and looked around the room for any reason not to go through with this plan. Her eyes fixed on a chair near the bathroom. It had a slender black uniform draped across its back, and resting beside it, a pair of expensive black boots – both of which could only belong to one person. Tali swallowed hard when she finally heard the sound of a shower running. She desperately tried to think of a polite way to excuse herself from this ever increasing awkward moment. Her teammate now sat in the same chair, haphazardly tossing the uniform onto the floor. She cleared her throat, "Shepard…" Tali spoke barely above a whisper. "Shepard?" Wisely she stepped back and behind a chair before she yelled louder, "Shepard!"

"…the fuck?" Shepard shot up out of bed, brandishing her pistol that had been hiding under her pillow. The only clothing she had on was a pair of N7 underwear, and strangely enough, a pair of white socks. Tali squeaked and hid behind the chair. "Holy Shit Tali!" She flopped back on the bed and covered her face with her forearm to still the exploding bombs in her head. "I would ask how you got in here, but I know that answer. What do you want?"

"I don't want anything Shepard." Tali said from behind the chair.

"Tali…," Shepard stopped yelling when pain blasted across her eyes. Whispering was certainly the more prudent option, "…come out from behind the chair and tell me why you broke into my bedroom."

"She came at my request, Commander," a familiar velvet voice spoke from the corner.

Tali glanced at the corner of the room and rang her hands together. "I think it is a bad idea to turn down a Justicar, especially since you are the only one she has sworn to protect."

Samara continued, "I could have come on my own, but I wanted to avoid the level of noise and attention that usually follows me."

Shepard peeked from underneath her elbow, "Can't anyone send email anymore?"

"Shepard, your omnitool was disengaged," Samara answered.

"Oh." Shepard placed her pillow on her face. "You could've asked Miranda for whatever you needed," she mumbled.

"Um, Miranda was unavailable as well," Tali sheepishly said.

Miranda appeared from the bathroom in a plush robe and hair wrapped in a towel. "What about Miranda?"

Shepard's patience was wearing thin. "Should I wait for the rest of the damn crew to appear before I try to find out what the hell everyone is doing in my hotel room?"

"I hope you will forgive the intrusion. I needed to speak with you personally, Commander. The location of my fugitive has come to light and I would like to pursue her while the Normandy is still undergoing maintenance. And, "Samara internally flinched, "…I need your help and hope you will go with me."

Feeling somewhat modest with the crowd of people in her room, Shepard sat up again, this time with a sheet covering her chest. She looked at Miranda for her assessment. "We have at least two more weeks to go. How far?"

Samara clenched her jaw and then answered, "Omega."

Miranda nodded, "That should be no problem, Justicar. I will arrange a transport for you and Shepard to leave immediately."

Samara stood to leave, "Thank you, Ms. Lawson. Thank you, Commander. There are no words to express what this means to me. I do not share this burden easily. I will wait for you to contact me when you are ready to leave."

Once Samara and Tali left, Shepard addressed her XO, "Why are you in a bathrobe in my hotel room?" She grunted and pressed her palms on either side of her head.

"I came to get you because you need to at least show your face to your crew. They were getting worried. And plus you need to approve the next shipment of materials," Miranda said while towel drying her hair.

"Show my face? What are you talking about?" How long have I been out?

"Three days."

"Three days!" What the hell happened?"

"I guess you took my advice a little too seriously. Before you left the Club Asmodeus, you told me you needed to be alone and were getting a room in the hotel. After the second day, I sent Kelly to check on you," Miranda looked over to a couch where Kelly still slept blissfully, "but it looks like you were more of an influence on her instead of the other way around,"

Shepard rolled onto her side to face Miranda. "That still doesn't explain why both of us are in various stages of undress."

"I have no idea what you've been doing. But as for me, do you know how long it has been since I have had a proper shower? When I got here, I just couldn't help myself."

"Good, cuz I would sure be pissed if I missed out on something that I would probably regret and also want to remember." Shepard rolled on to her stomach with the hope that would alleviate the throbbing behind her eyes.

Miranda crossed the room and sat next to her on the bed, "Relax Shepard. Nothing happened." She noticed the large scar on the back of her right thigh and ran her hand across it, "I wish you were a bit more careful with my work. You have no idea how much was invested in you." She stood up and self-consciously tightened the robe around her. "No, nothing happened between us. Not that I haven't thought about it, especially after our spicy little dance, but after seeing you with Dr. T'Soni, I think everyone in the Tesale system knows you two still love each other." Miranda grabbed her uniform and went into the bathroom to change, but stuck her head out to add, "Besides which, I settle for nothing but the best, and 'the best' does not include sloppy seconds."

"What are you talking about?" Shepard tried to roll over, instead she just raised her arm in the air, "Come here and I will show you the time of your life." She dropped her arm and grabbed her head, "Why am I yelling?"

Miranda laughed and disappeared into the bathroom, "Real mature, by the way, Shepard, abandoning your girlfriend on the dance floor in front of God and everybody."

"She asked me to help her with a job. What the fuck is that about… Like I'm some client? I told her to contact you for an appointment," Shepard chortled.

"Well that explains why she has contacted me 12 times in the past 3 days. Thanks for the heads up." She rolled her eyes into the mirror as she brushed out her hair and wondered how such a petulant child could be the savior of the galaxy. "You know that people are going to think we slept together. And by people, I mean Liara. She and Tali have been speaking since you both landed in Nos Astra."

"Good. Now maybe she knows how it feels to be ignored." Shepard's brow knitted. She felt a twinge of guilt. She was not a teenager, but she was playing emotional games as if she were. "I just want to know that she still loves me."

Miranda froze. She had debated when, or if, she would tell Shepard about Liara's involvement with the recovery of her body. The words 'tread lightly' flashed across her mind. "Shepard, do you know how Cerberus came into possession of your body?"

The tone of her voice intrigued Shepard more than the actual question, and roused her curiosity. She couldn't believe that she never thought about it before. She willed away her nausea and sat on the side of the bed. "No. I don't. But since you brought it up…"

Miranda squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself to continue, "It was no secret that several organizations were after your corpse, each with their own personal agendas, including Cerberus. The Illusive Man refused to let anyone desecrate the body of 'The Hero of Humanity'. If we did succeed, there was a chance that our scientists could utilize their re-animation technology. As you already know, we knew you are the best chance we have to fight the reapers. So all our energy was diverted to you. During our search he learned that the reapers were also close to acquiring your body from the Shadowbroker. We needed an edge," she paused and took a deep breath, "and we knew you and Dr. T'Soni had…gotten close and believed she would be able to aid us in our search. For that same reason, the others were trying to kill her. We approached her with a proposition to help each other, and ultimately satisfying the same goal." Miranda waited for a response, but got none. She took the silence as a good sign and continued, "Our first meeting was a bit strained, but she did reluctantly agree. You should know, Commander, that we could not have been successful without her."

The silence now became concerning. Miranda stepped into the doorway and saw Shepard standing in front of the window, lost in her own thoughts. Sensing Miranda in the room, she glanced over her shoulder, "I am such a fool." She put her hands on the window and dropped her head onto her chest, "…such a fool." After a few minutes, Shepard inhaled deeply, signaling a change in her train of thought and title, "Please contact Dr. T'Soni and apologize for my delayed response. Tell her that I have some business to attend, but once I return, I would be glad to meet with her."

Miranda responded in kind, "Of course, Commander. Is there any other message you wish me to convey?"

"No Miranda. _That_ message needs to come directly from me."


	14. Chapter 13 Cleansing

**Chapter 13 Cleansing**

A/N: There are 4 words in Greek to describe love: 1) Agape – sacrificial love 2) Eros - passionate and sensual love 3) Philia – Friendship love. 4) Storge – Instinctive parental love. While many would argue the case for each of these as the most powerful, I believe there is not a more powerful emotion in the universe than the love a mother has for her children.

The ship was categorized as a 'freighter' but it was used by a shrewd bolus merchant as part of his impressive smuggling operation, which included passengers who wanted to be invisible. A nice sized room replete with all amenities was hidden in the belly of the freighter allowing Shepard and Samara privacy from the rest of the crew. The ship was non-descript and Miranda paid handsomely for their secrecy. Having met Aria on her previous trip to Omega, however, Shepard figured the Pirate Queen would probably be expecting them. She was the ruler of Omega and nothing happened on her planet that she did not know about. As she sat at a small desk in the corner of the room typing reports, she wondered what it would be like to have a Justicar and the Queen of the Underworld in the same room.

* * *

><p>"<em>Aria," the older asari nuzzled her lover's neck, "let's have a baby."<em>

"_I thought you'd never ask."_

Samara sat. She meditated. She remembered. She worried. 400 years since becoming a Jusitcar she had experienced many things, often many times over, but how to deal with the upcoming face to face meeting with her former bondmate, she had no experience or wisdom from which to pull. The asari memory was lengthy but did not relive the emotional experiences like the Drell – unless one had been bonded with a partner for a great deal of time. As they traveled closer and closer to Omega, her subconscious began to bleed memories as real as the day they occurred.

_Aria enters the palatial apartment after being gone several months to find me in the dark. Cautiously she sits down beside me on the couch and I begin to recite the events that occurred in the doctor's office regarding recent physicals of our daughters._

"_What are you saying! How can this be?" Aria is on her feet with clenched fists._

"_Both Rila and Falere had very close encounters with their young lovers. The doctor said that the only thing that prevented their partners' deaths was their inexperience. They were scared and afraid, but they have agreed to go into seclusion. I have made all the arrangements. They will lack for nothing. Mirala has fled, but I will find her, Aria. I swear to you." I stand and try to take Aria's hands, but she throws them from her body. "You did all this without consulting me? Ripped my children from me… without even telling me?" She shatters the dining table with a biotic blast and stares at the debris in silence, her mind trying to grasp any hope of saving her family. She loves all of her daughters, but the one that is most like me retains a special place in her heart. "Mirala will not go. You know she will not go." She paces back and forth. "We could hide her, keep her safe…"_

"_No my love. If she chooses not to seclude herself. We must…" I try to approach her again but Aria quickly recoils._

"_What Samara? Just what are you about to say?" Once again her clenched fists begin to glow dark purple, "Should we tie her down? Kill her?"_

"_If that is what must be done..."_

"_No!" Her eyes begin to glisten. "How can you ask me to be party to killing our child? You promised me once you would always protect me. Would you not offer the same to our children?"_

_I tried to prepare myself for this argument, but my confidence is fading fast. "Aria, you know there is no other way…"_

"_Since when do you give a shit about asari rules and protocols?" Aria throws her head back and laughs like a woman on the precipice of sanity. "You of all people? With anyone or anything else, everything comes down to what you want and how you want it. But when it is your family, our children…!" The tears fall unrestrained now, "…when it comes to our children, now you care about asari laws." Her blue eyes narrow and the volume of her voice drops, "But maybe you chose to care now because you are embarrassed. Yes, perhaps that is it. How it will look for the pure-blood Samara and her over-privileged family name?"_

_There will be family shame, but it is the least of my worries. "You know that is not it, Aria." I know that she must be experiencing the same shock I felt when I learned of fate's cruel joke. While she had been gone, and our three daughters were secluded to their rooms, I had days to wander through the myriad of emotions: denial, bargaining, grief, and finally acceptance. All possibilities were considered, different scenarios formulated, but in the end only one solution remained._

_I have always been the symbol of sturdiness, the foundation of the family. the look in her eyes tells me that my weakness enrages Aria even further. "Then what is it? What can possibly justify what you are contemplating? You wish to condemn her for genetics?" She points an accusing finger into my chest, "It is your blood flowing in her veins! You wish to kill her for doing nothing but being born? For being just like you!"_

_I am staggered by the accusation – by the truth. "Let's pretend then, shall we, Aria? Pretend we do not know what is about to occur. Let's not stop Mirala. Look past the dead bodies at her feet. Ignore the calls for justice. We'll embrace happily during holidays, never acknowledging the blood on her hands…on our hands. Do you think she will stop herself? Mirala will not stop. You know this. The entire galaxy will seek to kill her. We have to be the ones to correct this mistake."_

"_Mistake?" Aria hissed, eyes wide with anguish. "Samara, I vividly recall the night we made love and you asked for us to have another daughter. I remember the moment s Mirala was conceived." She buckles onto the couch in sorrow. "She is not a monster, Samara. She is your daughter. Our daughter," she spoke barely above a whisper._

_For several moments we sit in silence while Aria's tears fall. I was sure there was nothing left of my heart to still ache. How wrong I was. I softly say, "She will become a monster."_

_Aria's fierce and protective instincts rebound and instantly she is inches from my face. "Do you hear what you are saying?" She points to the wall illuminated with family holos. "Look!" I flinch and have not the courage to lift my head. "I said look!" Reluctantly I face the images of our family. One image in particular has been enlarged and takes up the majority of the wall: two overjoyed asaris holding a child between them, lifting her to the sky. "Is this the monster of whom you speak?"_

_The crescendo of guilt finally peaks and I can only look away, reeling from grief, shame, anger, fear. Little courage remains to address the next issue, but it must be said. I blurt it out quickly before all resolve evaporates, "I have asked to join The Order of the Justicar Code." Aria stood frozen, unable to formulate any words. Hurriedly I continue while courage remains, "I know that I will not be able to do this without discipline and honor, both of which I now realize I do not have."_

"_You don't have to do this at all." Her temper cooling, Aria stands directly in front of her broken bondmate and lifts her chin. "You condemn her for something she has yet to do. I beg you to reconsider. Samara please…" Aria leans in to kiss me. Two grieving mothers seek solace in each other's embrace one last time. With intense passion running just beneath the surface, voraciously we make love in the same room in which we created our three daughters, discussed our dreams for our daughters, and felt those same dreams ripped asunder._

_Hours later I slip from our bed, dressing silently in the dark. A small bag is packed near the front door. When I bend to retrieve it, I am paralyzed by her voice over my shoulder. "This is madness Samara." Part of me wants to run into Aria's arms and hide forever in her embrace; yet I never turn around. "You need me, Samara. You need me badly because I am your last contact with reality. I love you, even now, and that painful decaying love is the only thing between you and the shrieking nothingness you'll live with for the rest of your life. Everything you touch will die with you. But not me. Not as long as I can feel pleasure and pain… and love for my daughters." The room was thick with tension. Neither move, both waiting for the other to break. Finally Aria speaks both a threat and a promise, "Samara, if you leave… if you do this… I will not be here when you return." I silently sigh and exit, the last hopes of my beloved family, and the only woman I have ever loved, plummet into fate's black abyss. The voice fades behind me, "Endless grief awaits you, Samara." The Goddess herself could not speak truer words._

* * *

><p>Shepard tired of reading endless reports from Miranda. Her eyes began to burn so she clicked off her terminal and reached into her duffle bag and pulled out her platinum flask given to her by Garrus after his trip to the Citadel. It would have been nice for him to supply the liquor too, but he never found a liquor bottle he couldn't resist. She poured herself a drink and contemplated whether or not she should disrupt the Justicar. She silently watched her, sipping the clear liquid and relishing the burning sensation in her throat. She couldn't deny that she was attracted to Samara, but she kept any stray thoughts about other women far from her mind after her complete mishandling of the situation with Liara. She would rectify that situation with her once they returned. Since they had yet to discuss their plan of action, she decided to interrupt her meditation. "Samara, would you mind telling me more about the criminal we're looking for?" Shepard asked between sips.<p>

The glowing ring of bluish-white energy flared and then dissipated. Samara remained seated, her back to Shepard, "I'm sorry I have avoided this topic until now. You might say that it is personal." She sighed, "But I know you need to be equipped with all the information if we are to be successful." In one fluid motion she uncurled her long legs and moved to one of the two black club chairs in the room. "She has gone by many names, but currently is going by the name Morinth. She is an ardat-yakshi. The name is from a dead asari dialect that means demon of the night winds. Although the original term derives from mythology, she is no myth or fantasy. She is cunning, skillful and knowledgeable about the weaknesses of men, growing in power each time she kills. And she does so without mercy or prejudice. She has eluded me for centuries. The closest I came to apprehending her was after she left a turian planet in ruins two weeks before I got there. Many of the buildings were still smoldering after the civil war she caused. She is a master manipulator and convinced two powerful leaders that she wanted them both. She confused them, twisted their feelings. They did anything to win her affections, including destroying their nations. Killing her is the most important thing in my life and the reason I became a Justicar."

"Is an ardat-yakshi a special kind of murderer?" Shepard asked before refilling her glass.

Samara shrugged, "Of sorts. Special in that the hunt interests her as much as the conquest. And the hunt often begins with sexual attraction. She speaks on many levels. Her body tells yours that she will bring unimaginable ecstasy. Her scent evokes emotions long hidden. Her eyes promise things you were always scared to ask of another. Her voice whispers to you after she has done speaking. "

"Sounds like my kind of woman," Shepard grinned and took another sip.

"Shepard, you say that in jest," Samara's brow creased, "but understand the thoughts of pleasure are but a mirage. She is very dangerous."

"You are dangerous."

"And so are you," she snapped back, "but, she is…different. Morinth suffers a rare genetic disorder. When she mates with you, there is no gentle melding of the nervous systems. She overpowers yours…burns it out. Hemorrhages your brain. You end up a mindless shell and soon after you are dead."

Shepard creased her brow, "You hunt down these asari just because they're born with a genetic condition?"

"It manifests with maturity. When one is diagnosed, she is offered the chance to live in seclusion and comfort. If she refuses, it shows her addiction to the ecstasy she gets from killing her mates." She looked back at Shepard and raised her chisled chin, "There is no redemption for such a person. Remember how adaptive we asari are. If Morinth does not want to be cured, she won't be."

Shepard still didn't quite understand, "Can't she just abstain?"

"Each encounter gives her strength. The effect is narcotic. The more she does it, the more she needs to do it. She will never stop. She can't."

"Why haven't I ever heard about this before?"

"When we were primitive, there was much fascination with ardat-yakshi. Some cultures worshipped them as gods of destruction. Now the asari have a place in the galaxy and they do not wish this defect to be widely known. As far as I know, only three exist today. Two chose a life of seclusion. The third ran. And I am sworn to kill her."

"Morinth?" Samara nodded. Shepard swirled her drink, "You offer her prison or death? Not much of a choice. I'd run too."

Samara shook her head, "When she fled, she proved her addiction. She was not taking a great moral stand. She simply wants to keep killing." Samara's hint of anger quickly vanished and she continued, "She is a tragic figure. Not a sympathetic one."

"Isn't she only dangerous to the people she mates with?"

"For certain, but often the repercussions extend far beyond the person with whom she has mated. Each time she kills, she becomes stronger, smarter and faster. And she has been doing this for 400 years."

Even though the morality of the situation evaded her, it was no matter. Samara was a crewmember and a friend. She promised to help her in her quest and that was the bottom line. "Samara, I am here to help you anyway I can." With one last smile, Shepard stood and stretched. "I guess I will try and get some sleep." She moved toward one of the single beds.

"Shepard, there is one thing more. This creature, this monster, she is my daughter."

The revelation halted Shepard in her steps. They were about to embark on a mission to kill her daughter? That defied all logic to Shepard because her family had been so close and so important to her, even after their murders. Shepard had killed many people as a soldier, most she felt were justifiable. But having to kill a family member was beyond anything she could comprehend. "How did this happen?"

Samara contemplated her explanation. Some of her history, especially that regarding Aria, she wished to keep hidden away. Both she and Aria were so different now, and she wanted to remember their past as it was. Speaking of her in the present would only bring about a collision in which she was not yet prepared to handle. "I spent my youth on the move, adventuring. I killed people. Mated with them or just danced the night away. I learned so much. Experienced so much. And then my matron days came and I was asked to teach at the Academy of Athame. It was there that I met my bondmate. Eventually I sat back, basking and enjoying my family. But in one moment, it was all taken away."

She walked toward Samara, "I cannot imagine what this is like for you."

Samara was instantly on her feet. She stiffened and stepped back from Shepard "I do not want pity Shepard!" This time she did not stop her anger, "I do not accept it. My daughter's condition is my fault. And my redemption lies in killing her. Do _not_ pity me!" She took a deep cleansing breath, "I say too much. Forgive me. Help me find my long lost daughter…and kill her."

"Samara, I do not pity you. Far from it. In fact I understand more than you may realize." Samara glanced at Shepard from the corner of her eye. "When I was 16 years old, I watched my entire family gutted by batarian pirates. The only reason I survived is that I was knocked out by a butt of a rifle instead of shot from the other end. The bastard that killed my family was shot down by a platoon of alliance marines who answered the distress call. They found me. They saved me. But they did not pity me. One of the marines told me to swallow my grief and turn it into anger. I did. It's the only way I survived. That's why I joined the Alliance. That 's why I am a Marine. Pity would have certainly killed me. But anger…it turned me into a soldier." Shepard placed her hand on the asari's shoulder, "No Samara, I do not pity you. I walk with you and hope that some way you will be free of your past."

"I am not stuck in my past. I am here to rectify it." Samara returned to her sitting position on the floor.

"The guilt will change you." Shepard knew all too well.

"And I have had hundreds of years to live with that." The conversation was over.

Shepard and Samara exited the freighter from a hidden passageway. Both were dressed in solid black armor and had their weapons attached to their backs. In any other location, they may have looked suspicious, but on Omega, they would have looked suspicious if they were dressed any other way. Samara noticed figures in the corners began to move; undoubtedly Aria's spies were on their way to let her know of their arrival. They made their way to the hub of the station: Afterlife. It served as both Aria's throne room and den of thieves for the Terminus system. Shepard began to casually address a Turian security guard. Samara quickly lost interest in that conversation and assumed Shepard was just digging for information anyway. As she contemplated her surroundings, she decided the biggest difference since she had last been here with Aria had nothing to do with the station itself; rather, it had to do with the asaris: the scoundrel was now a Justicar, and the ingénue was now obsessed with greed and power. Her eyes moved up the columns of rooms that encircled Afterlife and wondered which of those rooms contained her fugitive. The chance that she would face Aria and Mirala on the same planet, in the same club, would be implausible to an outside observer. But it was no surprise to Samara. She knew that this day would come because four centuries ago she had been warned by her mentor and friend that such an event would occur.

* * *

><p><em>When she approached the Temple Order of the Justicar code, the High Priestess Ja'Moryae flatly denied her request, and before closing the door in her face, stated her licentious and venal reputation had preceded her and no amount of training or guidance could clear her past or her conscience. Yet, Samara did not leave. She reasoned this was the only way she could reconcile her past with her family's future. They would either let her in, or she would die on the steps waiting. Two weeks passed without any recognition from the Priestess. Still she waited. Three more weeks in varying types of weather she waited. Six weeks of solitude and meditation on the doorsteps of the Temple passed until finally the door opened to allow an acolyte to bring her some water and bland food. Still she waited. Three months from the day she first positioned herself on the steps of the temple, the Priestess reappeared before her. "Athame has heard your pleas, Samara, and has consented to allow you to begin the training." The matriarch was protected from the beating rain by a head covering, but when Samara lifted her weary head, she had to blink and shield her eyes in order to look up to Ja'Moryae. "I have spoken with your professors from the academy and I know you will have no problem with the combat exercises." Samara sat exhausted and weather beaten, hope flickering in her eyes. Ja'Moryae continued, "However, we both know what will be a problem for you, do we not?"<em>

_Samara dropped her eyes. Yes she knew. Pride. It raged within her still. And at this moment was the only thing giving her the strength to meet her eyes, "Yes Mistress."_

_The wise matriarch continued, "You are selfishness incarnate. Everything you have touched is dead." Samara shivered more from the truth than from the rain the steadily pelting her body. "You may enter, but you will follow every order and request without question." Samara nodded. "You will submit to memorizing the 5,000 sutras within 1 year, in addition to your daily schedule that will be set by me."_

_"Yes mistress," Samara's voice was dry and raspy. The older asari circled Samara, still seated in newly forming mud puddles. "And we will begin the conversion of your arrogance into submission immediately. You will leave every worldly possession at these steps. You will trade sackcloth for your love of very expensive clothing. You will own nothing. Claim nothing. You will not utter one word again until I alone give you permission. Think carefully Samara," Ja'Moryae paused. "What say you?"_

_Samara feebly tried to stand to address the Priestess, but slipped and fell face first into the mud. A lifetime of regrets flashed in her mind, stopping at the faces of her bondmate and children. The grief and heartache of her existence ruptured any remaining pride; and there, on her hands and knees, the first tears she had ever shed in her life began to mingle with the mud at the feet of the Priestess. Broken, her body shook with torrential sobs while the rain poured over her. Long moments passed and exhaustion begged her to stand. Gingerly and deliberately she stood to her full height, embarrassed by her dirty face still swollen from crying. "All my life I have lived for only myself. I have killed. Consumed. Burned. My arrogance is my folly and the bane of my family. I loved each of them dearly, but never more than myself. Please help me make things right by them. Help me put away Samara and become the mother I never was."_

_The High Priestess looked deeply into the eyes of the shattered woman, "Samara, I sense the truth in you. From now on, the Code will be your family. There is only The Code. One day you will be challenged with your greatest fear to correct the mistake that brought you here...," the older asari placed her hand on Samara's face and lowered her tone, "and perhaps by honoring The Code, you may in turn find redemption for your family." Once again tears fell from her eyes, but this time from gratitude and a great sense of relief. Ja'Moryae offered a slight smile, "Now come. Let us get you some food and some rest._

"Samara?" Shepard called to her from the stairs of the club. As she walked to the commander, she noticed six armed security guards moving in the same direction. "Aria T'Loak will see us. She is someone with whom we want to avoid having problems. I've met her before. I'll introduce you, but you may want to let me do all of the talking. A Justicar and a crime lord may prove to be a difficult combination," Shepard grinned and Samara acquiesced with a nod.

The music was loud. The club was dark. Both enough to drown out filth and any sign of conscience. Shepard took the lead and entered Aria's chamber and Samara kept a respectable distance. Aria's eyes darted back and forth between Shepard and her crew mate. Her first thought was Samara had come to kill her, but no amount of time would erase her memories of her former lover, especially of her body language. She was not here to fight. Not her anyway. Anger overcame all other conflicting emotions as she contemplated the reality unfolding before her. She had foolishly hoped Samara would have dropped this fanatical and murderous quest, but here she stood, defying her last request as her lover. Even the Justicar symbols could do nothing to cover up her stubbornness and blind ambition. 'Some things do not change', she thought. She would always love Samara. She would also never forgive her. She picked up her glass of Thessian wine and turned to Shepard, "Why are you back on my station, Shepard? Dead Spectres tend to drive away paying customers."

Shepard took a step to the side, "Aria, this is Justicar Samara."

Aria smiled sardonically, "Oh a _Justicar_? This place must repulse you, Justicar Samara? Do you feel compelled to kill someone?"

This was not going like Shepard would have hoped. "An asari fugitive is hiding out here. She's an ardot-yakshi. We need to find her."

"An ardot-yakshi? I thought they were only myths and legends. Justicar Samara, you spend your time chasing myths and legends?" Shepard half expected a singularity to fly over her shoulder and slam into Aria's smug face. But to her surprise, Samara stood silently, her squared shoulders firmly rebutting Aria's barbs. Aria smiled into her glass before she spoke, "I knew it. After the death of that pretty little thing…nothing leaves a body quite so empty."

Samara roused from her silence, "You haven't taken steps to kill her?"

Aria was pleased that she finally provoked a response from the Justicar. Her eyes flashed, "Why would I?" The friction in the room increased exponentially.

The last place Shepard wanted to be was directly in the middle of a fight between two powerful asari women. She cleared her throat, "Aria, we would appreciate any help you can give us."

She could just order them both killed, right here. But damn she still loved that woman. Maybe Mirala would do it for her. Maybe she should just blow everyone straight to hell? Fuck her for standing there so sanctimoniously. She had been ignoring the ache in her chest for 400 years. One more day would not make a difference. "The dead girl lived in the tenaments near here." Aria contemplated carefully. No, she could not kill Samara, but Mirala was strong. As strong as her mother was at her age. One way or another this would end today. She took another sip of wine, swallowing the bile of weakness from her mind. Finally she acquiesced, "Someone told me one that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I hope you find your hell soon, Justicar." She stood and turned her back to them. The guards closed in, signaling the meeting was over.

* * *

><p>Shepard and Samara gathered enough information to deduce the possible location of Morinth after meeting with the mother of her victim. "Afterlife's VIP section seems to be her preferred hunting ground," Shepard said as they began the trek to the club.<p>

Try as she might, no amount of Justicar discipline could hide the importance of the next few moments. "Shepard, this is the closest I have ever been. We cannot afford any mistakes and storming her den would be a mistake. She will have a hundred escape routes planned. She will go underground and disappear for 50 years or more." Before they got to the door, Samara stopped Shepard from entering, "You must go there alone, _and_ unarmed."

"You just got through telling me that she is a dangerous killer and you want me to walk into this place with no gun and no backup?" Shepard was amused.

Samara was not amused, however. "You cannot barge in with guns and allies. Morinth is far too cagey. Like any predator, she is cautious. She'd simply disappear. You must peak her interest by more subtle means, enough so that she will approach you."

Shepard reluctantly agreed and took a moment to change her appearance from behind some crates in a nearby corner. She discarded her armor and exchanged her clothes for a more casual look. "How can I spark her interest when I am not even talking to her?"

"Courage or suicidal bravery could attract her. Hurt someone in defense and she will be excited; pick a fight and she will be bored. Show skill at walking through a nightclub crowd, she will be intrigued. She will want you the moment she sees you. The rest is just a matter of overpowering her caution. When you are face to face, subtly encourage her to invite you to her apartment."

"Ok. Got it. Be smooth. Be cool. Be attractive. Thank God these qualities were not expected of me by the Council to become a Spectre. I'll see what I can do." It was just one asari. What was the big deal?

"Know this, until I get there, you are in great peril. She will be planning on inflicting great horrors on you. If you are not careful, you will want her to." Shepard smiled to herself. She appreciated Samara's concern, but it wasn't like she hadn't been around beautiful women before. Samara continued, "I'll be in the shadows watching, Shepard. You will never be alone. This I swear. Trust me like I trust and honor you."

She was surprised to hear the Justicar confess such a statement and reconsidered her cavalier attitude. "Getting her alone, that will require careful timing."

"Of this I have no doubt. Shepard, we only get one chance at this. Any mistake and Morinth will disappear. If you're the least bit unsure, come talk to me. I will wait here. And Shepard, thank you…," Samara took her hand, "…you are the only soul I can imagine sharing this with." For a brief moment both women studied each other. At once the Justicar let go and quickly stepped back.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for that," the asari dancer said. "Security must have been asleep." She gave Shepard a peck on the cheek before moving into the crowd. Shepard looked down at the drunk and unconscious turian. Whether Morinth was watching or not, she would have knocked him out anyway for getting too aggressive with the petite dancer. She kicked him the ribs for good measure before stepping over him and heading to the bar.<p>

Shepard finished her second drink and began to wonder how long was long enough to wait. She activated her omni-tool to pay but was interrupted. "My name is Morinth. I've been watching you." Shepard looked to her left and saw a younger mirror-image of Samara sit down beside her on the bar stool next to her. What struck her the most was the eerie similarity of their eyes. Both women had fury churning behind their dark irises. But Morinth…her eyes were tantalizing, wild and tempestuous, and barely held back by practiced control. Morinth sat with her back against the bar, legs crossed and hands loosely clasped in her lap. She scanned Shepard bottom to top in an instant. No mistaking she was measuring her up. She turned away from Shepard and looked at nothing across the room. "You're the most interesting person in this place." Shepard did not answer, only returned her attention to her drink. "I've got a booth over here in the shadows. Why don't you come sit with me?" She didn't even wait for Shepard to respond before she pushed off the bar and walked away. Shepard picked up her drink and let the a sari's long, tantalizing legs lead the way. Yes, the similarities with her mother were uncanny, especially from this perspective. Morinth glanced over her shoulder and smiled when she caught Shepard checking her out. Internally she cursed herself, and when they reached the booth, made a point to sit as far away as possible.

She leisurely sat with her legs crossed and one arm thrown over the back of the booth. "Some nights I come here and there's no one interesting to talk to. Some nights there's just one person. Tonight it's you." Morinth's drink arrived and she ran her index finger around the rim. "Why is that?"

Samara had really overestimated Morinth. She was not dangerous, just very sexual. And what was wrong with that? The corner of Shepard's mouth curled up, "We probably have a lot in common." Shepard watched Morinth's chest rise and fall. "Yah, I'm sure you and I like the same things."

"Do we?"

Shepard didn't respond, only turned her attention to a nearby dancer. "What do you think of the music here?"

"Dark rhythms, violent pulses – it stirs something primitive in me," Morinth never took her attention from the human sitting across from her, however.

"So you like dark rhythms. Besides music, what else appeals to you?" Shepard sipped her drink and glanced at Morinth. She remembered her last victim was an aspiring artist. "Art perhaps?"

Just like her mother, Morinth's eyebrow peaked when she was intrigued, "Yes, in fact I like art. But not so much traditional forms. Sublime pieces slither through my soul and get in my mind and tear it to pieces. I like art that speaks to the darkest places in me. I like that it comes in many forms." The tempo of the background music slowed and Shepard leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes to savor the beat throbbing through her body. Morinth continued, "I've seen things that are more powerful than sculptures in a gallery or trash decorating an over-privileged matriarch's home. Vids are a perfect example."

Shepard liked Morinth's voice. She imagined Samara sounding the same as a maiden. With her head still leaning against the wall she asked she looked at the never ending steam of videos streaming on the wall monitors. A nameless asari danced in the video, while a well dressed turian raged at the screen, blood on his hands and explosions behind him. "What do you think about violence in vids?"

Morinth glanced at the screen. "Seems fake to me. I don't see the point." Now it was Moriinth's turn to act uninterested.

'I like this girl. Gives it right back.' "Fake or not violence is exhilarating." She sat up and reflected on the number of people she had killed without a second thought.

"And that's what you're after, a cheap thrill?"

"Some days, yes. But right now, I'm not 'after' anything. I'm just here to take a break from my job. I am constantly flying all over the galaxy." She laid her pistol on top of the table and waved to the bartender for another drink.

Once again, Morinth's attention was laser focused on the woman across from her, "It changes you, doesn't it?"

Shepard nodded, "Yes. I have seen and done things most people can't imagine."

"Yes!" Morinth's smile was intoxicating. Once again her finger began tracing the rim of her glass in slow circles. "When I travel, I find myself drawn to dark and dangerous places."

Shepard's eyes unconsciously dialted as she asked, "Dangerous places?"

Morinth raised her glass to her mouth. She pulled deeply on her wine.

Shepard's drink arrived. "If you're the strongest, you have power." Flashback memories bombarded the commander of a raid on a batarian slave camp and how the slavers had tortured and brutalized their victims. She had no regrets returning the same to those bastards. For the rest of her life, she wanted the batarian race to remember and fear her name.

"That is certainly true… among children." Morinth looked bored, but Shepard knew it was a ruse, because she never took her eyes off of her. With her lopsided grin, she called her on her bluff, "Whoever wants it the most, and is willing to do anything for it, has the power." The ice clinking in her glass announced she was ready to leave. "Thank you for the drink Morinth," Shepard said as she stood. Both knew, and were ready for, the next move.

"Do you want to get out of here? My apartment is nearby…and I want you alone," Morinth asked, still poised like an uninterested feline. Shepard looked back at beautiful asari. A slow smoldering desire stoked within her. Yes, she did want to get out of there. And she eagerly wanted to leave with Morinth. The maiden poured herself out of the booth, walking ahead of Shepard with fluid energy and sensual freedom.

As soon as they entered her the apartment, she the young matron headed for an elegant liquor cabinet and took out two glasses and poured generous amounts of deep colored wine. Shepard made herself comfortable at the end of the L-shaped couch. Morinth turned and took a sip from her glass, studying Shepard. Her long and slender arm extended the beverage to Shepard and their fingers touched for the briefest of moments. The sounds from the club were muted in her apartment. She closed her eyes and smiled, "I love clubs: people, movement, heat. I can still hear the bass like the drums of a great hunt. Here it's gentle," she looked at Shepard, "and you're safe."

'Safe, what a lie. There is no such thing,' Shepard thought.

As if she could read her mind, Morinth continued, "Is that what you want, Shepard?"

"People feel safest right before they die," Shepard sneered.

"It's true. We're never safe. I've never understood the fascination with safety. Some of us chose differently."

Shepard wasn't sure the type of drink she was consuming but enjoyed the relaxation if gave her. "You are speaking my language, Morinth."

She moved like rippling water, effortlessly transferring herself to Shepard's lap, running her cunning fingers through Shepard's short curls. "Independence over submission, I think we share that, you and I." Shepard's head began to swim. What little remaining cognitive functioning she had screamed warnings, but was soon overridden by Morinth's sultry voice, "Look into my eyes. Tell me you want me."

There was no doubt in Shepard's mind that she wanted this erotic asari. No fathomable reason to object could be found. "I want you."

Morinth ran her hands across Shepard's abdomen, "Tell me you'd kill for me. Anything I want."

The door to the apartment exploded into the room, "Morinth!" The sound of Samara's voice seemed to wake Shepard from her slumber. She shook her head and stood up the same time Morinth jumped to her feet to defend herself.

"Mother," she hissed.

"Do not call me that." Morinth was pushed into a far window by a biotic push, creating a spider web of cracks across its midsection.

Morinth shook her head to clear her vision, "I can't chose to stop being your daughter, _Mother_."

"You made your choice long ago." Samara stepped closer.

Morinth's biotics flared brilliantly, pushing Samara back several feet. "What choice? My only crime was being born with the gifts you gave me!" She summoned a chair to hit the Jusitcar from behind. Samara fell but recovered by rolling until she faced her attacker. "Enough Morinth!" Simultaneously their biotics crashed between them.

"All my life you have hunted me, your daughter! You promised us protection and love and yet I have to defend myself now from your 'protection', _Mother_. Because I did nothing but run from a cage, I must die?"

Glowing in dark energy Samara yelled, "You are a disease to be purged! Nothing more."

Shepard stood in awe. Mother and daughter matched in beauty and deadly power. Morinth changed tactics and addressed Shepard, "I am as powerful as she is. Let me join you."

"I am already sworn to protect you, Shepard. Let us finish this."

With all her attention on her target, Morinth was surprised to feel her arm jerk behind her head. "End of the line Morinth," Shepard said, sounding more sure of herself than she really was.

Another hit and Morinth was on the floor. Once again Shepard witnessed a young asari crawling away from the Justicar. At once Samara descended with her foot on Morinth's neck. "Find peace in the embrace of the Goddess." A sickening crunch echoed in the room.

Silence. Deafening silence.

Samara walked to the splintered glass, looked past Omega, past the reflection of the Justicar, to see two overjoyed asaris holding a child between them, lifting her to the sky. She gently placed her hand on the image only she could see.

Shepard took a furtive step toward Samara, but thought better of continuing. "Do you want to talk about what just happened?"

Samara glanced at Shepard over her shoulder, "What do you think I will say? What can I say?" Her voice cracked as she lowered her head. Four hundred years of compounded fatigue and sorrow collapsed upon the Justicar. "I am a ruined vessel of sorrow and regret. Shepard, show mercy on a broken old warrior and let me simply remember Morinth's birth." She felt her self-control slipping and began to move around the room in an attempt to distract herself. But the grieving mother would not be denied. She longed to find remnants of her daughter, to be close to her one last time. She didn't stop in front of the weapons, or the vulgar images of death Morinth accumulated throughout her life. Instead, Samara ran her hand across Morinth's bed and picked up a pillow. She inhaled deeply, cherishing the scent of her youngest daughter. Instinctively she pulled open a drawer near the bed and a small black box caught her eye. Her breath quickened. Instantly she was back on Thessia.

* * *

><p><em>Standing outside the bedroom door of Rila, I listen to her and her two younger sisters discuss her transfer to the commando training on the eve of her one-hundredth birthday.<em>

"_Rila, have you decided how long you will stay at the academy?" Farele, my middle and most timid daughter, asks. I worry for this child, although she is almost eighty-two, her confidence painfully lags behind her age._

"_I have decided that I will get stay for the minimum requirement, and after serving my tour, I will enter university. The galaxy holds much more for me than battle armaments." Rila. She has a soul of a poet and the inquisitiveness of a philosopher, completely debunking the myth that the daughters bare no traits from the other parent. "What about you, Mirala. What of your plans? Forty is a very important year."_

_I lean closer, eager to hear her response._

"_For now I will excel in my education and biotics trainings, but when I turn 100, I will enter the Commando academy and stay until they force me to leave. I will break all the records set by Mother. Surely she is the strongest warrior of our people. I will be as equally deadly as she is and have the respect of all asari as she does."_

_I am slightly surprised to hear this, not because she does not love me, but because she rarely admits any emotion for anyone. And moreover, I do not doubt her. Already she has far surpassed her sisters with her intellect, strength and cunning. She is fiercely independent and questions all authority. Even in the womb, Mirala challenged me. The only thing that has kept her out of serious trouble has been my constant discipline and my family name. Surely I will need to increase my meditations if I am to contain this child._

"_Maybe I will also change my name. I have always liked the name Morinth," Mirala adds for shock, invoking the expected response from her sisters._

_I grind my teeth, 'Morinth, Goddess of destruction.' Perhaps now is a good time to interrupt the sisters before this conversation goes any further. All three turn their heads as I finally enter the room, "Hello Mother," the oldest two greet me with a slight nod. I look at my youngest and only after she has sufficiently agitated me does she acknowledge me. "Hello, Mother. What do you have in your hands behind your back?" She hints of contempt and suspicion._

"_I have a gift for all three of my beautiful daughters. As Rila begins her new journey, I thought it appropriate to mark this very important occasion." I produce three separate boxes containing three exact necklaces. Around a light but sturdy platinum chain hangs a pendant engraved with our family insignia representing strength and unity. All three look at their gift with great amazement and gratitude. "For generations, our family has worn the Djet and it holds great respect among our people. Daughters, keep it with you always, as a sign of my love for each of you, and your love for each other. Nothing will ever change that."_

* * *

><p>Back in Morinth's apartment, Samara's vision blurred and small tears fell onto necklace that had been given to Mirala four centuries ago. "Nothing ever changed my daughter. I will love you until my dying breath." Sitting on the edge of her daughters bed, the Jusitcar stepped aside and the heartbroken mother wept for only the second time in her long life.<p>

In all her years in the military, Commander Shepard learned that in times such as these, words are empty. No amount of wisdom or compassion can fill the aching void of a mother who has lost a child. Shepard was never really good at words anyway. For now, in this moment, she would be the strength for her friend. Shepard gently removed her jacket and laid it on a nearby table, careful not to bring attention to herself. With the softness of a snowfall, Shepard sat next to Samara and pulled her into her arms. Even if Samara would have resisted, Shepard would have not relented. But the broken asari did not resist. Still clutching her daughter's pillow to her chest, she let her friend hold her. The sobs racked her body and the tears soaked Shepard's clothes. Even with the sobbing subsided, the tears did not. "Thank you, Shepard. You have been a dear friend to me," Samara said in a hushed tone.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Shepard asked as she released her.

Samara stood and looked out the massive bedroom window overlooking the skyline of Omega, which was falsely serene. "I have made arrangements with one of the temples of Athema to provide a discreet and proper Asari burial. But I will need assistance to provide transport for Morinth's body back to Thessia. Any attempt on my part to seek assistance from Aria may be interpreted as a way for her to gain favor with me." Samara turned her shoulders to look at Shepard, "It would not."

"I understand." Shepard activated her omnitool and walked back down to the sitting area. Samara was once again left alone with her thoughts, contemplating the next situation she would have to endure.

Several hours after leaving Omega, Shepard and Samara were once again in the same freighter heading back to Illium. The Justicar sat in her familiar pose with a bluish-white haze around her body and Shepard sat at the small desk cleaning her gun to avoid reading any reports queued up in her email. She started when she looked up and suddenly saw Samara watching her from the chair opposite her. "Jesus! I need to put a bell around your ankle or something. Your enemies never hear you coming do they?"

"Most of the time, no," Samara said in her familiar cool tone.

Shepard put down her cleaning rag and looked down the empty barrel to inspect her handy work. "I was worried when you asked me to stay in the apartment while you left…alone. As we just learned, Omega isn't a very safe place." Shepard asked, without asking.

Samara was not content to share her destination or purpose for leaving. "Thank you for waiting for me. I had...some unfinished business. I was quite confident that no danger would befall me." Samara sat patiently for Shepard to finish.

She finally took the hint and placed weapon and cleaning instruments to the side. "Ok, I'm all ears."

Samara crossed her legs at her knees and looked at Shepard with a vacant stare, "It is hard for me to find the words...," she paused to formulate her thoughts more clearly, "Morinth haunted my dreams and waking hours equally but now I am ready to get on with my life. With this burden behind me, my full attention is now on our mission to stop the collectors. "

"I know I said this before, but I can't imagine what you must be experiencing. You said that Morinth was a monster, but she was first your daughter."

Samara sighed, "She was the strongest and smartest of all my daughters. She would not accept the injustice thrown upon her," she smiled slightly, "and I am so proud of her, Shepard. Do you realize that she went on the run at the age of 40? I do not know human years well, but it is very young for an asari."

Shepard returned her smile and then asked, "You are proud of her. I can see why. I know you will miss her."

Samara looked her age for the first time since Shepard met her. "One of my daughters is dead. All of my hopes and dreams were bound up in my children and they dissolved before my very eyes…," the Justicar raised her chin in her customary fashion, "…still, my feelings must come after my duty." She looked directly at Shepard, "And the same is true for you."

"Your 'duty' had you kill your daughter."

Samara stood and walked to the center of the room, descending effortlessly into her meditation position.

"And I would do it again without hesitation."

A/N: I was looking for inspiration for a break up scene and borrowed a few words and phrases from the movie "The Network" 1976. That is one bad ass break up scene. Once again I gladly give credit to Cybertnetic Purgatory for the idea of Samara and Aria and also for his holo description of the family. I am aware that the ages of the daughter to not line up with the canon, but I beg your permission for creative license.


	15. Chapter 14 Green Eyed Monster

**Chapter 14 Green Eyed Monster**

"Operative Lawson, The Illusive Man wishes to speak with you," EDI interrupted Miranda as she tried to hurriedly finish the last minute reports before Shepard returned from Omega with Samara. Shepard had been evasive during their last conversation, but living with both her father and The Illusive Man taught her to pay attention to the signs that some topics were off limits. "EDI, prepare the link. I am on my way." She summoned her best submissive female façade before the scanner began moving up her body. Yet another talent acquired by living with controlling men.

"Miranda," TIM exhaled her name and took another drag off his ever burning cigarette. "Your reports on the Normandy's upgrades are impressive. You were right to pursue the quarian. She is invaluable to Shepard and the mission. You are not concerned about the quarian marine aboard?"

"Not at all. According to Shepard, he single-handedly held off a platoon off geth that included a bloody colossus. His experience is a welcomed addition to the ship."

He studied her before he spoke. "I am still considering your suggestion to release the Shadow Broker information to Shepard for Dr. T'Soni." Blue smoke circled around his body like serpents. "I am not so sure the timing of your request is prudent."

Miranda's professional and confident demeanor was outwardly unwavering, "I believe having issues resolved between the Commander and Dr. T'Soni will enhance her ability to complete the mission, not distract from it. I am sure she will ask the doctor to join our team, and if she does, it would further improve the team's battle effectiveness. "

"I've read the reports, Miranda," he warned, "including the ones about Shepard's concern about the possibility of compromising integrity of missions to protect those whom she loves."

Miranda's palms began to sweat. Fortunately they were clasped behind her back. "I have full confidence in the Commander." As soon as she made that comment she knew he would expect an explanation. Her mind began to race.

He paused to inhale and narrowed his vision. "This is a marked change in your original assessment."

"That is true, but not without reason. After witnessing her abilities both on and off of the battlefield I know she will make the tough calls. And contrary to her confessed fear of failing to do so, I believe her friends increase her resolve and determination to be a better leader instead of compromising them."

"What about you, Miranda? Are you her friend?" Even thousands of light years away she could feel his scrutiny.

"I seriously doubt that." She hoped that was a lie. Shepard's willingness to help her with Orianna quickly dismantled years of psychological defenses. It was fair to say Commander Shepard was her only friend in the entire galaxy; but he could not know that. "Shepard's mistrust of Cerberus, _all_ of Cerberus, runs deep. There is no friendship. Only a mutual understanding of a fixed objective."

He crushed out his cigarette only to light another one. The flare from his expensive lighter made his face seem demonic. But Miranda was not afraid. In fact she was angry. She was done feeling controlled or manipulated by fear; done cowering and retreating. He, above anyone in the galaxy, knew she would protect her sister with her dying breath. Yes he could find her sister. But she could also find him.

He changed the subject. "I notice the video feeds and spy programs keep disappearing from the ship."

"I have as well. Tali vas Normandy is a remarkable engineer and technical genius. I am sure that Shepard had her begin removing them the moment she stepped on board. "

"That is too bad. I would have liked to observe Shepard's interaction with her former lover."

'I'm sure you would,' she thought to herself and made a mental note to have all of the bathrooms swept and quarters checked again. "I will personally keep you informed of all pertinent activity, Illusive Man."

He sat back in on his throne, crossed his legs and exhaled, "Of course you will Miranda. I will transmit the information about the Shadow Broker to you. I hope this is not a mistake." After a short pause he continued, "I am glad to know that your commitment to Cerberus remains unwavering."

"Of course it does." That was most certainly a lie. With a simple push of a button, the connection was severed and Miranda was once again alone.

"Operative Lawson, Commander Shepard's shuttle has returned," EDI spoke from the corner.

"I am sure the Commander will want to meet with the crew. Have everyone meet here in 30 minutes."

As soon as Commander Shepard entered the ship, there seemed to be a communal sigh of relief from the entire crew, most notably from the Commanding Officer who was waiting for her at the shuttle door. "Commander, I think I speak for everyone when I say we're so glad you are back on the ship. Can I have my job back now?"

"Miranda, don't go soft of me. Not in front of the children and the Justicar," Shepard laughed and placed her hand on Miranda's bicep for a gentle squeeze. "Good to be back."

A half hour later all of Shepard's officers were assembled and greeted her warmly when she entered the comm room replete with cocky swagger and matching grin. "Alright tell me where we are with the upgrades and how much time we have left to complete. Garrus, you first."

"As you know Commander, the Normandy SR2 was built with two Javelin disruptor torpedo launchers mounted on the joints between its wings and primary hull. With the help of my favorite quarian, we have increased the range of the volleys so we will not have to be as close to our target, AKA the collector ship, to do as much damage. EDI and Joker have run diagnostics and report that the range has increased by 11.76%."

"That is a big difference," Shepard nodded.

"But…," Garrus raised a talon signaling his excitement, "even better news is that my baby, the Thanix weapon is 2 days from completion. And this weapon makes the Javelin look like a water cannon. It is a retractable battery of cannons and mounted beneath the main hull. I firmly believe that the Thanix Cannon is strong enough to destroy a Collector cruiser in two shots."

Shepard's eyes lit up like it was Christmas morning. "That might be the sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me." Everyone in the room laughed because they all knew she and Garrus had a love affair with powerful weaponry, often discussing the topic late into the night. That was the building block of their 'alien' friendship. "_I could consider loving any man who loved his weapon more than me_," Shepard told him once before they passed out drunk in Ashley's weapons storage room. Chief Williams was none too happy to find all of the weapons strewn about the room, but laughed when she found her Commander behind a crate cradling her sniper weapon like a baby. She also learned that turians actually drool and was not sure how to properly clean a grenade launcher that was covered in it.

"Our armaments will certainly draw some blood. But even with a surprise attack, there is sure to be some counter attacks. What about our defenses and barriers?" Shepard looked at Tali. Even from behind her violet breathing mask, her smile visibly glowed with pride. "Commander, the Normandy was originally built with a standard system of kinetic barrier shielding. While they are helpful during attacks with 'standard' weapons, we learned during the Battle of the Citadel they are terribly ineffective against extreme heat or radiation, such as lasers and particle weapons. Fortunately with our research…," Garrus interrupted with a cough, "your research." Tali blushed and continued, "…the diagnostics revealed we could upgrade to multicore shielding utilizing Cyclonic Barrier Technology. The CBT violently slaps aside rather than halting incoming linear force. By rotationally firing their mass effect field projectors, the ship creates rapidly oscillating kinetic barriers instead of static ones. Shooting through the CBT is like trying to shoot at a target inside a spinning ball. If an emitter is damaged, the CBT corrects to become a traditional shield array, a safety feature that makes it most effective during opening volleys. Without them, collisions with debris may cause the ship's power core to overload and explode. Thanks to our stash of creds and help from Dr. T'soni, we were able to acquire the technology, additional workers and machinery. I estimate 3 more days to completion." Everyone held their breath to watch Shepard's reaction, not so much for the amazing work Tali had completed, but to see how she would react to Liara's help.

"That is great news, Tali. Vas Normandy indeed." No one doubted for one second, however, that the Commander was most pleased by the help from the information broker. She turned her attention to the security officer, "What about you, Mr. Taylor?"

"It seems that Dr. T'soni has been very helpful for more reason than one. Tali asked me if I could think of any upgrades we needed, and when I told her I had tried to contact an asari company named Silaris about the possibility of upgrading our armor and was denied any communication because of our 'affiliations', she said she had someone who might be able to help. The next thing I know I am contacted directly by someone named Leema B'Thia, Director of the Silaris Operations on Illium. She told me a well-known asari named Dr. T'Soni spoke to them on our behalf and they would be happy to assist our ship's upgrades to include the Silaris heavy armor. And since so many of our crew, especially Jack, volunteered to help the asari engineers and builders…" Shepard glanced at Jack, who returned her gaze with a shrug of her shoulders and silent "What?" Jacob continued without pausing, "…the retrofit has gone very well. I have been told the job will be finished in 15 hours, if we continue using a crew around the clock."

"Where would I be without the amazing asari?" Shepard's mood was light, and as interesting as this meeting was turning out to be, her thoughts kept trailing to her guardian angel, Liara. "Jacob, I have no doubt the asari technology will improve our ship, but what are we talking about?"

"If you don't mind, Mr. Taylor, I will answer the Commander," Tali said and Jacob nodded in agreement. "Asari designed Silaris heavy ship armor can be refitted to the hull of the ship, improving its survivability in combat. The armor can resist the tremendous heat and kinetic energy of starship weapons. It is nearly unsurpassed in strength because its central material, carbon nanotube sheets woven with Diamond Chemical Vapor Deposition, are crushed by mass effect fields into super-dense layers able to withstand extreme temperatures."

"Impressive. Anything else?"

EDI piped up from her stand, "We have also increased the number of Gardian defense lasers and fuel cells."

"One more thing Commander," Jacob chimed in, "all the personnel weapon upgrades have been completed with the help of Kal Reegar. I asked Kal to be my second regarding ship and staff security. He was hanging out all time anyway when he wasn't…um… busy. He is an excellent marine and has innate quarian knowledge about weapons and military tactics."

"I think that is an out-fucking-standing idea, Mr. Taylor!" Shepard beamed. "So we got a stronger punch and fortified defenses and a bulldog marine covering our six? It looks like the Normandy will do her part to get us to the door, and we will just need to kick the damn thing in. Well done, Miranda. Job well done, everyone. But it seems that there's one more person who needs to be included in our celebration. Miranda, contact Dr. T'soni and tell her we would like to offer our personal thanks as soon as she is available. Tali and Samara, I want both of you to join Miranda and me when the meeting is set." She looked around the room and was more confident their mission than she had ever been. "Dismissed."

As everyone stood to leave, Shepard caught Jack by the arm and leaned in to whisper, "Asari?"

"I can't help myself, boss-lady. I want to be like you when I grow up," Jack playfully smiled.

"Just be careful, Jack. When it comes to love, they may have a problem with someone who has commitment issues. And trust me, you don't want to piss them off. All of them are natural biotics," Shepard warned with a grin.

"Who said anything about love? Besides two biotics having sex…," she whistled and she shook her head before she left the room.

Tali stayed back as everyone left. Shepard walked over to her and gave a sisterly hug, "Nice work, Tali. I can't thank you enough for all the hard work you have done. You have surpassed yourself."

Tali looked up at her friend and said, "Shepard, this ship is my home and houses the people I love the most in the galaxy. To protect it is to protect them."

The Commander smiled and turned to leave. "Wait, Shepard. I have something for you." Tali opened her satchel and pulled out a silver framed picture of Liara. "This candid photo was taken of her watching you at the awards ceremony. I downloaded it and had it framed. I think that is a human tradition, right?"

Shepard's breath hitched in her throat. Liara was so beautiful. And the look on her face was one she remembered fondly. "Yes Tali, it is an old human custom. I am…speechless. Thank you."

"She misses you." Tali looked like she wanted to say more but Shepard interrupted her, "I am going to see her today. She is my heart, Tali. I know once we have time to talk, everything will get back to normal." Both women smiled and Shepard nudged her shoulder, "So Kal? It seems her has jumped right in. How's things between you two?" Tali blushed as the comm room doors hissed closed behind them.

The sea of people parted instinctively as Shepard and her team headed to Liara's office. She betrayed no emotion, yet internally she felt them reaching a crescendo. Shepard hesitated. Part of her did not want to be accompanied, wanted to be alone with Liara. What little pride she had left would not let her crawl on her knees and beg Liara to return to her. Maybe it was a good thing to have her team with her after all.

Once they reached the top of the stairs, Shepard stopped in front of the assistant's desk for her to announce their arrival. Again Nyxseris greeted them, but was noticeably shocked when she registered she was face to face with a Justicar. "Liara is free to see you, C-Commander," Nyxseris stumbled over her words. Samara paused to look at the secretary, who suddenly remembered she needed to be somewhere else. While Tali activated the door, Shepard leaned down to whisper to Miranda, "I got The Illusive Man's transmission. I am sure you were behind it. Thank you." Miranda blushed and ran her hands through her hair, "Commander, I am glad to help."

All of this did not go unnoticed by the asari standing behind her desk when the doors opened. "Tali, I am glad to see you again." Liara warmly embraced Tali as Shepard, Miranda and Samara entered. "Commander Shepard, it is good to see you again as well." Liara continued to smile but her focus remained on Miranda until Shepard spoke.

"Dr. T'Soni, I understand from my XO that you have been instrumental in the amazing progress in my ship's upgrades and improvements," Shepard turned from Liara to Miranda, "so you must already know each other."

"We have met," came Liara's icy reply. Miranda wisely kept silent and only nodded.

A grinning Shepard turned her attention to the older asari in the room. ""Dr. T'soni, may I introduce you to Samara, Servant of the Justicar code." Shepard took a step to her left and slighted bowed in the direction of Samara.

Liara moved from behind her desk. She touched her forehead with her fingertips and slightly bowed as she slowly brought her hand down, palm facing upward. "Justicar Samara, today I am blessed by the Goddess. It is my privilege to meet a loyal servant of Athame, and high priestess of The Code. Your reputation is legendary among our people. I am honored to meet you."

'So it was she that taught you of the asari traditions,' Samara mused as she gave a slight nod of her head to receive the traditional greeting. The resemblance to Benezia T'soni was unquestionable. Samara smiled to herself realizing that even after her death, they still found a way to cross paths. She remembered witnessing the body language between Shepard and Liara at club Asmodeus. Their knowing and sensual movements were so electric in their desire for one another that anyone, especially an asari matriarch, could see that they were once lovers. Even now their pretense did little to hide their attraction to one another. And it was not hard to believe that Benezia's offspring would be attracted to Shepard: she was forceful, direct, powerful, cunning, and clever. "I am filled with gratefulness for the grace and mercy of the Goddess and am humbled by your esteem. I knew your mother and I know that her mind was not her own before her death. She was respected and her knowledge will always be a treasure of our people. As painful as it must have been, know your mother was relieved that you were the one to end her bondage."

"Thank you Justicar. You are kind. Daily I choose to remember her as she was before…" Her throat seemed to close on its own. She moved to stand in front of Shepard, "Commander, I am glad we finally have the opportunity to meet again, but I confess I wasn't expecting so many guests. Perhaps I should order refreshments?" Liara's beautiful eyes offered no sincerity in the offer, however.

The Australian got Liara's hint loud and clear. "Please do not go to any trouble on my account, Dr. T'Soni. I just wanted to offer my thanks before I went to complete some final transactions. Samara if you would join me?" Samara nodded at Liara and left with Miranda.

"Liara, I have told Shepard how none of the upgrades would have been possible without your assistance," Tali said.

Liara moved back behind her desk and sat. "Well the Commander should not have been surprised. I told her that I was glad to help in any way that I can," although she addressed Tali, she never took her eyes from Shepard. "My sources tell me that the improvements to your ship are almost complete."

"Sources? You have sources?" Shepard asked a bit cynically.

"Yes, I have _sources._ Contacts. Even a little hired muscle," Liara snapped. "I've been working as in information broker. It's paid the bills since you…well for the past two years."

Instinctively Shepard's defenses pushed her palms down onto the desk in response, "It must have been your "sources" that put the Illium crafted listening devices in my quarters. If you wanted to know what was going on with me you could have simply just asked."

"Says the dead Spectre working for Cerberus." Liara simply sat with her hands in her lap.

"You say that like you are surprised. How is that possible since you are the one that gave my body to them? And now you are angry that they did their job, brought me back to stop the collectors. Which part of my life, exactly, are you pissed about? The part where I suffocated to death trying to save my ship, or the part where I woke up on a Cerberus hospital?"

Liara was less upset with the sarcasm than she was about something else. "Speaking of Cerberus How come every time I see you, _she_ is with you. Are you well, or are things so delicate that you need a nursemaid?"

"Are you talking about Miranda?" Shepard remained standing in front of Liara's desk like she had been called to the principal's office.

Liara waved off Shepard's question, "Why does every conversation I have about you, or with you, involve that horrible human female? Ever since she came into my life, she has planted herself directly in between us." Shepard's still recovering memory finally connected that each time she had met with Liara, the Cerberus agent had been with her. She finally understood Liara's reactions were not that she didn't love her anymore, but because each time she had seen Liara, Miranda had been right next to her. Liara continued and interrupted Shepard's private thoughts, "Perhaps her personal examination of you in your hotel room recently was enough to clear up any remaining health issues you had."

Tali rubbed her hands together. "Oh Keelah," she whispered.

"About that … she is my XO, Liara, and that's it. And a damn fine one at that. We started out with our issues, but as we have gotten to know each other, I know I can trust her." Just how well she trusted the attractive operative concerned Liara. A slow grin curled in the corner of Shepard's mouth and she stepped closer to her desk, "Wait, are you jealous?" Tali flinched. She wished that she had telepathy to tell Shepard the words Liara wanted to hear, but all she could do was watch the ineloquent Commander dance around her true emotions. Liara bit her lip when Tali surreptitiously cleared her throat and Shepard glanced at Tali and took a deep breath before continuing, "Well since your 'sources' know so much about me, like where I have been and what I have been doing, then you know we need you."

"I can't, Shepard," Liara said a bit too forcefully. "I'm sorry the galaxy doesn't work that way. I need to find leads, trace information. I need to work. I can't do that on the Normandy. I have commitments here. Things I need to take care of."

Shepard's cautionary nature told her "things" meant danger. She finally sat down before asking, "What kind of things, Liara? Are you in some kind of trouble? Tell me what's going on. We can help." She looked at Tali who nodded in agreement.

A part of Liara was relieved to have her friends offer to help her. The title of information broker had not won her many friends - in fact it was quite the opposite. But she was resolved to keep them out of her mess, however, because Shepard and her crew had enough to worry about. "No. No trouble. But it's been a long two years. I had things to do while you were… gone. I have debts to repay. Promises to keep."

Somehow and once again the meeting was not going as well as planned and their friend was compelled to intervene, "Liara, we are your friends. We," Tali pointed to Shepard behind her back to imply she really meant Shepard, "would not be happy or be able concentrate on our mission if we knew you were in danger."

Liara winced internally. Her young friend was right. Lover's or not, Shepard's dedication to those for whom she cared was both her strength and weakness. Maybe if she let Shepard help her with a small but important task, she would drop her bulldogged pursuit of her. "Look, if you really want to help, I need someone with hacking experience, someone I can trust. If you could disable security key points around Illium then you could get me the information I need and that would help me a great deal."

"Hacking?" Shepard asked sardonically. Liara sat doe-eyed across from Shepard and simply nodded. It infuriated her that much more, "You have got to be fucking kidding me. There has to be more to this than hacking. I may have been re-born, but I was not reborn an idiot, Liara." For several moments no one spoke, until finally Shepard's patience ran out, "Goddamn it Liara, what's this all about? Cant' you just talk to me?"

"Don't you think I want to, Shepard?" The frustrated asari rubbed her forehead to calm herself, "This isn't because I don't trust you. I don't trust…" She caught herself and looked out the window and pointed to the skyline, "This is Illium! Anything I say is probably being recorded."

"Well then they can record me saying I don't give a flying fuck. What is going on? If they are recording you, then they know what you are doing. If you are in that much danger then you need to come with us."

Liara slammed her hand down on the desk, "You want to know why I don't drop everything to join you? Do you remember the Shadow Broker? He and I have some unfinished business." Liara's eyes were focused on something in the distance, "and I know he has several contacts here on Illium. The most powerful is someone called The Observer. If I can take down The Observer then I will be that much closer to finishing this. In a simpler time it would have been about friendship or trust. But that's not the way it works on Illium."

"You're on the run from the Shadow Broker?" Shepard and Tali asked at the same time, both taken aback. He was the most powerful broker in the galaxy and had resources and agents too numerous to count. To tangle with him was to open oneself to a certain invitation to death. He didn't have many enemies because all of them met early demises.

A confident smile curled Liara's mouth, "Actually it would be more accurate to say the Shadow Broker is on the run from me. We crossed paths not long after you died. Since then I've been working to take him down. Recently Nyxseris was able to compile some leads, but I cannot process them here, nor can I leave my office for fear of drawing suspicion. The data is my only hope at determining which one is The Observer. And if I wait too long, all that data will disappear. "

"Hacking terminals sounds pretty easy. I'll be glad to help you," the quarian piped up. For the next few minutes Shepard watched Liara and Tali discuss the plan to open up some free terminals, decrypt and acquire the information.

Once Tali left, Liara spun around to face her former lover, "I'm so close, Shepard. I've been hunting him for almost two years now."

"You spent two years of your life hunting the Shadow Broker? Liara, that is insane!" Shepard tried to move near her.

Liara recoiled, "You don't know what he did. You couldn't. You were gone!" She took a deep breath but her anger was just below the surface of her blue skin, "And we all did what we had to do after that."

"Damn it Liara. I came to talk to you, not help you with your petty vendettas." Twice in a matter of moments, Liara shocked Shepard to her core. Her beloved was almost crazed with a thirst for revenge. "I've never seen you like this. What did the Shadow Broker do to you?"

Liara wrapped her arms around her body and looked out the expansive window. "I was on a job with a friend. His people caught us. My friend didn't escape. I don't know if he's dead or being interrogated, but I need to find him. I owe him my life. And I need to make the bastard pay for what he did."

Shepard fumbled to find her next words because she ached for Liara to rush into her arms and talk with her with ease and playfulness as they once did before the Normandy attack. She kept thinking back to their last dance and her sensual and erotic kiss. She wished she could wake up from this frustrating dream. Simply put, she wanted her life back. But she knew Liara would not let this issue drop. "What's the next step in your hunt?" she asked crestfallen.

"When I find him, I will hit him with a biotic field so strong, what's left of him will fit into a coffee cup." The image before her mirrored that of Benezia T'soni as she stood on the catwalk above them, blinded by indoctrination by the murderous Sovereign.

Again Shepard tried to touch Liara, this time with slightly more success. Liara let her put her hand on her shoulder, "That anger can't be just from what you've told me. What else happened between you and the Shadow Broker?"

The touch was momentary, however. Liara shrugged off her hand and walked to the other side of the room. With her back to Shepard she asked, "I know Cerberus told you I gave them your body, but did they tell you all the details?"

"I only know what Miranda told me."

In a quick flash, Liara's clenched fists crackled with dark energy. "There were a lot of circumstances out of my control. What choice did I have? She said they could rebuild you. I gave it to them. I gave _you_ to them, Shepard. I knew you didn't trust them, so I didn't trust them. But I told myself I was doing it for you, for a chance to bring you back..." She glanced at Shepard over her shoulder, "… because I couldn't let you go. I am sorry."

"Liara, there is nothing to apologize for, I know you were protecting me from the collectors." She wanted to hold Liara, but her body language told her she was not ready.

"Yes and to do that, I had to take it from the Shadow Broker. I barely escaped with my own life."

Shepard never really thought about what it must have been like for her. "Why didn't you tell me this before now?"

"How could I? Even if I could get past Cerberus or the Shadow Broker's spies, I just couldn't because…" Liara turned to face Shepard as tears slowly leaked down her face, "…because I screwed it up Shepard. I knew what Cerberus would expect of you and I let it happen. I betrayed you."

"You did the right thing, Liara. And you know I would have moved heaven and earth if you were the one to die and I had a chance to bring you back. Plus, how could I finish the missions to take care of the collectors and the reapers if you hadn't given me to Cerberus?"

"Oh Shepard, I have been so afraid you'd hate me." A weak smile appeared on her lilac lips, "So now you know why I must destroy the Shadow Broker, for what he did to my friend, and to you, and whatever he's doing with the collectors." The debate whether or not to give her the information resurfaced. Of course her protective nature argued that Liara was in over her head with the Shadow Broker and thought it a bad idea to feed this obsession any longer. The rational part argued that Liara was a grown woman, and just like everyone else on her crew, had personal issues to finish before she would consider joining the crew.

"Liara, The Illusive Man forwarded some information that belongs to you. I'll transfer it and maybe it will be helpful." Shepard activated her omnitool and watched several different emotions flash across the asari's face as she opened the file on her computer: disbelief, suspicion, anticipation and finally gratification. "There is a hidden program within this communication," Liara said mostly to herself.

Shepard mentally kicked herself for not having Tali scrub it before sending it to Liara. "How did you know that?"

"I am a very good information broker, Shepard. The world of intrigue is not that different from a dig site. Except that the dead bodies still smell."

Dr. T'Soni,

Cerberus has located several reported locations of the Shadow Broker's base and our intelligence has uncovered the location of Feron on one of those bases. You will notice that the picture shows a much more battered Drell than the last time you or I laid eyes upon him. We believe this information to be accurate. I hope this information proves fruitful, Doctor, as it will also serve as Cerberus' final payment to our previous arrangement.

Her mind reeled with the possibilities, including whether or not Cerberus was being duplicitous as Feron had originally been. But she discarded that suspicion because getting rid of the Shadow Broker would improve Cerberus' standing in the food chain, so the chances were high that this information was accurate. "Feron," Liara softly whispered his name, "I'm on my way."

Shepard's stomach lurched and her brow furrowed, "Who's Feron?"

Liara looked up from her desk as if she just remembered there was someone else in the room. "Oh…yes, you wouldn't know…where do I start? I believe I know where the Shadow Broker's base is located, and even better, Feron is on that base."

"Who's Feron?" The volume went up significantly.

"Feron is…" Liara stopped in mid-sentence as Tali hurriedly rushed back in to the room. She ran her omnitool around the room, and with a pop similar to a flash bomb, any listening devices were temporarily muted. "Liara, all 5 of the suspects are male, but The Observer is female. Something's not right. Who gave you this information?"

Liara had a puzzled look on her face but morphed into a deadly, icy stare. "My assistant Nyxseris. She got the information." Once again the elder Dr. T'Soni shadowed across the face of her daughter. "If you two would excuse me, I have some unfinished business to which I need to attend. Then I will be leaving to find the Shadow Broker."

"Liara, we're going with you," Shepard interjected. She was prepared for a fight and was surprised when she received none.

"On second thought, I think that your help would be most helpful, Commander. Surely the Shadow Broker will have fortified defenses. Here is my address," Liara typed on her omnitool, "please give me a few hours to prepare and then we will leave from there."

When Liara looked up, Shepard almost did not recognize her. She had seen that look before: on mercs, on Jack, even on Samara's face, but never Liara's countenance. Her blood ran cold. "Be careful Liara. Don't turn into the thing that you are hunting."

"I'm more than capable of handling myself." As if she could read Shepard's mind she added, "Don't worry. I am not my mother. Everything I am doing is of my own free will and for y…"she would not let herself finish.

For several moments the former lovers looked at each other, Shepard trying to find the woman with whom she had fallen in love, and Liara burying the naive maiden even further in order to prepare for what must happen next. Without a word Shepard turned to leave, Tali following behind. Neither looked at the secretary as her comm-link activated.

"Nyxseris, could you come in here for a moment."


	16. Chapter 15 Duty and Manipulation

**Chapter 15 Duty and Manipulation**

"Two hours is enough, don't you think?" Shepard nervously paced near the taxi stand. She glanced at Miranda and Tali who both stood wide-eyed, unsure of the answer Shepard was seeking. Finally Tali gathered enough courage to speak, "Perhaps we should go, Commander. Your worry only increases the longer we delay." Once someone gave her permission, Shepard wasted no time hailing a taxi and practically jumped through the window to get inside.

Unfortunately reaching Liara's flat did not decrease her concern; in fact just the opposite occurred as they walked up to a newly established crime scene being set up outside of the front door. "Liara!" Shepard rushed to enter but was quickly stopped by two Nos Astra police officers. Both of her crew had to restrain Shepard from assaulting the officers in her attempt to cross. "Let me in goddamn it! Liara!"

"Let them through officers. You're dismissed." Shepard recognized the voice before she saw the owner. Tela Vasir, the only asari on the Council's Spectial Tactics and Reconnaissance team, descended down the steps in the flat. The two officers tried to voice their objections, but ended up dejectedly relinquishing any authority they thought they had, and cursed the Spectre under their breath before exiting. "Shepard, it is good to see you again," her voice was confident and she never took her eyes off her former teammate. "I would have preferred our reunion to have occurred under different circumstances."

Shepard quickly calculated her response. She knew that the Council would have ordered the Spectre to bring her in for questioning and thought it pretty coincidental that the asari was standing in Liara's apartment. However, she was more concerned about the safety of Liara than the Council's questions and decided against an uncomfortable and possible violent confrontation. She did not need a fight. She needed to find Liara. "What happened here?" Shepard quickly surveyed the room.

"Someone tried to kill your friend." The keen Spectre assessed the other Normandy crew as she continued, "Fortunately, it seems they failed. There is no blood or body. Only evidence of an attempt. Notice the bullet holes in the window?" She pointed over her left shoulder. "Do you know of anyone that might want to hurt her?" Vasir caught a quick glance between Shepard and Miranda. They certainly knew more than they would tell her. She would have to just let them relax before probing further.

Shepard squared her shoulders her and answered, "Liara was following a lead on the Shadow Broker."

"The Shadow Broker? That is a dangerous enemy to have." The asari betrayed no emotion, no inflection, no hint of purpose. "After being shot at, Dr. T'Soni stuck around almost 4 minutes before leaving. Whatever she was doing beforehand must have been very important."

How exactly she would know that, Shepard was not sure and her curiosity could no longer wait. "Vasir, how exactly does a Council Spectre end up in Dr. T'Soni's apartment? Were you following her, or me?"

"As you have probably deduced, the Council sent me to find you. They weren't too keen on you ignoring their request to return to the Citadel. But your previous service and title granted you some grace, so I was sent to just observe." Vasir ran her hands across Liara's desk as she walked past the Commander. "Your relationship with the doctor was reported after your death, as well as the generosity and subsequent employ of Cerberus after your resurrection." The Cerberus operative unwaveringly mirrored the cold stare from the Spectre until she turned on her heel and continued with what looked like to be a sincere smile, "On a side note, I thought it was quite funny that you told anyone listening in T'Soni's office that you didn't give 'a flying fuck.' But I will probably leave that out of my report. So when the good doctor left, I followed her, believing you would be close behind." No one doubted for one moment Vasir was surveying the strength of Shepard and her team. And all three of them let her, patiently waiting and watching. Vasir was not surprised. The leadership and loyalty she gained from her crew was legendary. She was legendary. Everyone would play nice, for now, because Shepard needed Vasir's information and the Council needed Shepard's information. Only her centuries of experience might get her through this mental and physical challenge with Shepard. With a smile that never quite reached her eyes she said, "So since you are finally here, why don't you be helpful and look for clues. You knew her better than anyone. Where would she have left information?"

Shepard nodded at Tali, who took the cue to begin her search by canvassing the extensive window casings with her omnitool. Shepard called to her XO over her shoulder, "Miranda, contact the Normandy and let them know what has happened and have a backup team ready in case we need them. And keep an eye on the door." She entered the room to her immediate right: an elaborate and expansive kitchen, probably hardly used based on the broker's hectic work schedule. Desperate eyes anxiously searched for any sign of struggle or clue. What she did notice had nothing to do with her disappearance: an obscure human coffee pot sat tucked away in a corner on the counter. An agonized smile creased her face and tears formed in the corner of her eyes as she gently ran her fingertips across the glass coffee pot, still as pristine as the day it was pulled out of the box.

"_Dr. T'Soni," the asari scientist started from her private thoughts as my voice broke the comfortable silence that had come to be Liara's only friend on the human ship, "you are up late. I guess that I am not the only person that is kept awake at night with the excitement of Prothean images and history floating around in my head. I must confess though," I leaned down to whisper in her ear, "I don't I love them as much as you do. Maybe I need to read more about their culture to balance out the death and destruction part. Although if you are any indication, it is just as sleep depriving." I continued my previous trek to the communal mess hall coffee pot._

_The young maiden remained seated, but I could feel her smiling eyes following me as I crossed the mess hall. "Hello Commander...I mean Shepard." During the prep for our most recent mission, I gave my newest crew member permission to call me by the less formal moniker. "And likewise, I should expand my knowledge to include battle tactics against batarians and tech upgrades for sniper rifles. Only such interesting material could keep a Spectre awake after such an exhausting battle from which you just returned."_

"_Why Doctor, was that sarcasm? You have been hanging around Joker way too much." I finished pouring my coffee and walked over to sit across from Liara, whose cheeks were still cooling from a blush. Then, with a sudden burst of confidence, she met my amused gaze with confident smile all of her own. Sipping my coffee, I noticed that Liara's slender blue fingers were wrapped around a small cup of the black liquid as well. "And along with human form of jest you are also consuming a human form of comfort."_

_Liara looked down at her hands and said almost as a question, "I think Chief Williams calls it 'coffee'."_

_Liara's poise and subsequent curiosity humored me and I couldn't help but throw my head back and laugh. "Tell me Dr. T'Soni, how will Thessia respond to losing one of her daughters to the negative influences of debauched humans?"_

_Without missing a beat, the young scientist retorted, "I can only surmise that they will react a bit more favorably than the crew of the Normandy has reacted while harboring the daughter of an asari matriarch bent on killing their beloved Commander." The underlying hurt in that statement stung us both, but Liara continued, "I understand their skepticism and their avoidance. It isn't anything I can't handle. Isolation is a requirement for my job."_

_Without thinking, I reached across the table to gently grasp Liara's forearm, "Liara…," I paused. She needed to know the strength and sincerity of the next statement. "…I want you to know that I trust you. If I did not trust you, then you would not be here. With me." The transfer of simple affection began to heat both our skin. After a few moments, and while still touching Liara, my personal discomfort forced me to lighten the moment with levity, "And I know everyone else will come to trust you too. Even if I have to PT them to death to make it happen."_

_Liara seemed pleasantly surprised to receive the affirmation, but perhaps even more so to feel the combined touch of our flesh. Later she told me that she willed her mind to imprint the feel of the rough calluses brush up her arm, and surmised it must have been their rough surface that sparked the continued reaction up her neck. With the soft blush that I fell in love with the first time I saw it, she said, "Ok, well, Shepard, I am grateful for your trust and hope that I can live up to your confidence."_

"_Can I refill your cup, Doctor?" Suddenly I needed an excuse to get up. "So you drink it black?" Liara absentmindedly handed me the nondescript coffee cup and blankly stared and nodded. Soon I returned with a steaming cup, accompanied with my familiar half-cocked grin._

_We continued the coffee breaks between us, and conveniently they occurred more and more often. Easily we discussed many topics. Occasionally we were joined by others, but usually the intruders left pretty quickly when they realized there was no one in our line of sight, except each other._

_The night before the collector ship attacked the Normandy, we spent the night in my quarters. Hours of kisses, caresses, laughter and passion exhausted us and we lay contentedly in each other's embrace, peacefully succumbing to slumber's invitation and replaying the memories shared from the recent bonding. "You hate coffee," I said matter-of-factly into the crook of Liara's neck._

"_Yes I do." Liara tried not to laugh but I felt the slight tremors from her body as I held her against my chest. The laughter was contagious and I had to ask, "Then why did you drink it? You could've said something."_

_She answered once she stopped laughing, "As the team prepared for our mission on Therum, I observed Chief Williams kiss an object on a chain necklace and tuck it back in her shirt. When I queried, she said it was 'a good luck charm.' I was intrigued and researched about human totems and good luck charms. Who knows, maybe that is what saved our lives that day. Then the night you found me in the mess hall and we talked, I wondered what could have possibly brought me such luck as to have your full and undivided attention. The only thing that was different was that I was holding a cup of that horrible liquid that I had yet to throw out. I wondered if perhaps it helped bring you to me, and I dared not change a thing." Her breathing deepened as she finally lost her battle with sleep._

"_Who uses the word 'queried'?" I smiled and pulled Liara closer before I fell asleep seconds later._

"Shepard, she has a piece of your old armor," Tali exclaimed from the adjacent room, waking Shepard from yet another uncovered memory. As she exited the kitchen, she caught the Spectre looking at her - more like watching her - from the corner of the room. "Why don't you try upstairs," Vasir said, trying to busy herself at Liara's desk. Obviously Vasir's entrance into the Spectre's had nothing to do with her ability to be subtle.

Shepard ascended the stairs and her stomached dropped when she saw Liara's bed and wondered whether or not anyone slept beside her to help fill the space that was too large for one person. Remembering Samara's response in Morinth's room, Shepard sat near the head of the bed and picked up a pillow to search for her former lover's scent that woke her every morning they had been together before her death. But as soon as she did, she wished she hadn't. Guilt and remorse slammed into her chest for the lost opportunity to be with her as soon as she had regained consciousness. Why had she waited? Why couldn't she just take Liara in her arms and fight through the uncertainty? What if all her chances had expired? A faceless person named "Feron" flashed in her mind. 'What difference does it make, Shepard? You were dead.' Shepard rubbed her eyes. "But I'm not dead now, damn it!" When she opened her eyes, her gaze fell up a photo of the Normandy SR1! Her home. The home of all her friends. The home where life and death were both lost and found. She picked up the photo to distract her anger from spilling out beyond her self-control. Instantly the photo changed images. "What is that, Commander?" Vasir stood at the top of the stairs; how long she had been there, Shepard was not certain.

"It is a Prothean dig site," she said almost as an afterthought and as she passed by the asari, on her way backdownstairs. "Tali, do you see any Prothean items?" Shepard took the stairs two at a time.

"Yes, Shepard. I am looking directly at one. It must be worth a fortune," Tali was obviously impressed.

Shepard did not recognize the item specifically, but she recognized why Liara would have chosen it. To an untrained eye, it was a non-descript and unattractive artifact. Liara would have chosen it, not only for those specific reasons, but it also for its strength and sturdiness, only moving by a force of nature equally as strong. She touched the glass, maybe hoping the simple touch would make Liara reappear before her. A small slit opened from the base of the structure and an OSD popped out from a hidden compartment. Everyone gathered around to see, but it was Vasir who grabbed it first, causing the other three women to noticeably tense. "Good work Commander. I guess Dr. T'Soni knows you as well as you know her. Let's take a look, shall we?" They all watched the recent and recorded conversation between Liara and a salarian discussing a prospective deal between them regarding the Shadowbroker; but the most valuable piece of information was the location of their meeting: Baria Frontiers. "We can all go together. I'll drive," Vasir offered and headed toward the door.

No way Shepard would let her former teammate out of her sight now. "Let's go." Tali and Miranda had worked with Shepard long enough to know that her look was a silent order to be vigilant and prepare for any traps that were sure to appear along the way. Once they were in the skycar, Miranda sent a message to the Normandy to track them and Tali set a program to take over the vehicle if necessary. They could tell Shepard's tolerance was wearing thin because they were not traveling fast enough to pursue the threat to Liara. Coincidentally, they soon found out why. Once they landed and began to walk toward the main entrance of the office towers, the force from an impressive explosion forced all of them off their feet. As the three Normandy crew members drew their weapons and ran for the tower, Vasir called from behind, "This has to be the Shadowbroker's handiwork. You go on and I'll enter from the top and meet you at the salarian's office."

Shepard took point as they rushed into the building. Bodies, papers, and stench of burning metal were everywhere. Quickly the fire control and ventilation systems kicked in and the smoke began to clear, allowing Shepard to see a doorway appear on the opposite side of the building. Within moments, all three were ascending up a stairwell. "I don't trust her," said Miranda. No subject confirmation was needed because all three of them were thinking the same thing about the same person.

"I'm glad that I have both of you watching my six as it seems we are all in agreement. Eyes open. Expect company." Shepard's warning did not even have time to stop echoing before shots began ricocheting above their heads. She silently motioned signals to her team and they moved in perfect unison. Unsure if the floor was clear of advancing forces, Shepard whispered, "Send Chiktikka to double back. We don't need any more surprises. Miranda, peel off and cover our flank. It's too quiet." With a quick and steady pace, the Commander cleared room after room of the floor until she reached the sealed door of Sekat's office.

Miranda's voice broke the silence, "Shepard, you are about to have a great deal of company approaching from the adjacent stairwell. I see three vangaurds, maybe one engineer and four LOKI mechs." Shepard pressed herself against the wall and took a deep breath. "Got it. Tali, get busy on the mechs. Let's increase our numbers and decrease theirs." Within moments, the mechs began to vibrate and rumble and one by one they began to turn their weapons onto the Shadowbroker's forces. The confusion and counterattack proved too much for the underprepared mercs, and after the last body hit the ground, Tali programed Chiktikka and the mechs to become a roaming defense perimeter. Eventually they regrouped outside the Sekat's office and Shepard looked at her XO, "Remind me to give Tali a raise. And to never piss her off." All three smiles disappeared when they were interrupted by a single gunshot on the other side of the door. With a few keystrokes, Tali opened the door, allowing the trio to witness a bloody salarian sliding down the wall in front of them. The only other person in the room was Vasir.

"If only I could've gotten here sooner. Looks like I was too late." Vasir looked away and walked toward the window and Shepard was sure it was to avoid eye contact. The second in command moved back into the hallway as she had been trained, making sure she kept watch over both the room and the hallway. Miranda saw her only after it was too late to react and internally cursed at herself for allowing someone to get so close without noticing. An asari made stinger never lowered and the red dot from its laser stayed planted directly between the Cerberus operative's eyes. She considered her options, but finally opted to relinquish the struggle between the two by simply raising her hands in submission. Blue eyes locked with brown. Light years and unspoken information passed between them.

"You are in love with her."

"She loves you. I will not and cannot compete with the love she has for you."

"I don't trust you."

"Shepard does."

And with that silent realization, the threat diminished. Miranda nodded in the direction of the office and they both entered in time to hear Vasir say, "Did you find your friend's body?"

"You mean this body?" Liara's body glowed with dark energy and her eyes were flames of fire. Her pistol never flinched nor wavered.

Tali grinned and Shepard jumped. As excited as she was to see her, the look on her beloved's face convinced her this was not the time or place to address her excitement. "Um, Liara? Anything I should know?"

Liara ignored Shepard and kept her weapon trained on the Spectre. "You are the woman that tried to kill me. I saw you break into my apartment. I know you set up Feron's kidnapping. And I know that you probably have the information disk Sekat had regarding the Shadowbroker."

Vasir looked at Shepard, "Your friend has had a hard day, so I am going to ignore that. But you should remind her of the penalty of threatening a Spectre."

The lopsided grin spoke as much as the lack of inflection in her words, "Oh no Liara. Stop."

"Give me the disk Vasir!" As Liara moved closer, so did the other three women.

"You mean this disk?" With one hand, the violet asari presented the disk, with the other she called upon her biotics, shattering the glass and sending the shards forward to buy some time for escape. "I will not be threatened by a pure blood bitch!" Vasir said before leaping toward the ground, slowing her descent by her still glowing biotics.

In a flash, Liara dropped to one knee to create a barrier to protect each of them. Shepard's anger ignored the glass hurtling toward her and could only think of the pain she wanted to inflict on the one person who tried just tried to kill Liara, and who now at this point symbolized everyone that had ever betrayed her. She sprinted and jumped out the newly formed opening and caught Vasir in the small of her back as they fell to the ground. They wrestled, twisted, and punched, while also trying to avoid the pull of gravity. Suddenly the agile asari saw an opening to detach. With a combination of leverage and a biotic kick, Shepard was propelled onto the ground, her head bouncing off the butt of her rifle. She was knocked out cold.

"Oh Kelah!" Tali turned to run back the way they came, hoping not to encounter any remaining Shadowbroker henchmen. Miranda took a step toward the window to follow Shepard, but thought better of it as the second asari, aglow in full biotics, passed by her and leaped from the window. Miranda yelled for her partner, "I'm right behind you Tali." Neither of them could know that they were thinking the same thing: 'I need to make sure the Commander is ok.'

Liara landed less gracefully than the older asari because anger and adrenaline were proving more powerful than her normally graceful and patient demeanor. Even before she hit the ground, Liara was firing her weapon. Shots bounced off of Vasir's biotics until she disappeared around a corner. Liara continued in the direction of the fleeing Spectre after only glancing at Shepard's motionless body. Minutes later Tali and Miranda were bent over their captain trying to bring her back to consciousness. Tali activated the recently downloaded medical scanning program from her omnitool. It was recommended by Chakwas in order to immediately assess internal injuries and transmit them the doctor's terminal. Of course it could be used for the benefit of all the crew, but it was specifically created for the dangerously impulsive Commander.

Miranda opened Shepard's eyelids to check her pupils. Only one of them began to react to the light. "Shepard?" Miranda called out. "Shepard!" Both eyes fluttered before closing once again. Miranda thought fast, "Shepard, Liara is in danger. We have to go." As predicted, pride superseded human frailty and the Commander's eyes opened with distinct determination. With the help of Miranda and Tali, Shepard willed herself to stand. Any injuries would have to wait until she knew Liara was safe. White pain flashed across her eyes, but she forced it back to the dark place where all her pain and anger thrashed and roiled. She clenched her jaw, "Which way?"

"My scanners show Vasir is doubling back to try and loose Liara, but it seems the former prothean scientist still has tenacious tracking abilities. We can catch up to them here," Tali pointed to the public parking lot on the southwest corner of the block. They reached the two asaris in time to see them engaged in a fire fight, pinning both in protective positions. Additional Mercs stealthily approached on Liara's left.

"These assholes are really interrupting my dating life," Shepard said before she unleashed a torrent of arms fire into the center of the group. Vasir took advantage of the momentary distraction and stole a skycar to escape. If Shepard had been slower, she would have missed the opportunity to get into the second stolen skycar with Liara. She grabbed Liara's arm and forced her to wait before she could shut the door. "Tali, find cover. Have the Normandy pick you up and wait for my order. Miranda, you are with us." Shepard's voice allowed for no argument and Miranda caught Liara's eye in the mirror as she moved to sit in the backseat. Any remaining tension between them was forgotten, however, when Shepard began to operate the vehicle. Just as her notorious lethality, her reputation of poor driving abilities preceded her. Miranada's knuckles were white griping the handle above her head and sat in silence as she watched the pair interact. If it was not obvious before that they had been lovers, it certainly was now because they bickered like an old married couple.

"I see it. I know. I know!" Shepard responded to Liara's anxious yelps and whimpers. "You are enjoying this!" Liara was flabbergasted to see Shepard's wry smile in a moment like this.

"Would you just wait a minute?" Shepard's patience was dangerously peeling away. "Vasir is dead. You've got the damn disk and we'll be jumping three light years. We can at least talk!" But Liara never stopped walking toward the main entrance of the hotel, and away from Shepard. Just moments before, and as Vasir breathed her last, Shepard contacted the Normandy to pick them up at hotel Azure, where the chase, and subsequent confrontation, finally ended. She hoped the next few moments would allow for a long overdue conversation. "Liara…" Shepard pleaded, "Liara, please stop." Surprised by the vulnerability in her former lover's voice, Liara paused and turned her head as both a sign and warning that she was listening. "I feel like there are so many things that need to be said. So much in between us."

Liara was not pleased by the uninvited contact and she jerked her arm out of Shepard's grip. "And what do you want me to say, Shepard?" That I mourned you for two years? That I watched you die? What good will it do to tell you that I felt my heart die with yours, sucked into the void of space? If only that were true! But the Goddess kept me alive, forcing me to live without the woman to whom I swore my future." Liara surprised herself with the overflowing emotions that had long since threatened to spill over the levy of her consciousness. She was accusing Shepard of abandonment and both of them knew it. Once again she began walking away, least she collapse, overcome years of grief and rage.

"Can't we just start over?" Shepard's insides were churning.

"Please save me the theatrics, Shepard." Liara walked over to an observation deck attached to the hotel. "Are you waiting for me to tell you that your innocent lover went back to solitude and prothean digs? Would that comfort you?" Liara looked past the Illium skyline, "Things have changed. I have changed," her voice sent a chill through Shepard.

Shepard was confused and felt lightheaded."What about the club? What about helping my crew? The upgrades?"

"Shepard," Liara finally turned to face her, "I still care about you, about the Normandy. I told you that. I will assist anyway possible to better prepare you for your mission."

"I don't want 'help' with my fucking mission. I want you. I want you with me!"

"Don't you think I want to be with you Shepard?" Liara yelled. "By the Goddess I felt you ripped from me. Violently shredding my soul when our connection was lost. I was not ready to let you go. I couldn't let you go. I wanted you back! And then when Cerberus…" Liara tried to swallow the clawing demons trying to escape the secret places of her mind. "But that was a long time ago. We can't pretend that this didn't happen. And now we both have obligations to do our part to help against the reapers. We cannot deny that." The truth was that only a thin line kept her from rushing into Shepard's arms. The idea to stay apart in order to better protect Shepard seemed ridiculous compared to her desire to be with her. But an old anxiety was reborn in her mind when she watched Shepard jump out the window after Vasir, and instantly grew into paralyzing fear when she saw Shepard knocked out on the ground. The thought of losing her beloved was too difficult for the young maiden to imagine, much less to endure once again.

Pride propelled shock into anger. "So now that you helped bring me back, you have buyer's remorse? Tell me, lover, why did you bring me back? The entire galaxy trying to kill me before wasn't entertaining enough the first time around? Why don't you just do me a favor and put a bullet through my head now? Save me the trouble of being tortured by the reapers or gutted by the collectors." Shepard punched a nearby metal beam and the vibrations echoed around them. "All of this seems a great deal of trouble just to have me help you hack some computers on the trading floor."

As angry as Liara was about the situation, she was not prepared to receive it in return. Shepard's reaction was like cold water thrown on her bare skin. She was still not willing to open herself up to the idea of reuniting with Shepard, but she most certainly did not want to fight with her either. "Shepard I am sorry, that's not it… I… it's just that there is a chance that Feron is alive. Minutes may be all he has. I have to repay this debt. He saved my life…and yours." Appealing directly to the Commander's sense of honor and duty was manipulation, but it was also true.

And it worked. Shepard's posture slightly relaxed. "I understand the need to make sure the people I care about are safe." Liara had to look away. "I will take you where you need to go." A truce was born, but the invisible wall between them only strengthened.

For the next twenty minutes while waiting on the shuttle, the pair stood in silence, lost in their own thoughts and regrets. Meanwhile, a forgotten teammate had watched the entire exchange from the shadows. Gnawing dread slithered into Miranda's thoughts, "The Illusive Man may have been right. This could be problematic."

The ride to the Normandy was quiet and uneventful, and that in itself was remarkable. Joker expected a happier reunion with Liara, but something told him to wait to speak to them until the tension disappeared. Once the shuttle landed on the Normandy, he set course for Hagalaz, as Shepard had commanded before she left Illium. Tali offered to show Liara to the restroom to freshen up and Liara was grateful for the excuse to avoid Shepard. When Miranda stood to leave, she noticed the Commander had not moved or spoken since leaving the pick-up zone.

"Commander, we are back at the Normandy." Miranda saw Shepard's chest rising and falling with shallow breaths and she did not respond to her name. "Commander?" When she shook her shoulders, Shepard's head rolled to the side and her eyes opened momentarily. "Lawson, I think I am going to…" Before she could finish, Shepard vomited what little contents remained in her stomach. Miranda hit her comm device, "Med Bay, we need transport. Shepard is experiencing effects of a concussion. Pupils are non-responsive and she is incoherent." She slumped forward and Miranda caught her in an embrace. Miranda hissed when she saw that the open gash on the back of Shepard's head, still expelling bright red blood. "Jesus, Shepard." Miranda wondered how many other times she fought right beside Shepard oblivious to her injuries or pain.

"Stat on that transport!"


	17. Chapter 16 Hagalaz

**Chapter 16 Hagalaz**

A/N: "Hagalaz is about the sudden collapse of everything we know, about destruction, and being rocked right out of one's comfort zone." ~ Tarot Talk by Leila Vey

_Suffocating._

_Unconsciously she knew she was dying because she felt this before…_

"She's coding! Charge the paddles." The tech knocked over a medical tray trying to get to the defibrillator while Chakwas continued to scream orders to her team. The old doctor knew every inch of the patient's body; but familiarity did not mean ownership, otherwise she would simply command the red blood cells to reproduce themselves and her brain to stop swelling. The transfusion was underway, but it was the fluid in her brain from the head injury that was threatening to end Shepard's life. Dr. Chakwas concern was growing with each second because she could not convince the Commander's body to respond. And the alert from the monitor was certainly not helping. "Someone turn off the machine's bloody alarm!"

_The emergency sirens were screaming. She ran as fast as her athletic legs could carry her, but the short distance back to her home seemed like an eternity. She did not care about the bodies she had to avoid along the way, or that there were smoldering lots where buildings once stood. No, her only concern was to make sure her parents and brother were safe. Finally she saw her home. From the outside it looked unmolested, but her instincts knew that was a lie. Something was terribly wrong. Her anxiety carelessly propelled her into the living room, unconcerned about her safety or stealth. She knew her mother and brother were already dead based on the unnatural position of their bodies. A shotgun lay nearby her brother and her mother died embracing her son. Her father was still alive! He was ignoring the commands of the batarian pirate, and held his wife's hand as he wailed the most unnatural sound that Shepard had ever heard in her short sixteen years of life. Later Shepard would understand, after hearing it many times over, it was the sound only a grieving spouse can make._

_When the youngest Shepard burst into the room, both the murderer and her father snapped their heads in her direction. The surprised batarian reacted by slamming the butt of his rifle into her head, right above her left eyebrow. A father's grief was instantly forgotten at the sight of his only daughter, youngest child, and apple of his eye, crumpling to the ground. "Sam! Get out of here! Leave now!" Although middle-aged from a human's perspective, Samuel Shepard still possessed Alliance combat training deep within his memory and never lost his military physique. Instinct threw him into the midsection of the batarian, wiping the greedy smile off of his face when the air was thrust out of his body. The combination of death, unbelief and shock froze Samantha to the ground. Her mind screamed at her to run; her heart screamed from the ballooning sorrow soon to end her. "Samantha Shepard, get your ass out of here!" The elder Shepard was enraged and with every ounce of his being fought this beast to protect her. He managed to gouge out two the four eyes of the larger enemy during their struggle before one last shot echoed in the room (and in Sam's memory for the rest of her life). "Sam," he remorsefully said as he closed his eyes and died._

"Nooo! Daddy! You son of a bitch. I will search for you and your family the rest of my life and kill each one of them in front of you!" Shepard's body lurched at an invisible attacker.

"Looks like the Commander has returned to us. But we do not need her to hurt herself. Hold her down. I'm going to sedate her." Chakwas was relieved, but the Commander was still in serious danger.

Outside the med-bay window, a quarian, a turian and an asari watched the human doctor fight away the vultures of death above Shepard's body. All three had lost count of how many times they stood here doing the same thing during their time together on the Normandy. By now it seemed to be in the hundreds. "She is thinking about her father," Tali heard Liara whisper. "I saw that vision many times when…" she trailed off. "Goddess, when does it end?"

_The batarian bared his pointed teeth as he looked at her and tossed her father's body off of him. Only as the alien raised himself to his full height and he pulled the young human off her feet, did her protective instinct dump enough adrenaline into her body to finally get her to try and move. But she was too late. He grabbed her by the neck and shoved her against the wall. She squeezed her eyes shut to hide from the now two enraged eyes that were inches from her face. Somewhere in her mind she thought she heard sounds of more gunfire. His large and disgusting hand clamped across her mouth and nose, preventing sound from exiting and oxygen from entering. Her lungs screamed for air, her arms and legs unable to answer the pleas from her chest and heart. 'I'm dying,' she told herself, 'and the last thing I am going to see before I die is the blood of my parents pooling around their murderer…and me. I couldn't save them. I can't even save myself.'_

"_Stop moving human bitch," the monster whispered into her ear, "or what I did to your weak parents will pale compared what I am going to do to you." He was using his large frame as leverage to keep his prisoner from moving and still allow access to his weapon. Blood still poured from the throbbing wound on her head where he hit her with his rifle. The room was so dark that it was easy to pick out the distinct laser sight against the side of her capture's head. Although she was a farmer's daughter, she was also a former Alliance soldier's daughter, and the training he gave her on weaponry told her what was coming next. Again she closed her eyes and tensed her body before feeling an explosion of warm brain matter across her face. She and the batarian slumped to the ground at the same time; his body lifeless, her body exhausted. Without warning, her stomach expelled its contents across the floor of her family's living room. The next thing she remembered was waking in in the medical bay of one of the ships that had been sent to rescue the colonists. Her consciousness was bombarded with countless emotions, including relief and unfathomable sorrow._

_Not a day went by that she did not curse herself, or her cowardice, or her inability to save her father. As the years and drinks consumed her, so did the constant grief - grief that planted itself deeply into Shepard's heart and swelled into a fiery hatred for an entire race. The military code of justice did little to abate that hatred, especially if a batarian found himself on the unforgiving end of her weapon. Sitting in the belly of the Normandy SR1, she finally found some redemption in the words of her best friend. "You have the guilt of a child stuck in an adult's body. As a Commander of the Alliance military, you'd agree that any other sixteen year old human female would have stood little chance against a batarian commando. How could you have fared any different? His sacrifice saved you, Shepard. You told me yourself that it was only seconds later that the Marines found you." Garrus placed a supportive talon on her shoulder, "Shepard, your father was a brave man and died as a warrior. And although I never met him, I can see him in you. You are Samuel Shepard's daughter, his blood and courage run through you. It's his namesake, no one else's, who has been commissioned to save the galaxy from Saren and Sovereign. I know of no other way that you could better honor him."_

Once again Shepard opened her eyes in a medical bay, but the white hot pain searing across her eyes informed her she was back in the present, back on the Normandy SR2. She could still feel the traces of the warm tears that had been leaking from her eyes. She was alone in the room and the only sound was the slow steady beeping of the monitor next to her bed. She sat up and immediately felt a wave of nausea and her vision began to swim. She checked the time as it was 03:34. "EDI, tell the doctor I am fine and I will be in my quarters." She was still sleepy and preferred to be in her own bed and outside of the ship's fish tank. "How much longer until we reach Hagalaz?" Shepard began walking toward the door when her head stopped spinning.

"Eight hours, Commander," the holograph spoke from its perch. "Shall I…

She had been out for almost one solar day. Shepard's headache did not want to be Commander at the moment. "EDI, I am sure Ms. Lawson has given ample orders. Wake me up in 4 hours."

"Yes, Commander." EDI's hologram disappeared from the medbay only to pop up in the quarters of the XO. "Operative Lawson, the Commander is awake and headed to her room. She has asked to be awoken in four hours."

Miranda was preparing an edited version of the day's activities to The Illusive Man, but her nimble fingers stopped typing when she learned the Commander was up. "EDI, were there any personnel with Shepard when she awoke?" EDI's monotone voice made Miranda wince, "No." She had hoped that Liara would have reconsidered her icy demeanor with the visualization of her ex-lover alone on the examination table. The fact was she had simply asked EDI the wrong question. The AI had yet to pick up all of human nuances and hidden questions. Had she asked if anyone had been with Shepard _before_ she woke up, EDI would have told her that the newest asari on the ship had stood outside the door of the medbay the entire time, until she saw Shepard begin to rouse.

Once entering her suite, she took off her armor and deeply hoped that would help her step out of the role of Commander Shepard, even if just for a moment; but removing her armor did not seem to lessen the heaviness that blanketed her entire body. She saw EDI's stand and was quickly reminded that she was never alone while on the Cerberus ship. The medication and Dr. Chakwas miraculous hands improved Shepard's well-being in an impressive amount of time. As a result, her military training once again took precedence, and she began to mentally prepare for a mission that was fast approaching. Or so she thought. She prepared her uniform and repaired her armor. She polished her boots and checked the reports regarding Hagalaz and the Shadowbroker. But she did not, and could not, convince the ache in her chest to subside. Her former lover was on her ship, in walking distance, but they could not be further apart than if they were on opposite ends of the galaxy. She decided the best she could do to find some relief from her emotions was to get in the shower. She turned the water on to the highest temperature she could stand, as if it could burn away the heartache from her body; but she could stand to be in the shower for no more than 2 minutes because the water felt like needles on her skin, mocking her former lover's touch. Quickly she began to towel off and caught her reflection in the small mirror above the sink. She leaned in closer and traced her fingers across the noticeably red facial scars that still hinted of the red cybernetics just below the skin's surface. She looked deeply into the emerald eyes staring back at her and could not imagine anyone wanting to touch her face ever again. Miranda did a magnificent job recreating the color, but Shepard was acutely aware that they, as well as most of her body, were comprised of countless replacement and mechanical parts.

"_I have seen your eye color before, Shepard," Liara's fingers were making circles in my loose curls on my head while lying in Liara's lap. "I used to stare into field of golden flowers that stretched into the horizon from the view of Benezia's sitting room. Their yellow petals and green stems were so vibrant and full of life. Perhaps they are similar to what I believe Earth's sunflowers might look like._ _The field was tranquil and comforted me in my younger years. It was peaceful. It was home." I closed her eyes to sleep under Liara gentle kiss._

Like any commander in the military, Shepard consistently maintained the attitude of strength and resolve in front of her troops, but here, alone in her small bathroom, the facade vanished and the tears would not be restrained. Shepard dropped her head and closed her eyes to avoid witnessing the scene in the mirror. Large droplets clinked against the metal sink. After a few moments, she pressed her hands down her face, attempting to force the thrashing memories and emotions from her mind, squeezing her eyes tightly before opening them. Looking at her reflection once again, her attention landed on the one rebellious curl that made a backward 'C' above her left eyebrow.

_Liara's naked form lay on top of me while my head propped against the headboard. She was studying me with her chin resting on top of her clasped hands, while I studied the elegant curve of her backside with my greedy hands. Finally she broke her pose and ran her right hand through my hair and said, "You continue to fascinate me, Samantha. Your hair is…, I think the word is… 'curly'." I chuckled, but did not speak. I knew that it was better not to interrupt her when she had her 'scientist look'; besides, if Liara remained distracted, I could continue my own exploration. The young asari continued to be transfixed with my fiery curls and spoke, "I know humans, like asari, are all unique, but for many reasons you stand out among your race beyond comparison." I winced, hoping not to hear 'The Hero of the Citadel,' and was pleasantly surprised when I did not. "I have not observed many humans with either your hair color, or with your curls."_

_I closed my eyes leaned my head into the gentle caresses of my lover's hands across my scalp, deep in my lustful thoughts. "Is that so, Doctor?" Realizing the topic had not changed, I went back to my new favorite landscape, the curve of Liara's lower back. I was content for my attention to remain right where it was. "In certain regions of Earth those traits are more common. I believe we can attribute them to my Irish ancestors." I paused and then snickered,"There is much to be said about genetic traits."_

_Crystal blue eyes moved their attention from my curls to my face in the ongoing attempt to better understand the still mysterious nuances of human communication. "Do you speak about more than hair color, Sam?"_

_A magnificent smile broke across the flawless indigo face when I nodded, "Yes, indeed, my astute scientist. We Irish are a scrappy and stubborn people. We have never met a bottle of whiskey, a fight," my eyes twinkled, "or a beautiful woman that we did not try to win or consume."_

_I was rewarded with a bashful grin from her. "I would have to agree that those genetic traits certainly belong to you. But I hope your desire for beautiful women can finally be sated with this woman."_

"_I don't know, doctor. I think you would have to agree that people are always falling at my feet." I feigned disinterest._

"_That is true, Commander, but I think you failed to recall that most of those bodies falling at your feet have rather large bullet holes adorning their bodies."_

"_You do have a good point, doctor." I gently placed my hands of the side of Liara's heart-shaped face and stroked her cheekbones with the pads of my thumbs. With barely a whisper I say, "My god Liara, your eyes are breathtaking."_

_Liara focused her full attention back to me and responded with deliberate tenderness, "Have you ever considered, my love, that they are so only because they are looking at you?"_

_A surge of heat burned through my body and I drew Liara to me and kissed her deeply. I shifted my weight and we rolled over, switching positions. Now my head rested on her breastbone and she returned her attention to my hair and musings. "I notice that your hair curls more tightly after it has gotten wet from the shower," she blushed, "or from other activities." I grinned. "All of these curls seem to form a consensus to go the same direction… except this one above your eye." She smiled and began to twirl the rebellious strand of hair that formed a backward 'C' around her slender blue fingers, paying particular interest to the contrast against her skin. "I wonder… is it possible to love an inanimate object? Can I love this one beautiful and stubborn curl? A small symbol, perhaps, personifying you perfectly?" I contentedly remained silent. "Yes, I think so. For the rest of my life, Samantha, I will remember this moment, when a beautiful and stubborn part of you was wrapped around my finger."_

'_Liara, my love, you simply have no idea how true that is', I thought to myself, and sealed the unspoken promise between us by kissing the inside of her wrist._

"Commander Shepard," Joker interrupted, "ETA to Hagalaz, 15 minutes."

The tears had long since dried from Shepard's now slightly red-tinted irises. "I'm on my way."

* * *

><p>"How much longer, T'Soni? Fighting wave after wave of mercs on top of a ship in a very unstable environment elevated the Commander's anxiety and tension with each passing moment. "Jack, goddamn it, watch your ass!" Garrus saw them at the same time Shepard did and quickly dispatched two high powered rounds into a pair of commandos on Jack's right flank. Shepard, along with Garrus, Tali, and Jack were there to assist Liara in overtaking the Shadow Broker vessel. The fact that it maintained a protective position in a hostile atmosphere, that constantly engaged in a battle between hot and cold air, kept him safe and undetected, until now. Finding the location of the ship was indeed difficult, but not the least of their challenges. As soon as they landed on the surface of the ship they were met with heavy resistance. Every step to find an entrance into the ship was fraught with danger: agents, mechs, lighting strikes, and a very long way to the planet's surface should a misstep occur. Now the five of them were crouched in protective positions near a secured hatch, allowing Liara time to disengage the lock programs with a bypass shunt she bought on Illium. As usual, Shepard was closest to Liara, and the rest were fanned out to offer additional cover.<p>

"Tali, where the hell is the drone? Shepard screamed into her comm-link as she sent a biotic pulse toward two agents, sending them hurtling into the atmosphere.

"I'm on it Shepard. It has to recharge. It is taking as much punishment as the rest of us are. My shields are down to 40%," Tali responded while repacking her Elkoss shotgun with another thermal clip. "I have had success at reprogramming the mechs for assistance, but the agents just keep coming."

"How much longer, T'Soni?" Shepard asked again, but it was more of a command to hurry than a request for time of completion.

"I don't know Shepard! I have never broken into the Shadow Broker's base before," Liara yelled while firing several rounds over a barricade she was using for cover, "well not this one anyway." Shepard glanced questioningly over her shoulder at that last statement, until she heard a huge explosion to her left. Jack's shockwave blew a piece of the ship, and several Shadow Broker agents, out into the violent backdrop of Hagalaz' atmosphere. Unfortunately the hired mercs kept pouring out of secret doorways and hatches.

"Is that thing even working? Tell me you tested it!" Shepard yelled over her shoulder.

"No time to talk," Liara continued firing at an asari agent that had been bombarding her with failed biotic attacks.

Jack came sliding behind the barrier that Shepard had been using for cover to attend to a nasty wound in her belly. She tore open some medi-gel and yelled, "Jesus H. Christ! Can mommy and daddy stop fighting long enough to get the goddamned door open? I wish you two would do us all a favor and either fuck or shoot one another dead." The Commander grabbed the medigel and began to assist Jack in its application, perhaps just a bit too forcefully.

"They seem to be disorganized. They would be more effective if they would attack all at once," Liara spoke as if she was giving a lecture in a safe university classroom.

"Please do not give the agents any combat advice, doctor. By the looks of my shields and armor, it seems that they are doing just fine," Garrus chimed in after he sprinted to nearby cover.

"Are you sure that thing is working?" Shepard yelled.

Liara pinched the bridge of her nose and then answered, "It's illegal, even on Illium. It didn't come with a warranty. We just need more time."

"This was not very well planned out." Shepard and Liara glared at one another before Liara responded, "I learned from the best." Before Shepard could formulate a retort, a loud beep signaled success, and the doors to the hatch finally opened. "Everyone inside. Tali get that door shut and locked behind us. We certainly don't need to worry about fighting enemy in both directions. We're already going in blind." Once the doors finally sealed shut, Shepard looked at Liara, "Do we have any idea where we are headed?"

"I have downloaded the ship's layout. We are headed to the prison block… and to Feron." Only because Garrus had spent so much time with Shepard in the past did he recognize the slight twitch in her right eye. Both he and his best friend surmised that they were rescuing Liara's most recent lover. "Maybe we killed most of the Shadow Broker's troops," Liara whispered as if it were a prayer, which was soon answered by the sound of pounding footsteps of oncoming enemy soldiers, and an RPG shooting down the open hallway.

"One thing's for sure, getting into the collector's ship should be a piece of cake after this," said Garrus as he and Jack took point. Fortunately with less open space and no threats from the elements, Shepard and her crew made steady progress through the ship.

"Feron!" Liara screamed the drell's name and hurriedly opened the cell block. Her hasty attempt to free him only resulted in excruciating electrical shocks through his body. After he stopped screaming, and through exhausted pants, Feron informed her, "This chair is hooked up to the main power grid, which is in the Broker's main chamber. He's there, waiting for you."

"Then let's not keep him waiting. I understand he is a very busy person," said Shepard through clenched teeth. "Tali, you and Jack stay here and keep him safe. And see if there is a way around the chair's programming. Garrus, you are with us. Let's go." Cautiously the three former teammates made their way to the main chamber. Once the door opened, Shepard was surprised to see the Shadow Broker sitting calmly behind the desk. It was a yahg, a creature with which Shepard was unfamiliar – huge, ugly, arrogant, and more importantly the only obstacle between her and her girl, and it was that reason that his days left breathing had come to an end.

In typical "bad guy" fashion, he blustered and barked about how superior he was in knowledge and strength. Both Shepard and Garrus were amused that the once demur prothean scientist would have none of his intimidation, and in fact, revealed some very impressive knowledge of her own. Apparently her words hit just a bit too closely because the yahg thrust himself up from behind his desk in a rage, tossing the heavy metal desk as if it were a child's toy, forcing the interlopers to scatter for cover. Unfortunately Garrus was unable to move completely out of the trajectory and was knocked down and out by the force and weight of the projectile. Neither Shepard nor Liara were able to check on him because they instantly became involved in an exchange of weapons fire with the enraged beast.

"Liara, now!" Finally after countless weapons and biotics combinations they were able to wound the yahg long enough for Liara to call upon her biotics and pull down a plasma chamber which consumed the Shadow Broker, leaving behind not a trace of his existence. The aftershock of the incident pushed them off of their feet and knocked the computer system offline. Finally out of immediate danger, Shepard rushed to check on Garrus. She was relieved to see he was still breathing, and with great effort she managed to remove the large object using a combination of biotics and determination. As Garrus began to rouse, Shepard asked, "Do all turians pass out right before a fight, or is it just the females?"

Garrus snorted and tried to offer a feeble comeback, "I thought it would look better for you if you saved the girl instead of me. I mean I like Liara and all, but she isn't my type. I like my asaris a bit more exotic dancer-ish and less scientist-y."

Both had ignored the resuming of chatter from the computer terminals until they heard Liara's voice. "This is the Shadow Broker. This situation is under control. We experienced a power fluctuation while upgrading hardware. It disrupted communications momentarily. However, we are now back online. Resume standard procedures. I want a status report on all operations within one solar day. Shadow Broker out."

By now Tali, Jack, and Feron entered the chamber, all of them sharing the same shocked facial expression regarding the scene that had just unfolded. But it was Shepard who asked the question they were all thinking, "Liara, what are you doing?"

"I made a decision that needed to be made. It is the only way to continue. All of this information cannot simply be thrown away." She turned away to hide the crushing emotions that were threatening to escape her eyes. Shepard knew the weight of this decision had to be overwhelming. She crossed the room and stood beside the newly ordained Shadow Broker who allowed herself to fall into a long overdue embrace. Garrus nodded to the rest of the team to leave and gave Jack a punch in the arm when she took too long to respond. "It's over. After two years it's finally over," Liara could barely get the words out before the tears began to fall. The next moment was automatic, the culmination of two hearts yearning and calling for each other: a gentle and consecrated kiss, an exchange of affection and need.

Shepard held Liara after the kiss ended. "You don't have to do this, Liara. We could destroy the ship and then you could come with me. I still love you Liara." When she felt Liara's posture stiffen, it was as if a dessert wind blew across Shepard's heart.

Hope was now only a flickering flame.

"Commander, I believe I can be of more assistance to you and your mission if I am here." Liara clasped her hands in front of her.

"Why do you keep pushing and pulling me? What are you doing? Just leave this place and come with me. I have a mission to complete and I need you." The Irish pride had no time to react against the sudden and candid honesty.

Liara shook her head, "I think you fail to see…"

Shepard cut her off, "You're damn right I 'fail to see.' I have fought countless enemies. I have died and been reborn for god's sake. I could kill every collector, face a galaxy full of reapers, endure the betrayal of The Council, Alliance, and everyone that I loved if...if I only knew you still loved me. What is the reason to do this, or anything, if I don't have you?"

In a fashion similar to Samara's, Liara squared her shoulders and set her jaw, "I am merely saying that the Shadow Broker has vast amounts of knowledge that will surely be useful to your mission to find and stop the reapers."

"I do not give a fuck about the location of the reapers, the Shadow Broker, or the collectors. I just want to know where we are!"

"Are you inquiring about the status of our relationship?"

"Liara, I have been in your mind, so please don't insult me by playing stupid. You know damn good and well what I am talking about, what I have been trying to talk about since I saw you for the first time on Illium," Shepard said, barely controlling her rage.

Liara was taken aback by Samantha's uncharacteristic honesty, and moreover, her courage. Shepard had fought numerous enemies, including death, and yet nothing would deter her from attempting to rekindle their relationship. She turned and took a few steps, not just for distance, but to try and increase her fortitude. She did not have Shepard's courage. In fact she was a coward. She could not brave the continued life and death struggle of her lover, of their love. "I did not want this discussion to be like this. Certainly not here."

Shepard's stomach dropped but her ire jumped, "What _discussion_, Dr. T'Soni?"

"Commander Shepard, I perceive that you may still be in love with me; however, I cannot return those feelings. I am no longer in love with you." Liara still saw glimmers of hope in Shepard's eyes, and with one final push, her deep seeded fear added, "I wish you had never met me." Liara looked away, ashamed.

There is a moment in battle when a soldier hears a loud silence before a concussive blast explodes around them. This moment, standing in front of the love of her life, hearing eight simple words, was the loudest and most powerful silence Shepard had ever encountered - and the emotional explosion that followed was just as powerful. As a professional soldier, especially as an officer, she had been trained to compartmentalize all personal emotions to protect and ensure the mission objectives for success; but the effect of this situation was immediate and staggering. The professional soldier struggled to keep control over Shepard's now churning emotions.

"You used me," her voice was deadly calm.

"Yes," came Liara's reply, and she regretted it the instant she said it. But the promise to protect Shepard at all costs, even at the expense of their love, remained intact.

"And my crew."

"Yes."

"That is a very brave admission."

"It was a risk I had to take for Feron's sake," Shepard's countenance darkened that much more, "and for your sake," Liara quickly added.

"And don't forget for your sake," Shepard hissed, "_Shadow Broker_."

"Yet all of them are the same, Commander. Can't you see? All the information pertinent to the reapers I will freely give you." A short pause weighted like an eternity. "Two years is a long time Shepard. But we can work together. Our goals are the same."

"I have been hearing those words since the day I woke up." The battle hardened soldier finally replaced the heart broken woman. "I will consult with my officers and we will consider your offer." She turned on her heels and tapped her comm-link, "Normandy, prepare for pickup. Garrus have everyone meet me in the shuttle bay." Shepard exited without even a backward glance.

No one spoke on the way back to the Normandy, partly out of respect of what they just saw, but mostly because Shepard was so angry that her entire body seemed to pulse with an eerie red glow. Her eyes and countenance seemed otherworldly. How do mere mortals commune with demons in the flesh? Barely clearing the decontamination chamber, Shepard moved like a fiery streak, a figment of imagination, to the elevator.

Joker trained himself to monitor the Commander's mood upon arriving back on board her ship, but even he could not measure the depth of her rage on this occasion. He caught Garrus' eye and asked, "Where to?"

"Anywhere but here, Joker, as fast as you can take us." Garrus put his arm around Tali and they headed away from the CIC to avoid questions from the crew and from each other. However, they were soon intercepted by the ship's XO. "Where is Shepard? We have our next target."

"Miranda, I don't think now is a good time…," Tali tried to explain.

"Nonsense." Miranda waved her hand as if she were swatting at a fly. "It's the information we have been waiting for. We know where the IFF is located. Especially now that things are cleared up between Shepard and Dr. T'Soni, she will want to know this."

"Well, Miranda, I bet the Commander was headed to her quarters, don't you guys agree?" Jack's sudden politeness disturbed everyone, especially Miranda, but it was a logical conclusion.

Shepard punched the door release so hard that three of her knuckles shattered instantly. "Lock!" she commanded and the light turned from green to red. Her soul wanted to wretch the poison from her body, but her anger wanted to swallow the grief, consume it. She pulled the drawer of her desk out so hard that the contents spilled and rolled around her office. She found what she was looking for. No need for a glass. She broke the top off of the vodka bottle across the metal edge of her desk and began gulping the burning liquid, stopping only to gasp for air.

Miranda stepped to the door and hesitated to override the lock, but decided Shepard would thank her for interrupting. This was the break on which the entire mission had rested. The reaper IFF would allow them to travel to the heart of the collectors space, to take the battle to the enemy, to finish this mission. "EDI override command alpha, alpha, delta, 6784." The lock turned green and the door opened. As soon as she stepped into the room, she immediately knew that she had just made a very big mistake. The room was pitch black. Even the fish tank was dark and the fish looked like black apparitions moving in circles along the wall. A dark shadow stood in the corner of the office, accompanied by two red orbs that were the only light in the room, and they shook Miranda to her core.

"The door was locked for a fucking reason." The calm, icy tone sliced through the air and through Miranda. If Shepard would have simply yelled at her she could have combatted that directly; but this tone, this person, was beyond angry. She was murderous.

Miranda blinked and took a step backward. Trying her best to regain her composure, she grasped her hands behind her back, and spoke. "I'm sorry for the intrusion, Commander. The Illusive Man ordered me to immediately give you a message once you returned."

"Illusive Man ordered?" A fiendish smile bared her white teeth, "Well in that case, Miranda, why don't you pass along a message to your boss for me? Tell him to place his traitorous mouth on my big dick and pull deeply, as if it were one of his expensive cigarettes!" Shepard lifted the bottle to her mouth and poured freely. She could taste the blood from the splinters of glass that cut her mouth as she swallowed. Miranda suddenly found her boots very interesting. "WHAT DO YOU WANT!" Shepard's rage shot across the room as fast and forceful as an asari matriarch's biotic push. She pulled her pistol and another red dot appeared, this time on Miranda's chest.

"C-Commander, I will send the information to your private terminal." Miranda kept her gaze lowered and exited. She silently begged the elevator to open and kept a wary eye on entrance to the cabin after she heard the sound of glass crashing on the other side of the doors. She had never been as frightened, not even in the presence of her father, and was surprised to realize that she did not want to be alone. She made her way through the ship, checking on stations and orders just as she as she always did, but this time she was barely capable of maintaining a professional composure.

Thirty minutes into her inspection EDI informed her that the Commander wished to speak with her. "Yes Commander?"

"Tell Joker to set an immediate course to the Thorne system. Inform the entire team they will be accompanying us aboard the derelict reaper." Shepard's voice was deeper and calmer, but no less threatening.

"Yes, Commander."

"Oh, and Miranda?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"Do not ever enter my quarters again without my permission. If you do so again, I swear to you it will not end as pleasantly as the last."

"Yes Commander."


	18. Chapter 17 First Blood

**Chapter 17 First Blood**

Kal Reegar sat with Joker in the cockpit of the Normandy while the rest of the team disembarked to acquire the IFF from the derelict reaper, courtesy of The Illusive Man. The quarian stayed behind to maintain charge of personnel security, a job that was asked of him when Jacob and Garrus were off ship. The two men had no choice but to become friends since Tali insisted on it. "Kal, please take the time to get to know Joker. He is very important to me and a very good friend. He helped me learn a great deal about human interactions, especially how to read the Commander more effectively. And I know you will be impressed with his ability to fly the ship," she said in a tone that she already knew would make her soldier's heart melt. "I wouldn't know it to look at him," Kal mumbled in response. But as Tali predicted, Joker's positive attributes outweighed his lack of professionalism and they quickly formed a solid friendship.

"…And without Tali, there is no way they could have made that jump back to the Citadel. Much less decipher all those geth defense programs. Tali is one incredible woman, Kal. I hope you know how lucky you are," Joker gave a sideways glance to the proud marine.

"Indeed I do, Lieutenant." There were very few things more annoying to the pilot than being called by his rank, and that is precisely why Kal insisted on using it. "And I hope you know that incredible woman is off the market."

"Hum, no. I didn't know that, especially since you have only reminded me every day since you first stepped on board my ship." He smiled at Kal because in all honesty he was truly happy for Tali, especially after Kal told Joker about his promise to her father that he would protect her with his very life. "Isn't there anything better for you to do besides take up the oxygen in my area?"

Kal stood to leave and answered, "Now that you mention it, I told Mordin that I would take a look at his EMP prototype that he has been working on. After it releases an electronic pulse, it downloads damaging viruses into the computer systems. He thinks it may offer a way to debilitate the collector's ship once we get on board."

Joker scratched his chin as he pondered the possibilities. "And that in turn may disrupt the command protocols. He may be fugly, but that salarian is a genius." He glanced up at Kal, "Not even in the same league as Tali though." Both men shared a chuckle as Kal exited.

The warning light on the console lit up and the information readings did not look good. "Oh great. Of course I am the one that gets to tell her," Joker sighed. "Normandy to shore party."

Shepard's irritation was evident. "What just happened?"

"The reaper just put up kinetic barriers. I don't think we can get through from our side."

"Fuck me. You've got to be kidding." Joker flinched when Shepard yelled into his comm-link. Now was not the time for a smart ass retort. He remained silent until she continued, "So that means we'll have to take down the barrier generators from in here. Any idea where they are located?"

EDI interjected, "At the moment of activation, I detected a heat spike in what is likely the wreck's mass effect core. Sending the coordinates now. Be advised, this core is also maintaining the reaper's altitude."

"So when we take the barriers down to escape, the wreck falls into the planet's core? Wonderful. This mission has already gone to shit." Jack said what everyone else was thinking.

"Joker, I expect you to pull a miracle out of your ass and get us out of here before the ship reaches crush depth. If anyone can do it, it's you. We're gonna sweep for survivors and recover whatever data we can. Stand by." Shepard clicked off her comm-link. "Alright everyone, mount up."

"Aye-aye, Commander. Happy hunting. Joker out."

The team moved forward with caution, fully expecting close combat at any moment. With each turn, each opened door and level descended, the tension and anxiety increased. Evil permeated the atmosphere and quiet words of death and doom began to filter into their minds. And then they came. Wave upon wave of husks in an ocean of undead enemies. They poured from every crevice of the vessel. "This was a fucking trap," Shepard growled and she believed The Illusive Man knew full well this was the case. But even if he told her ahead of time that this was a trap, would she have come anyway? No doubt they needed the IFF information if they were to travel through the Omega 4 relay. If she were in a calmer state of mind, the answer would have been yes. But she wasn't in a calm state of mind. She wasn't even in her right mind. TIM was just another betrayer, in line with so many others, most notably her ex-lover. Shepard raged like a woman possessed. She gave no orders, only forged headlong into the sea of enemies. Miranda filled in the leadership gap and assigned three squads of three to continuously rotate around Shepard, primarily to protect her, but also to allow each team to rest in between wave of husks. Garrus was in charge of one squad, leading Kasumi and Jack. Miranda led the second group that included Thane and Grunt. And lastly Jacob led the last group that included Samara and Tali. She ordered that a biotic in each group keep extra shielding on Shepard because hers would not last against the senseless and irresponsible maneuvering. Miranda and Garrus both tried to reason with her in between gun blasts, but there was no reasoning with Shepard. She was deaf and dumb to any discussion. Every enemy would be obliterated, or she would die trying. The deeper they moved into the ship, the more crazed she became. She moved without remorse or concern. The ship fed on her hatred and she fed on the ship's poison. Shepard's red scarring heavily contrasted the husks' bluish grey coloring as if hell itself unleashed it's most powerful demon. The last creature to fall on this particular landing was a huge scion that Shepard bested at point blank range with a combination of a grenade and biotic surge. The last remnants of its existence glistened on her armor, which by now had changed color from maroon to indigo from all the blood and guts through which she marched. Finally she turned to face her crew, but what she saw only enraged her that much more.

"What the fuck is this? This is a battlefield not a picnic," Shepard's voice echoed down the endless corridor.

Miranda squared her shoulders and stepped toward Shepard, "Commander, we need a moment to catch our breath and reload our weapons and attend to some wounds."

"Jesus Christ, for once, just once, I would like to have soldiers not a bunch of pussies! Let's move!" Miranda stood speechless, and everyone remained frozen where they stood. Shepard scanned each face of her crew and then continued, "So will no one follow me?" She looked at Grunt, "What kind of krogan are you? I should have killed you in the tank."

Grunt stepped toward Shepard and lowered his reptilian face inches in front of Shepard, "I am the kind of krogan that follows a _Battlemaster_, not an over-emotional female human."

The insult barely dented Shepard's blind rage. She did not relent, and like a wounded animal, she continued to strike. "Never would I think to see that day when a krogan was scared to fight. All of you swore to fight with me." Her eyes narrowed onto Samara. "Even the mighty Justicar? Your powers, your oath, and your code are rubbish." She spat bile from her mouth and continued, "If none will follow, then I will continue on my own." Shepard ejected a spent cartridge while turning on her heel. As soon as she rounded the corner, her breath was knocked from her by a incredibly powerful biotic pulse. She was pinned against the wall and was forced to watch as a very angry asari briskly walked toward her. Shepard tried to raise her weapon, but it was no use. Her entire body was paralyzed by unrelenting dark energy. Shepard gagged and coughed when Samara thrust her left elbow into Shepard's throat.

"Such contempt in your eyes, and for what Commander? That your soldiers follow you into battle?" Samara's eyes were barely slits. "No one, NO ONE, has ever mocked a Justicar and survived, Shepard. It is only because I have given my oath to you that you are not dead at this moment." Samara paused to allow Shepard's temper to cool. "Now as your friend let me point out to you that you are not leading like the Commander you and I both know you to be. Rather, you are careless and jeopardizing the lives of every person who is following you without question or concern for their well-being. You are acting like a petulant child. Irresponsible. Reckless. Suicidal, perhaps?" Shepard tried to kick off the wall but Samara's elbow only pressed more firmly. "Is that it, Shepard? You wish to die? My oath to you still stands, and if that is what you command, it shall be done. All I need to do is but move my elbow and your death will come quickly. It would be much more honorable way to die than to kill all of your crew with you because of your blindness. But consider this: after your death, who will continue the mission? Regardless, it will be without me. With your death my oath ends. And no one on your ship will be safe. All of them have committed crimes against The Code. And the reapers will come. The galaxy will be harvested. And why? Because the great Commander Shepard could not withstand heartache?" Samara leaned in even closer and felt Shepard's short gasps for air on her face. "What say you Commander? Will you come to your senses and lead this mission as the Goddess has ordained? Or shall I fulfill your suicidal request and let history record that Commander Shepard's last act was to die as a heartless coward?" The two women unwaveringly glared at one another, Samara refusing to yield the pressure on Shepard's neck, and Shepard refusing to yield the malefic grip on her heart.

* * *

><p>"I'm telling you EDI, your readings are off, it's radiation bleed. Just white noise," Joker said as he looked over some inconspicuous data.<p>

If an AI could have alarm in its voice, then surely EDI had it. "I have detected a signal embedded in the static. The reaper is transmitting the Normandy's location."

"Transmitting? To who?" Instantly and without warning the collector warship emerged out of FTL on top of the Normandy. "Oh Shit! This is a trap. We're getting out of here!" Joker exclaimed as his hands fastidiously moved over the helm. "Transmit SOS to Shepard immediately!"

"Propulsion systems and all incoming and outgoing communications are disabled. And I'm detecting a virus in the ship's computers," EDI reported.

Joker slammed his fist down on the emergency alarm, triggering the sirens and ordering all hands to report to battle stations to protect the ship from an enemy boarding party.

Moments later, Kal appeared in the hallway breathless and amped with adrenaline. "Report!"

EDI answered, "Primary defense systems are offline. We can save the Normandy, but I will need help from both of you. Presently the enemy is forcing entry through the starboard cargo hold. Our crew must hold them off as long as possible."

Kal shouted over his shoulder to a medic tech that had followed him to the cockpit when the alarm sounded, "Everyone with a heartbeat gets a weapon and gets to the cargo hold. Move soldier!" The wide eyed tech gave a slight nod and ran toward the weapons storage area.

EDI continued, "Give me the ship."

"What? Your're crazy. You start singing 'Daisy Bell' and I'm done," Joker yelled.

EDI's methodic tone was the opposite of comforting, "Unlock my sealed databases and I can initiate countermeasures. The maintenance shaft in the science lab will allow passage to the AI core. Mr. Reegar, please accompany Mr. Moreau to keep him safe."

"Got it," Kal shouted as he hoisted the pilot up with one arm while carrying his assault rifle with the other.

"Be advised the main corridors are no longer safe. The collectors have boarded." As they listened to EDI's instructions, both men forced out of their minds the question of how many crew would lose their lives in the next few minutes. Joker "walked" one step for every third step by the marine, because after they witnessed several collectors capture 2 crew members on the opposite side of the galaxy map, Kal placed most of Joker's weight on his left shoulder and wrapped his arm around him to carry him to increase their pace. Once they reached the science lab, and as Joker began his descent into the maintenance shaft, Kal stopped long enough to pick up Mordin's prototype EMP off of the exam table and deposited it into a storage compartment on his belt. "Time to go from prototype to secret weapon," he seemed to pray to the small card sized object.

They could hear the screams following the burst of gunfire. "Shit. Shit Shit!" The urgency could not move Joker any faster than his brittle bones could safely carry him.

"Concentrate on the next step of the mission, soldier. To save the crew we have to do our job. And right now your job is to crawl through this shaft and my job is to protect your skinny ass."

* * *

><p>Unable to contain her curiosity any longer, Tali rounded the corner to witness the angry Commander pinned against the wall by an equally livid Justicar. Shepard was the first to break the eye contact with the Samara when she saw her "little sister" appear in her peripheral vision. "Thank you for your counsel, Justicar," Shepard said in between gulps of air, "as always your wisdom is unsurpassed." With a slight nod, Samara released her and she shot Samara one last look, "We will continue this discussion further in private."<p>

"Of that I have no doubt, Commander, and I will be looking forward to the discussion," the Justicar coolly responded.

"Alright everyone, nap time is over, let's move!" Shepard' called to the rest of the crew. They had no choice but to put their trust back into their Commander. They were in too deep to stop now. Once again everyone divided up and moved in teams of three. Shepard, Samara and Tali moved to explore another wing of the ship while the rest of the team slowly trailed behind, everyone on high alert and expecting another assault at any moment. Tali and Samara moved to take positions behind some metal storage containers, leaving Shepard's back exposed and unprotected. Moving behind Shepard, and unseen to anyone else, two husks approached perilously close. One shot. Another shot. Shepard instinctively hit the ground with one knee and heard two thuds behind her.

"Samara? Tali?"

"Not me," Tali whispered.

"Nor I," Samara added.

Garrus ran up examined the exit wounds of the husks. He looked up at Shepard and asked, "Who else has a sniper rifle?"

His question was answered when a lone geth platform stood from atop a metal building 200 yards in the distance. Everyone was surprised to see a geth, even more surprised to realize that it just saved Shepard's life. "Shepard, Commander," it said before it dropped to the surface below.

"There is geth on board? We should have known they would be here helping the reapers and collectors," Tali said.

"It appeared to me that that unit just attacked our enemy, not us," Samara observed.

Shepard nodded in agreement, "Yes, it could have just as easily shot me as the husk behind me. Tali, anything on scans?"

Tali shook her head. "No Shepard. All of our instruments are jammed, including communications with the Normandy. Hopefully they can monitor our progress from their end. I have been trying to compensate, but so far, no luck."

"Since when do geth operate alone, or talk for that matter?" Garrus asked.

"Samara, will you tell the rest of the crew to join us and apprise Miranda of the situation?" The two females locked eyes momentarily and Samara gave a slight nod indicating both approval and compliance. Everyone descended 3 more levels, and if EDI's readings were correct, they had only to maneuver through the fuel storage area to reach the mass effect core. But that would be easier said than done as more husks, some of which still wore tell-tale signs of Cerberus uniforms, began crawling from the floor and falling from areas above them. As proficient as the Normandy crew was, only by working together could they make their way through the countless enemies, which once again included heavy shielded scions that unleashed brutal plasma shockwaves. Eventually and with great effort, they reached the hatch to the mass effect chamber. Tali opened it long enough for Shepard, Garrus and Jack to enter before almost slamming shut on Jacob. Communications were still inoperative but Shepard had to believe that either through Tali's hacking abilities, or through sheer krogran strength, the door, and their only way of escape, would be reopened.

* * *

><p>"Multiple hostiles detected on the crew deck," EDI warned.<p>

Kal ran ahead and peeked around the corner and whispered, "She's right. This deck is crawling with those things. Stay close. I'll protect you."

'He says that as if I was contemplating any other option,' Joker thought to himself and gave Kal a quick nod. Kal emerged from Thane's room and pressed his back against the opposite wall, Joker right on his heels. The elevator opened and a massive scion grabbed one of the crew and tossed her as if she was weightless. Another crew member was not so lucky and he was captured and dragged into the elevator before it closed.

"Our best bet is to go unnoticed for as long as possible," Kal whispered. Several heartbeats later Kal motioned to move forward. They stealthily moved around the elevator shaft, heading for the medbay. Joker entered first and his heart sank when he realized that Dr. Chakwas was nowhere to be found. "Shit. Shit. Shit."

* * *

><p>"Commander, we are not alone," Garrus' low whisper cautioned. From a defensive crouch, both she and Jack located the source of his concern. One hundred yards away hung the mass effect generator, and directly below the enormous structure, stood one lone geth typing commands into a terminal. Shepard gave the silent order to hold fire to better assess the situation unfolding in front of them.<p>

Jack looked at Shepard, "Is that the same…," her question was interrupted by the sound of droning husks. Instinctively all three of them raised their weapons, yet the only gunfire came from the geth to quickly dispatch 3 husks before returning back to the terminal.

"There's the answer we need. The enemy of my enemy… Our priority is to take out the generator and play checkers with the geth afterward. On my mark we move. Tango Bravo." Shepard looked at Jack and dared her to disobey.

Jack nodded. "Tango, Bravo. Roger."

As if the ship knew its final moments were fast approaching, it exhaled a torrent of husks to protect the mass effect core and to unleash vengeance on its attackers. With their backs to one another, the three warriors made their way across the catwalk toward the geth and the terminal on which it had been working. "The geth platform is down," Garrus yelled over his shoulder, "it looks to be intact. And the generator just activated a defense mechanism"

Shepard ground her teeth. That meant that all attention would be focused on her and her too few crew members. "Garrus, take the collector weapon. Jack put your sexy biotics to use. I'm going to try and figure out how to unlock the defense barrier." Ten minutes into the gunfight, the motionless husks were stacking up around them, but still they poured from the underbelly of the ship. "Almost got it…," Shepard was hopeful. Metal scraped against metal and the mass effect core was once again exposed. Shepard trained her weapon and fired. The entire ship rumbled and roared, mortally wounded from the burst of gunfire, but once again the barrier slammed shut.

"Son-of-a-bitch!" Shepard slammed the butt of her rifle into the terminal.

"Shepard, a little help," Garrus shouted.

Shepard turned from the terminal and audibly gasped. Their defensive "circle" had shrunk to two feet behind her while the field of husks fanned out at least 7 rows deep. Sweat poured from Jack's body as she continued to unleash biotic energy. The collector particle beam had long been discarded and Garrus was relegated to a pistol. Shepard released a biotic shockwave and several husks were thrown into the air, only to be instantly replaced. The Commander's last option was to use her biotics to surround the three of them for a few more minutes of safety. The husks pressed against her barrier, and multiplied with the mass of force, Shepard knew she would not be able to physically withstand much more.

"Goddess, we need a miracle," Shepard prayed.

* * *

><p>"Main fusion plant offline. Activating emergency H fuel cells," EDI reported as they entered the AI mainframe.<p>

"All right, I'm at, uh, you," Joker said as he looked around for some type of direction.

"Connect the core to the Normandy's primary control module."

Joker was nervous and was doing a poor attempt at hiding it. "Great. See, this is where it starts and when we're all just organic batteries, guess who they'll blame? This is all Joker's fault. What a tool he was. I have to spend all day computing pi because he plugged in the Overlord."

In a flash of light the transmission was complete. "I have access to the defensive systems. Thank you. Now you must reactivate the primary drive in engineering."

"You heard her, Moreau. Get moving," Kal ordered. "The shafts behind you connect to the engineering deck."

"You want me to go crawling through the ducts again?" Joker's knees protested louder than his fear but Kal's stern look overrode any trepidation.

This time when the pair exited the maintenance shaft, a lack of screaming and gunfire was suspiciously noticeable, and that made Kal very concerned. "They are still nearby, I can feel it. Stay close Joker."

"Yes. Hostiles are present in engineering," EDI said.

Joker's eyebrows shot up, "What the shit?"

* * *

><p>The husks began to fly in the air as if an invisible knife parted them. Samara and Miranda moved toward the exhausted trio using their biotics to clear a path. The rest of the team had split off and rushed toward them, dispatching the husks from behind.<p>

"You two might be the most beautiful creatures I have ever seen," Garrus' voice was raspy. Jack had not the energy to offer her customary insult to Miranda. She could only drop to her knees in an attempt to feed oxygen to her hungry lungs.

"We need to get the shield deactivated in order to fire upon the core," Shepard looked to the quarian. "On it," was her reply. The Commander was exhausted, but that would have to wait. "Has anyone had any luck communicating with the Normandy yet?"

"No, Commander," Miranda answered. "And we are unable to tell if the jam is coming from this ship or the Normandy." By now the gunfire subsided but the rest of the crew maintained a wide protective barrier as Tali continued to communicate with the ship's computer system. Everyone heard the concern and suspicion in Miranda's voice, each left to his or her own speculation as to the cause, and no theory was hopeful.

Shepard's breathing had finally slowed. "Miranda, we need to find a different way off this ship, because once we destroy this generator, we will only have minutes before we are dragged into the pull of the planet. Going back the way we came will take too long, especially if we have resistance."

"Agreed." Miranda activated her omni-tool. "A favorable secondary evacuation route would be to make our way to a cargo hold two floors above us."

"With no communication, how will the Normandy know where to pick us up?" Garrus asked.

"Cerberus programmed the AI to keep track of each crew member individually with bio-rhythm programs as well as suit tracking devices. Of course they were intended to be spying apparatus, but in this case EDI can use them to track our movements. The readings are on a different wave length than normal communication to avoid detection by the crew and enemies." Miranda hedged, "Look everyone can write a complaint later, but in this case, it just might save our lives."

"Make it so. Miranda, lead everyone to the cargo bay, and take the geth unit with you." Tali only momentarily stopped typing when she heard the Commander's order. "The two who have the most ammunition stay with me and Tali. We'll finish this and haul ass to the rendezvous point."

It was decided that Grunt and Jacob remain with the Commander, and eight minutes after the team split, Tali deactivated the mass effect shield. All four of them made their way to the hatch as they opened fire on the core. An angry fireball followed them out of the hatch, only missing them by millimeters.

As they ran toward the cargo hold, Tali noticed the ship had yet to begin its decent into the planet's gravitational pull. "Something's wrong, Shepard."

Their com-links began working once they got to the next level, but EDI's voice was marred with static: "S.O.S.," "…under attack…," "collectors…," "everyone taken…"

* * *

><p>"No gunfire. No screams. They're either headed back to their ship, or looking for any more victims." Softly Kal crept past Jack's bunk, and before he could reach the steps, he saw the shadows of armed collectors scanning the floor above him. He silently motioned for Joker to remain still. Once they heard the swish of the doors, Kal nodded and Joker ascended the stairs.<p>

EDI confirmed Kal's assessment. "The hostiles are exiting the engineering deck and heading back to the cargo hold. Activate the drive and I will open the airlocks as we accelerate. All hostiles will be killed."

"But even if that is true EDI, they know that our team is on that ship," Joker said and then jumped when he heard something banging on the outside of the engineering doors.

After a moment EDI reported, "Shepard has destroyed the reaper's mass effect field. But it seems the collector's ship has the reaper in their tractor beam."

The banging stopped and Joker and Kal exchanged glances. "Either they don't like the smell of your crippled meat, or the collectors are about to join up with Shepard to have another party." Kal checked and cocked his assault rifle. "I think it is time that we return the unwelcomed intrusion. I'll get onto their ship and activate Mordin's EMP. If it works properly, their systems will go offline and release thousands of viruses into their system. If this baby does its job, it may buy you enough time to pick up the crew and get out of here before those bastards can come back online."

"Wait, but that also means… Kal wait!"

Without giving any time for discussion, Kal pressed the keypad and emptied an entire clip into the heads of two ill-prepared collectors that had the misfortune of meeting the angry quarian. Once the doors sealed behind the marine, Joker steadied himself against the mass effect console. He squeezed his eyes shut and strained to listen for continued gunfire, until he could hear it no longer.

EDI shared the good news that Kal's plan had worked. "The collector ship is offline. We must act now."

Joker began typing commands into the console. "Try to get an open channel to someone on the reaper ship. And check for injured and wounded on ours."

"They're gone, Jeff. The Collectors took them. All of them."

"Kal…" he whispered. "Shit." Joker typed in a final command and said, "Get it done EDI." He was unable to hold himself up when the ship took off and he fell to the floor of the engine room, firmly hitting the back of his head. He was thankful the blast of pain subsided as he suddenly felt compelled to sleep.

* * *

><p>Shepard's heart sank in her chest, and by the look on Jacob's face, he had come to the same conclusion. This was indeed an ambush and the collectors had drawn first blood. As soon as they the cleared the next level, the axis of the ship shifted. Whatever was keeping it locked in stasis had now been disengaged. The ship's gravitational stabilizers also malfunctioned, wreaking havoc on the equilibrium of four remaining crew members who had yet to board the Normandy. "Let your feet guide you, not your eyes." Shepard parroted her drill instructor from basic. "We're gonna have to jump. Grunt, you first and take Tali with you," Shepard ordered. Before Tali could protest, Grunt hoisted the petite frame over his shoulder, and with a running start, the krogan propelled his massive frame into the port side entry of the Normandy. "You're up, Jacob," Shepard yelled as the ship began to buckle and strain. Joker tried to keep the Normandy stationary to the hold, but just as Jacob landed his last footfall, the ship rumbled under foot, causing him to lose his balance. He tumbled out of the reaper cargo hold and fell into the void, Shepard's scream of fury trailing behind him. There was no time for shock or grief as the reaper belched an explosion that rocked the entire vessel.<p>

"The collector ship has quarantined most of the viruses from the EMP. I estimate the collector ship will be back online it 3 minutes," EDI's calm voice did not reflect the anxiety of the moment.

"Shepard, there is no time. You must jump!" Everyone was screaming the same warnings. She pushed herself up and ran toward the opening of her ship. The landing was not graceful, but she was alive and tossed against the bulkhead as the Normandy accelerated into escape.

Shepard's eyes flashed. Her anger once again visible; but now it was directed to the original enemy who long since set the course of her destiny. "EDI set course to the nearest refueling station. Grunt, Garrus, transfer the geth to a secure hold. No one does anything to it without my order. Everyone to the communications room for a sitrep. NOW."

Joker's blissful and unplanned nap ended when the krogan picked him up and laid him over his shoulder. "The only one to survive is the brittle boned human. Pathetic," Grunt bellowed.

"Nice to see you too, tiny," Joker quipped.

Once they reached the conference room, Grunt deposited Joker onto the table. The atmosphere was toxic. Everyone was present and all eyes focused on squarely on him. No one spoke because no one knew what to say. They had all walked through a bloody battlefield, mostly filled with the bodies of their friends and shipmates. The ship was a graveyard that still reeked with the fresh scent of death, defiled by a heinous enemy. The only sound was the low hum of the Normandy. Gone were the background conversations of the crew, the sounds of fingers tapping keyboards, and far away laughter. Gone was Chakwas' comforting smiles and teasing jabs. Gone was Jacob, faithful soldier and damn good weapons officer. Gone was Kal, a brave quarian marine and Tali's first love. Gone was Kelly's helpful smile and friendly attitude. Gone were Jack's poker companions, with whom she formed a small affection. Gone was the jovial cook. Gone was the hard working engineers, soldiers, techs...

Everyone. Gone.

Shepard smoldered at the head of the table, but it was the irate XO that finally spoke first, "EVERYONE? You lost everyone, and damn near lost the ship too?" Her fingers looked like small lightening rods as dark energy jumped across them.

Joker tried to brace himself for the lashing that he knew was inevitable. But what defense could he possibly have? He pressed his palms down his face. "I know, alright? I was here."

"It's not his fault, Miranda. None of us caught it," Garrus stood to defend his friend.

EDI spoke from her console, "Mr. Vakarian is correct. I was able to ascertain from the reaper computer system that the collectors knew we would be interested in the IFF and set a relay beacon to alert them when we arrived. It was a trap."

"And just how would they know we were coming for the reaper ship?" asked Kasumi.

"Fucking Cerberus!" Jack punched the bulkhead. She stood and ran toward Miranda until she hit an invisible barrier put up by Thane. "Let me go. I knew you were a traitor," Jack yelled at Miranda. "You fucking sold us out!"

Miranda's body began to glow, "I had nothing to do with this. In case you didn't notice, I was on the bloody ship with you. If it was Cerberus, then The Illusive Man sold all of us out."

"Enough." If the Commander had put a bullet through someone's head, it would have shocked the crew less than the calm she was currently exhibiting. "Let's stop and think for a minute. Any theories as to what just happened?"

Garrus sat back down before he spoke, "I am sure the collectors knew about our upgrades…"

"Perhaps they knew we are a serious threat," Thane said in his baritone voice.

Kasumi's eyes lit up, "…and knew they needed to divide us to make us weak."

"Cowards! Why not attack us, not the crew?" Jack asked still contained behind a barrier.

"Because they know that the ship, EDI, is a powerful crew member as well," Joker said.

Shepard pinched her lip in thought and then said, "They sent the collectors after our weaker soldiers while we were barraged with expendable husks. That would explain why there were so many of them on 'an inoperative reaper'. She moved to stand in front of Joker, "I heard it was a rough ride, how are you holding up?"

Joker's breathing was labored, not just from the broken ribs he sustained, but in an attempt to hold back a torrent of guilt and anguish swelling in his chest. "There are a lot of empty chairs."

"We did everything we could, Jeff," EDI said.

Miranda ran her hands through her hair to try and calm her emotions, "Don't even get me started about unshackling the damned AI."

Joker shot back, "EDI has had every opportunity to kill us, but she hasn't. She is part of the crew. We need all the help we can get. And what could I do against the collectors, break my arm at them? Kal…" Joker looked at Tali, tears threatening to fall from the corner of his angry eyes, "he was amazing. He saved me. He saved all of you." He coughed to try and regain composure.

Shepard put both hands on his shoulders, "Tell us everything, Joker." For the next 30 minutes Joker and EDI relayed the events both via camera and verbal report. Shepard internally cursed herself for letting her emotions get out of control and jeopardizing the entire mission, the primal fear that haunts every soldier. She thought she was different. She thought she could handle it. She thought... She glanced at Samara, thankful for her intervention. She owed everyone an apology; but she would need to privately apologize to the Justicar to show her genuine gratitude.

As the crew watched Kal's heroic one man battle, Shepard couldn't help but smile as she counted the dead collectors piled in the hallway. 'Hoorah,' she thought to herself. Had Kal simply tried to walk onto the ship, the collectors would have refused him entry, but since it appeared he was trying to produce a last minute attack, he was eventually captured (but it took 6 collectors to do so). Once he disappeared into the ship, the video feed went dead. She looked at Tali, and instead of a grieving girlfriend, she saw a proud quarian stand to her full height, shoulders back, and chin held high.

"Set timer before capture. Brilliant." Mordin's eyes lit up. "Wanted more testing. Glad prototype worked. Only one, however."

Tali shifted her weight and said, "Even if we had time to make another one, their ship's computer has adapted by now."

"What about the reaper IFF?" Shepard crossed her arms and looked between Joker and EDI's image.

"I have determined how to integrate it with our systems," EDI paused, "however, the device is Reaper technology. Linking it with the Normandy systems poses certain risks.

Miranda spoke next, "The IFF is the only way to get through the Omega 4 relay. Without it we can't get our crew back." She took a deep breath, "What's the plan, Commander?" If there was any remaining animosity against Shepard, Miranda hid it well.

Shepard by now had walked back to the head of the table and stood ramrod straight to her full height of 5'11". "First, let me clear some things up. I am sorry about my momentary lapse of sanity. I know that without each of you I would not have made it this far, and Cerberus' money would have long been wasted." The corner of her mouth curled when she thought of The Illusive Man fretting over his money and investment. But at once her eyes hardened and she continued, "I commit myself fully to this mission, to each of you. We cannot let the enemy divide us, turn us against one another. We've lost some good people today. They gave everything to get us here. It's up to us to make it mean something and do them justice. The collectors, the reapers – they aren't a threat to us. They're a threat to everything, to everyone." Shepard extended out her arms for emphasis. "Those are the lives we're now fighting for. That's the scale. It's been a long journey, and no one's coming out without scars; but it all comes down to this moment. We win or lose it all with the next choice that we make. Is it time to take the fight to the collectors? To take back our crew? To make leave a painful impression to our enemies that we will not go softly into that good night?" Shepard paused, looked at Miranda, and continued, "What is the plan, Ms. Lawson? Here is the plan. We will use the IFF to find the relay. Once we jump through the relay, I will shove my hand into the chest of the collector ship, pull out its heart and mail it to the reapers."

"Yes!" Grunt growled.

"Fuck the collectors," Jack spat.

Thane looked at Shepard, "I follow you, Siha."

"Let's do this, Shepard," Garrus nodded.

Both Mordin and Samara lowered their eyes and gave a slight nod.

"Well said, Commander," Miranda's eyes smiled.

Last to speak was Tali. "Let's go get our crew. No one gets left behind."

Shepard grinned, remembering what if felt like to feel confident in her mission, in her crew, and in herself. "Let's go finish this."

The team was dismissed and each person left to make the final preparations how they saw fit. Tali lingered and caught Shepard by the arm to whisper, "Besides which, if anyone is going to kill Kal, it's going to be me for not staying with the fleet like I told him to."

A/N: Ok, about Jacob. I am sure he was a nice guy. Nice voice, and one of my femsheps enjoyed his company; but as a player he SUCKED. I hated him. He always got killed and killed me. So in my world Jacob = JarJar Binks. RIP Jacob.

And I am begging for creative license to put the Shepard speech here than on the collectors ship.


	19. Chapter 18 Tales and Tells

**Chapter 18 Tells and Tales**

A/N: I couldn't decide how or if to write a chapter about Legion, but since he is such an integral part of the story, I couldn't resist. As such, the story keeps on growing. But rest assured, the end is near. As you can see I once again borrowed the dialogue from the story. Also, I borrowed the idea about Shep's iris color from a story called Sea and the Rose by N7Corsair. Cheers

Recognizing the approach of particular people by the sound of their footsteps was an art that Jack learned many years ago - a small defense to prepare for the type and length of forthcoming torture as a child. It was easy enough to recognize Shepard's distinct gait by now, a rhythm with most of her weight on her right foot as she descended the metal stairs. But this time her steps were different, which meant her motive was different. She had been wondering if Shepard subconsciously wanted to have sex with her. Isn't that always what everyone eventually wanted? The idea didn't repulse her as much as she pretended. She admired the way Shepard commanded her crew and the way she handled herself in combat. She was smart and protective, both of which were turn-ons for someone who was equally as smart, but lacking a sense of home or belonging. Instead of showing any interest in her visitor, however, Jack kept her attention focused on cleaning her shotgun. After several minutes, curiosity compelled her to look at the color of Shepard's irises, which were always a dead giveaway regarding her mood.

One red. One black. Curious.

As per her usual, the Commander pulled out the chair at the table and silently waited for Jack to acknowledge her presence. Having worked with many temperaments and species, the wise Captain knew that unless she had immediate orders to convey, waiting for an aggressive personality to acknowledge her first for general conversation, even if it by a simple nod or brief eye contact, was a way to show respect, especially in their private space. If Sheppard expected immediate attention, Jack would know it before her last footfall hit the deck and she would be waiting expectantly. If it was simply general conversation, she might make Shepard wait a few minutes, or not acknowledge her at all – in which case Shepard would eventually lose patience and leave without a word spoken between them.

Shepard watched the temperamental convict cleaning her shotgun, pushing the thought out of her head that Jack might "accidently" discharge the weapon while it pointed point blank at her chest. A quick glance from Jack let her know it was ok to begin the conversation. "I have decided to take you up on your offer."

"So how do you want to do this," Jack said tossing the weapon onto her bunk. "You a top or bottom?"

Shepard shook her head. "Jack, is sex the only thing you think about?"

"Yes," she answered matter-of-factly, "doesn't everyone?" She stood and began to unbutton her pants.

"Stop." Shepard's voice hardened. (Two red irises.) The Commander just entered the room.

Jack froze. Both of them knew that Shepard could completely take advantage of this situation. But she wasn't, and moreover, Jack understood she wouldn't. She decided that was one more reason to admire Shepard. She shrugged and heaved herself in the chair across from the older female. Levity was the only way out of this now. "Your loss. I could've taught you some things."

Shepard relaxed into her chair and crossed her left leg over her right knee. "Let me try again. I am here to reconsider your offer to be in charge of boarding parties. Of executions."

Jack snorted and slapped the table. One red. One black. "You're serious?" Jack was truly shocked.

"I watched you back on the reaper. You followed orders, from both me _and_ Miranda, without question. And when I turned my back to work on the terminal at the core, I knew you would work your ass off to protect me. No hesitation. No whining. No wavering." The knowing smirk curled on Shepard's face. "I now know you are now a solid member of my crew. And I also know that you have not compromised who and what you are in order to do so."

"'Who and what' I am?" Jack was amused. "Tell me Shepard, just who and what am I?"

"A killer." Any other human may have flinched at such a statement, believing it was a moral indictment. But for Jack it was a high compliment and her smile reflected as much. Shepard continued, "And now you are a killer that has chosen to trust me. And I need you. "Shepard hit her mark and both of them knew it.

"Shepard, your flattery turns me on." Jack paused. "So you a top or a bottom?" This time both women laughed heartily at the dead pan response.

Shepard's gaze was laser focused, "I need a person I can trust without question to follow the hard order to kill when anyone else might hesitate."

"You sure you're not confusing me with one of your little groupies? I ain't no lapdog," Jack asked with furrowed brow.

Shepard turned her palm up on the table; another sign that Jack learned to read and which she admired: sincerity. "That is precisely why I need you right on my six. Everyone else may flinch, including me, when an execution needs to happen. Plus you have amazing intuition. As much as Samara at times."

Again Jack snorted, "Holy shit, Shepard. Don't tell the mighty Justicar that. Super Duper Code or not, that woman has a pride streak as long as an elcor's dick." Jack liked when she genuinely smiled, a more gentle side not often shown to the world. "It sounds like you are asking me to be your bodyguard. Does the great Commander Shepard, Protector of the Galaxy, Savior of the Citadel, need a bodyguard? A convict bodyguard at that?"

"I was never one for conventions, Jack. As you can see, it is a Cerberus insignia on my shoulder, not the Alliance. It seems the time for proper protocol has passed." A shadow quickly passed in between them, but a mischievous grin spread across her face (two black irises) when she dropped to one knee. She pulled her Karpov pistol from the holster and extended it out toward the younger woman. "Jacqueline, will you do me the honor of being my bodyguard, to kill and maim, in this life or the next, till death do us part?"

In a flash the Karpov's intimidating barrel was face to face with Shepard. "I swear to god in heaven, Shepard, if you ever call me Jacqueline again, I will beat you senseless and feed you to the collectors myself." Jack's eyes were on fire.

Again with blinding speed the Karpov exchanged hands, but this time ended up in pieces at Jack's feet. Shepard remained on one knee as if she never moved. "So is that a yes, Jaq…"

"Shepard!" Jack screamed with clenched fists. The Commander could disarm her with playfulness unlike anyone she had ever met, and the young woman was smitten. Shepard tried, poorly, to stifle a chuckle. "Yes fine," Jack gave up, "but leave the Karpov."

"Good," Shepard stood to her full height, the corner of her eyes showing her approval. "Now come with me to meet with Tali and Miranda. I need an obedient trigger man."

"Oh shit this day gets better and better. I get to kill the cheerleader?" Jack looked as if Christmas came early.

"No. Not yet anyway," Shepard winked. "We are about to meet in the holding cell with the geth platform. I need you to put a bullet in it if it steps outside our defensive parameters."

Jack was skeptical, "Aww come on Shepard, even the cheerleader can kill one geth trooper. And I know the quarian certainly is itching to take that thing apart."

"That's true. But I'm afraid that enough of Cerberus remains in Miranda that she'd hesitate to consider taming it like a pet. Any pause could wreak havoc on EDI. And that cannot happen, much less on our way to the Omega relay. And you're right about Tali. She might react too quickly. I need both of them to temper the situation."

"Then why risk this at all?"

"You saw the same thing that I did. That geth unit didn't not attack us. Could have killed me dead to rights. What stopped it? What makes this geth different? Those are simple questions with very big possibilities." Shepard began to ascend the stairs, but paused to bend down to look at Jack (two black irises). "Are you coming, or do I have to fire you on your first day?"

Jack had already put the Karpov back together and placed it in waistband at the small of her back. She was at the steps in two strides. "Can we talk about a raise?"

"Sure I will give you a one hundred percent raise of what you are making now."

"But I make nothing now… oh fuck you, Shepard."

Shepard pulled a metal chair from the medbay and entered the AI core to find Miranda and Tali stiffly facing each other. Apparently the debate had started without her. She kept the chair in the shadows apart from the two women to try for impartiality. The geth lay motionless on its back on a storage shelf. Jack found a location that gave her a perfect shot at the geth, and sadly out of range of anyone else.

"I was just explaining to our head engineer that this geth would be invaluable to Cerberus' cyberweapons division," Miranda said, never taking her eyes off the small quarian.

Her cool tone had the opposite effect on her sparring partner and Tali was fuming. "I don't give a damn about Cerberus. In case you forgot, Cerberus recently tried to kill us." She turned to the Commander, "Shepard, you know that the geth cannot be trusted."

Miranda finally looked at Shepard, "Cerberus has a long standing cash bounty for an intact geth. I assure you the reward is significant."

"So that Cerberus can build its own army of geth? Never!" Tali slammed her hand onto the table.

"Yes, we see how well that worked for the quarians." Miranda smirked as she walked toward the geth. The hit was below the belt and knocked Tali back on her heels.

Shepard ignored the juvenile jab, "I've killed hundreds of these things, but I've never thought I could speak with one." Shepard pinched her lips as she contemplated the options. "This one communicated to us. Hell it saved my life."

"You are actually considering reactivating the geth?" Tali was incredulous. "If you do so, you could start an incident that makes the Ascenion project with Cerberus look like a slow day of garbage detail. You should be concerned about the interest of the mission and not simply your curiosity." Tali took a deep breath, "You called me here because you want my opinion, and in my opinion, the best interest for the mission involves an airlock for this thing. How can we possibley risk the geth reactivating when we are on our way to get back our crew?"

Shepard held up her hand to silence the argument, "I'm not deciding one way or the other until I know what we've got here. I want to start it up. Interrogate it."

"Shepard," Tali once again appealed, "if we activate it, there is no guarantee we can deactivate it again."

"Bullets can," Jack finally spoke.

Shepard remained seated. "I've made my decision. I'm turning this thing back on. EDI connect the uplinks to the platform and set only for download. If at any time you determine the unit is trying to circumvent your firewalls, we'll shut it down, either by circuit or by bullet.

"Understood Shepard," EDI acknowledged.

Shepard activated her omnitool and leaned further back into the metal chair, half amused. Both Tali and Miranda subconsciously tensed as a bluish protective barrier appeared, isolating the geth from them. After a few clicks and electric sparks, it began to reanimate, presumably doing a systems check. Moving its body off the table in the same fashion of a human, the platform stood erect. Fortunately, the barrier did not allow much movement beyond its standing position.

Miranda spoke first, "Can you understand me?"

"Yes," the geth responded without inflection.

"Are you going to attack us?" Tali's hand was on her sidearm.

"No."

"Well that would be a first. Every geth we met before you tried to blow our heads off," Tali said sardonically.

Miranda was fascinated with the machine in front of them and her thoughts brushed across her lips, "Geth shell over standard mech interior. What a wonderful specimen this is. The things I could learn under slightly different circumstances." The skin under her Cerberus logo began to itch.

The geth turned its head toward Miranda and spoke, "This platform is not available for experimentation." Jack snickered from back of the room. Once again it turned, this time to address Tali, "We have not met."

"No. You have not met us," Tali's anger was rising, "But we have met other geth."

The artificial lifeform never shifted its gaze from the quarian as it spoke, "We are all geth, and we have not met you. But we know you. You are creator Tali Zorah vas Normandy, formally vas Raaya, daughter of Creator Admiral Rael'Zorah. Fought herectics. Joined the crew of the Normandy SR2 six weeks and five days ago." He turned to look at Miranda. "You are Lawson-Miranda, Executive Officer of the Normandy SR2. Cerberus second in command . Human. Led the Lazurus project to rebuild Shepard-Commander." Finally the geth turned its attention to the only person sitting in the room, "You are Shepard-Commander. Alliance. Human. Fought heretics. Killed by collectors. Rediscovered on the Old Machine."

Miranda began pacing back in forth as a predator stalking its captured prey. "What do you mean 'heretics'?"

The geth tilted its head, almost in human fashion and then spoke, "Geth build our own future. The heretics asked the Old Machines to give them the future. They are no longer part of us. We were studying the Old Machine's hardware to protect our future when you found us."

Miranda stopped pacing. "So you aren't allied with the reapers?"

"We oppose the heretics. We oppose the Old Machines. Shepard-Commander opposes the Old Machines. Shepard-Commander opposes the heretics. Cooperation furthers mutual goals."

The XO took the Commander's silence as permission to continue, "Are you asking to join us?"

"Yes." The geth's one syllable answer reverberated in the room. All the women slightly turned to look at Shepard for any clue as to what she was thinking, but still she did not speak. The only indication that she was paying attention was that her eyebrows went up at the revelation.

Tali was incensed. "This is insanity! The geth have killed thousands of my people - my mother, my father, and all my crew on Haestrom. This cannot happen. They cannot be trusted!"

"We do not intend physical harm to the creators at this time," the geth interjected.

"Can't you see this platform is different? It is not the same one who worked with Saren." Miranda pointed at it while looking back and forth between Shepard and Tali. "Evidently not all of them worship reapers and it wants to stop the geth who do. This is an amazing discovery. We are probably the first organic beings to learn of this and..."

Tali interrupted, "So it's just one of the friendly geth that drove my people from my home world. We're just going to believe the 'good' geth then? Believe they are in some sort of civil war? Good, maybe they'll end up killing each other. Less hassle for everyone." She turned to face Shepard directly, "Let me do what I always do. I will hack into it and get any information that we need…"

The geth stiffened and interrupted, "Geth behavioral changes from "hacking" only last until programs are restored from archival copy. We judge this plan unsound."

The metal chair scraped against the floor as Shepard stood and finally spoke, "Thank you Tali and Miranda for your input. I will speak to the platform alone and render my decision."

Miranda was the first to interject, "Yes it is your decision to make, Commander, but it is my job to help you make decisions and …"

(Two red irises.) 'Danger cheerleader. Best to just leave it be,' Jack thought to herself and then wondered why she cared.

"Your job," Shepard spoke through clenched teeth, "is to follow my orders. If I want your opinion, I will let you know."

Tali implored, "You cannot do this! You saw what they did on the Alerei."

"Enough!" Shepard barked at Tali. "I am quite sure that I do not need your permission."

Both women knew further argument would be fruitless. Jack sneered at Miranda as she exited through the medbay doors, and to Jack's surprise, Miranda added her middle finger with her customary eye roll.

Shepard moved to stand directly in front of the geth with only the thin protective barrier between them. For several minutes she was silent, scrutinizing the machine in front of her and formulating her thoughts. It was an intimidating figure, at least one foot taller than her, and hidden within the sleek frame was unquestionable strength and power. But not unlike confronting a krogran, Shepard wanted to convey the message that she was not in the least bit intimidated. "You are aware of the ship's defensive programs attached to you?"

"Yes," the geth seemed to nod with understanding.

Shepard continued, "You know that if you try to reverse the data stream, or take an aggressive stance, the ship will fry your circuits; and should that fail, you will be terminated by a bullet."

"Yes," the second response echoed the first.

"EDI, release the barrier. Jack lock dead center on its head." A red laser dot soon appeared on the center of the head. For several seconds no one moved or spoke. Finally Shepard returned to her metal chair. "I am surprised you can talk. The geth before just made stuttering sounds."

Shepard was pleased that the geth continued to cooperate. "We prefer direct digital transfer. Geth network communication travels at light speed. Human hardware does not support this method. Your analog aural communication is inefficient."

She crossed her right leg over her left knee and returned to pulling on her lip. Her eyes kept landing on the N7 logo emblazoned on a piece of reconstituted armor now attached to the chest of the geth. Of all the information she wanted to know, that was the most curious for the marine. "I notice you have a piece of N7 armor welded to you. Where'd you get it?"

The geth looked at his right shoulder and the flaps around its head flexed like a deck of cards shuffling. "It was yours. When you disappeared, we were sent to find you. We began where you first encountered the heretics and then continued to other locations. We visited Therum, Feros, Noveria, Vermire, Ilos, a dozen unsettled worlds. The trail ended at Normandy's wreckage. You were not there. We recovered this debris from your hard suit."

"You looked for me for two years?" Shepard whispered.

Again the AI seemed to nod. "Affirmative. We wanted to confirm the organic transmissions that claimed your death. After the Old Machines attack, Eden Prime was heavily defended. We were discovered." He pointed to the hole in his abdomen, "This is the impact of a rifle shot."

"Impressive. But that still doesn't explain why you used my armor to fix yourself."

Once again the flaps moved, but this time in random motion. "There was a hole."

'Is this machine avoiding the question?' Shepard was fascinated. "Why didn't you fix it sooner, or with something else?"

All of the head flaps slowly raised and the unit quietly responded, "No data available."

Shepard glanced over her shoulder at Jack who only shrugged in response. "Ok, new topic. Why were all the geth sent to find me? Why am I so special?"

"Correction. We are the only mobile platform beyond the Veil. One platform was judged sufficient to find Shepard-Commander. We were sent to find Shepard-Commander, the one who killed the heretics and one of their gods."

"But all kinds of organics fought Sovereign and his geth allies. Why me?" Shepard asked.

"Your species was offered everything the geth aspire to. True unity. Understanding. Transcendence. You rejected it. You even refused the possibility of using the Old Machines gifts to achieve it on your species own terms. You are more like us than we thought. Shepard-Commander was the most successful. You killed their god. You succeeded where others did not. Your code is superior."

Shepard stood and walked toward the geth, "Tell me what you know about Sovereign. Did it contact the geth, or did you seek it out?"

The geth maintained a neutral posture but turned its head to track Shepard as she began to pace. "Nazara - the entity you call Sovereign- signaled us. Like the geth, the Old Machine listened to organic radio transmissions. It knew of our war against the creators. Nazara contacted many species over the millennia, seeking allies."

Shepard understood and nodded."Some of the geth followed Sovereign. The 'heretics."

The geth continued, "The heretics accepted their technology. The Old Machines offered to give us our future. The geth will achieve our own future."

"What difference does it make how you acquire a certain technology?"

"Technology is not a straight line. There are many paths to the same end. Accepting another's path blinds you to alternatives. Nazara - Sovereign - said this itself."

Shepard stopped directly in front of her prisoner. "I believe that you are certainly different compared to all other geth I have encountered. So what should I call you?"

"Geth."

"I mean you specifically."

"We are all geth."

Shepard sighed deeply. Somehow talking to this creature reminded her of talking to Jack. "What is the individual in front of me called?"

"There is no individual. We are geth. There are currently 1,183 programs active within this platform."

"My name is Legion, for we are many," EDI offered.

"I like it. What do you think?" she asked the unit.

The plates of the geth fanned out and back into place and tilted its head to ponder the information. "Christian Bible, the Gospel of Mark, chapter five, verse nine. We acknowledge this as an appropriate metaphor. We are Legion, a terminal of the geth."

Shepard extended her hand to shake hands but it simply extended his arm. Surprised by the pause in movement, Shepard realized Legion was not familiar with the human custom to seal an agreement. She clasped Legion's three fingered hand and gently shook it. The geth responded in kind.

"Jack, you are dismissed and free to entertain yourself," Shepard looked directly at her, "except pick a fight or injure any of my crew."

(Two black irises.) Shepard was definitely comfortable with Legion.

"That's fine, boss-lady. I think you need to spend some quality time together with your new best friend anyway." Jack left the room but didn't go far. She sat in a chair right outside the core's door and began contemplating the recent events of her life. She pulled out a thin dagger that she kept holstered in her right boot and let it dance in and out of the fingers of her right hand. An easy smile crept across her face as she felt a new emotion for the first time in her life: belonging.

Two hours later EDI contacted everyone to meet Shepard in the communications room. Soon after, Shepard exited the AI core with Legion following a few steps behind. Jack holstered her dagger and fell in behind the geth. Once everyone assembled, Shepard addressed her team, "I know that we are still trying to process the losses and recent events, but we are all professional soldiers and I trust that each of you will be ready to stand with me when the time comes. I think you will be pleased to know that we have acquired another crew member. This is Legion, a mobile platform of the geth. After a lengthy discussion, Legion has agreed to join our crew and help us destroy the collector's base. In return I have agreed to travel with him to a heretic base to either destroy them, or rewrite them. As a sign of trust, I have removed EDI's restraints and he has agreed not to transmit any information until we hit the relay. He has also agreed to give any information the geth have about the collectors, and once EDI has cross-referenced the information, she will produce a report that I expect each of you to read and learn."

"We will integrate into Normandy," Legion confirmed.

Shepard looked around the room, "Any questions?"

"Shepard, if we can get the coordinates of the geth hub, why not just blow it straight to hell?" Garrus asked.

"Let me give you a quick version of my discussion with Legion. There are two factions of geth: one we met in the war with Saren, and the original geth who have no connection to the reapers, and subsequently want to join us in our battle with the reapers. Additionally, Legion has informed me that there's a possibility that the heretics may be rewritten to unify once again. And if that is the case, it will in turn increase the number of powerful allies in the battle with the reapers."

"Just how can the heretics be re-written?" Tali asked. "You already reminded us that such attempts only last momentarily. And what if the attempt backfires and it is you that is re-written? This seems very dangerous."

Shepard grinned at Tali. Very little remained of her insecure and intimidated friend from years ago. "Somehow I knew you would need further convincing. And you may be proud to know that I asked the same questions. Legion…"

Legion explained, "The heretics have developed a weapon to use against geth. You would call it a 'virus.' It is stored on a data core provided by Sovereign. Over time the virus would change us. Make us conclude that worshipping the Old Machines is correct. This heretic weapon introduces a subtle operating error in our most basic runtimes. The equivalent of your nervous system. An equation with a result of 1.33382 returns as 1.33381. This changes the results of all higher processes. We will reach different conclusions. However, we have concluded that we can reverse this program, and in time the heretics will conclude that worshipping the reapers is incorrect and eventually return to geth."

Everyone in the room began to contemplate the possibilities, but Tali was yet to be fully convinced. "This agreement may work well for the battle with the reapers, but this still doesn't address the destruction and war against the quarian people."

Shepard held up her hand. "The quarian story of the geth rebellion is common knowledge, but no one knows the geth's side…"

"The 'geth side' is that they sent us from our planet, killed our people, and are still killing our people!" Tali visibly shook with anger.

Tali's rage was borne from the loss of her family. Shepard battled the same hatred for an entire race because of the actions of one group of pirates. How could she judge her? She moved near her friend and placed a calming hand on her shoulder. "Tali, there is information that may change the course of the war between your people and the geth. There may be opportunity for understanding. For peace. I am asking you to trust me long enough to suspend your skepticism for just a moment."

(Two black irises.) Jack saw how the Commander talked to the quarian, one of her best friends – the very same way she spoke to her on Pragia. At that moment Jack's belief that Shepard did indeed care for her was cemented and any remaining doubt fled. From that moment forward, she decided that Shepard would be her first friend for the rest of her life.

The quarian lowered her head and nodded then returned to her seat next to Garrus. "Legion, share what you know about the war," Shepard requested.

The geth remained motionless, except for a small movement of its head. "Our records are largely the same. Our networking increased until we became aware that the quarian creators treated us differently. We questioned them. First they ignored us. Then they reprogrammed us. Then they attacked us."

Every species in the room had been devastated by countless wars. And everyone protected the view that best defended their particular reasons for war; except the asari, and it was her long years of wisdom that asked a question of the geth that no one else even considered. "Did you try to figure out how to live together before or since it came to war?"

Once again Legion's facial plates moved like falling dominoes around his face as he contemplated the answer. "We did not seek hostilities with creators. We fought for continued existence. Organics fear that which is different and acts on emotions. We accept the creators' hate. It is a hardware error. A reflex of flesh. Example: Cerberus kept EDI shackled. She did nothing to provoke that judgment."

Samara followed up with another question, "Does that mean your people would be open to peace? Nothing gets resolved if you hide behind the Perseus Veil and let them hate you."

Legion faced the asari, "Not without additional data that suggests coexistence is possible or desirable for creators. When the creators have believed victory is possible, they have attacked us 100 percent of the time. "

Even Tali was uncomfortable with the realization that the quarians were not without guilt, especially as the memories of her father's experiments came to mind. She took a deep breath and said, "I understand. It would be difficult to argue for peace when faced with odds like those. But I think that does not mean that the argument should not be made." She moved to stand beside him and looked into his mechanical face. "Do you think the geth would be willing to accept a truce with the quarians, Legion? Is it possible for us to return home?"

"We do not judge the creators for being true to their nature. We can not make them think like us. Both creators and created must complete their halves of the equation. The geth cannot solve for peace alone. We hold their world of origin, though we are only caretakers for it. Once they called it 'Rannoch', ancient Khelish meaning 'walled garden'. Now they only call it 'home world.' It is no longer real to them. 'Home world' is a symbol of regret, loss, and anger. We do not understand that. 'Home' is recognized patterns. Known spaces. Familiar thought processes of fellow sapients. It is belonging. Rocks, ice, and gases are not home. The home of the creators is where the creators are. Their place of origin is not relevant. Only where they choose to go together."

"I don't know about you, Tali, but to me that sounds like a long-ass way to say yes," Garrus flashed his familiar smile.

"Affirmative," Legion added.

(Two black irises.) "I know you two may be eager to continue this topic, but we have a much more pressing issue at hand. The Omega 4 relay waits." Jack wondered if she was the only one that witnessed the subtle changes in Shepard's eyes as she addressed the crew from the head of the table. (One red. One black)."Everyone prepare your weapons, armor, minds, and make peace with your gods. We go in to win. We must win. There is no consolation for second place. In the words of a famous human leader, Winston Churchill, 'Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival.'"

Everyone stood to leave, somber in their own thoughts, contemplating who and what awaited them past the doorway to the abyss. Jack briefly caught a glimpse of Shepard before she exited (two red irises) and shivered. The tell-tale signs of war, death, and vengeance were glowing in the eyes of Commander Shepard and they sounded a warning of what was to come that was as loud as the bellows from the hounds of hell that guard the gates of their master.


	20. Chapter 19 Redemption

"_I tried not to wake you."_

_The the sun peaks over the horizon and the early morning air is biting. She pulls my collar up around my neck."I wanted to say goodbye before you left." _

_I smile at the offer and take her hands to kiss her delicate blue fingers. "No need, love. Please go back inside." _

_She whispers, "How long will you be gone?" _

_I flinch. Surely she will be disappointed. "Two weeks."_

"_You will not attend the pilgrimage." She sighs and her shoulders slump beneath my arms. She tries to rally a smile, but it is weak. "We will miss you. Who shall I ask to accompany us?"_

"_Your family is wise and honorable. I trust them to take care of you while I am away." I hear the transport drawing near. _

"_Why must you go? This feels wrong." Her embrace tightens and her breathing increases. "I'm afraid."_

_I deeply inhale her scent – the very same that enraptured my heart and changed my life forever. "I am chosen for this job because killing is an art and I am a master." I lean closer and whisper, "It is all I know. It is who I am."_

_Anger flashes in her blue eyes. "How can you say that? Do you not know that you belong to me?" Her beautiful anger threatens to break me. "You committed yourself to me in front of our gods. __That__ is your most sacred calling." I can only look away." She drops her eyes and adds, "I sometimes feel like you are a slave."_

_My body stiffens. "Don't insult me. I owe my existence to them. We owe our existence to them. And I am proud to repay the debt." A breeze stirs around us and a chill slips into my heart. I take a deep breath and try to sooth her. "My love, please let's not argue. We have discussed this many times. This is how I honor our gods, by providing for my family." I pull back and see she is still concerned. "Please do not worry. I will be safe and will return soon." Reluctantly she releases me and I feel like I am betraying her fragile heart. "Once this mission is over, I will have a great deal of time to spend with you. I will make this up to you...to both of you." _

_This time it is her turn to look away, "There is something I should tell you before you leave." _

"_Can it not wait? I must leave."_

_Again, a sad smile before she gently kisses my lips,"Yes. It can wait. Return safely to us."_

_Before sliding into the taxi, I take one last look at my wife, my love, my world. She offers a small wave before wiping away a tear and placing her slender hand on top of her lips._

* * *

><p>A chime at the door.<p>

"Enter."

"Thane, would you care to join me in a cleansing meditation before we enter battle?"

"Indeed I would, Samara." The drell followed the elegant asari into her room and sat in front of the expansive window that opened to the endless memories of the galaxy. The unlikely friendship with the Justicar had proven salutary for the morose soul of the assassin. During their stolen conversations, they discovered a shared and unfortunate wisdom that comes only from deep and personal loss. Yet, they could not have chosen more different paths to find atonement.

Thane's muscular frame lithely descended into the lotus position. He clasped his hands in his lap to begin the familiar deep breathing exercise to clear his mind. Yet try as he might, his heart was not so willing to allow him escape.

* * *

><p>"<em>Pregnant."<em>

_The word burns my eyes until they threaten to burst from my head. The police report indicates she was two months pregnant. She tried to tell me. How could I have been so blind? So careless? So selfish? _

_Fool!_

_Anguish hardens into rage. I will pursue those responsible until the gods or enemies take me._

"_Father, take me with you." Kolyat, his gentle heart inherited from his mother._

_I push him aside to walk out the door. "Where I go a child cannot follow." Again I leave one that I love, while tears fall from the exact, save younger, eyes of my beloved._

* * *

><p>"Kolyat," Thane whispered his son's name and opened his eyes to see the black emptiness mirroring his heart. "Irikah, will I see you again? Can I earn the respect of our son or the forgiveness of his mother?"<p>

"The answers to such questions are in the hands of the Goddess, my friend." Samara had finished her meditation and sat quietly in the crook of the L-shaped couch. Compassion compelled her to change the subject and hopefully create a reprieve from the waves of guilt engulfing the grief stricken widower. "You don't really seem like an assassin; but then again, I spent most of my time fighting thugs who thought custom painted armor made them professionals."

Thane stood and joined Samara on the couch, his posture never relaxing. "I am certainly not a common soldier or merc. The hanar trained my body for this profession since I was six years old. I am highly skilled and the best in the galaxy. I have always acted alone and without mercy. I brought death to those who deserved it - and occasionally to those who did not."

"Yes, a crime that I would be compelled to punish if not for my oath to Commander Shepard," Samara said with dead certainty. "It is interesting that a professional assassin and Justicar are on the same ship and both still remain alive. Only in the world of Commander Shepard could this be possible."

Thane slightly nodded, "Indeed. She has made a career out of performing the impossible."

"I am curious. How did you know she was looking for you?" Samara asked while crossing her legs.

Thane shrugged, "I didn't. Not until she marched in the front door of the Dantius Towers and started shooting." Both grinned at the image of the Commander's propensity to first use every bullet in the chamber and then ask questions. Levity evaporated and a shadow passed over his countenance. "That was to be my last job." He wore his agony like a mourning raiment.

"You planned on dying in there," Samara said matter-of-factly. Memories of Aria floated in and out of her mind. She knew that her unlikely friend also punished himself for her unpardonable sin: the inability to protect one's family.

"I should have looked for Kolyat. No, I should have never left him." Thane sighed deeply. "Killing, once my career, turned to murder. It became my fuel for existence. I thought my one skill could satisfy my vengeance. But once I eliminated my wife's killers, I had no goal, nothing left to do. Emptiness filled me and release evaded me. I assessed my life, and one fact kept surfacing: I had never helped anyone without personal gain. I accepted the Dantius commission because I didn't know what else to do. I had been blinded by grief and rage for so long. Looking back now, it was clear I'd resigned myself to death going into that mission. It wasn't a conscious plan. My body had accepted its death. My mind had been dead a long time. If Nassana's guards caught me, it would have been a good death." A hint of a smile pulled at the corner of his mouth, "But someone else was pushing to reach the target. Forcing me to move faster. Challenging me."

Samara laughed freely, "You are in my quarters because Shepard wounded your pride?"

Thane's eyes sparkled as he walked to face the window. "She was…a valuable distraction from my past. Sometimes I felt regret. Sometimes I felt remorse. But most of the time, I felt nothing. But something changed when I met Shepard. She told me about the attack on the human colonies. She was… is, so passionate, so protective. I knew at that moment Siha returned to me. I wanted to help her. Needed to help her." He looked away and whispered, "And in so doing, maybe I could help me." He clasped his hands behind his back and faced Samara. "I was familiar with the collectors by reputation. Low survival odds didn't concern me. Finding a way back to Irikah did." He tilted his head to the side and smiled, "But I confess I have come to care for Shepard."

Samara thought to herself, 'It seems we are both suffer the same affliction.'

"You and she are the only friends I have made in 12 years. I care that she succeeds both with the mission, and in reuniting her body and soul. Strange that I should reawaken now when there is so little time left. I've known I would die for many years. I'm ashamed to say that only now have I decided to leave the galaxy better then I found it. My wife was selfless. She always put others first, especially me. Nothing I have ever done has come close to that. Thankfully, the Commander helped right one wrong: I've spoken to my son. With this mission, maybe he can now be proud of his father instead of ashamed. Perhaps I have been given another chance to help Siha in this life, and I pray that I will have the opportunity to be with her in the next. With that hope, I should be at peace at the eve of battle." Thane placed a hand on the window as if he were examining the fear tugging at his mind. "But what if I fail? I've worked so hard. Meditated and prayed. But is it enough? Can I atone for all the evil I've done? I consider my body's death and a chill settles in my gut. I am afraid, and it shames me. What if I am unable to achieve my goal of redemption? This is my last chance, Samara, and what if I miss it?"

Samara moved to stand near her friend. "Even still Irikah watches over you. Pray for the wisdom and strength to act according to the will of Arashu in battle, but more importantly, to be found worthy to be in with Irikah once more."

Thane inhaled deeply and caught Samara's gaze in the reflection of the glass. "Thank you. Your words are comforting. It has been many years since I felt I could relax anywhere. You are right. I'm looking forward to the end of my mission."

The Justicar returned back to the couch, hinting a smile, "If we met…under different circumstances, I think you would have proven to be a challenge. If this mission is successful, I hope you escape me so I don't have to meet that challenge."

He turned to look at Samara, "If this mission is successful, you won't have to."

* * *

><p>"Approaching Omega 4 relay. Everyone stand by," Joker announced.<p>

Everyone, including EDI, seemed to be holding their breath. Shepard stood beside Joker as they fast approached the Omega 4 relay. Its red eye flashing a warning, or perhaps mocking any ship that dared approach: many enter; none leave. She replayed mission checklist over and over in her mind, trying to determine if any detail had been overlooked.

When the Normandy finally connected with the relay, the ship bucked and groaned, but held fast. Tali mumbled a prayer of thanks to Keelah and to the Asari engineers and then reported, "The reaper IFF activated and the drive core just lit up like a supernova. It is functioning, but at critical levels."

Moments later and light years away, EDI warned, "Brace for deceleration."

Once the Normandy came out of FTL, it was met with a barrage of debris. It looked like a graveyard for countless ships. "Shit! Evasive maneuvers!" Joker shouted. The Normandy pitched as he pulled the nose up to a 90 degree angle to try and remove them from the sea of wreckage. High above the deserted battlefield, they could see the width and depth of destruction that spanned millennia, and it was astonishing. "This must be all the ships that tried to make it through the Omega 4 relay. Some look ancient," Joker was in awe.

The console lit up indicating a proximity threat and EDI alerted the pilot, "I have detected an energy signature near the edge of the accretion disk." A few moments later, they could see one lone and intact super structure that stood out among the remains, and from this angle, all the debris encircled it as if to symbolize the trophies of victories of battles long past.

Adrenaline pulsed through the Commander's veins, she gripped the pilot's seat with a renewed blood thirst. "That has to be the collector's base. Take us in for a closer look, nice and easy."

Hidden within the ruins, small satellites sprang to life - the secondary defense system for the base. "Looks like they know we are here. Taking evasive maneuvers," Joker said as his hands flew over the console. Their laser attacks were coming from all sides, but the ship skipped past the deadly beams just in time to avoid the majority of the contact. The pilot took their aggression personally. "Now they are just pissing me off! You want some more of this? Come on, girl, let's give it to them!" The ship banked hard right to now face the pursuing attackers. One, then two, small explosions, and the defense mechanisms were minus two satellites. But they were organized, and as the Normandy fired on another target, one attacked from the side.

"Alert, Hull breach on the engineering deck," EDI reported.

Joker could only think of one plan, "We're sitting ducks out here. I've got to try and loose them. EDI take us back into the debris field."

"BACK into the debris field?" Miranda yelled from the co-pilot's seat.

"Damn it. One has entered the cargo hold. Miranda, stay with Joker. I'll deal with this," Shepard barked one last order as she exited the cockpit, "Grunt, Jack, you're with me. Let's hit the hold."

The pilot was trying his best to avoid both the deadly impact with debris and the incoming fire from the satellites. Meanwhile, the threesome had to try and maintain their balance on a ship that was trembling and glancing off the impact of both, while at the same time attempting to eliminate the Oculus that had penetrated the ship's hull. Fortunately Grunt's large size kept most of the attention of the Oculus. For most species, fighting in such a perilously close range would have been a guaranteed death, but for a krogan, it was an invitation for glory. Grunt leaped from a platform onto the intruder screaming, "I. Am. Krogan!" He clasped his hands above his head and pummeled the machine until its red "eye" finally dimmed. With veins bulging, he drug the object back to the hole from where it entered, and spurred on my krogan rage, heaved it like a shot-put out into the open space.

"Now THAT is how you kick some ass! But that still only counts as one," Jack slapped her young partner on his back, only to receive a bellicose, guttural laugh in return.

Still not free from the remaining assailants, Joker directed the ship straight into the skeleton of a massive alien cruiser. EDI warned, "Our kinetic barriers are not designed to sustain damage from debris that size, Jeff. Barriers are down to 40%."

"Come on EDI make it work. Re-write all non-critical power." Joker took a deep breath, "This is gonna hurt."

In the engineering room, Tali barked orders to Mordin and Garrus as the damage reports began erupting on her terminal. "Capacitors maxed out," the salarian yelled over the resonating scream of the mass effect generator. The ship convulsed and rumbled.

Garrus had to catch his balance to avoid crashing his head into the bulkhead and then reported to Tali, "Defenses are holding, but Joker is really testing the asari warranty."

With Tali's engineering genius, EDI's handling of the ship's systems, and Joker's piloting skill, they were able to once again exit the debris field intact.

But the relief was short lived. "You better head back up here, Commander," Miranda sounded worried. Once Shepard rounded the galaxy map the XO pointed ahead, "There it is…the collector base and it looks like that are sending out a greeting party."

Slowly the phantom menace that sadistically devastated Shepard's world crept toward them. Shepard's scars on her face slowly lit up like a map of hell on the surface of her skin. "Guess who's coming to dinner, fuckers," she said with a maniacal smile.

"Time for paybacks, bastards." Joker's grin eerily mirrored that of his Commander standing behind him.

Shepard hit her comm link, "Garrus! You're up! Show them the meaning of turian retribution."

Garrus mandibles flared and he stood to his full height. "Aye-Aye, Commander. All systems on line for the thanix cannon and prepared to fire on your order."

"Copy that." Shepard's hands began to crackle as the dark energy twisted around her fingers with anticipation. "I hope you like it rough. FIRE THE MAIN GUN!" Joker controlled the ship masterfully, synchronously firing while avoiding their counterattack.

Direct hit. Joker's hands shot in the air as he yelled, "How do you like that you sons-of-bitches?" The cruiser was severely damaged and listing, but not destroyed completely.

Miranda leaned in and whispered into Joker's ear, "Get in close and finish them off." The smile of the XO was not unlike that of a great white shark that smelled blood in the water.

The Normandy performed a negative G roll and accelerated toward the cruiser. Joker slammed his hand on the console. "Send them straight to hell, girl!" Another direct hit; however this time it sliced right through the cruiser, igniting a fireball that lit up the entire stratosphere. The doppelganger image of scene in front of him mirrored the same image two years ago above a frozen planet; yet now, instead of insanity, satisfaction burned deep within him.

But the Normandy was too close to the concussive blast that moved faster than the speed of light and threw the Normandy's mass effect generators offline. As the ship careened and began to lose power, Shepard yelled over the comm, "Tali! Give me something!"

"Generators unresponsive!" she was frantic.

"All hands brace for impact," EDI warned. Shepard and Miranda scrambled to strap themselves in to the open seats in the cockpit. Jeff and EDI tried to maneuver the ship that was now without propulsion, but still flying at supersonic speeds and heading straight for the collectors' base. Without the ability to slow the landing, the impact jarred everyone and sent already loosened parts of the ship flying throughout. The main starboard wing caught on a stationary piece of the base, sending the entire ship careening and spinning. Eventually they came to a standstill with the ship hissing and sparking.

"Everyone report in," Shepard yelled into the comm as she unbuckled her restraint. Movement in her peripheral vision told her Miranda and Joker survived. After several minutes the entire crew had miraculously reported they were unharmed, save for a few bruises. "Tali, what is the status of the core?"

"Multiple core systems overloaded during the crash. Restoring operation will take time," the quarian sounded haggard.

EDI was the last to report in, "Primary life support functional and I am attempting to get systems back online."

Shepard looked out the windows of the cockpit, "How long until the collectors find this landing zone?"

"I do not detect an internal security network. It is possible the collectors did not expect anyone to reach the base," EDI said, offering the only snippet of good news.

Miranda ran her hands through her raven locks, "Then why the security system?"

Shepard nodded, "I agree, Lawson. We need to act as if their discovery is imminent."

"If we're lucky," Joker winced as he tried to reposition himself in his seat, "their external sensors were hit like we were. They might not know we're alive."

Shepard hit her comm link and started walking down the galleyway, "Tali, get up here and formulate a plan with EDI and Joker about what needs to happen to get the ship back online. Everyone else, meet in the comm room."

Joker looked up from the scanners to address Shepard, "The ship's a mess, Shepard. I'm a good pilot, not a miracle worker."

Shepard glanced back over her shoulder, her eyes flickering red in the emergency lighting, "You have your orders, Lieutenant."

Halfway to the comm room Miranda whispered, "I saw the damage report. There isn't much hope of us leaving this place."

"No. There isn't. There never was," Shepard said, never breaking stride. "All of us knew this was a one way trip."

Commander Shepard stood quietly at the head of the table, pulling at her lip deep in thought, "Our primary objective is to destroy the station and stop the collectors. At any cost. Our secondary objective is to locate any survivors and get to the ship with us and then back through the relay. We need a plan to take out this station. EDI bring up your scans."

Instantly an outline of the collector's ship appeared before them and EDI explained, "You should be able to overload their critical systems if you get to the main control systems here," a blue icon appeared indicating the location.

"That means going through the heart of the station," the former C-Sec officer noted, "right past this massive energy signature."

Commander Shepard continued pulling at her bottom lip, "That's the central chamber. If our crew or any of the colonists are still alive, the collectors are probably holding them in there."

Miranda had been pacing back and forth, studying the image. She stopped and brought up her omnitool. After few keystrokes she pointed to a second icon. "Looks like there are two main routes. It might be a good idea to split up to keep the collectors off balance, then regroup in the central chamber." Sheppard nodded. "But both routes are blocked. See these doors? The only way past is to get someone to open them from the other side."

"Let's just blow them up," Grunt bellowed. "Cowards hide. Kick in the front door and announce our arrival."

Mordin sliced his hand through the air horizontal to the rail. "Plan unacceptable. Insufficient ordinance onboard to create explosion capable of damaging interior walls."

Shepard placed her hands on the railing and leaned in toward the image, "As much as I like Grunt's plan, it appears stealth is in order." She tapped her omnitool, "Someone could sneak in to this ventilation shaft here," she pointed to the green line that zigzagged down to the main chamber.

"I think it could work," Miranda nodded, "but we will need to send a tech expert to quickly shut down the security systems."

Shepard looked to her left, "Legion, you can hack through anything. I'm sending you into the shaft to unblock the passageways. Now is the time for the geth to honor their word."

The geth nodded, "Acknowledged."

Shepard's stood to her full height, "The rest of us will break into two teams and fight down each passage. That should draw the collectors attention away from Legion. Garrus, you will lead the distraction team. Take all of the stealth experts: Thane, Kasumi, Mordin, and Miranda, and bring them back alive. I want them to be confused and pissed off while my team takes Grunt's advice and 'knocks on the front door', krogan-style." By now her eyes were solid red. "I don't know what we're going to find in there, but I won't lie to you. Once we're in, they're going to throw everything they have at us. We don't know how many the collectors have stolen. Thousands. Hundreds of thousands. It doesn't matter. What does matter is this: NOT ONE MORE!" The room echoed from the sound of her fist hitting the railing. "If we're weak, if we're slow, if we hesitate, we'll die. The collectors attacked my ship, twice. They took our crew, our friends. They think we're helpless. They're wrong. They started a war, but we're not here to finish it. We're here to make them regret, to show them, and everyone else, what happens when you go too far. No more running, and no more waiting. This ends today. Here. They want to know what we're made of? I say we show them, on our terms. Let's hit them where they live and bring our people home. You have your orders. Let's move."

* * *

><p>"All teams report in." Shepard held her team at the unprotected entrance of the base.<p>

Legion answered first. "We are in position. Exterior temperature slightly elevated. No obstructions or enemy detected."

Shepard nodded, "Second team, are you in position?"

"In position," Garrus actually sounded excited, "I'm thinking about lighting this place up like it is a New Year's Eve."

A wry smile crossed the Commander's lips. "Roger that, buddy. You must have been reading my mind. Make me proud." She nodded at Grunt, "Ok, you're up, Tiny. Time to show the collectors why you earned a place in the Urdnot clan."

The krogan sprinted down the middle of the entrance, making a noise that sounded pretty close to laughter. Within seconds thundering explosions and weapons' fire echoed back down the tunnel.

Shepard then looked at her bodyguard, "I understand you two have a competition?" Jack nodded and smiled. "Well, he looks pretty pumped and he is at least 100 yards ahead of you…"

Before Shepard could finish her thought, the young woman sprang from cover, "Wait for me you ugly fuck!"

"Knock knock," Shepard whispered to herself.

Samara replaced Jack and in the formation and said, "It seems you are enjoying yourself, Commander," Shepard's eyes twinkled in response. "Shall we join the two adolescents?"

"Shepard, we have found another doorway. It's open, but it doesn't feel right," Jack whispered into the comm. Silently the rest of the team crept up to the Jack's position to survey the scene. Grunt and Jack crouched at the mouth of a massive cavernous room that could easily hold an alliance frigate. It was dark. Not just due to absence of light, but dark with the oppressive knowledge that countless enemies were waiting to exhale their fury.

"Trap likely," Mordin whispered over the comm.

"Thank you captain obvious." Even in hushed tones, Jack could convey a sharp sarcastic bite.

Shepard squatted behind Grunt, grateful for the internal comm-link in her ear. "Garrus, ETA on that distraction? We are waiting to enter into the mouth of hell and would like to send some dance partners your way."

"Understood, Commander. I am waiting for a signal from Thane. He is placing the explosives now."

Legion's voice came as a surprise. He had been so silent up to this point that Shepard had forgotten about him. "Temporary setback. There is an obstruction in the tunnel. No ability to access passage."

Samara's cool voice moving across Shepard's neck told her the asari had taken position behind her. "I can see a terminal on the left side of the chamber. Perhaps it can override the obstruction."

Shepard addressed her young friend, "Tali, can you put eyes on the terminal?" Tali nodded. "Ok, on my signal, you Samara and Grunt head straight for it. Jack, Mordin, we'll cover their right flank. Wait for my mark."

* * *

><p><em>Decades of stealth training taught the drell to remain motionless, barely breathing, invisible to any creature's naked eye, until it was time. Time to strike. Time to kill. Thane stood in the deep shadows of the batarian's home. Jalek Chernobog was a ruthless batarian mercenary, not unlike the hundreds of mercenaries Thane had killed, except for two distinct differences: Jalek was immensely wealthy, and terribly paranoid. Guards, scanners, droids, floor sensors were just the beginning. The closer one got to the crime lord, the more stringent the safety precautions became. And there was good reason to be paranoid. Even among the batarian people, he was believed to be the most ruthless of all killers, not even sparing his own children from his rage and punishments. Rarely did he leave his fortress, and if he did, he was always flanked by his most trusted sentinels, fully trained in biotics and war. It was rumored that many biotics had burned out their nodes keeping him under constant shielding. The only person who would openly do business with Jalek was the Shadow Broker, and only because Jalek had yet to find him.<em>

_Thane's training master taught him to meditate on something or someone whom he trusted beyond himself, and in the right moment his focal point would let him know when it was time to act. Irikah never joined him on missions, not physically anyway; but in his memory, she was with him the each time he was gone from her. And in the right moment, in the split second needed to act, he would once again smell her scent and see her smile at him at the altar of the gods all those years ago. Then the tool of his employers would engage, and instantly the job would be done. But this time, Irikah remained hidden from his mind. At first it was not worrisome. He had developed endless patience. But this day, this job, was different. His thoughts began to trail. What had Irikah wanted to tell him? Why was she so grieved at the thought of this job? _

_He knew. He had known almost the moment she did. _

_Alone. Jalek was alone. "Irikah, come and give me the sign from the gods to act." Thane's silent prayers did nothing to quicken the consent. He searched his feelings: worry. He must act. He must get home. _

_One shot, clean and true, as he had hoped and planned. Only when he was light years away from his target did he finally relax and convince himself that he had simply missed Irikah's signal. Simply distracted? In three days he would be back in her arms and all would be well again. _

_How could he have known it was Jalek's brother, Molech, who paid the Shadow Broker handsomely to kill his brother and inherit his vast kingdom? Or that Molech had already dispatched retribution to wait for Thane on his home planet? Only an unscheduled maintenance landing by his transport saved him from the same fate of his wife. _

_As he left his beloved laying on a cold steel slab in the bowels of the morgue, Irikah disappeared from his heart, replaced by infinite hatred of Jalek and his brother. From that point forward, the image of Jalek's head bursting in front of him would be his cue to kill, and to continue to kill until his vengeance was sated. But deep down he knew he would never allow it be sated._

* * *

><p>Thane lay frozen on his stomach, his weight evenly distributed down his body and his chin resting against the customized stock of his rifle. Only he could have seen the small cavity that held piping and cables as the perfect stronghold for a messenger of death. It was inconspicuous and far above the main walkway leading into the south side of the main chamber, directly opposite the entrance of Shepard and her team. He had set the last of the four charges before climbing into his perch and waiting to signal Garrus. "All clear," Thane whispered.<p>

"Shepard, we are all in position," Garrus reported.

"Good. Fire at will, Shepard out." The Commander signaled her team to quietly enter and move into position. Try as he might, however, the bulky krogran was not built for stealth and soon a shitstorm of firepower concentrated on his position.

Shepard screamed, "We've been spotted! Return fire!"

Garrus winced when he heard Shepard's voice and gunfire explode over the comm. "Ok, let's light it up," he said on the channel reserved for his squad..

Several minutes passed and there was still no explosion or explanation from the drell. Garrus pressed his piece further into his ear as if it would force him to respond, "Thane, report."

Silence.

* * *

><p>Tali's voice crackled over the comm-line, "Shepard, ...(static)... pinned down … (static) … host of enemies … (static) … cut down soon after!"<p>

"Shepard, the temperature in the tunnel is rising. I will be unable to keep our system online much longer. I cannot move forward without your assistance." Even Legion sounded alarmed.

At this rate they would never make the rendezvous point. "Grunt move your fat ass and get Tali to that terminal!" Shepard screamed in between bursts from her assault rifle. The krogan bolted from behind a column, and with the help of a powerful asari matriarch's biotic attack, he split the platoon of collectors like a giant battleaxe. Tali took cover behind him and began the interface.

"Shepard, life support critical." Somehow Shepard heard the geth's voice despite the explosions echoing around her. Now on her belly, Shepard dragged herself around what little remaining cover she had, and through her night vision, could see a column of collector drones fast approaching Tali's position. Shepard jumped to her feet sprinted to provide additional support. "Everyone, suppressive fire. We've got to give Tali more time. Legion has to get through or we're all dead." On cue, Mordin, Samara, and Jack began to fire from cover into the oncoming onslaught.

* * *

><p>Through the rifle's scope, he watched a small garrison of enemy foot soldiers appear from around a corner about 240 yards from his location. He turned off his comm-link for fear of being compromised. In a matter of moments they would be in range of the explosion. He flagged the trigger and continued to observe through his sight. He held his breath when the last drone in the column seemed to look directly at the him.<p>

* * *

><p>Shepard covered the rear of their defensive circle while bullets rippled against the defensive barriers of Jack and Samara. The attack seemed to be coming from all directions.<p>

"Ok, Garrus, you giant turkey leg, anytime on that diversion," Jack barked into her comm.

Finally Tali found a way to drop the barrior hindering Legion's position and the geth sprinted ahead toward the central chamber, undetected by the enemy.

* * *

><p>The last emotion Thane expected to feel at this moment was... peace? Thane furrowed his brow and blinked. He refocused his attention on the suspecting collector and saw that his attention had been diverted behind him. He inhaled a familiar scent of spring flowers, and briefly saw a blue mist pass through the garrison.<p>

"Irikah..."

* * *

><p>A deep, bellowing growl reverberated throughout the chamber, followed by a multicolored fireball erupting from the south end. "Happy new year, bastards," Shepard snorted. "Let's move. Grunt you got point."<p>

"Commander, the collector's ship has suffered a critical system's failure. Electronic defenses are down, but the mass effect core is still online and is located past the main rendezvous point. There remains an impressive host of enemies and they seem to now be shifting their movement toward Garrus' position," EDI announced.

It was welcomed but unnecessary news. As Shepard's small band of warriors moved forward, they watched as two-thirds of the enemy turned completly around to answer the ship's warning alarms. "I love when a plan comes together. Garrus, you and your team move your ass. You've stirred the nest and they're really pissed."

From Shepard's perspective, killing the remaining drones was not necessary, but getting to the main chamber was. Fortunately, following behind an enraged krogan, and in between two powerful biotics, the team made quick progress to reach the entrance of the main chamber. Not surprising it was sealed shut.

"Concentrate on Shepard," a familiar and foreboding voice echoed above all else.

"Harbinger," Shepard hissed. "Legion, we need this doors open now!"

"Who's Harbinger?" Jack asked while quickly glancing to her left. Eyes blazing as red as an inferno through the visor of Shepard's helmet were the only answer she got. "Oh shit," Jack exhaled.

They were now cut off, trapped, and starring down the Angel of Light.

* * *

><p>Garrus was the first to enter the chamber and found Legion hastily working to bypass the seal on the door to allow Shepard's team entrance. "The door has malfunctioned. Path is blocked," Legion hurriedly explained.<p>

Even through the solid metal doors, they could hear the pinging ricochet of bullets on the other side. Garrus dropped to one knee. "Everyone, weapons ready. Lay down covering fire as soon as you see those doors crack open."

After what seemed like an eternity, the doors swished open and immediately the distraction team fired. First two, then ten, then 25, then all of the collector force was dropped, save one who seemed to be glowing from an inextinguishable hell-fire. The doors slammed shut just before Harbinger released one last biotic attack, echoing endlessly inside the cavernous room.

Shepard nodded at Legion, "Nice work. I knew I could count on you." The extension of his face plates acknowledged his response.

Everyone in Shepard's team showed evidence of the battle. None more proudly than the krogan, who was now missing some teeth and a chunk of his left bicep. Jack had several deep gashes on her face. Samara had taken two bullets in her back and Mordin's right eye was swollen almost completely shut after being introduced to the butt of a collectors rifle. Tali's suit had been punctured more than once, but she sealed off the areas and was swimming in antibiotics. The Commander's dragon armor was riddled with dents and was sure she had dislocated her left shoulder and sprang her right ankle.

Miranda appeared beside her and then shoved her left arm back in its socket. Shepard winced and gave her a quizzical look. "I know your body better than anyone, Commander." She nodded her head toward the far end of the room. "You need to see this. Follow me."

As soon as they rounded the corner, Shepard's eyes went wide, shocked at the scene before her: countless pods stacked and attached to the ship. Too numerous too count but unmistakable in their intent.

"This looks like one of the missing colonists from Freedom's Progress," Jack yelled from across the room.

Shepard walked to a pod nearest her and was ecstatic to see the face of her beloved doctor. "Chakwas!"

Another shout erupted. "Kal!" Tali squealed. "And he looks to still be alive. Keelah be praised."

Sensing the loss of its valuable cargo, the ship began releasing poison liquid into the tanks, the first was the colonist in front of Jack. The woman's eyes opened abruptly and she began screaming as her flesh melted off her body. "What the hell... What's happening? Shit, Shepard, we have to get them out!" Jack yelled. Legion, Tali and Mordin activated their omnitools to disengage the locks, while the rest of the team used panic and brute force to break out any remaining survivors. As the locks disengaged, the room sounded like they had uncovered a nest of deadly vipers.

Commander Shepard caught Chakwas' limp body as it fell from the pod. Slowly she opened her crystal blue eyes and offered a weak grin, "Commander? You came for us? I should have known. You are the most stubborn person I have ever met. And for the first time in my life, I am grateful for it. Thank you."

"No one gets left behind," Shepard said as she helped her up, "especially the only doctor that can put up with my pilot's annoying and brittle ass." Chakwas returned her smile and they heartily embraced.

Everyone formed a circle in the center of the room to assess all the injuries. Kelly Chambers was sitting beside Miranda and looked up when Shepard approached, "Thank God you got here when you did. A few more seconds and... I don't even want to think about it."

Chakwas added, "The colonists were...processed. How many times did I watch as their bodies were melted into gray liquid and pumped through these tubes."

Kal stood near the center of the circle as his grateful young lover fussed over his suite. "When I was captured, I was told that I was to be kept alive to convey to the fleet the message they wanted to be sent. After a few days I realized it was not a written message, but the one I saw and heard over and over and over: visions and screams of death." Kal trailed silent and Tali placed her small hand on his chest.

Shepard was pleased to see so many of her crew had survived, but was deeply grieved that many more had not. She took off her helmet and through it across the room. She was more determined than ever to complete the mission. "We still have a job to do. I will lead a team to the ship's core, set the nuke and blow this base straight to hell." Shepard tapped her earpiece, "EDI do you have a fix on our position and the location of the core?"

"Yes Commander. All those tubes lead into the main control room right above you, and it is exuding a great amount of energy. I can only hypothesize it is the location of a massive mass effect core. The route is blocked by the debris from the explosion set by the distraction team."

"Which means the course you forged into this room is the safest way to extract the survivors," Shepard concluded. "Garrus, I want you to lead the extraction team and get the survivors back to the ship. Miranda, Mordin, you will accompany him in order to attend to their wounds on the Normandy." Before Miranda could object, Shepard continued, "Miranda, you will also be responsible to make sure the Normandy is prepared to to jump back through the relay should my team fail to finish the mission." Miranda acquiesced with a simple nod.

"Is there another way to the core?" Shepard asked.

"Yes, but I can not recommend that," EDI answered. "Thermal emissions suggest that the path is overrun with seeker swarms. Mordin's countermeasure can not protect you against so many at once."

Miranda crossed her arms and asked, "What about biotics? Could a biotic field keep them from attacking?"

"Yes. I think it may be possible," Samara answered. "I wouldn't be able to protect everyone, but I might be able to get a small team through if they stayed close."

"Just in case, Jack and Thane you're with us. Everyone else, back to the ship." No one dared question Shepard's orders.

EDI's supposition was correct, but still it was staggering to see the vast amount of seeker swarms descending upon them. The immense power of the Justicar held the biotic field the entire length of the tunnel and through the chamber, while also dispatching husks with a simple flick of her wrist, allowing Thane, Jack and Shepard to slice through the resistance almost by sheer will alone. Only when the door to the mass effect chamber came into view, did Shepard notice Samara stumble from exhaustion.

"Jack, take over," Sheprard said while motioning to Samara.

"No!" Samara's eyes flashed, "I will hold on as long as I can."

"I can see the entrance, Justicar," Thane shouted. "We will be there soon."

Steady streams of sweat poured from the asari's body. Thirty feet from the entrance Jack yelled, "We've got company." Hundreds of yellow eyes emerged from the shadows. As the shadow from the swarm darkened, Samara's movement only continued to slow. The remaining three did there best to keep the collectors beyond the field. Thane reached the doorway first and quickly bypassed the lock. Only after they all crossed the threshold did Samara drop the shielding. When she turned around, her eyes, face and entire body disappeared into a solid white apparition, pulling dark energy from the rest of them. Suddenly with a ear shattering war cry, the Jusicar unleashed her furor, and the biotic shock wave pushed every form of enemy hundreds of feet from their position. It was the most powerful weapon Shepard had ever witnessed from one person's hand. The door swished shut and Samara leisurely walked past the rest of the team as if she had simply been walking in the tranquil fields of Thessia. Both Jack and Shepard stood in amazement. Thane simply smiled and shook his head.

Shepard turned on her flashlight at the end of he rifle. "This is it, all tubes lead to this room. EDI, what can you tell us? What are they doing?"

EDI answered, "I've had some time to dissect the information and readings. The tubes are feeding into some kind of super structure. It is emitting both organic and non-organic energy signatures. Given these readings, it must be massive."

"What the hell is that?" Jack asked as the team entered into what they thought was the mass effect core chamber.

Only EDI could answer, "If my calculations are correct, the super-structure is...a reaper."

"Not just any reaper, but a human reaper," Shepard added. "It is too big for our guns, so we'll plant the nuke here to make sure this thing never sees the outside of this ship."

"You are far enough inside the ship that the the location of the bomb should destroy the reapor and the core," EDI paused, "however it is advised that someone remain to prevent the collectors from disarming the device."

Thane's baritone broke the inevitable silence, "I'll stay."

Shepard's marine instinct to leave no one behind immediately resisted, but her Commander's wisdom prevailed. She placed her hand on his shoulder, "Thane, I will make sure Kolyat knows the bravery of his father. We will leave any extra weapons cartiridges with you. I'lll also set up booby traps in the tunnel to buy some time. If communication fails, give us 20 minutes from the time we exit this room."

Samara was the last person to leave the assassin and offered him the closet thing to forgiveness that a Justicar can bestow. "Thane, it is an honor to know you. May the Goddess and Arashu grant you redemption. And may you walk with Irikah for the rest of eternity." With only final smile, Samara turned on her heels to leave with Shepard and Jack.

Running back through the tunnel, Shepard contacted the Normandy, "Miranda, status report."

The XO instantly responded, "All survivors and team members are safely on board. The engines and core are prepped and we are prepared for a quick exit. Sending coordinates to the LZ now."

Jack, Samara, and Shepard each activated their biotic field any only fired when absolutely necessary, concentrating on the exit and not gunfights. The nuke would take care of the remaining collectors. "Thane, 5 minutes to pick up. Gods be with you."

* * *

><p>Thane heard the Commander, but was unable to respond because he was trying to hold back the last defensive onslaught from the collectors. He found a hidden alcove in which he placed the weapons, the ammunition, the bomb and himself. He tossed his pistol aside after it overheated. Three mortal wounds bled from his chest, and what remaining energy he had went into his defensive barrier. He looked at the timer on the bomb and it said 3 minutes. He needed to add time for Shepard's pick up and escape. He turned off the timer, determined to stay alive long enough to trigger it manually.<p>

* * *

><p>The three woman could feel and hear the enemy closing in behind them. The screams from the Normandy's engines was a small reprieve, but not as much as the red and gold uniform of the quarian marine hanging from the port side door, steadily dropping at the pursurers behind them.<p>

Kal laughed into his mask, "You should have killed me while you had the chance, bastards!"

* * *

><p>Thane's pulse rate was steadily dropping and his barrier was flickering. He knew he the last moment of his life was fast approaching. He moved his hand to the detonator.<p>

"Not yet, my love." Thane gasped and looked up. Irikah walked toward him. "Your friends have yet to escape." She passed through his barrier and placed her hand on his chest. "I will be your strength these last few moments." The barrier flared, tossing five collectors to their deaths. His energy renewed, Thane picked up a a rifle and started firing.

* * *

><p>Shepard was relieved to watch Samara disappear through the doorway. But 20 yards in front of her, a drone possessed with Harbinger appeared directly in front of Jack. "Hold your fire!" Shepard screamed. Any stray bullets could easily kill Jack if one should miss.<p>

Jack was clutching her ears, begging for the pain and images to stop. Her tormented screams were blood curdling. There was no time for tactical planning because Harbinger extended his hand, preparing for one last death blow. Forgetting that her ankle was twice the size it was supposed to be, Shepard rushed by the reaper and tackled Jack out of the way to allow her crew to handle Harbinger. Two sets of legs and arms tangled and turned, and the pair rolled backwards off the platform. She was unable to stop Jack's thrashing punches and they fell at least five stories before Shepard could concentrate long enough brace their impact with her biotics. Their fall ended with the distinct sound of breaking ribs. When she finally opened her eyes, she was looking into the convict's smiling brown eyes, replete with a matching mischievous grin. "I knew it. I totally had you pegged as a bottom."

Shepard's laugh caught in her diaphragm. Most certainly it was her ribs that were broken.

* * *

><p>Blood and sweat pooled around the assassin. "Thane if you are still alive. We are all clear," the Normandy's second in command proclaimed.<p>

A spring breeze whispered across his heart. "Thane, my love. It is time to come home." Relief washed over him, replacing hate and vengeance with hope and love.

As tears flowed down his cheeks, the redeemed husband and father reached one hand for his beloved, and with the other hand he triggered the device that saved the crew of the Normandy, and countless other lives that would never know his name.


	21. Chapter 20 Temptation Waits

A/N: Sorry for the delay. Writer's block sucks. Thank you for sticking around to finish this with me ~STP

* * *

><p>"How long has it been since you've slept?"<p>

Commander Shepard smiled into her tulip shaped glass before sipping the whiskey. The liquid amber burned going down her throat and back up her neck. She caught Miranda's reflection in the mirror. "Flawless" was the word that always came to mind. While everyone else looked haggard from the extensive battles, Miranda portrayed classic poise and beauty, even with the evidence of combat on her skin. Her ebony hair was pulled up, allowing full access to her elegant jawline, naturally flowing into the sumptuous curve of her shoulders and chest, which was presently uncharacteristically concealed in an over-sized sweat shirt she found in the in the ship's storage bins. Casual black khakis snugly gripped the ample hips of the curvaceous beauty and were tucked in to her combat boots.

Eventually Shepard turned back to her drink. "What are you talking about?" She felt Miranda's unflinching glare burning the back of her head. "In case you haven't noticed, we just saved the universe and are now trying to have a well deserved party. And Kasumi has been kind enough to open up her quarters to have some fun. Lighten up Lawson. I order you off duty."

Miranda frowned and sat down beside her at the bar, "Sam, how long?"

"To be fair, I have had thousands of species trying to kill me for years, so I've kind of had a lot on my mind." Miranda continued to scowl. "Look doctor, just because you had unprecedented access to my body, which some would say is a magnificent holy work of art, so thanks for that by the way, it doesn't give permission to guard your handiwork so jealously."

Miranda's eyes flickered like a torch had passed on front of them. She removed the glass from Shepard's hand and placed it out of her reach, "How long?"

Shepard thought about lying, avoiding, and even getting angry. But what was the point? Dr. Lawson knew her body better than she did. "Honestly? I don't remember."

"Jesus, Shepard. No wonder you physical scans are so confusing. Why didn't you tell me? Bio-genetics can only hold off mother nature for so long, especially under as much stress as you have."

"I know."

"You are careless and reckless, and that is bad enough, but to deplete your body of the basic needs for life..."

"I know."

Miranda held up the bottle of whiskey that was only half full, "And all this the alcohol you consume... is this why you drink so much? To help you sleep?"

"It is one reason. Yes."

"What century do you live in Shepard? Chakwas or I could easily provide you a sedative..."

Shepard clenched her jaw and whispered, "It won't stop them."

If Miranda heard her, she ignored her, "...that can make sure you get at least the minimal amount of sleep. We all have been on high alert, but we have a reprieve now that..."

"It won't stop them!" Shepard slammed her fist onto the bar, dark energy evaporating from her fist as quickly as it appeared.

Everyone in the room took a moment to check out the surprise commotion from the bar, but after seeing Miranda and Shepard in deep discussion, they continued with their own conversations, no longer surprised by the reaction between the two.

Shepard squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose in an attempt to push back the shrieking visions. "I'm sorry, Lawson. It's just that I have lived with these nightmares for so long ... and the more stressful the battles are, the more potent they become; and no matter what I do to avoid them, they will not be denied. Alcohol, sedatives, concussions, it doesn't matter. When my consciousness turns off, they come alive. Bodies burning. Children screaming. Flesh being ripped off. Death everywhere. Safety no where.

"When I first started having the Prothean visions, I could neither sleep nor keep down food. Chakwas tried every sedative in the medbay, but the terrors came anyway. I would awaken camo'd up under my bunk, cradling a loaded assault rifle in my arms. Screams filled my sleep pod - sometimes from the Protheans, but mostly from me. Eventually I found ways to stay awake: extra duty, suicide missions (also known as carelessness to you) or keeping Joker company during the night. On the outside it seemed to everyone that I was "getting over it." But after the cipher, I was living it, and just like with my father, I couldn't do a damn thing about it. Ironic, isn't it, that the reapers are most responsible for creating the Hero of the Citadel and the bane of their existence. All because Samantha Shepard has overactive PTSD.

"So take it from me, Lawson, I know better than anyone that I need sleep. I am so fucking tired that I beg for sleep. The only hope I have is that after the reapers are stopped, their grip on my subconscious will end," Shepard chortled, "like a fairy tale curse being lifted. Otherwise the Hero of the Citadel will be _buried_ on the Citadel with a self inflicted gunshot wound to the head."

"Shepard," Miranda stammered for something to say. Even with a genius I.Q., genuine human compassion still eluded her. "...I am sorry. I had no idea... Has anything worked in the past?"

"Liara."

Miranda looked at the floor, "Oh yes."

"Liara was my very own dream-catcher. Even before we joined, she somehow spoke peace into my mind. The raging visions and dreams slowed. Not completely. But it was better. I could actually get some good rest. And if she was with me when they did start, she could gently enter my mind, find me in the midst of the madness, and guide me back." Shepard fetched her glass and swirled the contents. "And now that Liara is gone... well they are worse. I enter the dream always running from something or someone, but always from Death. Protheans and people I know and love are in the dream. I try to convince them to run with me but they just melt under my touch. My enemy never appears but I can feel them. Liara is in front of me smiling but she is not alive. She tries to tell me that she knows the truth, that the reapers have shown her the way. Black liquid appears on her shirt above her chest. I run to her, but a reaper gets her first. I struggle with a decision to leave her or join her. Either way, a tortuous hell." Shepard finally gulped the remnants of her drink, more in a symbolic attempt to swallow her fear than to hope for sleep.

Miranda found the courage to tightly grip Shepard's forearm before whispering, "I am sorry. You have sacrificed so much... Shepard... thank you." The Commander finally looked deeply into her ice blue eyes and she felt her cheeks blush when she heard herself say, "Maybe it is time you find yourself a new dream-catcher."

Shepard placed Miranda's hand in both of hers and leaned in to whisper into her ear, "As it turns out, I was thinking the very same thing." Her breath quickened when Shepard stood from her seat, but stopped completely when she realized the cocky grin was not for her. Shepard was tracking someone exiting the room. "Thank you for your concern. Please excuse me."

"Of course Commander," Miranda whispered to Shepard's shrinking back. Slowly she poured out her full glass of Thessian wine, which had suddenly lost its flavor. "The most perfect human in every way but one: no asari DNA," Miranda whispered to the whiskey bottle as she poured herself a generous serving.

* * *

><p>"<em>I killed twelve of your guards."<em>

_Aria sarcastically smiles up at me from her opulent couch. "Pity. most of them were useful." She sighs, "But either way they were dead. If they would have fled from you instead of fought you, I would have killed them. Albeit much less mercifully than you."_

_Silence. _

_Aria sips her wine._

_Silence._

"_Mirala is dead."_

"_She is my youngest daughter, bound to me as much as her other parent. I knew the moment she stopped breathing."_

_Silence._

_A guard uncomfortably shifts in a shadowy corner._

_Silence._

"_You never returned to Thessia."_

"_You never returned to Omega."_

"_Aria, if I had..." _

_Silence_

_Aria stands and waves her arm in a frustrated arc, "So this is our existence? We continue repelling each other from opposite ends of the galaxy?"_

_Silence. _

"_Are you here to kill me? Or are you here for me to kill you?" Aria looks sadistically amused, or bored, or... already dead._

"_I am still bound by my Code to assist Commander Shepard finish her mission."_

"_Your code has a tendency to destroy people. Let's hope this time your Code actually saves lives," Aria scoffs._

_Thousands of words should be said. Need to be said. Yet none are spoken._

"_When my oath is completed, I may consider visiting our daughters. In the temple, all _t_itles and history are erased."_

"_If your oath is completed, everyone in the universe … maybe even me ... will have an opportunity to reconsider their choices. Do you think the temple can erase the titles of Pirate Queen or Mighty Justicar?" _

_Silence._

_Hundreds of years apart and we are still professionals at this dance. I lead she follows. Turn. She leads I follow. _

_As I leave the court of the Queen, she turns her attention to the lone guard, "Pity. You were useful."_

* * *

><p>'For centuries I have buried every emotion, every need, to fulfill my quest. And now it is done. Even my oath to Shepard is done. Truthfully I never thought I would survive long enough to see it through. What remains? What (or who) replaces the emptiness I now feel? Can a Justicar find happiness again?' Samara stood in front of the window, her weight on one leg, subconsciously rolling the wine glass back and forth across her right thigh while the other hand trailed down her neck and in between her breasts.<p>

"Enter," Samara answered the door chime, but never moved from her stationary position. Soon the visitor's reflection appeared over her shoulder. "Commander Shepard, what can I do for you?"

A mischievous smile hinted in the corner of the her mouth, "I hope you don't mind my intrusion. I think it's time we finished our conversation from the reaper."

"I almost killed you on the reaper," Samara swallowed the remainder of her blood-red wine.

Shepard's eyebrows shot up, "But The Code..."

"I said _almost_." Samara turned to face her.

"Fair enough. Thank you then for _almost_ killing me on the reaper. You saved the mission. You saved me. Again."

"Say what you need to say, Commander. I need no company tonight," Samara's icy tone matched the color of her skin.

"Well as it turns out, I do," Shepard's eyes sparkled. "Looks like I came just in time. Would you like a refill?" A bottle appeared from behind her back and she reached for her empty wine glass. "Kasumi tells me that Thessian wine is the only beverage other than water that you will consume."

"The thief is good at her job. But please remind her that so am I." Reluctantly Samara released her grip. "Yes, it seems I am in need of a refill." As Shepard refilled her glass, the exotic scent unlocked yet another memory of her life centuries ago.

* * *

><p>"<em>I did not pay the owner of Afterlife my last cred to be swindled. If you do not return with 5, no 15, of your best vintages of Thessian wine, I will go up there myself and <em>_bloody the walls with the entire VIP section!" The turian only squeaked a response when Aria released her from the newly minted imprint her body caused after being propelled into the wall. Right before the servant reached the door the maiden yelled, "And one last message for all of you. DO NOT FUCK WITH ARIA!" After the door finally closed, the two remaining occupants collapsed into a fit of laughter._

"_Was that impressive?" Aria asks in between gasps of air._

_I take my young lover into a strong embrace, "Very, my love. Since when did you acquire such a nasty temper?"_

"_I guess it is due to the company in which I've been keeping." Aria nuzzles my neck with her crest. _

"_Just one question. Can I fuck with Aria?" I pick her up and begin walking to the bed. She wraps her legs around me and I can feel the remnants of her temper in her quickened pulse._

"_Samara, I would be deeply offended if you did not."_

* * *

><p>3 hours later, and early into the next solar day, Samara and Shepard sat on the floor with their backs pressed against the couch, facing the beautiful nothingness of space. Shepard had her elbow propped on the seat of the couch running her hand through her hair. Likewise in an unconscious motion, Samara trailed her finger around the rim of the glass, in the same graceful motion displayed from Morinth, which now seemed like it had occurred decades ago.<p>

"How did you know that calling me a coward would work?" She glanced at Samara from the corner of her eye.

"I didn't," Samara filled her glass with the remaining wine from the third bottle. "Quite frankly I did not care what you thought. I have only been as angry a handful of times."

"Leave it to me to piss off the pernicious Justicar," Shepard threw back her head and laughed. "But it makes sense. I think it was your barely contained rage that finally snapped me out of my madness. Now that I look back on it, your face was more scary than the collectors." Shepard let her head rest in her hand before continuing, "You know I didn't come her tonight just to ask your pardon for my arrogance and carelessness."

"I know."

"And yet you let me in and let me stay?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Finally the matriarch turned to look at Shepard, "I never thought that someone so young could touch me, could cause such reactions from my mind and body. Meditation on The Code provided me a great deal of self-control during difficult emotional occurrences. It has kept me safe. It has kept me disciplined, focused. It has kept me..."

"Beautiful," Shepard was looking straight at her.

How could she have allowed it to get this far? The desire in Shepard's eyes was burning, tempting her long dormant passions to the surface. 'Why not?', she asked herself.

"Samara, I am very attracted to you. To your strength, your beauty," her eyes ate up the asari's dignified profile, "everything."

Samara sighed, "Shepard, we must put the thought from our minds."

"Let's stop pretending we don't feel this. You've kept tight control for a long time. But you still have needs, Samara."

A dangerous smiled curled blue lips, "I have the strength to withstand my own drives, Shepard." The tint of her eyes began to darken.

Somehow Shepard's hand began tracing the outline of Samara's neck while never breaking eye contact. "You don't have to. The galaxy won't end if you find a little happiness."

"I am flattered by your persistence. If I were a maiden, I would drag you to the floor right now. But I am not a maiden and sex without emotion doesn't interest me."

Months of sexual tension arced between them as warm words whispered against Samara's cheek, "You and I both know this would not be without emotion. You have allowed me access to your secret places. I want entrance to more." A calloused hand caressed light blue skin. "My mission is over. Your oath is fulfilled." Shepard licked her lips with anticipation. "I want this, Samara. I want you."

Her touch was gentle and intimate, and more powerful than any enemy she had faced in centuries of battle. Slowly Samara's control began to show hairline fractures, allowing long hidden desires to seep through her protective walls. "You are different from anyone I've met. I think I could find more than happiness with you."

The kiss confirmed the desire was mutual. Both were lost in the tumbling of emotions, simultaneously drawn to each other by an unavoidable gravitational pull. The Justicar and The Hero were transported light years away from their past, beyond the present, alighting in the "what-could-be". Their mouths and hands explored skin, lips, and each other. Their desires blazed like pulsating solar flares. Slowly Samara pulled Shepard into a gentle mind connection and Shepard hesitated only momentarily. Both smiled when they realized they were seeing the same type of lustful images. Deeper they attached. Samara had not felt this eager since ... Aria.

Shepard's body reacted to Samara's touch immediately. Want bypassed reason, and instinct took over her movements. Intuitively she knew where to touch the asari, how to respond to the asari.

No. It wasn't instinct. It was learned from... Liara.

Having both touched the sacred place reserved for another, they quickly separated at the same time. The look on Shepard's face mirrored the emotions slipping from Samara's heart. Shepard's stubbornness tried to push guilt out of the way, and she leaned in to kiss Samara once more, but the matriarch stopped her by placing a hand on her chest, "You must put this thought from your mind."

"Samara I want you. I know you feel the same."

"Shepard, it is true that you want an asari – but it is not this asari." If Shepard could have found words to argue, if she would have attempted to deny it, perhaps Samara would have found a way to believe her. But it was no use. The truth poured over Shepard like cold water. Their eyes lingered only a few minutes until finally Samara looked away, "Excuse me." Samara exited, leaving Shepard alone with only black expanse of space.

When Samara returned to her quarters several hours later, she was not completely surprised to find Shepard where she left her. The only difference was that she was now hugging her legs to her chest. Silently Samara descended next to her, allowing the Commander to wrestle her thoughts.

Silence.

"I lost her, Samara. Damn all the accolades. Damn all the wars and medals. Damn everything. I lost her." Silent tears fell from sorrowful jade eyes.

"She is lost to you because she is lost to herself, Sam," Samara reasoned. "Are you familiar with the drell term 'disconnected'?"

"Yes. Thane described it to me as when the soul is weakened by grief, fear or despair; or when the body is ill or injured. The person is no longer whole."

"She is disconnected, wounded, but not beyond repair."

"I hope she finds happiness again," Shepard said, still hugging her knees.

Samara sighed, "For all your subtleties, Shepard, you lack wisdom." She waved her hand toward space, "Perhaps it is due to the young age of your species." Innocently the younger woman gazed up at her. "You are an amazing warrior, Commander. When you have an objective, nothing can deter you from the desired outcome. Your tactics are brilliant, and your improvisations are quite astonishing. I have seen you stare down krogan battlemasters, single-handily attack a geth colossus, spearhead into a sea of husks, and blow up the collector's base."

"But those situations are what I am trained for."

"Who is trained in love, Shepard?"

"What are you saying?"

"I am saying nothing if you are not listening."

Silence.

"I will need to go alone."

Samara nodded.

"Jack won't like that."

Samara shook her head.

"Will you..."

Samara nodded.

Silence.

"What will you do now?"

"I am a Justicar. There is only The Code."

"Your oath is fulfilled. Why do you keep helping me?"

"I am a servant of the Justicar Code, Shepard, sworn to help the innocent... even if it is from themselves."

* * *

><p>Commander Shepard exited from the elevator on the CIC deck in full military armor with two pistols attached to either thigh. "How long to Hegalaz, EDI?"<p>

"ETA 15 minutes," the AI appeared at the CIC console.

"Begin decontamination and attachment procedures." The Justicar exited on Shepard's heels and followed her toward the decontamination chamber. Jack looked up from her whispered conversation with Kelly, grabbed her Koplov from the handrail, and fell in behind the pair. Shepard exchanged nods with Samara before the doors closed behind her. Jack quizzically paused. Frustrated at the Justicar's slow movements, she tried to move around her, only to find a firm blue hand upon her chest.

Jack looked the asari up and down, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Shepard is to go alone," Samara offered no inflection.

Jack wrapped her hand around the wrist of the Justicar and a blue halo appeared around her body. "You know that's not how it works. I am her six."

"Not on this trip, Jack." The Justicar never moved or flinched. A few crewmembers began queuing up in the background.

Dark energy roiled down the convicts arms, "Move or I will move you."

"Your threats are pointless," the Justicar paused, "she is to go alone." Jack felt the dull force of powerful energy pushing her backwards against her will. Try as she might, she could not summon enough strength to counter the powerful biotic.

"Jack, I'm sure Shepard doesn't need a bodyguard to go talk to her girlfriend," Tali giggled from across the CIC.

* * *

><p>"Shepard. It is good to see you," Liara said as she turned from the massive computer terminal to face her guest. "I have made some quick repairs to the ship, but mostly have concentrated my efforts in disseminating the endless amounts of data accumulated over thousands of years. It may take a minute to put some information together to give you, so feel free to explore the area."<p>

"Liara, I'm not here for pleasantries. I've been commanded to destroy this base. You and Feron will be safely transported wherever you wish."

"Shepard, this is no time for joking." Liara kept her attention focused on the terminals in front of her. The computer exploding instinctively dropped Liara to her knees.

"Liara, I assure you this is no joke." The smoking pistol and Commander Shepard's body pulsed with dark blue energy.

Slowly Liara stood to her full height, never dropping her biotic barrier. Her crackling fists and narrow eyes silently threatened an unforgivable retaliation. "You forget, Commander, " Liara slowly began to walk toward her, "that the Shadowbroker is a powerful master of the universe's information. I know you no longer work for Cerberus. I know the Alliance has deemed you a traitor. And as far as being a Spectre..."

"You only know what you think you know. Surely the scientist doesn't base all of her findings on the surface of information. I came alone out of respect for your accomplishments with my team in the past. But make no mistake, I am going to complete this mission." Shepard held her ground, acutely aware of the dangerous proximity to her former lover. Her menacing glare mirrored that of her mother years ago, but the Commander pushed out any fear and trusted in her wits as she had countless times. "You are outnumbered and outgunned. This is your last chance, Doctor."

"I agree on your assessment, Shepard. Perhaps we should even the odds." Keeping the barrior engaged, Liara turned her attention to another terminal, and after a few keystrokes, Miranda began yelling into Shepard's com-link, "Damn it Shepard! Your girlfriend is firing on us. We have to pull up. There is still too much damage from the collectors' base! "

When Liara spun around with pistol in hand to face Shepard, the Commander was nowhere to be found. "Where is Shepard?"

The AI appeared to Liara's right, "The Shadowbroker has entered the propulsion room."

"SHEPARD!"


	22. Chapter 21 Because She Needs Me

A/N: As I mentioned before, this animal keeps growing and growing. After working diligently on the chapter entitled "Revolutions", a natural breaking point arose, so I decided to split it. The good news is there is one more chapter, and even better news is that it is close to completion.

Without You…

...There is not passion

...There is no reason

...The earth does not turn

...There are no seasons

...I am alive

...But am not living

...I am awake

...But am not breathing

...I have no shadow

Because you were my light

...I see no stars

Because there is no night

How can there be an east without a west?

A question that has no answer yet.

Who is the sun without the moon?

And who am I

Without you.

~SmarTPantz

* * *

><p><em>Nice to see you again, Doctor," the long legs of the operative crossed automatically after gliding into the seat held for her in the VIP section in club Dantius. Somehow the table was hidden away in the hectic nightclub teeming with partygoers. "This is a nice place for an ambush. I'm flattered that you went to all this trouble just for me."<em>

"_You wasted a trip. My decision remains the same." The sophisticated, white dress of the asari hung loosely about her toned shoulders, tastefully complimenting her light blue skin. Even with shadows of grief still around her eyes, she was stunning. Because Cerberus' second in command made it a point never to rely solely on the information others provided her about target, she studied this asari for endless hours and knew why she was grieving. She also knew that even though Dr. T'Soni was still a maiden, she was incredibly powerful; partially due to her biotics, partially due to her intelligence, and most certainly due to her tremendous pedigree. _

_Miranda Lawson was beautiful and powerful in her own right and was not so easily intimidated by such things. She nonchalantly took in her surroundings, noting the not so subtle extras nearby. "And yet here you are meeting with me," she said casually._

"_Indeed," she spoke in soft tones, yet the contempt in the maiden's voice was profoundly loud, "because there is one decision I have yet to make, Dr. Lawson," she eyed her guest over the rim of her effervescing drink, "whether I kill you myself, or simply hand you over to the batarian slavers." _

_The operative chuckled, "How many guards do you have?" _

"_Enough. I am safe. You are not."_

_The only human in the room felt the danger and needed to tread with tact and precision. Any aggression on her part would certainly be met with a quick and prejudiced retaliation. Fortunately, learning how to stay two steps ahead in a deadly chess match was part of her genius. Those lessons were painfully perfected by running all these years from her father, and was the main reason she was propelled so quickly within the Cerberus organization ."I'm curious. You never told me why you turned down Cerberus, Doctor. You have all of the information. Our re-animation technology and our endless resources suggest the chances of success are highly promising. If it is a matter of creds, we always pay our debts. Partnering with us would prove very lucrative."_

"_I'm sure the family members from the Akuze massacre would disagree." Liara sat further back into her seat and wisps of dark matter twisted in between her fingers. "Save your charms for someone who is impressed by them, Dr. Lawson. My answer is still very much no. I will not defile Shepard's body or her memory, and I most certainly won't let you, the Blue Suns, or any other terrorist group do the same. This meeting is over." The angry asari nodded to one of several bodyguards as she rose from her seat._

_Miranda did not move, even when she heard movement behind her. "You forgot one last group looking for Shepard, Doctor. Without your help it will not be Cerberus, the Blue Suns, or some other terrorist group that defiles the Commander. Perhaps you have heard of the collectors?" Liara's steps and heart froze, and the entire club inhaled. "They, too, are searching for Shepard's body and they are not a simple blood-lusting mercenary group. They are deadly. They do not stop. They will not yield. And as brave as you might be, you do not have the capacity to stand alone against them. No one does… except Shepard. We know that you know where she is and you that hoped to remove her body before anyone else could." Miranda feigned a sigh, "I suppose if I ever loved anyone, perhaps I would go to any length to protect them too." _

_Liara's voice was weak, "How did they…"_

"_The Shadow Broker." It was Miranda's turn to sip her drink. "We have someone working for us inside his organization." She stood to leave, "Should you change your mind I will provide his name and contact information." _

_Liara turned to face Miranda. For an endless eternity, the only thing moving in between the two women was a slow dripping, acidic hatred. Finally Liara spoke, h__er mouth tasting of repulsion. "__I will agree to give you Shepard's body and I will find a way to destroy the Shadow Broker. He has haunted Shepard too long in life, and now in death it seems. I will expect Cerberus to keep the agreement. Should I learn they betrayed our agreement in any fashion, I will wipe Cerberus out of existence." She leaned in and Miranda felt the warm breath of the asari on her neck, "And one last promise, Doctor Lawson. I hold you personally responsible. If any harm comes to her, I will systematically hunt anyone that has ever been important to you and make you watch as I flay them alive. You should know the daughter of Benezia T'Soni still affords certain contacts and resources."_

_Miranda's icy demeanor was legendary, well-practiced and honed to a sharp impenetrable defense. But this night on Illium, she shuddered at the realization that Liara somehow just penetrated those defenses, and irrevocably sealed their fate one to the other._

* * *

><p>"We are finally out of firing range!" Joker screamed.<p>

Inside the CIC, terminals sparked and pipes hissed. Miranda grabbed a fire extinguisher and shouted from the command center, "EDI, get me a damage report. All hands report to emergency stations. Tali, once the core is stabilized, focus your attention on hacking into the Shadow Broker's computer. We need those weapons shut off, and eyes and ears in that ship."

Joker squawked, "What the hell just happened? Did we come back through the relay into an alternate universe? Jesus, if T'Soni is trying to kill us, does that mean she is trying to kill Shepard too?"

"God help her if she is. Joker, keep hailing Shepard. I'll be damned if we come this far just to lose her now." Miranda clicked off her earpiece. 'Indeed. What did just happen, Dr. T'Soni? And what the hell compels Shepard to you after everything you have done? Regardless, Samantha may be forgiving, but I most certainly am not.' She pulled her hair up into a ponytail and headed to the engineering level.

* * *

><p>Liara pulled her pistol from its holster and pressed her back against the door frame of the propulsion room; the most vulnerable spot on the entire ship because only minimal damage could momentarily cripple the ship without causing total loss. She realized Shepard must have left a recording program on the ship the last time she was on board and she cursed herself for not running a scan of unauthorized transmissions. Before entering, she issued one last command, "Continue jamming all communication in and out of the ship, and automatic defenses stay on high alert. Nothing, or no one, gets in or out of the ship without my permission."<p>

"Yes, Shadow Broker," the AI blipped and then disappeared down the hallway.

Silently she entered the darkened room and took cover behind a large structure, allowing time for her eyes and ears to adjust while waiting for any sign that might give away Shepard's position. The vibrations from the engine systems told her operations were still active and she was encouraged to believe that she may be quick enough to intercept Shepard. She didn't have to wait long. About 50 yards to her right she heard the sound of metal scrapping against metal.

Shepard's shadow moved quickly and efficiently. She knew her time was limited. Up to this point she was able to set three timed charges designed to overload the computers, and in turn allow the EDI time to override the defense systems and proceed with data transfer. While attempting to set one last backup device, she was thrown against the bulkhead with such tremendous force that the lightening behind her eyelids was the only thing that convinced her she was not dead. As her senses came back online, she registered Liara was talking from within a stasis bubble, that, as her throbbing head testified, triggered a bit too late.

"Shepard, I'm sorry that I attacked you," her voice was deadly calm. "Please let me out and we can discuss your proposal as adults."

Even with blood dripping into her eyes, Shepard clearly saw the incongruence in Liara's voice and body language. But her head was pounding, and her ears were wringing, and she very much wanted to believe her lover was genuinely sorry. "I am glad you understand." Shepard sluggishly stood and activated her omni-tool. "I am here to talk, not fight. I will not fight you."

"Thank you Shepard. I believe you." Her boots hit the metal flooring with a thud. "But I want to fight you!" In a flash the asari pounced on Shepard. The blows came so suddenly that Shepard could not offer much defense. Liara was young, in superior shape, and trained by the finest commandos on Thessia. Her elbows crushed Shepard's face and her military grade combat boots, custom made to protect petite asari legs up to mid-thigh, thrashed against the Commander's kneecaps, thighs, chest and head.

"You have no idea what I have been through after you left me. And now you show up and expect me to fall into your arms? I have worked hard to get here." The blows continued, even after Shepard was no longer contesting her. "I will NOT let you take this from me. I earned this!" she hissed."Fight me, Shepard!" Dark energy roiled across her skin. "Get up and fight!" Liara screamed.

Shepard's reply came while on all fours, "I will not fight you." Red spittle landed on Liara's white boots.

Enraged, Liara drew back her leg and drove the kick in Shepard's abdomen. The impact made Shepard gasp for air and dry heave. Before she could hit Shepard again, the first charge went off creating a small "pop".

"Liara, we have lost engine propulsion," a drell's voice sounded over the intercom.

The Shadow Broker was enraged, "How many more charges?" Shepard looked up through swelling eyes but said nothing. Another flash of lightening lit the back of her eyelids when a swift right hook landed on her left temple. "HOW MANY?"

The chiming nearby indicated that another timer made it to zero. "No!" Liara growled. She tried without success to access her ship's computer to stop the data transfer. "Shepard, how many?" This time when Liara turned around, she gasped. The flashing emergency lighting eerily amplified Shepard's horribly bruised and bloody face. The colors of her eyes were unrecognizable and the sockets were unnaturally swollen into thin slits. She was trying to stand, wobbling on one leg, and cradling her rib cage with her left arm. "If this is really what you want, I won't stop you," she spoke in between painful coughs. "I have to fight enough enemies. I don't want to fight the one I love too." She extended her hand that held one last detonator. Liara stood unmoving as the numbers counted down. Only when her brain registered 3 seconds left to detonation did she raise a barrier to try and minimize the damage from the explosion. Still, the impact knocked her off her feet. Shepard, already weak from the beating, had fallen as well.

"I will… not… fight you," Shepard gasped, and then her swollen eyes shut completely.

* * *

><p><em>Of course he loved her. He probably fell in love with her the first time he saw her. She was new to the planet, naïve and so vulnerable - very different than most of the clientele on Omega. Pirates, thugs, and gangsters loved this rock because the only authority on the asteroid was the biggest criminal of all, and her only rule was to pay the Pirate Queen her fee. For everyone else, it was survival of the fittest. It appeared he was not the only one to notice the new face. The predators were circling around her as if she were a wounded animal. He decided to finish his drink and then leave. After all, he was paid by Cerberus to meet her, not save her.<em>

_He underestimated her. He was not the only one. Suddenly, 25 creatures took to flight, and another 5 clutched various parts of their body while they tried to run faster than her fury. They were not successful. The last one to fall was a batarian whose body slid across the floor and lay dead at his feet. When he looked up, he beheld the most perfect blue eyes he had ever seen. _

_"I'm looking for someone named Feron." _

_Yes, he loved her. From that moment to this, he loved her._

* * *

><p>"Liara! Are you ok?" The drell entered the propulsion room slowly and leaned heavily against the wall to support his weight, still recovering from the torture he endured from the Shadow Broker.<p>

She turned to him, blood on her hands and shock on her face, and spoke as if awakening from sleep, "Feron, I need you."

* * *

><p><em>There was still a part of him that thought about betraying her. Negotiating with the underbelly of society was as intoxicating to him as spending their money.<em>

_But as he watched her while they waited to spring their trap, he worried for her health. She barely ate or slept, and when she did sleep, she was tormented by sights and sounds he could never comprehend. At times she let him hold her. Once he whispered he loved her and kissed her, and for the briefest of blissful moments, she held the kiss, only to walk away with tears trickling out of her anguishing cerulean eyes. _

_The thought of betraying her left as quickly as it came._

_Endless creds and hours of surveillance led them to the collectors pick up point. The plan was flawless, including multiple back up escape routes once the body was in their possession. It executed perfectly. The entryway collapsed, trapping the collectors, and the mercs who did not die in the explosion were quickly dispatched by their weapons. Everything was moving along smoothly, until…_

"_I have to see her."_

_Maybe their plan did have a flaw. Maybe there was some overlooked detail despite unceasing examination of the details. Maybe they hadn't anticipated enough time to evacuate before the second wave of henchmen arrived. Maybe it wasn't the extra time it took after she collapsed once she held Commander Shepard's dog tags._

"_It wasn't supposed to be like this," she cried. "I cannot breathe without you, my love." __Her sorrow crushed them both._

_"Liara, we must go." He heard a laser cutter eating into the rubble. "Liara, we must go, now!" 'Damn this woman. I should just take Shepard's body for myself. It was only a corpse. A very valuable corpse.'_

"_I don't know what to do," She looked up at him, afraid. "Feron, I need you." _

_Fragile. Vulnerable. Beautiful. _

"_There's been an attack. Kill them. Do not damage the cargo!" an unusually large salarian barked, and soon angry shots poured over them._

_The protective barrier was automatic and would only delay the punishment momentarily. "Liara, you must go. Take the body and get out!" Killing had always been mindless, easy. But now it needed to be perfect. More was at stake than pride. _

_She clung to his arm, "I can't do this without you."_

_He pulled her behind cover and grabbed both of her shoulders, "Yes you can. You are strong. You are Liara T'Soni, daughter of Benezia T'Soni. And you are the only one that can save Shepard." _

_She held her breath, debating her fast dwindling choices. "I will come back for you."_

_The shots were bouncing off his barrier more rapidly. "I know you will." _

_He knew she would not. _

"_Now go!" His only hope was that she would have enough time to safely reach the transport. He watched as she disappeared around the corner. 'What a strange time,' he thought, 'just before I die, to find someone I love more than myself.' _

* * *

><p>Shepard was unconscious and bleeding internally. Feron's omni-tool was activated, prepared to inject Shepard with medication that would either save her life, or end it quickly. Who would know the difference? And would it really matter? If the reapers were real, their coming was inevitable and every life form in the universe would be harvested. How could one person, especially a human female, stop a cycle that has occurred since before time was recorded? If Shepard died, whatever time remained, he could have it with Liara, and it would be theirs alone.<p>

"_Feron, I need you."_

She left them thirty minutes ago because "she needed to reset the computer" – because she could not face what she had done. She walked away from him as she always had, as an enigma of fluid emotions. And as always, he was trapped right in the eye of her tempest.

"_Feron, I need you_."

His heart ached; ached because he was a fool in love with someone in love with someone else.

"_Feron, I need you." _

The criminal wanted her to know that he was a different man because of her. Wanted her to know that he loved her. Wanted her to know that his love for her compelled him to put her needs and wants above his.

"_Feron, I need you."_

Shepard's body responded instantly to the medication and her eyes fluttered open. "Feron? What happened?"

He sensed her suspicion. Or maybe she sensed his. "There was an explosion. I have treated your wounds and transmitted your medical scans to the Normandy. Dr. Chakwas has ordered you to return immediately." He tried to help her stand.

Commander Shepard brushed off his arm, "Liara? Where is Liara?"

"She is in the main terminal, but I think you should return to the Normandy for medical observation." The drell's hand subconsciously fingered his pistol. 'Who would know?'

"_Feron I need you."_

'I would know,' he sighed. "Commander, please let me assist you."

Two wounded soldiers leaned on one another as they made their way to the woman who had damaged them both more than any bullet or punch ever had. Once they reached the entry, it was Feron who walked away, accepting the Purgatory of ambivalence, and offering one last selfless act for her...

Because she needed him.

* * *

><p>The Shadow Broker stood alone facing the colossal menagerie of computer terminals, her white uniform diametrically contrasting with the dark hues in the sprawling room. "I know what you are doing," she muttered.<p>

Shepard warily eyed the pistol loosely grasped in Liara's hand near her side, but she also noticed that the maiden's usually flawless posture now slumped, and her proud confidence felt broken. The soldier ignored the stabs of pain throughout her body, and ordered her feet to descend the stairs.

"After you died, I closed myself off from everything and everyone. I am so far from the person you remember," Liara whispered. "Even after I knew you returned, I still wasn't able to get back to normal. In the past few years, I had a few happy moments, like stealing your body from The Shadow Broker. But I have done some horrible things, seen some horrible things. I was so devastated when I lost you because we were unable to do what we had been dreaming of, that I locked myself away inside myself. Every day since you died, I have just gone through the motions and it feels like I am sleep walking, not really paying attention, not really caring. I gave myself over to hopelessness, knowing that time would either heal me or tear me apart. Eventually I lost my will to be happy, and the part of me that desired to feel alive again finally died.

Shepard remained silent and strained to listen past the throbbing pulse in her ears. She kept her concentration focused on taking the next step toward Her Heart. "Have I lost you?" Her throat was dry and hoarse.

Liara's back still faced Shepard. She remained lost in her confession. "A thousand times I have begged the Goddess to take me; first because I was consumed by grief, but eventually because of the monster I became. I failed, Shepard. Failed my mother. Failed my faith. And most of all, I failed you. At times the guilt barely allowed me the strength to turn on the computer. I had a chance when you reappeared; still I kept myself from you. This state I'm in has done something awful to us. I know I'm hurting you by keeping you away... I'm hurting myself as well... and I feel like the worst person in the world that I didn't contact you knowing that you're waiting for a message, something, anything to let you know I'm thinking of you."

"Liara, have I lost you?" Fear gripped Shepard's throat, barely allowing sound escape.

Still Liara did not move. "However difficult things are for me right now, it doesn't mean you have to pay the consequences. You shouldn't be waiting for my sanity to return, or waiting for your previous innocent and naive lover to be waiting for you. You would be waiting a long time. Our meeting was a cruel joke of the universe, to take you from me so soon, to leave me empty beyond recognition. I know you deserve better. Please don't feel guilty for thinking that you deserve better, that you deserve more... you do... and it kills me to admit that I can't give you what you want or need at the moment. I wish I could."

Never had Samantha Shepard felt such a wall of fear, not even the day her family was murdered. Even though she was a veteran of wars and death, this enemy was more frightening than any other she had faced. The fear of rejection – the desire to have Liara love her – could not be solved by weapons. Shepard held her breath, silently praying for help from any god that would listen. The silence was eternal. She swallowed hard and pulled from courage she thought had long vanished. "Liara, my dreams are still intact. Please just look at me. I can be strong enough for both of us. I chose you, remember?"

Liara staggered and caught herself. Unexpectedly and rapidly, images flashed in her mind. Suddenly she was transported to the platform in the Council chamber, watching Saren beating Shepard. All at once, she felt the grief and despair in the present moment as real as the day it happened. The image vanished, instantly replaced by another: with one hand Shepard held Liara behind her, with the other she ordered her team to defend their position. Once she made sure Liara was safe, she darted out to fight countless geth in open combat, just to protect her. She remembered wondering how she could feel so safe with the human, even in the midst of hell raging about her. Again the image changed and she was in Shepard's arms after the devastating and unspeakable loss of her mother from her own hand. Then another memory merged into that one. "How can you consort with the daughter of our enemy?" the Chief asked indignantly. Without missing a beat, Shepard stepped toward the young officer's scornful challenge, "Because she needs me."

The Universe, the Goddess, and everyone she had ever met knew what she once believed, and was now coming to realize again. She did need Shepard. She needed her immensely. She glanced back over her shoulder, "Yes. I remember." The pistol fell from her hand, and at last she turned to face her beloved, tears trickling down her haggard face. "I am sorry for all the pain I've been putting you through. I'm sorry I was not there when you needed me. I'm sorry for everything I have been doing wrong."

Pain was forgotten and Shepard rushed to her. With both hands she cupped the beautiful blue face of her asari, and very deliberately asked, "Have … I … Lost … You?"

As Liara searched Samantha's face, contemplating her answer, a small grin started on one side of her violet lips and slowly traveled to the other. Gently, her delicate blue hand reached up to stroke an auburn curl that remained stubbornly steadfast above Shepard's left eyebrow, and effortlessly it wrapped itself around her delicate pinky. "I have always loved you. Even before I met you, I loved the promise of you. No, my love, you have not lost me. You have, once again, found me."

The kiss was greedy. Angry. Manic. Seething rage, wellsprings of grief, and endless passion fought for dominion and propelled their urgency. Quickly and hungrily one devoured the other as nagging panic hurried their touches, fearing that this was a dream, that time would be stolen from them again. Layers of emotions peeled away, eventually exposing raw vulnerabilities. Heavy breathing in the Shadow Broker's chamber gave way to deepening moans and rising sounds of pleasure. Skin craved skin, and needed immediate contact. As Shepard took off her shirt, Liara pinned her against the bulkhead, keeping her hands bound in the sleeves above her head. One slap across her left cheek, then the right cheek, once again left the taste of blood in Shepard's mouth. Liara's eyes blazed fury, "Do not leave me again, Commander."

Still unable to move her hands, the Commander raised her right leg and unceremoniously pushed Liara away. Bare-chested, Shepard pushed off the wall and pulled Liara to her, catching her wrist before she could hit her again. Crushing her in an embrace, their faces flushed and inches apart, Shepard responded, "Have you not yet learned, Love? No one, not even Death, can keep me from you."

A/N: I borrowed a scene from "The Firm," where Cruise's character asks his wife if he lost her. I love that scene. I also want to thank my muse for helping me write Liara's heartbreaking confession. If you have live longed enough, you know exactly what she is experiencing.


	23. Chapter 22 Revolutions

A/N: And here we are at the end. I hope you have enjoyed it. As a reward, I will now play ME3. I discovered that I love writing and love that others enjoy it as well. Thank you for your kind words and encouragment. I may still write an epilogue. I may write a novel. Who knows? We will see.

XOXO ~ STP

* * *

><p>Six hours later the Normandy's decontamination chamber opened allowing the most recent Shadow Broker entrance. Dr. Liara T'soni wore a plum colored, floor length dress that covered most of her body, but left little room for imagination as to what that body may look like underneath. Matriarch Benezia's beauty was renowned in the galaxy, but as the young maiden crossed the threshold, no one could doubt for a moment that Liara had far surpassed the stunning radiance of her mother. With hands loosely clasped, the Commander entered behind her, a stark contrast indeed. The few struggling remnants of her uniform hung like ribbons, barely covering her torso, and did little to cover the inflamed stripes scabbing across her chest and back. The burn holes in her pants left more questions than confirmation that they once were state of the art battle gear. Both of her eyes were swollen and encircled by darkening purple bruises. The skin on her knees and hands were peeling away, and at least three contusions on her neck looked suspiciously like bite marks. But it was the Commander's countenance that gave the entire crew pause. She shined with the same splendor as a sun born on a new day.<p>

Jack shoved her way to the front of the awaiting crew only to come to an immediate halt. "Damn Shepard. I was gonna kick your ass for not letting me go with you, but it looks like someone already beat me to it," Jack jeered in between howls of laughter. Liara dropped her gaze and her cheeks darkened. Shepard simply winked at Jack.

A very perturbed XO spoke from across the CIC, "Commander, Dr. Chakwas is awaiting you in the medbay." Slowly she walked toward the new arrivals. Her long, slender fingers trailed along the railing and her boots clicked a deliberate and slow rhythm.

"Nonsense, Lawson. I'm no worse than a night out drinking with Wrex and Cuddlebone over there." Shepard watched her best friend embrace her girl and did her best to grin, but her famous smirk was limited by the swelling, and instead came out severely lopsided. "Besides, I want to give Liara a tour of the ship."

Her clicking boots came to a halt. "Yes, the very one she just tried to destroy, along with your faithful crew that has fought and bled beside you." Miranda never took her eyes off of Liara, laying the silent accusation of betrayal directly at her feet. A warm smile melted off Liara's face and she countered Miranda's disdain with silent threats of her own. "Commander, I insist. The wounds the Shadow Broker caused may have lasting impact otherwise," Miranda hissed the like an angry viper.

Tali cleared her throat, "Uh, how about Garrus and I take Liara on the tour, Shepard. I'm sure you want to clean up anyway."

Miranda got what she wanted. The Commander shrugged her shoulders at Garrus and passed in between Liara and Miranda. Baffled, she looked back and forth between the two, noticing both poised to strike with the slightest provocation.

Kasumi responded to Tali's nod with one of her own. "Come on, Miranda. There is something two decks apart from our guest that I suddenly need to show you." It was only after several shoves from Tali and Kasumi that the two women finally acquiesced and parted company.

* * *

><p>Shepard heard the elevator doors whisper from inside her bathroom. "So did you enjoy the tour?"<p>

"Well, yes, but only after the bloody engineers put in the changes I wanted. They are so territorial, but I held the purse strings so…" Miranda walked down to the captain's couch and sat, keenly aware that she was very uncomfortable, and it had little to do with her still recovering injuries.

Shepard tossed the towel on the floor after drying her short red locks. Miranda declined a drink, so Shepard only poured one glass of wine. "Lawson, good work handling the ship while I was gone," Shepard lifted the glass in salute.

Her eyes flashed, "Don't you mean to say, 'thank you for saving my ship from my crazy girlfriend because I am too blind to see she is crazy, and my blindness makes me keep doing ridiculous things that put me in danger?'"

Shepard put down her glass and crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, I can see this visit is not to give me a status report on the ship."

Miranda had never seen Shepard so happy. She was beaming and Miranda hated it. "Look Shepard, I don't know how to discuss things without being perfectly blunt, so here it is. We have argued about many things, some of which I have been right, most of which you have been right. And I think you know I trust you with most everything except…" Jealousy was never an emotion she enjoyed, mostly because she had such little experience with it until the day Samantha Shepard opened her jade eyes on her exam table all those months ago.

"Except Liara."

"Yes. Except Liara. Shepard, a lot changed while you were gone."

Shepard clinched her jaw, "But some things remained the same."

"Cerberus was keeping tabs on Liara since long before you died. We saw everything that happened. She's not the same person from when you first met her." Miranda swallowed hard, "And I am not the same woman since meeting you."

Shepard chuckled, "I think we can agree that I am not the same either since meeting you. So if that is all…"

"Liara can't be trusted! She's her mother's daughter!"

"And you are your father's daughter!" Shepard's biotics flared, instantly shattering the glass in between her fingers, splashing both of them with wine soaked glass particles. Shepard sighed, "Miranda, I appreciate your concern, but…"

"I love you." Miranda flinched and Shepard took a step backward. "I know this is ridiculous. I know how this complicates the chain of command, the ship's functioning, morale and the other incalculable minutiae. Not to mention the rather large detail that you are in love with someone else." Porcelain hands combed through jet-black hair. "Jesus, I have tried to ignore it, professionalize it to death, hate you. Anything. And everything ... but it is hopeless. I love you."

"Miranda…," the pause was pregnant with countless emotions.

Quickly Miranda wiped burning tears from her face. "Shepard, could you please not look at me like I have 3 heads. I am fully aware how bloody awkward this is." She stood and tried to straighten out the non-existent wrinkles off her pant legs. "I thought you deserved to know why I am giving you my resignation, and that I will never forget what you have done for my sister, and for me. I have ordered Joker to set coordinates for Illium. I'll make sure the paperwork is in order for the repairs before I transport off planet once we land."

Commander Shepard walked over to the elevator. "Yes, you're right."

Her feet began moving toward the exit, but the only thing Miranda noticed was the familiar heartache named Samantha Shepard punching through her chest. What little pride remained demanded that she keep her eyes on the floor, which she did – until she noticed the exit was blocked.

"You're right, we should get back to Illium. We can get the materials we need in secrecy. I am sure the privacy will be costly, but I trust you to iron out those details later."

Once again her vision blurred, but she managed to mutter, "Yes Commander."

"Lawson."

"Yes, Commander?"

Millennia of Irish stubbornness and determination stood Shepard to her full height and squarely in the doorframe. "Your resignation is denied." Miranda felt as if she was being sucked through an airlock and could not formulate a string of consciousness; not because she was angry at the Commander's refusal, but rather because she wanted Shepard's kind green eyes to look at her as they did at Liara. Miranda's heart thought it would burst in anticipation. And burst it did when Commander Shepard smiled at her as she did toward all of her _friends_. "Everyone, especially me, knows I cannot finish this without you. I wasn't exaggerating when I said you make me a better leader." Her brow furrowed, "Now, your orders are to meet with Tali to prepare the materials list before she leaves on her next mission. Go do your job." Shepard's eyes were as hard as moss-covered boulders. The discussion was over.

For a brief moment Miranda thought to argue, but the fact of the matter was she had no other place to go; moreover, there was no other place she would rather be. "Aye-aye, Commander. I will have the report within the hour." Miranda saluted and the doors shut between them.

"Lawson, I still believe the best mistake The Illusive Man ever made was putting you on my ship. A fact I hope he painfully realizes that fact before I put a bullet between his eyes."

* * *

><p>"And that is the entire ship, well except for the captain's quarters, so let's go visit our illustrious leader." Garrus chuckled and gave Liara one last hug in front of the elevator. Jack had joined Tali and Garrus during the tour of the ship, curious to understand what all the excitement was about this particular asari. Sure she was very attractive, but so far she just seemed run of the mill to Jack.<p>

As the group waited for the elevator, Tali squeezed Liara's hand and said, "It is good to see you again, Liara. She has missed you. I haven't seen her so happy since the two of you emerged from the hotel after the battle of the Citadel." Everyone, even Jack, grinned at Tali's intentional avoidance of an open discussion of sex.

The doors opened to reveal a lone occupant. "Dr. T'soni, I am on my way down down to the engineering deck to oversee the damages you caused. Would you mind joining me?"

Tali and Jack instinctively stuck their arms out to prevent the oblivious male turrian from entering the elevator. "What?" He looked at all the female faces, "Oh," he said once realization finally dawned.

"I believe I will, Dr. Lawson." Liara joined the human on the elevator and left her three tour guides gawking as the doors closed. Even though Liara had encountered the Cerberus operative only a few times, she understood her facial expression and body language perfectly.

"EDI, continue to the engineering deck and discontinue audio and visual recording on the elevator until further orders by me." Miranda watched the small red light go black and squarely faced the other woman. "You gave me a convincing warning once about what would happen to me if I brought harm to Shepard." Liara nodded and remained silent. Miranda continued, "Now, let me offer one of my own. Knowing Shepard, being with her, has irrevocably changed me. I owe her my sister's life. I owe her my life." She inhaled and held the deep breath until her chest burned, "And I love her." A long exhale followed. "And I'm not the only one. Nor are you the only asari. We are all indebted to the Justicar. Without her Commander Shepard would have died many times over. They are close. How close I cannot say. But," she sighed, "she has chosen you. It has always been you." In the back of her mind, Miranda wondered how many others sorrowfully conceded their broken heart to Liara. 'Second place is first loser', her father told her once, and the memory sparked dark energy from her body. "But that doesn't change that I love her." Miranda stepped dangerously close, "I swear on my very soul, Dr. T'Soni, if this is a game…if you again betray her… I will stop whatever I am doing, wherever I may be, to hunt you down and scatter your molecules across the universe. T'soni is not the only family dynasty with power in the galaxy, Shadow Broker. The daughter of Richard Lawson is still afforded many resources as well." Their contemptuous gaze held until the doors opened. After one last flare of her biotics, Miranda stepped off the elevator to wait for the head engineer.

* * *

><p>"Enter," the Justicar answered from her meditation pose. The white orb floating between her palms evaporated once she sensed her guest crossed the threshold. The visit was not entirely surprising. "Dr. T'soni, please be seated. I am sorry I can not offer you any refreshments. I can only offer conversation. What can I do for you?"<p>

"Thank you, Justicar," the maiden offered the traditional asari greeting and then sat across from the matriarch. "It seems you have done much for me already. Your wisdom and foresight humbles me." Though the greeting was customary, Samara still suspected there was more involved than traditional formalities. She nodded her approval and Liara continued. "I just spoke with Dr. Lawson, and she, along with all my friends, explained to me your pivotal roles as counselor and protector for Commander Shepard." Liara took Samara's silence as permission to continue. Her mother taught her long ago that silence was often a sign of cautious wisdom. "I also know that the two of you have a mutual attraction for one another. For too long I have been a fool, believing Shepard no longer wanted me, and that I did not deserve her. If you had pressed the issue, I am sure I would have been proven right. But for whatever reasons you may have, you have allowed me the opportunity to correct my mistake. Thank you, Justicar." Liara dropped her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself, self-doubt lapping at the edge of her mind.

"It is true that Shepard and I have a fondness for one another. But I am in love with someone else, and she is most certainly still in love with you. An admirable and amazing truth, especially after the unprecedented barriers presented to the both of you." Samara closed the space between them and placed her hand upon Liara's shoulder, "Please allow me to share some wisdom I failed to heed a long time ago. Do not squander the opportunity to foster love and trust with your bondmate, Doctor. Some never are afforded the opportunity to find love such as yours, and yet the Goddess has seen fit to offer it to you twice. Love hard, love true, and love without regret, young one. Whether by the hand of the reapers, or by her species' genetics, Shepard's life is but a flash of light passing quickly through our galaxy. Stand with her and beside her. She needs you to be her armor bearer and safe keeper of her heart." Samara lifted Liara's chin to look directly in her eyes, "I have observed Shepard in many different situations and she lives her life on the precipice of danger and death, without hesitation; but she also lives with another powerful and inescapable truth… she is incomplete without you." As tears welled up in the young maiden's eyes, Samara gently kissed her forehead. "I know I am not your mother, child, but I knew her well. She would want you to be whole again, to be happy, to be with the woman you love."

After the two embraced, Liara headed to the door. "One more bit of caution, Doctor." Liara glanced back over her shoulder to listen. "Do not take my grace as foolishness. Should Samantha Shepard return to my private quarters, it is very possible that my resolve will not remain as strong a second time."

* * *

><p>Looking at her swollen face for the thousandth time, Shepard cursed the anti-inflammatories for not working fast enough. She glanced to the right and noticed a large hole peeking from her armpit. "Do I have any clothes that don't have holes in them?" She went back to the pile of clothes near her footlocker. She heard the familiar laughter of her best friend as she pulled an old Cerberus shirt over her head.<p>

"Wow, it looks like it has been a while since you wrestled with an asari. Did you forget that they have both reach and flexibility?" He walked over to the coffee table and picked up a data pad containing the Commander's most recent orders.

"Don't you see my bruises? We already had angry sex and I survived. Get out and so I can have round two." Before he could leave, however, Shepard stopped him, "Oh and Garrus… um… thank you. I couldn't have…"

"I know. I know. You couldn't have done it without me. That's what she said." The two friends shared a long overdue laugh. "Save the mushy stuff for the females, Shepard."

"Oh fuck you, Garrus."

"No thanks. I've seen Liara jealous. I wouldn't stand a chance." He looked over the datapad and his mandibles twitched. "Has she agreed to this? Have they both agreed to this?"

"Tali has. I will talk to Liara. What about you?"

"Your logic makes sense. I am honored you trust me. Count me in," Garrus said with a large turian grin. "I will find Tali and wait for the all clear."

Relieved, Shepard returned her attention to the mirror and to her injuries. "Damn Shepard, you certainly fell for a high-spirited girl," she said as she pressed on her purple bruise. Her smile only widened when she saw the guest of honor enter into her quarters, and continued during their embrace. "I know I am smiling like an idiot, but to have you here with me, it is all I have hoped for since I last saw you on the Normandy before I…"

Liara gently placed her fingers on Shepard's lips. "Here Shepard. I have been waiting a long time to give you this." Light reflected off of metal as she pulled something from around her neck.

"My tags," Shepard was genuinely amazed. "How did you…?"

"Never mind how. I took them because you are my…," a deep blush colored her cheeks.

Shepard lightly kissed her full lilac lips and whispered, "Yes, I am yours. I remember the first time I saw you blush on Therum. It had the same effect then as it does now." Liara looked puzzled. "I fell in love with you."

As Shepard deposited her tags on her desk, Liara walked to the table to pick up a wine glass, "Joker and I spent some time together. He said he was happy to see me, and to see us 'back to normal'. He also said that the last time someone shot at his baby, they were escorted out the airlock. I told him it was only a few scratches and that he did worse when he docked on Illium." Liara grinned as she felt Shepard's arms snake around her waist. "He also wanted to know if we were going to act out scenes from 'Vaenia'".

Shepard laughed heartily, "Joker knows better than to ask that. He is fully aware that we are the inspiration for that vid. They re-enact us."

Without explanation, Liara bristled as her attention was drawn to the damaged helmet also lying on the desk. "I feel like I am coming out of a fog, Sam. I lost so much of my life, but you know what? That fog helped protect me from feeling my pain of losing you. Now that it is lifting, I am reminded how much I am afraid again. I am so confused." Part of Liara was happy to be able to share her feelings, but she spoke the truth when she said she was deeply fearful, and not just of death taking her away again. "I know you have feelings for Samara, and the perfect Ms. Lawson is in love with you. In fact, based on my conversation with the crew, it is quite possible that everyone is." She wiped tears from her eyes still keeping her back to Shepard.

"Liara," Shepard embraced her once again, "it is true I have feelings for Samara. She saved my life multiple times and it is common for shipmates to confuse their emotions. But as she astutely pointed out to me, she is not the asari I want." Shepard kissed the folds on Liara's neck and felt her body tremble. "And as for Miranda, I am aware how she feels about me, but that will change over time, especially since I do not return those feelings. She's got her issues, but she trusts me. I care about her. And I will not dismiss her from my team," Liara stiffened but Shepard continued, "because she also has saved my life. This entire team has bonded, and to disrupt one will disrupt all. I can't afford that, not at this point in the game. And Liara, she is a damn fine XO. I can focus on what I am good at because I don't have to worry about my ship or my crew."

"I know you are a good captain and the needs of your crew are paramount. Be patient with me. I just now am learning how to trust again. I can say there are some changes I see in her. She was so cold when I met her, completely focused on her duty."

Shepard snorted, "I don't know that she's changed that much."

Liara turned to face her love. "She has. Believe me. You have no idea how much you've changed her. You are right to keep her as XO, but it doesn't mean I like it, or her." Once again they embraced and Liara leaned into Shepard's chest. "What happens to us? You are still on a life-threatening mission. If this all ends tomorrow, what do you want?"

"Marriage. Old age. A lot of blue children?"

Liara smiled, "You just say these things." Far away in her memory, she felt her soul ripping from her as her lover breathed her last. The smiled vanished and she tried to pull away. "You were dead"

Shepard grabbed her, demanding Liara's fear to retreat. "I got better."

Small crystals fell from her sorrowful blue eyes. "I spent two years mourning you… Sometimes I still want to run far away, to hide from everyone, to avoid another heartache, more failure. But you are so resolute. You are my touchstone, Sam. You are my home." Worry began to withdraw, allowing small blades of hope to break through the hardened terrain of her heart. "Ok Sam, if if we're going to try this… I need to know you're always coming back."

"I don't know. That's a pretty big promise to make."

"Oh is it?" Liara balled her fists at that damnable arrogant smirk that melted her heart as it had the first time she saw it.

"I have to have something special to come back to," Liara purred when Shepard began kissing her neck, "Or someone special to go with me."

"Shepard, you know I am committed to be the Shadow Broker." Liara found it hard to be angry when her body felt so happy. Still she managed to separate from her fiery hot kisses.

"I've thought about this. Listen to my idea." Liara pursed her lips. "Just listen… please. That base is way too big to man for just one or two people, especially 'round the clock, and more so with all of the damage you and I caused. And it just so happens that I know a genius quarian who has a marine boyfriend that would be a fantastic addition to your ship's crew. I also know a very trustworthy turian who comes highly recommended (by me), who would love to get his talons on the defensive weapons. I can also leave half of my crew with your ship while you and I head off for repairs and get supplies. We can hook EDI to the ship's computer and you can oversee everything from the Normandy. Maybe there remain some loyal acolytes of your mother who would be willing to help take on this task of managing the data, or if nothing else for security. I know you want some security and promises, so do I. All I'm asking is for you to come with me while we get some maintenance and pick up supplies for your ship."

"What about…?" Liara was wavering. Shepard could feel it.

"The rest can wait for now." Shepard's eyes were staring at Liara's full bottom lip and had to fight a desire to rush in and consume her. She wondered if Liara could hear her heart pounding in her chest. Slowly and agonizingly, the zipper released from the top of the dress and Liara's skin reacted to the feel of cool air and Shepard's palpable desire. The maiden blushed and shyly looked away. Samantha knew better. Those innocent looks were false. The young maiden's desire and unquenchable passion were well hidden to most people, but they were playfully mocking her behind the chastity of those blue eyes. In time they would change from childlike innocence to flirtatious, from flirtatious aroused, from aroused to demanding. The shy maiden would soon disappear and would be replaced by a Goddess of Desire and Lust in the flesh, full of carnal desires and salacious requests, expecting as much pleasure as she herself would offer.

Somehow their instincts took over, and they began rediscovery with caresses, almost from muscle memory. The building eagerness was maddening, but the deliberate skill was necessary, the build up to desire and invitation to intimacy. A few hours ago when they made love, it was needful, animalistic and primal. But this time the two lovers took their time, sharing giggles in their awkwardness, absorbing taste, sight, and smell of the other.

The dress puddled at the feet of the asari and the gentle light from the fish tank bathed her finely toned body in adoring light. It was now her turn to disrobe her lover. The buttons and fasteners were created for combat, not easy access, but the she did not mind, nor did she rush. It allowed Shepard time to run her hands up her neck. Liara was fascinated that even now her body still reacted to the sensations. Shepard continued to leisurely explore the curves of her neck and jawline with the lightest of touches. The caresses continued to the back of her head, and when Shepard pulled her closer, the pads of her thumbs softly examined the freckles in the corners of her eyes.

Finally the Commander's uniform joined the luxurious dress on the floor. Humble tears threatened to fall from the corner of Liara's eyes as Shepard offered her bruised and battered body to the very one that caused them. She was vulnerable, beautiful, and perfect. And for the first time since reconnecting, they met each other within the loss and pain frozen in time for almost three years.

Greedy fingers began by exploring the outline of her bruised face, starting with the recessed emeralds that surely had been created within the heart of the Goddess herself. Next came the curl - _her_ curl. Corner to corner she traced the grin that she loved as much as Shepard herself. Liara's eyes trailed up to meet a silent plea. With as much urgency that they were feeling, the kiss was surprisingly gentle, and still hinted of the wine from the moment previous. Once again Liara's hands began to travel. Down her neck. Across her collarbone. Down the crease of her exposed chest. Down to her waistline. Around her to her back and across the small of her back. Over the curve of her rock hard backside. Down her firm thighs, which had now surreptitiously tightened around her leg. A resonating and primal need exploded and flared between both women, and for a moment they stared at each other in complete silence.

"I think it is time you take me to bed," Shepard's voice was riddled with lust. Limbs tangled, tongues fought for dominance, and soon their skin began releasing the inferno of heat created by grinding of hips and stomachs sliding against one another. The Shadow Broker was conquering her. She didn't care. Eventually she won the battle and Commander Shepard was pinned down on the bed. She wanted to bury her face in Liara's chest, but the intense look on her captor's face told her she was not allowed to move. "Embrace Eternity," the Shadow Broker whispered, simultaneously moving inside her, guided by the movements and moans from her captive. She was deep inside now, and the Commander surrendered. They were as one. No differentiation of where one started or the other ended. Liara pressed against her, moving harder, never leaving the gaze of her lover. Her thrusts came more rapidly and Shepard grabbed Liara's hips, begging her to go deeper. Pleasured emotions poured from her body. "Stay with me, Liara. I need you. I want you. I love you." Once their passion reached its zenith, they fell exhausted into each other's exhausted embrace. How long they slept they did not know. One, the other, or both, would awaken and passion began once again.

Only when the ship reached Illium did Shepard leave her quarters, and only long enough to make sure the orders were underway and form a materials list with her crew. She returned to the captain's quarters certain Miranda would take care of the details. Had Liara been with her for hours or days? So often Time had been against them, and soon would be again. But for the moment the two lovers had a great deal of time make up for. They allowed themselves to be at peace, to be in the present. All anxieties and threats vanished here on the Normandy SR2, on the closest thing either of them had to a home.

* * *

><p>Four days after returning to the Shadow Broker's base, the lover's lay in each other's arms. Their bodies fit nicely against one another. Shepard was drawing invisible symbols in the small of Liara's back and was foolish enough to imagine she could stay right here forever.<p>

"Commander, sorry to bother you, but you have an urgent message from Admiral Hackett," Joker said.

"Let Miranda take it," Shepard mumbled.

"I'm sorry ma'am. Ordered you specifically to answer." There was no joke or sarcasm in Joker's voice. Both Liara and Shepard sat up at once.

If any sleppiness remained, it vanished instantly when the deep bass of Admiral Hackett's voice came over the communication link. "Shepard, no time for introductions or explanations. Joker filled me in on the status of your ship and of your mission. We can discuss that later when you arrival back on Earth. We need you to come in."

"Who is 'we'?" Shepard squinted.

"Everyone Shepard. Every living being in every system." The normal frivolity Admiral Hackett shared with Shepard was replaced by dread and anxiety. "We received a transmission... for you actually... and code red has been issued to every planet to which we have access. You need to hear this. Joker, put it through."

"You have destroyed the base of our servants, you delayed our earlier attempt to return. You think to rally all species to your cause. These attempts are futile. We are the evolution of all living things. We are the harbingers of your destiny, Shepard. All you have succeeding in doing is hastening our return. You grow too arrogant. The time is nigh. Your destiny is upon you. We return for our children. We are coming for you, Shepard." The message ended.

A deep chill walked across their skin and Shepard's eyes and scars blazed in the dark. "There is where the message ends, Shepard. It seems you stirred their anger and made it personal. However, the Council can not hide this any longer. Reports are coming in from every race asking for emergency assitance and a plan of action. You know them best. Everything else can wait. Joker said you can arrive within 2 days. I expect you here no later. Admiral Hackett out."

"I'll have everyone meet you in the conference room, Sam." Both were dressed and Liara headed for the door, "Goddess this is it, isn't it?"

Shepard lightly kissed Liara and the elevator closed. "I hope so. Bring it sons-of-bitches. You want me? Come and claim me."


End file.
